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04-21-16 10:05 PM
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In a Pickle Here....

 

04-21-16 10:05 PM
Poka Mocha is Offline
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Okay, so.... I have to get this out somehow, but my close friends are busy and my parents are busy. Besides, this is going to eat me up inside if I keep this in. Okay, so, today a friend of mine confessed their love to me.

They were not joking, they were very serious and straight to the point. I would of said "I like you too." if I didn't have feelings for somebody else. Before I continue, let's name Person A as the friend who confessed to me. Person B will be the one I have feelings for. Person B knows I like him, and he confessed that he does too. Person B even went as far as to say that he'd wait for me to turn eighteen, and will ask my parent's permission to be in a relationship. He respects my parents and doesn't force me to do anything if I feel uncomfortable about it. I do the same to him, as well. We both try our best to show understanding and communicate efficiently. He's the most sweetest, comprehensible guy I've met to this day. Plus, I've known Person B a whole lot longer than Person A.

So, now let's talk about Person A. Oh boy, Person A.... does not respect my personal boundaries. I've tried hinting towards him, and even sugar-coated my verbal response, but he still doesn't listen. He is very touchy-- not in a perverted way.... yet. He is compassionate and loves to socialize. However, Person A made me repeat a very questionable phrase that's on the border line of platonic love and romantic love. It was along the lines of "You have me, and I have you." kind of phrase. Sometimes, I feel like he's trying to guilt trip, but that could be just me. Thing is, I feel uncomfortable around him. He's a nice guy, but there are a few things he needs to improve on before finding someone to be in a relationship with.

I told Person A that I don't have feelings towards him, and he accepted the fact. We are back to being friends, but I can't help but feel uneasy about him. I haven't told Person B and I'm quite scared if I do, since he's the kind that gets jealous and protective. I'll see Person A on Saturday when I volunteer again, and I'm not sure what could happen.

I'm in a pickle here, because this is the first time I've had two guys find any interest in me-- at the same time and I do not know what to do. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated, greatly.
Okay, so.... I have to get this out somehow, but my close friends are busy and my parents are busy. Besides, this is going to eat me up inside if I keep this in. Okay, so, today a friend of mine confessed their love to me.

They were not joking, they were very serious and straight to the point. I would of said "I like you too." if I didn't have feelings for somebody else. Before I continue, let's name Person A as the friend who confessed to me. Person B will be the one I have feelings for. Person B knows I like him, and he confessed that he does too. Person B even went as far as to say that he'd wait for me to turn eighteen, and will ask my parent's permission to be in a relationship. He respects my parents and doesn't force me to do anything if I feel uncomfortable about it. I do the same to him, as well. We both try our best to show understanding and communicate efficiently. He's the most sweetest, comprehensible guy I've met to this day. Plus, I've known Person B a whole lot longer than Person A.

So, now let's talk about Person A. Oh boy, Person A.... does not respect my personal boundaries. I've tried hinting towards him, and even sugar-coated my verbal response, but he still doesn't listen. He is very touchy-- not in a perverted way.... yet. He is compassionate and loves to socialize. However, Person A made me repeat a very questionable phrase that's on the border line of platonic love and romantic love. It was along the lines of "You have me, and I have you." kind of phrase. Sometimes, I feel like he's trying to guilt trip, but that could be just me. Thing is, I feel uncomfortable around him. He's a nice guy, but there are a few things he needs to improve on before finding someone to be in a relationship with.

I told Person A that I don't have feelings towards him, and he accepted the fact. We are back to being friends, but I can't help but feel uneasy about him. I haven't told Person B and I'm quite scared if I do, since he's the kind that gets jealous and protective. I'll see Person A on Saturday when I volunteer again, and I'm not sure what could happen.

I'm in a pickle here, because this is the first time I've had two guys find any interest in me-- at the same time and I do not know what to do. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated, greatly.
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04-21-16 10:11 PM
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The fact that you told person A and he understands is the best thing that could have happened in this situation, now the best thing to do since he knows is to wait and see how he further reacts to it. There's really nothing else you can do until you find out what he's thinking now, he'll either leave you alone, which would be good, or he can continue doing what he's been doing, and at that point is when you need to take some other sort of action, but for now, just try to see how he took what you said to him, because what you said might have been enough.

I don't think there's a problem in telling person B because you would say the truth right? That you essentially stopped what person a was doing, and that there was nothing going on.
The fact that you told person A and he understands is the best thing that could have happened in this situation, now the best thing to do since he knows is to wait and see how he further reacts to it. There's really nothing else you can do until you find out what he's thinking now, he'll either leave you alone, which would be good, or he can continue doing what he's been doing, and at that point is when you need to take some other sort of action, but for now, just try to see how he took what you said to him, because what you said might have been enough.

