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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Surprise (Part Five)
Something I wrote in my free time that I'll probably make some other parts for it too.
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weeniedog12
10-12-15 09:22 AM
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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Surprise (Part Five)

 

10-12-15 09:22 AM
weeniedog12 is Offline
| ID: 1210568 | 1203 Words

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So, on a bright, sunny, cheery day, like always, Bronco wakes up, and Julie wakes up also, with nobody to interrupt her.
Bronco goes outside to chat with Julie.
Bronco: So Julie, how did sleeping on the concrete feel?
Julie: It felt just.... it felt... AMAAZING. It felt even better than sleeping on a bed!
Bronco: Well.. That's pretty nice.
Suddenly, the same Caterpie that Butterfree requested Bronco and Julie to save comes up to them crying.
Julie: What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with your mother?
Caterpie: N..no! My friend Metapod was trapped in a super spooky forest!
Bronco: Oh boy, Tiny Woods again, huh?
Caterpie: No! Just to make it harder for you, it IS Tiny Woods except with higher pokemon, more floors, and 3 bosses!
Suddenly, Team Meanies interrupts their conversation.
Gengar: Hi! We're Team Irrelevant and our only purpose is to prevent you from blocking your path! We'll save Caterpie because you didn't go right when he came up to you! Kekekeh!
Bronco: That's your tagline? Seriously?
Gengar: Yes it's our tagline! Kekekeh!
*Julie goes around Gengar, Ekans and Medicham while Bronco is stalling all of them. Julie enters Sinister Forest by herself. Not even Ball is included.*
Bronco: Could you really come up with something that doesn't reveal you to even the dumbest people here?
Gengar: Yes! We could! We just wanted to be meanies to the people who wanted to progress through dungeons!
Julie: There's a lot of trees here... There's even one that looks really slim and has circled leaves. *Julie walks up to the thing she thinks is a "tree", but is actually a Sudowoodo. After that, she touches it.*
Sudowoodo: How dare you touch me! I will smack you very softly! *The Sudowoodo hits Julie very hard, nearly KOing her out in one shot.*
Julie: dude... You just beat me up really bad. Now let's be teammates! Julie uses Razor Leaf on the Sudowoodo. Because she asked, recruit rates never really mattered, so Julie somehow recruits by being gentle to the Sudowoodo. (and then we go to Bronco)
Bronco: Except... You can't really hit anything. You're a ghost, and they can just walk right through you.
Gengar: Kekekeh! That's why I have two other majorly annoying teammates, Medicham and Ekans!
Medicham: You shouldn't have called us Team Irrelevant...
Ekans: I don't know where my teeth are!
Julie: Sudowoodo, the basic thing you do right now, is everything you see, throw rocks at it. Also, your name is Mr. Skillet.
Mr. Skillet: Yay, I'm a skillet! *Mr. Skillet sees Julie, and then throws rocks at her.*
Julie: Dude! Not at me! At the enemies! Those random people just wandering around that AREN'T Chikoritas.
Mr. Skillet: But aren't you just randomly wandering arou----
Julie: NOT. AT. ME.
Mr. Skillet: Okay.... 
So Julie and Mr. Skillet start hurling rocks and leaves at everything they see, use a warp seed, and then go up the stairs.(2F) and we go to Bronco
Bronco: The only important thing that's happening right now is Ekans not having teeth. Finding Ekans's teeth is more important than any dungeon that exists, ever. Even if something really really really sad happens there, teeth are more important.
Gengar: Kekekeh! That's very funny of you to say teeth are more important than super duper rare treasures that are one of a kind!
Bronco: Stuff like Relic Fragments, gears or stuff like that?
Gengar: Dangit! Wrong game! Don't spoil it for the readers! I bet after this, they want to play an Explorers game! That was just completely uncalled for, kekeh!
Mr. Skillet: Hey Chikorita, what's a skillet?
Julie: A skillet is a frying pan, or a small metal cooking pot with a long handle, typically having legs. The origin words for skillet are the words "Scutella" in Late Latin, "Escuele" in a very old french language, also relating to the word "Platter", "Escuelete" is another old french saying for skillet, and in middle english, we have the word Skillet. Skillet most likely origins from the Old French "Escuelete", diminutive of "Escuele, Platter" from late Latin "Scutella".
Mr. Skillet: Woah, I didn't really need too much information....
So after that happens, Julie and Mr. Skillet go ahead and enter a nearby staircase to get to 3F. (and back to Bronco and Team Meanies)
