last legacy is a novel i am writing...it's based off of final fantasy (the name has synonyms) The story line is completely original. It has all the elements of a final fantasy.
I'm planing to publish it, but i'm not sure if anything in there is copyrighted to square enix...so if anyone knows can they tell me if any of the following are copyrighted? (italisized are the things in questioned) : Fire fira firaga.(applies to blizzard, thunder, cure, and the other spells) : Black, White, and red Mages : gunblades (even different designs that i make up)
Don't be sad to inform me of any of them being copyrighted, because i have a backup plan for them all.
One more thing, I am going to put them up one chapter at a time, I have written the 8th chapter but ill need to type them so it may be a while in between chapters. I would like it if people were to critique my work. I have hard feelings to hurt, so don't be shy about an error or suggestion, just don't start cussing me out for a misplaced period. I'll give you as much as I have written as a teaser...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 : The Prince's Confession

In a vast winterscape, visible from nearly any tall peak lied the fortified capital of the Harleslor wastelands. Despite the harsh whether surrounding it, the city thrived. This kingdom had recently earned a place in the High Council of Terrajunct, which was only entered by the most powerful of countries.

This day was a very special day, for the prince was to be crowned king. People gather from the many settlements that dot the wastelands of harleslor to see their new king. Nervously, prince Harles asked, “A…Are they ready for me?”

Stont, the king’s advisor, shouted with encouragement as he gave the prince a little shove, “Yes! Good luck! Make your father proud!”

He then walked slowly out to the middle of a small hump of risen ground in the middle of a large stadium with ever towering seats that appeared to go on forever. He felt the millions of piercing eyes. He began to sweat. As he stood there a second seemed an eternity, and it seemed that every small tremble and twitch was painfully noticeable to the point where everyone in the entire audience would notice. This only made him more prone for error.

Silence quickly flowed over the sea of people awaiting his words. He had prepared a speech. He paused for a moment to regain his composure. Only a few seconds passed, though it felt longer. Now he could begin. “From the very beginning of this glorious kingdom, we have had great, just, and powerful Kings and Stewarts. The first was a man who had some crazy dream of discovering a mystical land of legeond and myth to the north. Everyone said he was crazy, but he did it anyways! He was the first to travel the plains of Harleslor. His name was Hurious L. Harles, and if he had been discouraged, if he never left, where do you think we would be now? Aren’t we glad he tried?” He smiled

“We owe all that we see before us to one man’s erge to discover new things, find extraordinary places, and explore. This great inheritance has been passed down through many generations and will continue to do so for thousands to come!” Cheers broke out. The audience roared with excitement and satisfaction at the statement. His confidence and charisma had returned. “And this nation will continue to grow and grow until it has become the most powerful nation in the world!” He was shouting now, and the audience was shouting back with equal strength.

Looks interresting, I mean you might need to work on word placement a bit, but keep it up.
Also, longer chapters
On copyright, the only things that might be copyrighted would be the 2nd and third spell forms (fira and firaga for example), but fire, cure, thunder etc are fine.
Gunblade isnt a copyrighted name as it's used in World of Warcraft as well, and most every fantasy game or book has a Red / White / Black mage of some type.
Though if you are worried, make it Gun Blade, the space between the parts of the word makes the difference.

That wasn't a chapter...lol that was just a little snippet of the first chapter. It was probably a forth of the first chapter, but it's one of the shorter ones. Plus it looks shorter because of the length of the web page.
So for the "ara" and "aga", and all the spells in fact, I will use a language called Korjan (made up) I will use names of elements in that language followed by da(1) ja(2) and ra(3). I'll post up those next. I was also wondering about summoning and the summon's name mostly. can I use Ifrit, Shiva, Bahamut, or any others? I'm pretty sure chocobos are copyrighted though right?

For future reference, I would greatly appreciate if a person that says word choice or "something confused me" try to be more specific.

thanks!

Well I'm pretty sure most of the FF summons are safe to use as they are just names of mythological gods.
When in doubt, just pop the names into the wikipedia search box.

Originally posted by Shane_Harles

---

For future reference, I would greatly appreciate if a person that says word choice or "something confused me" try to be more specific.

---

Okey Dokey then. What you have up there probally says "he" a few many times for my liking.
Example, instead of "He then walked slowly out to the middle of a small hump of risen ground" it could be "Harles then walked slowly out to the middle of a small hump of risen ground".
Just my thoughts though.

I do like the story (or at least what I read of the first chapter ).
My thoughts on it is that you should descibe the characters a bit more.
I mean when reading books I notice that when a character is first introduced there is usually a description of their physical characteristics (ie. A man with broad sholders and dark hair stood off to one side of the group).

You're good at decribing the areas and setting atmosphere. I enjoyed reading it and hope you will put up more.

I almost never describe any of my characters. I thought it might be better to leave it up to the reader to decide based on the character's actions. ie: if someone is hurting someone, the person being hurt you might be thinking is a little bit scrawny and the guy hurting him is burly... I always thought that it took away from the story to stop it for things like that, but I'll try to work it in as I reffer to them by adding little adjectives.

Thanks.


Here is the full first chapter.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1
The Prince’s confession

In a vast winterscape, visible from nearly any tall peak lied the fortified capital of the Harleslor wastelands. Despite the harsh whether surrounding it, the city thrived, and had recently earned a place in the High Council of Terrajunct, which was only entered by the most powerful of countries.

This day was a very special day, for the prince was to be crowned king. People gather from the many settlements that dotted the wastelands of harleslor to see their new king. Nervously, prince Harles asked, “A…Are they ready for me?”