I don't think there's a problem in telling person B because you would say the truth right? That you essentially stopped what person a was doing, and that there was nothing going on.
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04-21-16 10:26 PM
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If Person A does not respect your boundaries then you need to be more firm with him. Don't react nicely if he is too touchy feely. You are not dated so he has no right to touch you. You don't have to be mean about it but you don't have to put up with it either.

And you don't have to tell Person B either. You aren't dating him so you don't owe him an explanation of what you are doing.
If Person A does not respect your boundaries then you need to be more firm with him. Don't react nicely if he is too touchy feely. You are not dated so he has no right to touch you. You don't have to be mean about it but you don't have to put up with it either.

And you don't have to tell Person B either. You aren't dating him so you don't owe him an explanation of what you are doing.
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04-21-16 10:36 PM
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You did the right thing. If person A does not respect your wishes,he does not respect the person behind the wishes. Next time he gets a little too friendly tell him flat out that is unacceptable. It is good you told them both your feelings and seeing how you do not date person B at the moment,you really do not have to say anything if you do not want to. But if you say something,rehearse it carefully and tell him in a clear and concise manner. That way,nothing can be misinterpreted.
You did the right thing. If person A does not respect your wishes,he does not respect the person behind the wishes. Next time he gets a little too friendly tell him flat out that is unacceptable. It is good you told them both your feelings and seeing how you do not date person B at the moment,you really do not have to say anything if you do not want to. But if you say something,rehearse it carefully and tell him in a clear and concise manner. That way,nothing can be misinterpreted.
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04-21-16 11:09 PM
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Let me be honest with you, if this guy is being touchy and you don't like it do not sweeten it up for him, just tell him to stop. Its good he understands and a least you two are still friends. But here is my problem, you feel uncomfortable around him and I have to ask why? He just told you he liked you, and accepted you saying you had someone else. Friends aren't supposed to feel uncomfortable around each other, they are supposed to trust and have fun with each other. If you feel uncomfortable around him it means you don't trust him, but what exactly warrants your distrust? Finally if your not sure what will happen when you volunteer I'll tell you right now, your going to go there and do the job you signed up for pure and simple. If he does try anything, tell him straight to stop and of he doesn't than it would be best to cut your friendship with him.

Sorry if I sound mean, but I'm just giving advice even if it's brutally honest advice.
Let me be honest with you, if this guy is being touchy and you don't like it do not sweeten it up for him, just tell him to stop. Its good he understands and a least you two are still friends. But here is my problem, you feel uncomfortable around him and I have to ask why? He just told you he liked you, and accepted you saying you had someone else. Friends aren't supposed to feel uncomfortable around each other, they are supposed to trust and have fun with each other. If you feel uncomfortable around him it means you don't trust him, but what exactly warrants your distrust? Finally if your not sure what will happen when you volunteer I'll tell you right now, your going to go there and do the job you signed up for pure and simple. If he does try anything, tell him straight to stop and of he doesn't than it would be best to cut your friendship with him.

Sorry if I sound mean, but I'm just giving advice even if it's brutally honest advice.
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(edited by 18mlivingston on 04-21-16 11:11 PM)    

04-21-16 11:11 PM
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To be honest, I was not expecting replies. So, thanks for giving me advice and helping!


zanderlex :
I am actually thankful that Person A did not threaten me. Alrighty, then. I'll observe his actions and behavior, and see if he'll live up to his word. Yeah, I think I'm going to tell Person B, since I did verbally bring Person B in this mess without him knowing. If we're going to be respectful towards each other, we shouldn't have secrets. Thanks for the info!


geeogree :
I'll take that in mind the next time that happens, thanks! Regarding whether or not I should tell Person B, I feel the need I should, since I brought him up without him knowing. He should have the right to know. Plus, if we're gonna be in a relationship in the future, this'll be good practice to not have any secrets hidden away from Person B, but thanks again for the advice! I'll take it wholeheartedly!


Oldschool777 :
I didn't want to lie or pretend nothing's wrong, I'm not so good at it and at the same time, I feel guilty whenever I do. I'll remind myself that the next time he touches me. Also, yes, I will definitely practice before telling him. Thank you for the advice, I'll keep that in mind!


