So, in AP Lang, we read Judy Brady's essay, "I Want a Wife" (hated it, but to each their own, I guess), and then we were given the assignment to write an essay titled, "I Want A _____" This is what I came up with.

By the way, if anyone has read Brady's paper, mine basically parodies the structure of hers.




I Want an Older Sister

I belong to the classification of people known as “eldest children.”

I am the eldest of three, with a younger sister and brother, both of whom constantly bemoan their misfortunate at being ranked lower on the totem pole as opposed to me. They seem to have an acute sense of equity and fairness that only younger siblings have so fine-tuned, and incessantly enter that state of “younger/middle child syndrome.” However, what they do not realize is that I am rather envious of their hereditary position. What they do not realize is that I want an older sister.

I want an older sister who loves me dearly and says so freely. I would prefer an older sister to an older brother because sisters have a way with words, whereas brothers have a way with actions, and I am more inclined towards loquaciousness when it comes to connecting with another. My older sister would give me hugs and kisses on the cheek when I am down, and hopefully will not turn me away when I am in the mood to give her the same. She would not be embarrassed to call me her younger sister, nor would she go to great lengths to avoid her friends having chance encounters with me.

I want an older sister who listens closely and reassures me- mostly. I want her to lend a sympathetic ear to all my plights, from studies to social grievances, and tell me just how sorry she feels for me. I would also appreciate it if she would suggest solutions to my predicaments, but the pity is the only real requirement- except when I clearly do not want it, in which case I hope she is astute enough not to give me any. I want an older sister who would also take me to task when I am being pathetic or in the wrong, and let me know so in a way that will not hurt my feelings.

I want an older sister as close as possible to being smarter than Einstein and Hawking combined. I crave a friend, much less a sister, with academic interests like my own, one who will not shy away from long rants about how some infinities are certainly not bigger than other infinities unless one rewrote all the laws of mathematics. My sister, because of the great wellsprings of love she has more me, would gladly offer to help me with my homework if she sees I am in a troubled spot, and in the off-chance that her amazing brain needs a reboot, would not be afraid to ask me for help. In fact, an older sister to help with this assignment this very moment would be a very wonderful thing.

I want an older sister who’d laugh with me all day and keep the nightmares away. My younger siblings still wake me at night when they have dreams of the world imploding, or failing a test, or being buried alive- it would be nice to have someone to do so myself, when I have the need. My older sister would be a little cranky at this sudden disruption in her regular sleeping schedule, since she is a human being and humans treasure sleep dearly, but she would relent her crankiness to let me explain my current nocturnal fabrication, or allow me to sleep in her room for the night.

I want an older sister who can read me inside out without a shadow of a doubt. When I feel passionate about something or genuinely troubled, but am too nervous or afraid to speak up, she would gladly volunteer for me. She would not mind spending time with me to cheer me up, and I likewise. Similarly, we would both understand when the other needed some space and not barge in to impede one’s privacy and sense of recuperation.

I want an older sister who’d be a lucky Romeo’s one and only Juliet. She would have the love life of a damsel in an epic, sweet and tragic but ultimately satisfying- perhaps even love at first sight- with a tale worthy of poetic couplets. Naturally, she wouldn’t mind sharing some of the magnificent secrets she’d learned on this amazing journey with her somewhat romance-illiterate younger siblings.

I want an older sister who loves God, and holds Him in great awe. When I am feeling doubting or uncertain about my faith, or require confirmation on a particularly difficult to comprehend dogma or tenant, I could turn to her and ask for help. She could help me pray, and would not mind a daily or weekly Bible study, just the two of us and the black-and-red-inked ESV.

I want an older sister patriotic and concerned, with a heart that has a fire for her country continually blazing, looking for more to burn. She would value our worldview, after carefully deliberating on her possible choices. She would vote when she comes of age, and spend great energies working towards furthering what she believes is the best interests of the country. She would explain all of this to me, and would not mind long political discussions, in which she attempts to enlighten my poor, darkened mind.

I want an older sister who’ll take me out of my comfort zone and show me things I have never known. Whether I am in the mood or no, she’d give me a life lesson that I’d look back on years later and greatly appreciate. I want an older sister who’d create memories with me, who wouldn’t mind discussing anything I wished and wouldn’t insult my favorite authors. I want an older sister that’s like a benevolent fairy, every entrance appealing and enticing, sparkling and majestic regardless of where she is. I want an older sister who is easy-going as the breeze and doesn’t get as wound up as me- one who could teach me how to relax and breathe easy (and have my inhaler ready if I get wheezy).

I want an older sister beautiful as the Northern Lights, one who’d always be a welcome sight, both in steadfast character and aesthetic charm. I want an older sister who’d be willing to share these secrets with me. I want an older sister who’d not ignore the other siblings, and an older sister who understands my loathing of swimming.

I want an older sister who would, of course, recognize that many of my insecurities about currently being an older sister and a human being in general are all spelled out in this paper, if she were to look hard enough.

I want an older sister who would be all that I am too afraid, or have no ability, to be.

In fact, perhaps what I want is not an older sister at all.

Other than my brother, I'm the oldest in a long line of siblings and step-siblings. As a kid, I lived with my step-sister who was two years older AND my brother, I was the youngest in the house. Ever since I left, I've wanted more older siblings. When I finally started living with my older brother again, I was almost in high school, making the fun a bit more lost. Loved the essay, by the way.

wow... this is breath-taking and amazing. I only wish I could write as well as you... and especially at such a young age!  I mean... your mastery of language is just beautiful. I'm sure you got an A.  Do you find that your peer's skills can be compared to yours?  If so... I want to teach at your school. XD

I also loved all the things you stated you'd want in a bigger sister. I never read an essay like that (and I imagine I'd hate it...), but since you told us it was a parody, I could just imagine the format and style of the original. Good job!

I'm an oldest sister, and I'm not so sure I'd want an older sister, to be honest.  I just can't imagine what it'd be like. I think if I had to write that essay, I'd write "I Want a Friend"... haha!

So I'm curious about the author's / your original intent?  I mean, the essay lists all of these amazing qualities... and then states, basically, "Perhaps I don't want this after all."  Did I miss a turn of events?  haha.

Singelli : Thank you! Your praise makes me feel very happy inside. I wish I could phrase that more eloquently... I hope you'll forgive me. Writing to other people is always more difficult than talking about yourself. As for my peers, it really depends. Most of my close friends can write reasonably well, but I think that's because we have similar interests in language... I'm not sure how well everyone else at my school writes, actually, but according to the government, we tend to under-perform on writing tests, so...

Well, in the last couple of paragraphs, I say that the sister would notice my insecurities and be all that I can never be. All these things I listed are things I could like in an older sister (of course- who wouldn't?), but they're also things I fall painfully short of being with my own siblings. So not only do I want an older sister, I want to BE an older sister- not just in name, but in actions, as I'd listed throughout the paper. Even when I wrote it, I felt the ending was a bit ambiguous, but I couldn't think of a way to word it differently, especially since our thesis was supposed to be implied.

thelastrequiem: Thank you for your words! Siblings can be our best friends. I'm sorry to hear the fun was a bit lost later on, but I'm glad you had great times with them.

P.S. If any mods see this, would they mind fixing the broken summons? Thanks.