Bronco: Dude, if you wanna try to look really cool, just be a good guy. You're looking bad because every teammate you have has at least one dark color on your body, you're calling yourselves "Team Meanies" which is just basically calling yourselves out, and you have a ghost on your team. What is with that? Like, really, you're just randomly yammering about how bad you are and how wicked and all that jim-jam you are. 
Gengar: But... that is cool! It's obviously cool! Red is a really cool color! 
Ekans: Yeaah! Red is a super radical color!
Medicham is busy posing.
Bronco: Except it just calls you out, like I've said many times over before. Red might look wicked and cool and "That's So Evil" to you, but nobody's going to bother trusting you when you're on adventures. Somebody will figure out that you're bad, and then they'll start telling the Pellippers Post Office,  and then the Pellippers will start taking away your mail, and they'll start restricting you from getting stuff from the board and all other good stuff. (and then we go to Julie)
Julie: Hey Mr. Skillet, are you a rock?
Mr. Skillet: I'm not a tree, I'm a rock!
Julie: Let me guess, you're a pseudo tree?
Mr. Skillet: What is a "Pseudo"?
Julie: Pseudo, in the context I was using it in, means not genuine, sham. In your brain, it's fake.
Mr. Skillet: I'm not a fake!
Julie: You look like a tree, but you're not grass, you're instead a rock, meaning you're impersonating a tree. In other words, you look like a tree but you're not a tree.
Mr. Skillet: Oh... that's what you mean...
Julie: Rocks were never as smart as I thought they were.....
And then Julie and Mr. Skillet progress to the next floor. (4F) (and then we go to Bronco)
Gengar: Kekekeh! They're not gonna do that! I bet everyone who tries is all like "We're gonna catch Gengar, falalalah, this is going to be really easy." Wrong! We're around at everytime and we could just possess them while they're trying to get us a crime history!
Bronco: You know.... I don't really know what to say about that. (And then, we go to Julie.)
Mr. Skillet: We are smart! We just don't go to schools to learn!
Julie: Are you sure that they have schools here?
Mr. Skillet: Yeah! They have a school for fighting! That'll teach people who make fun of us!
Julie: Fighting doesn't make you smarter. It just proggressively makes you dumber, and dumber, until there's a point where your brain is about as large as a dinosaur's.
Mr. Skillet: What's a dinosaur?
Julie: sigh A dinosaur is a fossil of the Mesozoic era, usually being really really big. There.
Mr. Skillet: Oh.. Oh.... I still don't know what it is. 
Julie sighs. Also, this thread ends right here.
So, on a bright, sunny, cheery day, like always, Bronco wakes up, and Julie wakes up also, with nobody to interrupt her.
Bronco goes outside to chat with Julie.
Bronco: So Julie, how did sleeping on the concrete feel?
Julie: It felt just.... it felt... AMAAZING. It felt even better than sleeping on a bed!
Bronco: Well.. That's pretty nice.
Suddenly, the same Caterpie that Butterfree requested Bronco and Julie to save comes up to them crying.
Julie: What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with your mother?
Caterpie: N..no! My friend Metapod was trapped in a super spooky forest!
Bronco: Oh boy, Tiny Woods again, huh?
Caterpie: No! Just to make it harder for you, it IS Tiny Woods except with higher pokemon, more floors, and 3 bosses!
Suddenly, Team Meanies interrupts their conversation.
Gengar: Hi! We're Team Irrelevant and our only purpose is to prevent you from blocking your path! We'll save Caterpie because you didn't go right when he came up to you! Kekekeh!
Bronco: That's your tagline? Seriously?
Gengar: Yes it's our tagline! Kekekeh!
*Julie goes around Gengar, Ekans and Medicham while Bronco is stalling all of them. Julie enters Sinister Forest by herself. Not even Ball is included.*
Bronco: Could you really come up with something that doesn't reveal you to even the dumbest people here?
Gengar: Yes! We could! We just wanted to be meanies to the people who wanted to progress through dungeons!
Julie: There's a lot of trees here... There's even one that looks really slim and has circled leaves. *Julie walks up to the thing she thinks is a "tree", but is actually a Sudowoodo. After that, she touches it.*
Sudowoodo: How dare you touch me! I will smack you very softly! *The Sudowoodo hits Julie very hard, nearly KOing her out in one shot.*
Julie: dude... You just beat me up really bad. Now let's be teammates! Julie uses Razor Leaf on the Sudowoodo. Because she asked, recruit rates never really mattered, so Julie somehow recruits by being gentle to the Sudowoodo. (and then we go to Bronco)
Bronco: Except... You can't really hit anything. You're a ghost, and they can just walk right through you.
