I know that if given the choice, most of us would prefer not to NEED conflict resolution skills. It'd be nice to never have an argument, problem,  or scary situation pop up our entire lives, right?

However, where would you be WITHOUT the conflict in your life?

Would you be who you are today?
Would you be as strong as you are now?

Is conflict always a bad thing?

I was thinking earlier about choices people might make if they could go back and re-write a part of their past, and I was considering my own.

Would I really go back and change anything?

I actually don't think I would.  It is because of the conflicts I've been through, that I am the person I am today.  If it had not been for the tough times and the things that hurt me, I probably wouldn't be such a nice person.  (At least, I like to think of myself as nice.)  I also wouldn't be as resilient.

For example, I got made fun of in high school all the time for my acne, frizzy hair, glasses, and overall unattractiveness.  It hurt and caused me to struggle with self value.

However, it also taught me not to judge others by their appearances, and to accept people no matter what they look like.  To this day, I find it nearly impossible to actually rate someone on their 'looks' just because I trained myself never to weigh it as important.  It's very difficult for me to judge if someone looks handsome, cute, beautiful, or ugly.... because I didn't want to hurt people the way they had hurt me.

Even better, as I grew up, I began not to judge my OWN appearance so harshly.  The fun made at my expense might have hurt for years, but it healed and made me a better person, I think.

Conflict isn't always important to the development of a human being.  Sometimes how people handle easy success (Hey, look at this bag of money that fell off the armored bank truck!) can help a person grow and develop.  I strive to avoid conflict because it usually ends up poorly for everyone and the real skill is diffusing a situation or finding an agreement or solution long before conflict arises.  The anticipation of problems and squelching them before they're problems is much better than conflict resolution.

Saying that, there is conflict because everyone will want their way.  I was in the Marine Corps for six years and if it weren't for conflict, I wouldn't have had nearly the stories I do today.  Of course I'd be different but that's like saying, "If there weren't bicycles, would you be the same person?"  Remove any major aspect of life and you change.  Conflict also doesn't always strengthen people.  I've seen people give up over the stress of constant conflict in their relationships and jobs.  The U.S. divorce rate is over 50% because of the lack of conflict resolution skills.  People would rather quit than find a way through things.

Keep in mind, quitting is a better option sometimes.  There are 100+ acceptable reasons to divorce.

I'm sorry you got teased.  I'm lucky because I'm athletic and proficient at sports.  Being good at a lot of things others care about goes a long way to acceptance.  I was not the most attractive guy in high school but I smiled a lot and talked myself out of bad situations.

I wouldn't go back and change anything directly related to conflict.  There are things I would change if I could but the history is all gone.  I have today to make a better life.

Without conflict in some for or fashion we would be relatively useless beings.

Even Adam and Eve were placed in conflict, in a choice to eat of the forbidden tree or not.

Conflict is what makes us who we are, developing us a written piece rather than a clean sheet of paper.

I do not abhor the conflict, it's just when it becomes to common that it becomes an issue. I value the choices that I make. I just wish that people would do what's right rather than take the easy way all the time.

warmaker :  While it's true that conflict isn't the only way to grow, it is ONE way. I didn't mean to glorify conflict, but merely appreciate how everything is not as bad as it seems.  I guess this was more of a 'silver lining' kind of thread.

I don't actively seek conflict either, though I do know of individuals who do.

Also, the statement about people 'running' away because they'd rather take the easy route?  I can't agree with you more. It's very sad in my opinion.  If a relationship isn't going well, you ADD value to it by fighting for it. If you're willing to just give it up, it wasn't really worth much to begin with, now was it?

And yes, I do agree with you about there being times when quitting is the better option.  I just think we jump to that solution far too quickly most of the time.


There are other crucial conflicts of my life, but none I want to discuss publicly.  The teasing over my looks was really quite minimal, but the best example I could think of.  It did directly impact who I am, and if it hadn't happened..... I wouldn't be DRASTICALLY different, but I'd probably be able to tell you if someone was 'hot or not'.

I LOVE conflict. If the world didn't have conflict, imagine how many momma's boys we'd have right now, and we have WAY too many of those anyway. War is the simplest, easiest, and quickest way to decide a winner. If the enforcer of the rules can't beat you, then you don't have anything to make you want to follow the rules, therefor you ARE the rules. That is where war came from, chicks and dudes. Not to mention it's fun as the fiery place. I am WAY more prone to attack someone that ticks me off than to say that was mean. Saying something won't do squat, triumphing over someone decides that you are the king, at least over that person. I'm not saying the because one person is stronger than the other, the other has to wash his car, but that's what laws are for, so. :/ And look at ALLLLL the times the U.S.A. has tried to talk things out without action. Let's count how many were sucesfull, shall we? Hmmm... Alright... And... The grand total iiiisssss ZERO!!! My case and point. Also, I don't know what you think, but to me it is BEYOND fun to fight. I don't mean wrestle or shadow box, like cowards fight, I mean FIGHT. What say you?