Seriously why am I such a coward when it comes to the opposite sex. I can jump out of planes off of 80 story high platforms but when it comes to talking to a woman I don't know I freeze up. Just for example tonight I went to a play and as the usher was escorting me to my seat I notice the woman I will be sitting beside. I saw her and immediately noticed she was alone and adorable. I sit down and now it is 20 minutes to curtain call so I want to say something like " you here by yourself" and strike up a conversation. But the crippling fear of rejection creeps in and I just keep opening and closing my mouth awkwardly. I just don't understand how to get over the fear. And before someone says it yes I understand they are just people but I guess it is just the fear of embarrassing myself in front of others as well. Also I find that when I drink a lot I can talk to anyone but I also can't talk about much so it is a double edged sword. So with all this info could someone answer my question why am I a coward?

I am in a parallel situation, my friend, but I'm slowly getting better. Alcohol helps as a conversation starter, but I have to limit myself to 2, maybe 3 beers otherwise I start to talk nonsense. What I've found works best is to simply not think about what I am doing. Turn off the brain. Yes, I know that sounds impossible and sometimes it is. Ask your friends for advice, too. More than half of the girls I've known in the past year, I can thank one friend of mine for introducing me to them and helping me talk to them.

I have a few tricks up my sleeve for when failure is imminent as well. Some of them are a little bit too uncouth to mention on a forum labeled "ages 13 and up" so If you want to talk sometime, just PM me.

You answered your own question: The crippling fear of rejection.  That is what slows you down.

Here's the deal.  If you don't practice, you'll never be good.  I read a lot of people criticizing early relationships and people dating in middle school, high school, or when they're teens.

That's all practice.  That's getting to know how to talk to girls (or boys) and understanding their reactions, their thought processes, and how they interact with you.  It's all practice.  Rejection is a part of that practice.  Getting used to a girl laughing at you, saying no, looking offended, et, that's part of the game at developing yours social skills and being comfortable around women.

I am extremely comfortable around women.  I love 'em.  If I weren't married, I'd run around going out with girls every chance I had.  But it came with being shot down more times than I can count.  Rejection is a wonderful tool that teaches you not to take yourself seriously and teaches you how to react.  If a girl says no?  Well... she said no.  It's not the end of the world and it isn't the worst thing that c an happen.  The Ebola virus is the worst thing that can happen.  You got knocked down.  Get up, talk to other girls.

You can challenge yourself too.  Start with a smile and a 'hello.'  That's it.  Don't make conversation.  Just smile and say "Hi" and keep things moving.  If you practice that, you'll get more comfortable with the opening and you'll build your way into conversation.  It isn't easy and it doesn't come over night.

But get working on it now so you'll be better down the road when it may matter.

zanderlex : Wayne never said that his father said that. That quote is always misconskwed  

Funnily enough, I was about to say EXACTLY what warmaker said. hehe.

I also liked his advice very much.

I actually have a fear of being around people period... would you believe that?  I'm a teacher and I interact with my coworkers all the time. I guess I just constantly have to remind myself that this is -normal-k.  It's normal to be nervous about interactions (though perhaps not to my or your extreme), and it's normal to be social with others.  I constantly have to remind myself that I (hopefully) have a long life ahead of me. If I do something stupid or get rejected.... well, who's gonna care even five years from now?  Everyone does stupid things. I'm just another person that does.  If people expect you to be perfect, a friendship will be torrid with them anyways.

It's tricky to hammer it down, but what warmaker says is mostly how I feel on the matter myself. I obviously have less experience (I've only dated a few women) but I feel like I have enough to say that he's mostly right.

The problem is, in fact, your fear of rejection.

However, I don't think that's really a bad thing. I too have/had a fear of rejection, and as a result, I very rarely ask girls out. When I do, I normally am not rejected, because I've learned what types of girls like me, and which types don't fairly quickly. (Girls that like me - Ones with personality. Girls that don't like me - s***s)

Because I specifically target girls that I already know like me, I rarely get rejected. (I've been rejected maybe twice? In both cases, it's just because they were too comfortable with me).

One thing that I have to agree with him above all else though, is this particular line.

"not to take yourself seriously"

I don't really agree with the first bit about rejection being the tool that gets you there, though that's mostly because I learned not to take myself seriously through other avenues. It's possible he's right there, but I wouldn't know.

Regardless of what the tool is that gets you there though, it is extremely important not to take yourself too seriously (and if I can be honest, from my limited interactions with you, you really do take yourself far too seriously). Women like fun, but confident men who embrace both humility and realize their own humanity.

The only way to get over this fear of rejection is to do just that. Stop taking yourself seriously, and just have fun with it.

Who cares if you are rejected? If they say no, then screw them, they aren't worth the time you would normally waste doting over what to say to them.

If they are the type of woman for you, it'll come naturally through conversation. It's really not worth sitting around questioning yourself.

legacyme3 : No, no.  Don't mistake me.  Rejection isn't a tool.  If you ask girls out and they always say yes because you are naturally charismatic, you look like Tom Brady, and women love you, you're not missing a step.

Rejection is a great learning experience because it teaches it's not the end of the world if you make mistakes, mess up, and a girl isn't interested or doesn't want to go out or talk or whatever.  It teaches you to not take yourself seriously.  Saying that, it is not absolutely important to experience rejection.  I have a friend who's happy and go-lucky and he's never been rejected because he smiles at girls all the time and they smile back (and more).

He's never been rejected as far as I know.  He isn't missing out.  Rejection sucks.  But it does make you go from thinking, "Oh, god what if she says no I'll be so embarrassed" and crippling you with fear to, "No?  That's cool.  Who's next?"

Sometimes it's the same with me but I still try and I have been shot down but it didn't bug me that much. I'm not even that smooth lol.

I know exactly what you mean. The only way I've ever been able to fight it was through pure determination. It didn't work every time, but as time went on I get better and better. I won't say I can strike up a conversation without a problem now, but it's much easier now than it was a few years ago. If you're anything like me, you've just got to force yourself to do it. You'll thank yourself in the long run.