So I like this woman who used to be a counselor at a summer camp I attended back in 2006. She was not MY counselor. She was just one who I saw around often and who I've always thought was a bit hot.

I found her on Facebook about a month ago, we started talking about school and work related things via inbox, and she accepted my friend request eventually. Our messages have been pretty lengthy, content-wise.

As for age, we're both adults, so it shouldn't matter much. I'm 19 and she's in her late 20's (from Facebook info).

Is a month honestly rushing it? Should I tell her she's a cool person and ask her if she wants to get a Starbucks with me someday next message or should I wait a while?

I mean this as FRIENDS right now. I wanna do this to get to know her more and beyond the phone and computer screens, Thanks.

It honestly doesn't feel like your rushing things, but it might depend on the person.
Are you too like hitting it off? Are you conversing well? Or is it something more of like just random chats?

Like I said, I don't feel like it's rushing it, but you might want to say something like "Hey, wanna meet up and get a Starbucks as friends?" Or something along that line.

Nah. We've only had this one, long-ish conversation so far. I'm no really sure if we're really ''hitting it off'' or not though, yet.

But yea, I WOULD like to get to know her beyond the screens if its at all possible.

I think you might be rushing it, then. Wait until you guys have more 'deep' conversations, if you know what I mean. And I mean 'deep' not 'lengthy'.

By deep, I mean like you guys talk about stuff and you know stuff about her that most acquaintances don't know about her.

My stance is, if you have to ask, then you are rushing it.

It's really that simple, until you can say without any doubt "I'm not rushing this" then you are rushing it.

Being just friends, there's nothing wrong with getting a coffee and hanging out or whatever, I have lots of friends I'm interested in, and hung out with as friends.

If there's something there, it'll be apparent.

Mistress : But isn't it better to do that in person, face to face, than on Facebook? To me, face to face is just more meaningful and more of an appropriate setting and context to have deep conversations in.

legacyme3: Well, doesn't SOMEONE have to pose a question? Like I don't think I want to just say I'm going to get a coffee. Sorry if that's not what you meant. I take things VERY literally.

That's also true, but what are the chances of her wanting to hang out with you if she barely knows you?

You haven't seen each other since 2006 and she wasn't your counselor, right?

There's still a chance that she'll hang out with you, but I think the chances would be higher with what I've explained.

Mistress : Well now I think I understand what you're saying a bit more. I just asked her if she was part of any clubs or organizations in college and told her I'm part of my schools LGBT club, which is kind of ''coming out'' to her, isn't it? I think that topic is a bit sensitive, but I brought it up casually, so I'll see where it goes from there. I asked her about what she was part of in school because we were talking about that for a bit and its a part of the conversation.

Get the coffee man, you'll be able to tell if you two have any chemistry romance-wise. If yes, then pursue it, progress the relationship; if no, then at least you tried, and you've earnt a new friend.

thelastrequim : I'm a bisexual woman lol.....but I was just starting to think the same thing! Thanks!

xxeliza321xx : And I am totally sorry, but, pronouns aside, my advice still stands.
And by the way, isn't being bisexual great? It's double the potential... ahem, partners.

thelastrequim : Mostly agree. Only mostly though and not totally because even though I'm bisexual, I prefer women. I just know I'm not a lesbian. I just know & I've had crushes on guys before.

xxeliza321xx :

I'm sorry, I meant it more figuratively.

I meant to say "If you have to ask others if you are rushing things, then you are probably rushing it."

It was meant merely to say that I think you might be rushing it, but I also prefer a more slow and deliberate approach to things.

legacyme3 : Ohh alright lol

By the way, is the age gap a huge deal? 19 and like 28? I'm 19 and she's like 28.

I don't think it'll be a HUGE deal, romantically, but I'm just a LITTLE concerned (like a 1 or 2 outta 10) about:

-Being at different points in our lives
-The fact that she advises other people my age about college stuff as part of her job, or at least of what she does often

even though she accepted my Facebook friend request.

But then again, I also kinda think that if you know, we get together for coffee or something and we click, then we click & we can keep it more of a private relationship & tell almost no one about it (almost no one = my parents because I still live at home and a best friend or two because I have a best friend and I know hers too) & not make it obvious on Facebook so she won't get in trouble for it, job-wise.

& no. I don't know anything about her sexual oritentation and she has that whole area hidden on her Facebook, so I'd have some ''finding out over time'' to do there.

People have also told me that I've always acted very mature for someome my age.

What do you guys think, honestly? Biggie or no? If it is, it is, and at least I'll know.

I don't think you're rushing it.

You should meet up in person and hang out with her. It is important to have physical face-to-face contact because you can get chances to see how you two can communicate eye-contact, body language, and mentally. Also, you should continue to take little steps before making any drastic moves or decisions. If you can develop your friendship with her by building up slowly with little things, it can be quite useful. Have a couple of hang outs and chats in person. Every little thing counts so don't rush it! Just go through the flow like a pyramid.

Anyone can talk to you through electronics but it takes a lot of effort and dedication to actually be with a person physically. Getting to know her in person is way more cherishing and important than getting to know her through text, social media, etc.

I don't think the age gap really matters. That's my opinion though. And if it doesn't matter to you, then that's good because you're the one who's in this. But also remember that you have to know if it'll bother her or not. Any kind of relationship needs to take both parties into consideration.

Also, if you two do click, then being at a different point of your lives makes the relationship more exciting, or at least it sounds like it. You two could learn and experience new things because of that difference. I mean, just because she's older than you doesn't mean she can't learn from you, right?

I have a friend who's about 8 years my senior, and I think it's safe to say that we both learn a lot from each other throughout our friendship. You could do the same in a romantic relationship as well.

I say ask her out to something casual, like coffee, like you said. Just as long as you don't ask awkwardly it's no big thing. Just tell her it's been a lot of fun talking, and ask if she'd wanna grab some coffee and catch up some more. If she says she's not really interested or something, just keep talking to her like normal. She'll either just wanna keep talking and stay casual or she'll ask you later on if you wanna do something outside of Facebook. You can't really lose. She's a grown woman, I doubt asking if she wants to catch up is going to scare her away or disgust her to tears.

I wouldn't blame you for wanting to wait a while longer, but a month is a pretty long time to just toss messages back and forth. Thinking it's too soon to ask though, jeez. It's just coffee. You're not asking her to come to your place and spend the night or something risque. It's just a friendly thing, it's not even necessarily a date. And if it becomes one, then mission accomplished, my friend.

As for the age difference, it's only an issue if you make it one. You're not even sure you want to date her from what it sounds like, so there's definitely no harm in hanging out and seeing where it goes. Again, it's not like you're signing your soul away. Life is about testing the waters and seeing what makes you happy and what you want to strive for. She may not even be into chicks, like you said. But you'll either gain a better friend from it, something more, or someone who's just a Facebook acquaintance. All in all, you'll never know til you try, and it never hurts to try.

Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

Thanks, but now I need more help.


She said she moved to Boston for work reasons and I'm still in New York, so if anything's gonna happen, it'll have to be a bit long-distance.....

Now what?

If you still like her, and if you and her are willing to do a bit of long-distance, then I think you should give it a chance anyways. If it goes well, you two can always meet up with each other when the opportunity presents itself.

Mistress : I do still like her, but how can I ask her if I could come over sometime? Should I get to know her more first, or should I bring it up next time she replies to me on Facebook?