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01-31-15 11:41 PM
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Beyblad V-Force: The LGBT Lives of Queen and Mariam Chapter 2

 

01-31-15 11:41 PM
xxeliza321xx is Offline
| ID: 1132558 | 916 Words

xxeliza321xx
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Thoughts so far?

Chapter 1: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=83218


That night, at about 8 PM, after Queen gets home from school, eats dinner, and looks over her class’ syllabi to get a general idea of how her semester’s going to be. She gets her white and silver iPhone 6 out, and connects it to Wi-Fi. She follows and adds Mariam on all of her social networks, and then heads over to her house in Forest Hills, New York.

Queen rings the doorbell.

Mariam runs downstairs and opens the door.

Queen, as she hugs Mariam: Hey! How are ya, girl? It’s Queen from today!

Mariam: Hey girl, come on in!

They walk into Mariam’s house.

Mariam: So….what’cha up to?!

Queen: Your house is amazing! And nothing much. Just looking at my photos of my family and I from last year’s LGBT Pride Parade. Wanna see?

Mariam, with a smile: Sure! Oh my gosh…I love these! You guys look like you were having fun! By the way, my Shark Rash Beyblade can use a tune-up. Know of any good places around here that can do it at an affordable place?

Queen: Kind of. There’s this really cool place in Chinatown that I found on Yelp and tried once. It did a really good job on my Gabriel! I forgot the name of it, but it’s on Allen Street, not too far from the Manhattan Bridge. It’s very close to the M15 bus.

Mariam: Thanks! And you’re into LGBT stuff? I am too! How about a Beybattle tomorrow after class tomorrow? West 4th street in the park by the subway is my SPOT!!!!

Queen: You got it! And yes, I am into that stuff! What time? My last class tomorrow lets out at 4 PM, sharp.

Mariam: Then we can meet up at 5, maybe? Sounds good?

Queen: Hell yea! And you’re tune-up is on me!

Mariam: Oh gee, thank you!!!

Queen: No problemo! By the way, why did you and the Saint Shields come here? I forgot to ask earlier.

Mariam: Well, Dunga was job-searching online. He only had a few interests, so it was a very hard search. Finally, the MTA here in New York interviewed him over the phone and hired him. At first, the rest of the team and I went nuts, thinking ‘‘New York??’’, but then we got used to the idea and decided to pursue education and jobs here ourselves. It was hard talking to our parents about it and it took them a while to approve of the idea, but then they saw how cheap CUNY schools like Hunter and Baruch were and agreed to pay our tuition and let us go. Dunga was living on his own already back in Japan and he had just enough money to move to New York and to put food on the table for a while.

Queen: Wow! That’s very generous of your parents! My aunt is paying my tuition.

Mariam: Yup. Well, I gotta go to sleep now since I have a 8 AM class tomorrow. Talk to you later!

Queen heads out of Mariam’s house, gets home, gets on her Macbook Air, and starts Googling terms like ‘‘How to Tell if a Lesbian is Into You’’ & ‘‘How to Tell if She Likes You (Lesbian)’’ because she was into this Mariam woman and she remembered how Mariam said she was also interested LGBT stuff. Her mind was on fire and she was extremely happy and excited for the whole night.

Another day came. When Queen’s first class of the day began, Women and the Law, she saw another familiar face. It was of no one else’s but Tyson’s.

/Oh my GOD!!! What is HE doing here???/Queen complains to herself, very annoyed.

Class goes on for about an hour and a half.

After class:

Tyson, as he approaches Queen: Hey! How are you doing? Long time no see!

Queen, snapping back: WHAT DO YOU WANT??? Listen, brat. I know we haven’t seen each other in years, but I STILL don’t like you. The only person on your team I can even give a little leeway to is Kai and only because he and my brother are living together. Not only did you guys aggravate the living ***** out of me back then, but you requested me on Instagram like 10 times, even after I declined you every time and therefore had to block you. You didn’t need to shake my hand, just because King and I said that our new goal was to gain experience, not parts. Now just go away.

Tyson: WHAT???

Someone walks by them and tells them to break it off and cool down. They walk away from each other, in opposite directions, arms folded across their chests and with big frowns on their faces.

Because she has a lot of time before her next class, Queen sits down in a chair on the third floor, in the West building, by the escalators, and wonders if she should drop that class or not, being that Tyson is in it with her.

/Hm. Maybe not. The costs seem to outweigh the benefits. If I do so, I most likely won’t be able to find another class in the same subject and if I can’t do that, I’ll probably delay my graduation. I guess I’ll just have to try to ignore him and move away from him when needed……/Queen decides.

A few hours later, it was time for her Psych 101 class. Nothing special happened here.


Thoughts so far?

Chapter 1: https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=83218


That night, at about 8 PM, after Queen gets home from school, eats dinner, and looks over her class’ syllabi to get a general idea of how her semester’s going to be. She gets her white and silver iPhone 6 out, and connects it to Wi-Fi. She follows and adds Mariam on all of her social networks, and then heads over to her house in Forest Hills, New York.

Queen rings the doorbell.

Mariam runs downstairs and opens the door.

Queen, as she hugs Mariam: Hey! How are ya, girl? It’s Queen from today!

Mariam: Hey girl, come on in!

