Know what? I’m beginning to hate making dealeos. Every time I
make one people complain it’s more of a walkthrough or I said too many things
but I NAME THEM DEALEOS FOR A REASON!!! GAWD!

Ok, it seems people are more satisfied the LESS work I do,
so I’m taking a break from video games and… *gulp*… moving to the big screen.
Yes, I never watch television, but I actually saw a movie at the theater, which
is something I never do. I don’t do film. Well, let’s take a crack at this
then. The movie I watched was that Hercules movie, now to explain the main
concepts of the film without revealing the big plot points later. Good thing I
watch lots of nostalgia critic… this is Hercules!

Now our story begins with a story. Yes, someone is telling
us of some exploits of Hercules himself, played by none other than Dwayne, “the
rock”, Johnson. This is neat for some people who aren’t familiar with the
myths, and for those who do, like me, it’s neat seeing the CGI effects of
mythical beasts, the Nemean Lion, Erymanthian Boar, and Hydra. Now who is our
story teller? None other than… a boy about to be burnt by pirates. These
pirates laugh at the idea that Hercules, a myth, is really true. But sure
enough, turns out the boy being kidnapped was part of a trap, as his UNCLE Hercules
springs into action to save him and defeat the pirates.

Now to be honest I
have no idea what these people’s names are, Greek names man. Well Hercules is
accompanied by a team, the only one I remember being the Amazonian huntress and
legendary bow wielder Atlanta. There’s also a knife-throwing dude, some oracle,
and a wild animal man. Pretty colorful bunch to say the least. And what is
Hercules nephew for you may ask? Well Hercules doesn’t let him fight, instead
his job is to tell stories of Hercules exploits and strike fear into their
hearts of what he is capable of. Yeah… I don’t get it either. From what I
gather, Hercules is afraid of him getting hurt in battle, and gave him that job
so he doesn’t feel left out as much. Tell that to the flaming pointy stick
then.

Now Hercules and his band work as mercenaries, working for
gold to reach a certain amount before living a wealthy life of retirement. They
seem to have almost reached their quota, and a woman comes to them, requesting
their services in the kingdom of Thrace. The woman leads them to her father,
the king, explaining that a rivaling warlord plans to take over their kingdom
with harsh force. The “Herculoids” don’t want to dabble in politics, but are
easily won over when their reward is w(eight)=g(old). So they then have to
train an army of farmers to prepare for battles ahead. According to victims,
the enemy king has the power over other’s minds, and a battalion of legendary
centaurs.

So yeah, I guess that’s all I can say past the beginning.
But I CAN mention some strengths and weak points of this movie that gave it a…
(Googles rotten tomatoes) 62%? I guess we saw
it as “meh”.

The allies of Hercules are either bland or over amplified. I
saw little development with the knife guy throughout the film other than a
little bit near the end, almost nothing going to Atlanta, she was just sort of
doing nothing through the film. If not for shooting dozens of enemies she might
as well not be there at all. There was, however, lots of effort on the wild man
and oracles side. I won’t explain what happens with the oracle, as you will
find out in the movie, but we do see a lot of bonding between that wild guy and
Hercules. Apparently he was found as a boy in a war-torn village. He was the
only survivor, and they found him traumatized, more animal than man. He at
times seems like a wild beast, other times like a domesticated man. He is
probably the most loyal to Hercules, like a mutant dog. :3

The reason I think little to no emphasis is put on the backstories
of Hercules allies is because they focus too much on emphasizing Hercules
strength with his nephew’s explaining. There’s a scene in the movie where his
nephew gets some of Hercules armor, supposedly blessed by the gods, and
demonstrates their power. It’s a pretty pointless scene, as at this point we
already got the message they were putting across. Hercules is awesome, we GET
it, now move on! Now there is a big emotional scarring behind Hercules, something
explained in the myths as well, and a few good twists, but personally my
biggest gripe with the movie is the pacing. Everything goes by so fast. There’s
not much room for breathing, it’s one big event after the other they all had to
fit into… (Googles run time) 98 minutes! And the big twist near the end feels
so rushed we can hardly take it in. Sure we wouldn’t see it coming, but there
was no indication it would happen either. No hints of what would take place, it’s
like waking up in Total Recall.

And THAT was a movie review. Not a dealeo. Deal with it, and
deal with my dealeos in the future k? Half walkthrough, half review, total analysis…
I don’t care just shut up and enjoy them k?

How dare you post this in movies! This should be posted in the inactive play4fun's review central.
 
Local Mods :
 
As for the review itself I really do not know how to help you since I have never done a movie review.

Meh. This is fine. 
Perhaps I can make a sub forum for it