I look up to my friend, and I think, " This is going to to suck so much. " I run head first into the battle. 

The first opponent is this little pain in the arse. He's been a thorn in my side for years. Some call him Regret. I look back at my battles with this monster, and think about the all the hard times he has given me. I swing with my sword. CLANG He blocks my blow. I should have seen it coming. He swings as me, and I barely make the parry. My battle was almost over before it even started. Now his brother, whom I have defeated before, but have spared, joins the fray. He goes by the name of Heartbreak; no rest for the wicked, huh? No problem. I fake a swing towards Heartbreak, and turn my hips towards Regret, and swing. I'm blocked again! I thrust my sword back, shoving the hilt into Heartbreaks face, knocking him out. I thrust my weapon forward, taking Regret by surprise, defeating him with a fatal blow. I turn and see Heartbreak with wide eyes... so I chop his head off with one swift swing. That should make a nice trophy for when this battle is over. 
"THAT'S TWO ALREADY!" I yell. 

This next enemy I approach goes by Grief. She always knows about the hard times that fall on me. How does she know this? CLANG Darnit. I should not expected a quick victory; Grief is always throwing things my way to get me off my guard. CLANG BRANG BRANGCLANG This is not going to be a easy battle to overcome. SLASH I'm hit! It hurts. It hurts so much. The wound is deep. CLANG  I see an opening, and I take it. 
"THAT'S THREE, LADDY!" 

I start slashing and thrashing my way through my foes. " EIGHT! " I keep thinking about what I want out of this. " FIFTEEN!" Why am I doing this? Do I want to fix something I broke? " TWENTY-ONE! TWENTY-TWO!" I see my prey up ahead. "TWENTY-SIX!" I think they are on a pedestal. "THIRTY!" Yes, this one man is my goal. He is the one causing me the greatest pain and suffering. This fool of a Pain goes by the name of Remorse, and he is no easy task to defeat. 

I start with slashes, parries, thrusts, anything and everything I can throw at him. Nothing is working. He is countering everything. How do I defeat this monster? It's like he's not even human. And then I see the answer: there is a chink in it's armor, there. I take advantage of this opening not seen before, and I stab at it as quickly and as swiftly as I can. And I get a hit. A nice clean blow. A fatal blow. 
"FORTY-FIVE! It's over.. finally." 

It's over. I've conquered my demons on the battlefield. 


I look back on those times. They might have been a bother, but they were a necessary bother. 


/end 





Bonus points if you got any of the references. 

thing1 : Are you slaying your demons or your humanity? Last I checked having remorse was one of the many things separating us from beasts. I feel there are always reasons to feel some of these emotions, either way.

I'm having trouble seeing how this is a LOTR parody. Other than a couple of the killing blows and the kill count from the movies, I don't think it fits into the definition.

Parody : an imitation of the style of a particular writer, artist, or genre with deliberate exaggeration for comic effect.

It doesn't feel like any Tolkien I've read at least. Not bad I guess, but it could probably use some work.

Bear in mind, I am acting as a critic here, I'm not going to sugar coat it at all. But what I will do is share my honest opinion as an artist. I happen to be working towards becoming a published author so I at least should know a little of what I'm talking about here. I just don't want you thinking I'm trying to be a jerk here or anything.

Local Mods : Should this go in the Stories forum?

Yeah, this would be better off in the stories forum, and I liked it though I don't really know much about the movies

I have watched all the Lord of Rings movies, and read all of the books... ... I didn't get any of the references...

*sobs*

F. Starr : The numbers is from Legolas' and Gimli's competition in the 3rd movie for kills. 
As for the "fighting", it was just some of the more intense fight scenes. 

Frodlex : Well, I couldn't come up with a better word other than parody. 
As for demons or humanity... it was originally supposed to be me in the place of Legolas or Aragorn, but somehow it turned to what I wrote pretty quickly.