18mlivingston:
Not at all! I understand. I take all advice, blunt or not, to consideration-- whether it sounds mean or not. The reason I feel uncomfortable around Person A is that he makes a B line towards me, if he sees me. When it's time for me to go home, he still wants to talk. Also, I've known the guy for 2 weeks and I volunteer once a week. I've known Person B for almost 6 months now and we've been in touch. Another thing is the way Person A words his sentences. I believe the way a person talks can say a lot about them. Observing people's speech is something that I use towards people in order to see if I need to be cautious around them or show trust. Speaking from experience from many broken friendships here.
To be honest, I was not expecting replies. So, thanks for giving me advice and helping!


zanderlex :
I am actually thankful that Person A did not threaten me. Alrighty, then. I'll observe his actions and behavior, and see if he'll live up to his word. Yeah, I think I'm going to tell Person B, since I did verbally bring Person B in this mess without him knowing. If we're going to be respectful towards each other, we shouldn't have secrets. Thanks for the info!


geeogree :
I'll take that in mind the next time that happens, thanks! Regarding whether or not I should tell Person B, I feel the need I should, since I brought him up without him knowing. He should have the right to know. Plus, if we're gonna be in a relationship in the future, this'll be good practice to not have any secrets hidden away from Person B, but thanks again for the advice! I'll take it wholeheartedly!


Oldschool777 :
I didn't want to lie or pretend nothing's wrong, I'm not so good at it and at the same time, I feel guilty whenever I do. I'll remind myself that the next time he touches me. Also, yes, I will definitely practice before telling him. Thank you for the advice, I'll keep that in mind!


18mlivingston:
Not at all! I understand. I take all advice, blunt or not, to consideration-- whether it sounds mean or not. The reason I feel uncomfortable around Person A is that he makes a B line towards me, if he sees me. When it's time for me to go home, he still wants to talk. Also, I've known the guy for 2 weeks and I volunteer once a week. I've known Person B for almost 6 months now and we've been in touch. Another thing is the way Person A words his sentences. I believe the way a person talks can say a lot about them. Observing people's speech is something that I use towards people in order to see if I need to be cautious around them or show trust. Speaking from experience from many broken friendships here.
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(edited by Kuti_Kat on 04-21-16 11:31 PM)    

04-21-16 11:24 PM
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Cool, I would like you to keep me updated if you need anymore help with this down the road.
Cool, I would like you to keep me updated if you need anymore help with this down the road.
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04-22-16 08:57 AM
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That's pretty rough. Please keep us updated!

I hope Person A respects what you said, and stops all that. Platonic love and guilt tripping aren't the ingredients in a lasting and meaningful relationship. I wouldn't tell person B about it unless he starts disrespecting your boundaries again.

I hope this situation gets better. Things like this are never easy. But I know you will get through this.
That's pretty rough. Please keep us updated!

I hope Person A respects what you said, and stops all that. Platonic love and guilt tripping aren't the ingredients in a lasting and meaningful relationship. I wouldn't tell person B about it unless he starts disrespecting your boundaries again.

I hope this situation gets better. Things like this are never easy. But I know you will get through this.
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04-27-16 05:57 PM
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UPDATE:
Person A backed off and isn't as touchy with me. Person B said that they haven't experienced that before but they were happy to lend an ear to listen. So everything went better than expected!

Thank you all so much for helping me! I wouldn't have done it without ya.
UPDATE:
Person A backed off and isn't as touchy with me. Person B said that they haven't experienced that before but they were happy to lend an ear to listen. So everything went better than expected!

Thank you all so much for helping me! I wouldn't have done it without ya.
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(edited by Kuti_Kat on 04-27-16 05:58 PM)    

04-27-16 06:29 PM
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Kuti_Kat:

Well if Person A does not respect your boundaries or your parents you do not need to get in a relationship with him. That is how abusive relationships get started. I have seen that happen too many times. Too many red flags right there. If he accepts you as a friend then he should respect you and not have anymore romantic feelings toward you. If he keeps, on bugging you and it comes to the point of harassment then tell a professional. Remember what harassment is: making sexual jokes repeatedly, making sexual references repeatedly, trying to advance on a person despite them saying no. Asking several times for a date, makes sexual references, calls several times a day, follows you (stalking and etc. 

If you really like person B and person B likes you and respects you that is who I would go with. If that meant waiting I would do that. Remember the old saying good things come to those who wait.   
 
Kuti_Kat:

Well if Person A does not respect your boundaries or your parents you do not need to get in a relationship with him. That is how abusive relationships get started. I have seen that happen too many times. Too many red flags right there. If he accepts you as a friend then he should respect you and not have anymore romantic feelings toward you. If he keeps, on bugging you and it comes to the point of harassment then tell a professional. Remember what harassment is: making sexual jokes repeatedly, making sexual references repeatedly, trying to advance on a person despite them saying no. Asking several times for a date, makes sexual references, calls several times a day, follows you (stalking and etc. 

If you really like person B and person B likes you and respects you that is who I would go with. If that meant waiting I would do that. Remember the old saying good things come to those who wait.   
 
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