They walk into Mariam’s house.

Mariam: So….what’cha up to?!

Queen: Your house is amazing! And nothing much. Just looking at my photos of my family and I from last year’s LGBT Pride Parade. Wanna see?

Mariam, with a smile: Sure! Oh my gosh…I love these! You guys look like you were having fun! By the way, my Shark Rash Beyblade can use a tune-up. Know of any good places around here that can do it at an affordable place?

Queen: Kind of. There’s this really cool place in Chinatown that I found on Yelp and tried once. It did a really good job on my Gabriel! I forgot the name of it, but it’s on Allen Street, not too far from the Manhattan Bridge. It’s very close to the M15 bus.

Mariam: Thanks! And you’re into LGBT stuff? I am too! How about a Beybattle tomorrow after class tomorrow? West 4th street in the park by the subway is my SPOT!!!!

Queen: You got it! And yes, I am into that stuff! What time? My last class tomorrow lets out at 4 PM, sharp.

Mariam: Then we can meet up at 5, maybe? Sounds good?

Queen: Hell yea! And you’re tune-up is on me!

Mariam: Oh gee, thank you!!!

Queen: No problemo! By the way, why did you and the Saint Shields come here? I forgot to ask earlier.

Mariam: Well, Dunga was job-searching online. He only had a few interests, so it was a very hard search. Finally, the MTA here in New York interviewed him over the phone and hired him. At first, the rest of the team and I went nuts, thinking ‘‘New York??’’, but then we got used to the idea and decided to pursue education and jobs here ourselves. It was hard talking to our parents about it and it took them a while to approve of the idea, but then they saw how cheap CUNY schools like Hunter and Baruch were and agreed to pay our tuition and let us go. Dunga was living on his own already back in Japan and he had just enough money to move to New York and to put food on the table for a while.

Queen: Wow! That’s very generous of your parents! My aunt is paying my tuition.

Mariam: Yup. Well, I gotta go to sleep now since I have a 8 AM class tomorrow. Talk to you later!

Queen heads out of Mariam’s house, gets home, gets on her Macbook Air, and starts Googling terms like ‘‘How to Tell if a Lesbian is Into You’’ & ‘‘How to Tell if She Likes You (Lesbian)’’ because she was into this Mariam woman and she remembered how Mariam said she was also interested LGBT stuff. Her mind was on fire and she was extremely happy and excited for the whole night.

Another day came. When Queen’s first class of the day began, Women and the Law, she saw another familiar face. It was of no one else’s but Tyson’s.

/Oh my GOD!!! What is HE doing here???/Queen complains to herself, very annoyed.

Class goes on for about an hour and a half.

After class:

Tyson, as he approaches Queen: Hey! How are you doing? Long time no see!

Queen, snapping back: WHAT DO YOU WANT??? Listen, brat. I know we haven’t seen each other in years, but I STILL don’t like you. The only person on your team I can even give a little leeway to is Kai and only because he and my brother are living together. Not only did you guys aggravate the living ***** out of me back then, but you requested me on Instagram like 10 times, even after I declined you every time and therefore had to block you. You didn’t need to shake my hand, just because King and I said that our new goal was to gain experience, not parts. Now just go away.

Tyson: WHAT???

Someone walks by them and tells them to break it off and cool down. They walk away from each other, in opposite directions, arms folded across their chests and with big frowns on their faces.

Because she has a lot of time before her next class, Queen sits down in a chair on the third floor, in the West building, by the escalators, and wonders if she should drop that class or not, being that Tyson is in it with her.

/Hm. Maybe not. The costs seem to outweigh the benefits. If I do so, I most likely won’t be able to find another class in the same subject and if I can’t do that, I’ll probably delay my graduation. I guess I’ll just have to try to ignore him and move away from him when needed……/Queen decides.

A few hours later, it was time for her Psych 101 class. Nothing special happened here.


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02-03-15 03:56 PM
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Not bad at all. Only critique I would add is try to add more filler ( stuff going on while talking or in between actions ). Or can be more descriptive of the characters ( like what they are feeling at the time or describing character attributes, etc... ). Just some food for thought. It'll make the story a little more enjoyable to read but that is just my opinion. It's your story handle it how you want to. 
Not bad at all. Only critique I would add is try to add more filler ( stuff going on while talking or in between actions ). Or can be more descriptive of the characters ( like what they are feeling at the time or describing character attributes, etc... ). Just some food for thought. It'll make the story a little more enjoyable to read but that is just my opinion. It's your story handle it how you want to. 
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

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02-04-15 08:14 PM
xxeliza321xx is Offline
| ID: 1134009 | 56 Words

xxeliza321xx
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Brain-Splattered : Thanks! And I started thinking the same thing after I re-read it a while back, but I already sent it off to the people who voice acted as King, Queen, and Mariam in Beyblade, so I decided to just leave it lol

Sent it off = sent it to their fan mail addresses on fanmail.biz
Brain-Splattered : Thanks! And I started thinking the same thing after I re-read it a while back, but I already sent it off to the people who voice acted as King, Queen, and Mariam in Beyblade, so I decided to just leave it lol

Sent it off = sent it to their fan mail addresses on fanmail.biz
Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 05-30-13
Location: NYC
Last Post: 1685 days
Last Active: 513 days

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