So, me and my girlfriend have been getting into a lot of fights lately. To be fair, it's probably a little bit more my fault than hers, but still. 

So, let me give you some background. 
She is an only child. 
For some reason, she generally likes / has / I don't know why has to be home by 9 PM each night. 

So, she had told me all week that she had to work the day after Christmas at 9 AM. ( I forgot this on Christmas Day ) 
I was planning on taking her to a movie for Christmas, but all the seats were taken for the entire day for the movie that we wanted to see. 
My parents surprised us with movie tickets for Christmas. ( It was a 9:30 PM showing of Unbroken at a different theatre than we had originally planned on ) 
The tickets that I was looking at pre-purchasing on Christmas Eve for Christmas Day were for 11 PM ( I told her that I wanted to take her to a movie Christmas Night. I told her 11 was the only one we were going to see at the theater we wanted to go to. I never specified AM or PM, but I thought it was implied ) 

So, now that you have some background on the current issue at hand... 

She's been mad at me for the past 2 days, and won't drop the subject of that I knew she had work, and that I shouldn't have taken to her a late showing of a movie, and a few other things. 
My argument is that she needs to communicate better. Whenever she has a problem with me or something that I do, she doesn't say anything until after I drop her off for the night. She'll send it in a text, and that really annoys me that she can't say anything to my face when she has an issue with something. 

I talked to my dad about it today, and asked him how much him and my step-mom fought when they were together before they got married. They said they fight more now than before they were engaged. I chalk it up to taking care of 2 kids, 3 when I was there, but OK. 
My Dad also told me that if you don't argue in a relationship, then there is no passion. I personally don't think that there can be a relationship between two people if there is not some kind of passion of some sort going on. 

So, my question is this: How much do you argue with your significant other? Do you think that there has to be passion of some sort for a relationship to work? Do you have anything else to add? 

Summoning some people whose opinions I would highly value on this subject: 
Davideo7 :  
Singelli :  
Jordanv78 :  
MattyIce :  
legacyme3 :  
tRIUNE :  
takeo masake :
lilwildwolf21 :  
geeogree :  

tell you the truth,i have no clue and not my problem sorry

I'm not gonna go into depth because I'm on mobile right now.

Me and my girlfriend basically never fight. We had one small mini fight ages ago but we resolved it amicably and reached an understanding.

There are all kinds of passions in the world, and all kinds of relationships. You have to find something that works for you. Some couples express themselves that way. I'd say fighting is bad though.

thing1 : hey bro i know my opian was not sumend so you can take it with a grain of salt. i feel that wvery relationship has arguments/fights from time to time because there are two people involved difrences in opianon are going to happen. it is just how you and the other person involved chose to handle these. I think that it is good that you care and plan dates for the two of you. That shows "passion" in my book. I use the quotes around passion to say that many people describe this difrently some people see it as a loving caring realtaion ship others see it as lots of bed tie with each other i am one of the first kind. what i would recomend to ease the tinsion is when you look at her look into her eyes and smile you may see this as a small thing but in all reality this shows that you care and love her. the small things like that mean more then some big things.
I think the reson she was mad at the late time of the movie is that she thought you did not care that she had work the next day and had to wake up early, but this is just a hunch, I hope this helps and i wish you guys a long relationship 

thing1 : Since you've summoned me for my opinion, I'll see what I can do for you. Just note that I'm no relationship counselor XD

My wife is really my only "significant other" right now, so I'll just talk about what goes on between me and her. We have an argument maybe a couple times a month. While that probably doesn't sound like much, its just enough to keep our relationship going strong. We just got over a fight we had last week, actually. It was the first time we had a fight since right before Halloween. Yeah, having an argument is not good, but it can also be bad to NOT have an argument for a while. My wife and I almost went a whole year without ever having an argument, but let me tell you, our relationship quickly grew dull. We kept going through the motions and we did the same thing over and over again. Having an argument may actually spice up your relationship, and after you get over it, if you're lucky, it might seem like you guys just met again.

Caleb, I absolutely agree with your dad when he said "if you don't argue in a relationship, then there is no passion." That is 110% the truth right there, in my opinion. If you want to take your relationship as far as marriage, then there absolutely has to be some kind of passion going on if you want that marriage to last. If there is no passion, then it won't last long at all. You don't have to argue, but just try to find want makes your wife/girlfriend happy and do that. In my case, my wife really likes to go to a movie with me. She wants to feel like we're dating when we're actually married. I don't really understand it, but I don't have to as long as she is happy.

Your wife/girlfriend is probably different from mine. Like legacy said, you just have to find something that works for both of you. However, I disagree with "fighting is bad." Its not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you work it out and forget about it somehow. That's what my wife and I do, and I'll be together with her for the rest of my life. If there's one thing you DON'T want to do, its go to bed angry. I know that sounds cliché, but its the truth!