Gengar: Kekekeh! That's why I have two other majorly annoying teammates, Medicham and Ekans!
Medicham: You shouldn't have called us Team Irrelevant...
Ekans: I don't know where my teeth are!
Julie: Sudowoodo, the basic thing you do right now, is everything you see, throw rocks at it. Also, your name is Mr. Skillet.
Mr. Skillet: Yay, I'm a skillet! *Mr. Skillet sees Julie, and then throws rocks at her.*
Julie: Dude! Not at me! At the enemies! Those random people just wandering around that AREN'T Chikoritas.
Mr. Skillet: But aren't you just randomly wandering arou----
Julie: NOT. AT. ME.
Mr. Skillet: Okay.... 
So Julie and Mr. Skillet start hurling rocks and leaves at everything they see, use a warp seed, and then go up the stairs.(2F) and we go to Bronco
Bronco: The only important thing that's happening right now is Ekans not having teeth. Finding Ekans's teeth is more important than any dungeon that exists, ever. Even if something really really really sad happens there, teeth are more important.
Gengar: Kekekeh! That's very funny of you to say teeth are more important than super duper rare treasures that are one of a kind!
Bronco: Stuff like Relic Fragments, gears or stuff like that?
Gengar: Dangit! Wrong game! Don't spoil it for the readers! I bet after this, they want to play an Explorers game! That was just completely uncalled for, kekeh!
Mr. Skillet: Hey Chikorita, what's a skillet?
Julie: A skillet is a frying pan, or a small metal cooking pot with a long handle, typically having legs. The origin words for skillet are the words "Scutella" in Late Latin, "Escuele" in a very old french language, also relating to the word "Platter", "Escuelete" is another old french saying for skillet, and in middle english, we have the word Skillet. Skillet most likely origins from the Old French "Escuelete", diminutive of "Escuele, Platter" from late Latin "Scutella".
Mr. Skillet: Woah, I didn't really need too much information....
So after that happens, Julie and Mr. Skillet go ahead and enter a nearby staircase to get to 3F. (and back to Bronco and Team Meanies)
Bronco: Dude, if you wanna try to look really cool, just be a good guy. You're looking bad because every teammate you have has at least one dark color on your body, you're calling yourselves "Team Meanies" which is just basically calling yourselves out, and you have a ghost on your team. What is with that? Like, really, you're just randomly yammering about how bad you are and how wicked and all that jim-jam you are. 
Gengar: But... that is cool! It's obviously cool! Red is a really cool color! 
Ekans: Yeaah! Red is a super radical color!
Medicham is busy posing.
Bronco: Except it just calls you out, like I've said many times over before. Red might look wicked and cool and "That's So Evil" to you, but nobody's going to bother trusting you when you're on adventures. Somebody will figure out that you're bad, and then they'll start telling the Pellippers Post Office,  and then the Pellippers will start taking away your mail, and they'll start restricting you from getting stuff from the board and all other good stuff. (and then we go to Julie)
Julie: Hey Mr. Skillet, are you a rock?
Mr. Skillet: I'm not a tree, I'm a rock!
Julie: Let me guess, you're a pseudo tree?
Mr. Skillet: What is a "Pseudo"?
Julie: Pseudo, in the context I was using it in, means not genuine, sham. In your brain, it's fake.
Mr. Skillet: I'm not a fake!
Julie: You look like a tree, but you're not grass, you're instead a rock, meaning you're impersonating a tree. In other words, you look like a tree but you're not a tree.
Mr. Skillet: Oh... that's what you mean...
Julie: Rocks were never as smart as I thought they were.....
And then Julie and Mr. Skillet progress to the next floor. (4F) (and then we go to Bronco)
Gengar: Kekekeh! They're not gonna do that! I bet everyone who tries is all like "We're gonna catch Gengar, falalalah, this is going to be really easy." Wrong! We're around at everytime and we could just possess them while they're trying to get us a crime history!
Bronco: You know.... I don't really know what to say about that. (And then, we go to Julie.)
Mr. Skillet: We are smart! We just don't go to schools to learn!
Julie: Are you sure that they have schools here?
Mr. Skillet: Yeah! They have a school for fighting! That'll teach people who make fun of us!
Julie: Fighting doesn't make you smarter. It just proggressively makes you dumber, and dumber, until there's a point where your brain is about as large as a dinosaur's.
Mr. Skillet: What's a dinosaur?
Julie: sigh A dinosaur is a fossil of the Mesozoic era, usually being really really big. There.
Mr. Skillet: Oh.. Oh.... I still don't know what it is. 
Julie sighs. Also, this thread ends right here.
Member
Well... I can't play Nintendo games anymore... :c but at least I can play playstation!


