A couple of days or maybe even a week ago, I decided that I would try and write a book to sell to the public. It's about a

Spoiler:
yandere

girl named Lanett who has photography classes, where she meets a student there named Daniel and instantly falls in love with him. However, her sister, Eliza, has a crush on the same boy, and over time, Eliza becomes framed for things she never did.

The title of the book is currently undecided, as I'm still currently working on it. However, my temporary title, and probably my best one so far, is "Expelling for Love" I'm not going to start off with anything big, just a short story that's about 30 pages at the most. Here's a sneak peek of the book so far:

"Daniel!" A girl's voice cried out. I watched, dreamily, as he helped me up and went toward the girl.

"What happened with her?!" She angrily asked, obviously upset because he was going to be late. Daniel muttered an embarrassed apology in response.

I felt anger at the girl for being upset at him, but even more so because I thought she had a crush on him - no, I was one hundred percent sure that she liked him.

"Sorry about that, Eliza." He sighed. Well! I thought to myself. It turns out that the girl who has a crush on Daniel is my own sister! I was so blinded with rage I didn't recognize her!

"Hurry up! We're going to be late for classes! I don't want to be late for math again!" She snapped, before noticing that I was still standing there. "Come on, sis! You too!"

She motioned me over to the two of them. I shuffled my way over, to see Eliza's brown eyes angrily staring down at me, her shoulder-length honey colored hair with the scent of actual honey in it blowing in the wind.

"You two are so clumsy!" She huffed. I laughed a bit.

"That's my sister, if you haven't noticed already. I'm Lanett, by the way." I said to Daniel.

"You have a beautiful name. Mine's Daniel. I'm friends with your sister, we both attend the same classes - math and photography." I blushed when he told me I had a beautiful name.

Books don't ever get approve with sentence that go like this.

Too many "I" use similar words like myself, me, I's (very hard word to add), my, I've, I'll, I'd, I'ma, solitary (that is a very good word to add).

Not sure of anything in their lives, are they in school if so what grade, where they live, how violent it will get, etc but this is because of a few words from characters not the person talking to us.

The title really needs a new name, what about "Loving Lanett", it helps with Google search, its about her story, more eye catching since its original title (Lanett is a rare name if you didn't know), and just do it.

Lastly 30 page as in what? You need to consider the size of the book, how big the text will be and if its digital or physical. 30 may sound big but that's a very short story which could only go to $1 or is this free?

Mastergame sure didn't give you anything to work with. He just strolled in to the room with a bazooka and blew it all up.

It's an interesting start, and I had to look up the word you used in your little spoiler there. I didn't know that's a thing so you're already going for edgy with your story telling. There's a tough line to figure out where you should land on with that sort of subject because it can dark real quick and turn most people off. But, if you just hammer home the elements of your theme, there's probably a group of people who would love it. That would the summation of Rule 34.

Anyway, keep writing. Write as much as you can. And when you don't write, read. Read every piece of fiction you can get your hands on to learn how to string all those words together. The word selection is the most basic skill for writing and picking the right ones is the difference between Stephen King and someone no one's ever heard of.

Two quick rules:

1. Don't use adverbs. It's lazy. Find the right verb instead of the adverb. No one says things angrily. They rage, they thunder, they do other stuff.

2. Never use any other word than "said" or "asked" when it comes to dialogue. If you have to, you're not building the scene as well. Try that and develop the actual spoken language. Mark Twain is good at that. Read him to understand the dynamics of verbal communication.

Good luck. Keep writing.

So far, it's good. I mean, you have, as i may say this like that, a good usage of lines of text and the story itself is good. However, it indeed needs some improvements if you allow me. I would like to share a site Jygin sent me once, but i can't right now as i'm using a different PC. (My school's PC, to be exact) I'll share it later on.

Other than that, good going!

It actually seems interesting. I think this might go well... but... may you please go more in depth with the premise and characters? That would be quite nice. Thanks for your time.

I just felt like saying this, but...
...A few minutes into the writing you will probably find that writing a 30 page book is actually a hard, slow, tedious process.