Good luck to you, brother!

Here's the deal:  Arguing and sharing ideas is fine.  That's important because there is conflict when two different people try to live life together.  Things aren't always perfect and if they are, well, good for that couple.

Arguing does equal fighting.  Fighting is done when people hold on to anger and don't find a resolution.  If there's a problem, you solve it, you don't run into it again, and the relationship moves on a little better than before.

Fighting just makes people angry and nothing is solved.

I've been married 8 years, we have a one year old baby, a two year old dog, a house, two cars, and all the things life can throw at us.  We haven't fought in many years.  We disagree with each other but it's done positively.  I'll listen to what my wife says, she listens to my side and we go from there making the best decision.  Fighting isn't productive and we haven't done it in five or six years.

When you argue, you're showing your opinion and you're standing your ground.  That's important.  But you don't have to do that to show passion.  Kissing each other, cooking for each other, dancing, doing all those things are passion enough for a relationship.  Fighting is self-destructive and does zero good to a relationship.

To answer the questions:
1.  We argue once or twice seriously every month or so. 
2.  There has to be some sort of passion in a relationship, unless you've decided to be platonic friends.  And that's fine if you are.  But if you don't have passion, you're loving the other person like a relative.  Yuck.
3.  Thoughts:  Tell this girl she needs to alert you immediately when she has a problem with something.  You also have to do a better job of being specific with her because that's what it seems like she's looking for.  But you should apologize and tell her it's over.  Ask her what she needs from you to make sure this doesn't happen again.  LISTEN to what she says and pay attention.  Do what she asks.  Ask her to please let you know, via text or whatever, when she gets upset at your decision making process and tell you why because you otherwise won't learn her particular preferences.  End the conversation by telling her you can do what she asks (Only if you can.  If you can't, break up because neither of you will be happy)

Handle it in that order.  I don't mean to spoon feed you how this should go but that recipe was extrememly successful for me and it has led to the best relationship and friendship in my life.

Good luck, bro.

I  can't really say that I agree with the above comments that a lack of arguing means a relationship is passionless.

It is MORE than possible to have a happy and passionate relationship in which both partners feel strongly about things....... and never argue.  Passion only leads to arguments when the interests of both parties conflict with each other and compromise isn't considered.

That being said, I think -most- couples end up in arguments.  My husband and I argue all the time, but I would never consider our marriage weaker than those around us. In fact... I'd say we have a pretty strong relationship, and that's -not- due to the arguments.  Instead, it's more important to take a serious look at how your conflicts are being resolved.  Both you AND your girl must be reasonable, understanding, and forgiving in order to make things work.

If you want my specific opinion on your movie situation, I can't say that I understand it well enough to have any strong feelings one way or the other.  You said that the girl has to be home by 9pm every night and yet you planned for a 9:30 or 11pm movie?  I'm assuming then, that she's allowed exceptions?  If this is not the case or exceptions were not specifically mentioned for this particular date night, I think it's natural she'd assume you were referring to a morning movie, since she'd hope you would respect her house rules.  Regardless of the case, misunderstandings happen. If she's not willing to recognize that, and to add fuel to the flame... you're not willing to overlook her reaction.... well I hate to say it, but things might not be heading in a great direction for you two.  There are a lot bigger things coming your way than movie tickets and curfews.

If you want to make things work, however, I suggest sitting with her when she's at her calmest, and discussing resolution plans with her.  Agree on a set of steps to take when you guys disagree.  Are you going to take turns talking calmly?  Have a cool down period in which you give each other space?  Write your feelings out and swap papers?

This thing will only work if you both are willing to meet in the middle with goal of improving your interactions.

I would like to think that these scars on my scalp given to me by few of my significant others had something to do with some sort of passion instead of boredom.

All I have to add is that I think everything can be resolved always if both are willing to do so and the relationship is not violent.

My wife and I almost never fight in the traditional raised voice, name calling, angry fight that you see on TV or in movies.

That's not to say we don't have fights but we fight in different ways. More often than not when we're mad or upset about something we won't talk about it right away. We might say what we are mad about but beyond that we won't talk about it for a little while. Keeps us from going into the yelling/name calling style of fight.


Anyways, most stuff that you fight about earlier on in a relationship should resolve itself as time goes on. If it doesn't start to I would take that as a sign that you should move on rather than stick around. Relationships require BOTH people to change and adapt to the relationship. It's not all about going out of your way to cater to her wants and needs.

My wife and I argue once in a while, but we ALWAYS say sorry afterwards.  That's the key.  I do not like cloudy air between me and wify (or between me and family / friends) so I will always tackle the issue head on and clear it up as soon as possible.  Hugs and kisses normally always rule at the end of the day