Not sure if this is the right place for this, but forgive me if it isn't.
I need help with a My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic Fan Fiction I have been writing. It's Called Green Shires High
It's a Fan Fic about My Little Pony (duh) But as high school students. They are around 15-17 years old, and are human, except for their hair and horns/wings, and their cutie marks being in the back of their hands. It's not finished, it's in the first chapter, around halfway done. Any comments are accepted, as long as they aren't mean for no reason. Anyways, here it is:
(P.S, the main character's name is ****** because I haven't found a good name for him)

Green Shires High

Green shires, one of the best cities in the state.

My family recently got transferred here, because my mom got a big promotion and as such, we moved here.

It's a really nice place, decently big city, with big plains around the city. The city was a mixture of barns and technology. It was a perfect place to live.

My name is ****** I am 16 years old. Light green hair, with a horn sticking out the top. I am pretty big, I usually tower over everyone around. I could even be classified as a giant. So, what is the problem? I am the shyest, anti-social person ever. In my entire life, I probably have made around four friends. I find it difficult understanding social behavior, and I am extremely worried about how people will react to me. I can be nice, kind, even funny to be around, yet barely anyone knows that part of me. I slouch, mostly to hide myself from other people. I am usually away from everybody, mostly by myself, thinking about everything there is to think about.

About a week after we were transferred here, I started going to Green Shires High. It was nice. Close to my home and had a good education system. Today was my first day, I was pretty excited yet nervous. “What if my class mates don't like me? What if they bully me or make fun of me? What if-”. I started thinking to myself, before stopping myself. “My class mates are going to be fine, everything is going to be ok” I looked up, being in front of the front doors, breathed deeply and stepped in.

After stepping inside, the first thing that I noticed was how big the building was. From the outside, it seemed a bit cramped, yet from the inside, it was massive. It was two, maybe even three stories high. Blue lockers filled the entire hallway, each decorated their own way. Most likely each student gets complete control over their lockers, even on how to design them. I was early, as always. I have always liked being early, to anything, gives me a chance to, I don't know, connect with the environment around me. No time for that today, though. I needed to find Headmistress Celestia first. I started walking to her office, thinking. “This school is amazing, I am glad tha-”

“Hello There!” - Screamed a high pitch voiced.

That made me fall back, I wasn't expecting that.

“Oh no, are you alright?” The voice said, nervous, softer this time. “I-I'm fine. You just caught me off guard. I'm sorry” - I said, getting back up. “Sorry? For what? I should be the one sorry” - The voice said. I looked up. I saw a girl standing there. Her hair was bright pink, almost as if made out of bubble gum. She had bright blue eyes, and a big smile on her face. She was wearing a dark pink dress, with a small, blue leather jacket on top. On the back of her hand, her cutie mark was party balloons. “Oh! How many times have I told you not to scare the new kids?” - Another voice called out. She was running straight towards the pink-haired girl. She had rainbow colored hair and red-purple eyes. She was wearing a bright blue hoodie and jeans, along with 2 bright blue wings stick out of the back.

“Sorry for my friend her pal, she can be.” - The rainbow-haired girl said “A bit much”. “Oh, come on Rainbow Dash, I was just greeting him” - Said the pink haired girl.

“You must be new here! Welcome to our school! My name is Pinkamena Daine Pie, but most people just call me Pinkie Pie.” - Pinkie said, joyfully.

“Come on Pinkie, we have to go see the others” - Rainbow Dash said, grabbing Pinkie “See you later, new kid”. Rainbow Dash started running with Pinkie. It was amazing, she was going Incredibly fast, and she wasn't even flying!

I started walking towards the headmistress' office, before looking back at the two girls, and I saw Pinkie still waving at me, while Rainbow Dash seemed to be screaming at her.

I continued walking to the headmistress' office. Looking around, I saw the lockers. Each one of them was made in their own unique way, none were the same.

Getting close to the office, the first thing I noticed was the amazing door. It looked majestic. The door was a huge one, made out of some sort of white, smooth surface. The edges were covered with a golden surface, reflecting everything around them. In the middle of the door was a big, golden sun. It was mesmerizing to look at, as it looked like it was shining, almost like the actual sun.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked, 4 times exact, like I always did. “Come on in please” - A voice said. It sounded booming, something to be feared, but at the same time, sounded calming, warm and even tender. I pushed the door, expecting it to be heavy, but it was lighter than a feather.

“Um... H-hello. I'm new, and was told to come here first thing.” - I said. “Ah yes, I was expecting you. Really thought you'd come later, but no matter” - The headmistress said. “First off, I would like to welcome you to Green Shires High. I hope you will find it as great of a school as myself.” - The headmistress said. “My name is Celestia. Whenever you need help, you can come to me or my sister and co-headmistress, Luna” - Headmistress Celestia said, pointing to a door on her left.

“Now, first thing you need to do is get settled in. Right here, you have your class schedule” - Headmistress Celestia said, digging through her cabinet, before giving me a yellow note like paper. I got it, and studied it thouroughly. My first class as of today was Math. I was kind of relieved, considering my above average mathematical skills. “Now, if you excuse me, I really need to get back to my works. Besides, first period starts in 5 minutes” - Headmistress Celestia said.

Getting out of her office, still astonished because of the door, I started walking to class room B-3, where I had math class. Along the way, I looked around a bit. More people were here, the entire school almost filled. I looked down once more and kept on walking, before accidentally bumping into another person.

“Hey, watch where you're walk, dweeb” - Said a voice. “Do you think you can just do whatever you please just because you're new?” I looked up and flinched. The person was a giant guy, at least 6”10'. He had a yellow Mohawk type hair cut, and was extremely buff. His hands and feet were huge, and he had the cutie make of a bench press “N-no. I-I didn't see you there, I'm so, so sorry for bumping into you” I said, trying to back away.

“Do you think you can just push Bulk Biceps and get away with it?” - Bulk said “Well, than you most not be very bright”

He grabbed me, and gave me a punch in my gut. It knocked me to the floor. I felt my guts moving around, almost as if the punch had moved them out of their original place.

“You got lucky, punk” - Bulk said “I didn't want to hurt you, so bad. Now make sure you never push me again, or you will really get hurt!” - Bulk than starting walking away straightly after saying that, and I swear I could hear his foot pound on the floor as he walked away.

I started getting up with trouble, barely being able to stand after that bull-like punch. Half-way through, I felt someone helping me get up. Looking up at him, he smiled and said “Hey, are you alright? That looked like it hurt” - The guy said, speaking with what seemed to be a french accent. He seemed kind, with dark blue hair, and big, bulky glasses. On the back of his hand, I noticed his cutie mark was a big oil pen. After a while, I noticed his eyes were the color of emeralds. “Oh, um Y-yes, I'm f-fine.”

“Well, that's good. My name is Oil Quill! Nice to meet you. What's yours?” “Oh, M-my name's *****. N-nice to meet you too” I said, staring at the ground