What do you think of my essay? It is a compare and contrast essay about Egypt and Mesopotamia.

Egypt and Mesopotamia
were both great civilizations of the ancient world. Egypt
and Mesopotamia did have some differences, but
they had a lot more similarities. Although both civilizations were ruled by a
single leader, that leader’s role was very different. Both Egypt and Mesopotamia
had social classes with their kings on top, and then followed by priests,
shopkeepers, and eventually peasants. They both had a form of writing; however
their writing was not the same. Egypt
had hieroglyphics, while Mesopotamia had
cuneiform. They may have had some differences, but when you look close you will
see that these two early civilizations weren’t all that different.

 

Socially,
Mesopotamia and Egypt
had similarities and differences. In Mesopotamia,
women could own property, maintain control of their dowry, and even engage in
trade; however men monopolized political life. Some women worked outside the
home, but many worked inside the home. Women wove baskets, maintained vegetable
gardens, cooked, cleaned, and fetched water. They could not own property. The
role of females wasn’t too different in ancient Egypt, but they had more rights in
Egyptian society. Both civilizations had social classes. In Mesopotamia,
priests and kings were at the top of the social class pyramid. At the bottom
were the peasants and slaves. They tended the fields and did lots of physical
work like constructing ziggurats. The Mesopotamian civilization had 3 social
classes. The first consisted of royalty, high-ranking officials, warriors, and
priests. The second class consisted of farmers, artisans, and shopkeepers. The
third class consisted of slaves, primarily used in domestic service. The
Egyptian social classes were a little different. At the top were the Pharaohs,
who were then followed by nobles and priests. After the nobles and priests were
scribes and soldiers. After them were the craftsmen, and then finally the
farmers and slaves.

 

Mesopotamian culture
created self-governing units knows as city-states. These city-states had their
own ruler. That ruler had absolute power. This was similar to the way that Egypt was
governed. They were not broken up into city-states, but they had a single ruler
with absolute power known as a Pharaoh. The difference between a Pharaoh and a
Mesopotamian ruler was that the Pharaoh was believed to be the son of a god and
had religious power as well. There was a ruler in Mesopotamia
by the name of Hammurabi. Hammurabi is the man that came up with Hammurabi’s
Code the first set of written laws. These laws were very strict, often
described as “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” No written law code was
developed in Egypt.

 

Although the
political and social aspects of these two societies weren’t too different,
their religious beliefs were very different. Both had polytheistic religions,
but that is the only major thing that they had in common. Religion played a
very important role in Egyptian society, much more important than in
Mesopotamian society. The Pharaoh who ruled Egypt was not only a political
leader, but a religious leader as well. Both Egypt
and Mesopotamia believed in the afterlife,
that there was something after they die, but they had different beliefs about
what the afterlife was like. The Egyptians focused largely on the afterlife. It
was very important to them. They believed that it was a happy place. They even
buried all of the Pharaoh’s belongings with him so that he could have them in
the afterlife. The Mesopotamians didn’t care about the afterlife that much and
believed that it was a dark place. Both civilizations had religious buildings.
The Egyptians built enormous structures called pyramids. These pyramids had a
tomb inside of them where the Pharaoh was buried when he died. The Mesopotamians
built ziggurats. The ziggurats were not for burying their leaders, but for
prayer and political purposes too.

 

The Egyptian and
Mesopotamian societies were very similar in many aspects of their lives. They
both developed two of the earliest forms of writing, hieroglyphics and
cuneiform. They also had similar social classes. They were both had
polytheistic religions; however they had many differences in their religions
such as their views of the afterlife. Both of these early civilizations were
great in their own way and they have served as stepping stones for the
civilizations of today.

I found a few errors with your essay;


In the 5th sentence of your first paragraph, take out the second 'writing' and replace 'was' with 'were'.

*You wouldn't want to be too redundant on your essay, so it isn't necessary to rewrite the word 'writing' when it's already mentioned once in that same sentence. 

*'Their writing' is plural, so use 'were' instead of 'was'.

Your sentence should end up something like; "They both had a form of writing; however, they were not the same."

*I forgot what this was called, but if the sentence above is written in that way, there should be a comma after 'however'. Think of the semicolon as a period; 'however' would usually have a comma followed after it if it is in the beginning of a sentence.


In the last sentence of your first paragraph;

I'm assuming that this is a formal essay? If that's the case, try not to use personal pronouns (I, my, me, you, your).

Your sentence should look something like; "They may have some differences, but when closely inspected, these two civilizations have their similarities."


The 5th sentence of your second paragraph contradicts the 2nd one in that same paragraph. 

"...women could own property..." and "They could not own property." are both referring to women in Mesopotamia. At least, that's what your sentence is saying.


On the 6th sentence and those similar to it;

Replace 'wasn't' with 'were not'.

*For plural purposes, unless females only have one role in this sentence. Then you would just replace 'wasn't' with 'was not'.

*My professor told me it's best to not use contractions on formal essays. Contractions are something like; wasn't, weren't, aren't, isn't, I'll, I'm, You're.


The word 'lots' is an informal usage of 'a lot' on your 9th sentence. Use formal words like 'a lot' or 'frequent'.


There are a lot more that I missed on purpose because I'm not too sure of it. So this is the best I can do.

Well, right at the beginning, I spotted that you forgot to capitalize the first word of your essay . There is nothing besides that and Mistress's corrections. Also, you got the facts right. I am quite knowledgeable on both Egypt and Mesopotamia. Good job !