The king’s advisor Stont, a tall man, shouted with encouragement as he gave the prince a little shove out the door way, “of course! Good luck! Make your father proud!”

Harles then walked slowly out to the podium in the middle of a large stadium with seats that appeared to go on forever towering over him. He felt the millions of piercing eyes, and began to sweat nervously. As he stood there a second seemed an eternity, and it felt as if every small tremble and twitch was painfully obvious to the point where everyone in the entire audience would notice. This only made him more prone for error.

Silence quickly flowed over the sea of people awaiting his words. He had prepared a speech. He paused for a moment to regain his composure. Now he could begin. “From the very beginning of this glorious kingdom, we have had great, just, and powerful Kings and Stewards. The first was a man who had some crazy dream of discovering a mystical land of legend and myth to the north. Everyone said he was crazy, but he did it anyways! He was the first to travel the plains of Harleslor. His name was Hurious L. Harles. Many scoffed and laughed at him, and I am sure it was not an easy trek. If he had been discouraged, if he had never left, where do you think we would be now? Aren’t we glad he tried?” The prince smiled.

“We owe all that we see before us to one man’s urge to discover new things, find extraordinary places, and explore. This great inheritance has been passed down through many generations and will continue to do so for thousands to come!” Cheers broke out. The audience roared with excitement and satisfaction at the statement. His confidence and charisma had returned. “And this nation will continue to grow and grow until it has become the most powerful nation in the world!” He was shouting now, and the audience was shouting back with equal strength. He now had complete control over the mood. His next step was to bring it down and try to keep them there until the time was right.

“Now, this awesome burden is placed on me. At first, when my father took ill, I didn’t know what to do. I’m very young in comparison to most of the leaders of the past, and I didn’t think that I could handle it. I was afraid. Afraid of what I might do wrong. But then my father began to teach me everything he knew which came directly from his late elder brother, Jashua M. Harles who passed the throne to my father. Now, as you know, my main mentors in life are gone.” He paused to let the solemnity of the statement stay and build momentum. Then, the time was right, so he began again.

“But, before they left, they game me a gift.” Another pause, ‘Be patient, it’s building momentum’, he thought. Then he revealed, “The gift of knowledge. The most powerful gift I could receive and the most valuable at the time. I vow to you, the citizens of Harleslor, that I will take this gift, and I will use it to its full potential and I will not be just another page in the history books. I will not be recorded as the youngest king that did absolutely nothing! I will build and shape this kingdom and take one more step toward tomorrow with broad shoulders and a strong stride. I will now take this crown with honor and use its power for justice!!”

The audience was now and the highest of spirits again. Their cheering confirmed in the price’s mind their approval of him. Prince harles had done well. The High Priest prestigiously marched to a slow kingly fanfare toward the price followed by Stont who was carrying the symbol of leadership, the headware that represented the most prestigious position on the northern continent. The crown.

The two men approached the place where the soon to be king stood tall, and proud. They reached the prince and halted. The High Priest turned to Stont and took the crown from the cushion on which it sat. The crown was lifted high in the air. The fanfare was nearing its final chord. The crown was descending to the prince’s head. The band was blaring the last note. The band stopped. There was silence. Then something unexpected occurred. The prince’s knees buckled, his head retracted from the rim of the crown having never touched it. There was a blank look on his face.

The sound suddenly caught up to the effect after three seconds of pure silence. From three miles away the assassin, wielding a sniper rifle, grinned and slunk into the shadows, satisfied with his work.

Stont rushed to his side, while the priest just stood there in shock at what had
happened letting the crown dangle at his side. Screams erupted from the mass of people as the fact that the king had just been shot sunk in. Total hysteria ensued

The prince had only been shot in the stomach, but was bleeding profusely and didn’t have much time left. He spoke softly, “S-Stont.”

“Don’t speak. Save your energy!”

“For what? We both know I’m a dead man!” He reached up and grabbed Stont who was now holding up Harles. “Stont you must listen to me. I’m a terrible person.”

“Nonsense, Sire, you are the most amazing man I know.”

“No. Both my father and I.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My uncle has two children!” Shock filled Stont’s face. “No one knew, but my father and the mothers who bore them, but God only knows what my father did with them. He left that out when he told me just before he died.”

“But” Stont looked confused.

“Don’t you get it!?!” he yelled as he pulled Stont closer, but began coughing up blood. “They should’ve ruled before me. Before my father, even! I should have told someone. I should have searched for them. I should have tried! But no. I kept it secret like a selfish little moron, and look at me now! I’m a short sited fool. I don’t deserve to be king…This nation deserves better.” He began hacking again and pain filled his body now that the adrenalin had run out. “Just promise me one thing. One is named Seth, the other Shane. Seth shall be taught and become king.” He winced “He is the elder. Find them, err, find them, find…them” His eyes began to fade to emptiness.

“Yes, my glorious king!” Stont replied, “Your wish is my command.”

“No”, Harles mustered, “I was never quite crowned…king…” All expression faded from his face and the light in his eyes dimmed, then went dark.

Stont closed his eyes and let a tear trickle out then stood walked to the podium and spoke with a new found courage. “People of Harleslor! The line of Kings has not ended! Although for a short time, I must rule as Steward, there will soon be a king! The son of Joshua M. Harles! Seth Harles!!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm surprised at how small this looks, but I assure you that it is a little more than 2 pages in a word document which is about 4 or 5 in a novel sized book.

Let me know if you want me to format it differently.