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(edited by Eirinn on 10-15-15 03:59 AM)    

10-15-15 04:05 AM
Eirinn is Offline
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Eirinn
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Nice work so far. However you may want to take a look at the rules for posting stories https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=74472 as you broke a few of them.

The main one I'm addressing here is the layout: layouts have to be disabled before posting stories. I'll edit them from your existing work, but try to remember to disable them before posting a story in the future please.

Also the way you handled dialogue: again, you should check the rules for help here. If you have any questions, just ask.
Nice work so far. However you may want to take a look at the rules for posting stories https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=74472 as you broke a few of them.

The main one I'm addressing here is the layout: layouts have to be disabled before posting stories. I'll edit them from your existing work, but try to remember to disable them before posting a story in the future please.

Also the way you handled dialogue: again, you should check the rules for help here. If you have any questions, just ask.
Vizzed Elite
Eirinn


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

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Last Post: 2032 days
Last Active: 2032 days

10-15-15 07:54 AM
weeniedog12 is Offline
| ID: 1211561 | 49 Words

weeniedog12
Level: 25


POSTS: 116/126
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Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Eirinn : Okay, thanks. I never knew that I had to disable my layout and put the name AFTER the dialogue. I'm more used to something like:
(name): (words) instead of (words) (name). I usually RP a lot in social media like (name): (words) so this feature really surprised me.
Eirinn : Okay, thanks. I never knew that I had to disable my layout and put the name AFTER the dialogue. I'm more used to something like:
(name): (words) instead of (words) (name). I usually RP a lot in social media like (name): (words) so this feature really surprised me.
Member
Well... I can't play Nintendo games anymore... :c but at least I can play playstation!


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 11-08-13
Location: PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF
Last Post: 2372 days
Last Active: 994 days

10-15-15 07:54 AM
weeniedog12 is Offline
| ID: 1211562 | 49 Words

weeniedog12
Level: 25


POSTS: 117/126
POST EXP: 13996
LVL EXP: 87111
CP: 592.2
VIZ: 1705

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Eirinn : Okay, thanks. I never knew that I had to disable my layout and put the name AFTER the dialogue. I'm more used to something like:
(name): (words) instead of (words) (name). I usually RP a lot in social media like (name): (words) so this feature really surprised me.
Eirinn : Okay, thanks. I never knew that I had to disable my layout and put the name AFTER the dialogue. I'm more used to something like:
(name): (words) instead of (words) (name). I usually RP a lot in social media like (name): (words) so this feature really surprised me.
Member
Well... I can't play Nintendo games anymore... :c but at least I can play playstation!


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 11-08-13
Location: PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF
Last Post: 2372 days
Last Active: 994 days

10-15-15 03:23 PM
Eirinn is Offline
| ID: 1211670 | 38 Words

Eirinn
Level: 154


POSTS: 4939/7900
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Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
No problem. And it may take a while to get used to it, but I think you'll like the way it turns out once you get used to it. And keep up the good work writing, man.
No problem. And it may take a while to get used to it, but I think you'll like the way it turns out once you get used to it. And keep up the good work writing, man.
Vizzed Elite
Eirinn


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-18-12
Last Post: 2032 days
Last Active: 2032 days

10-16-15 06:24 AM
weeniedog12 is Offline
| ID: 1211834 | 144 Words

weeniedog12
Level: 25


POSTS: 118/126
POST EXP: 13996
LVL EXP: 87111
CP: 592.2
VIZ: 1705

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Yes, I'm trying really hard on this series. I've never done this type of thing before, ever, and I'm only 9 years old, (as displayed in my bio and the Vizzed Help forum) so I promised to do 1-3 of these everyday, but seriously, I barely have anytime to do anything with it, the dungeons are progressively getting extremely long, I wanted to be original to the game and keep them however long they were in the game, but basically the same, uncreative, dull, recycled things happen every floor. I want to make these threads authentic, but at the same time unique in their own way, but I'm seriously finding myself wanting to drop this series as a whole, until I make up my mind about decreasing the dungeons to 7-10 floors because that's the most capability I can find myself writing on paper. 
Yes, I'm trying really hard on this series. I've never done this type of thing before, ever, and I'm only 9 years old, (as displayed in my bio and the Vizzed Help forum) so I promised to do 1-3 of these everyday, but seriously, I barely have anytime to do anything with it, the dungeons are progressively getting extremely long, I wanted to be original to the game and keep them however long they were in the game, but basically the same, uncreative, dull, recycled things happen every floor. I want to make these threads authentic, but at the same time unique in their own way, but I'm seriously finding myself wanting to drop this series as a whole, until I make up my mind about decreasing the dungeons to 7-10 floors because that's the most capability I can find myself writing on paper. 
Member
Well... I can't play Nintendo games anymore... :c but at least I can play playstation!


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 11-08-13
Location: PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF PUFF
Last Post: 2372 days
Last Active: 994 days

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