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ok i need to know something

 

02-23-13 09:52 PM
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rcarter kind of got it, I think.

It's human nature to fear rejection, to be worried about what other people think of you. Especially teenagers. Everything is a big deal when you're a teenager. 

Plus we're fighting human/animal nature here. The desire to be desired. The biological drive to be paired. It's a basic fact of being a mammal. There's a part of us, inside and behind the logical brain, that still contains the basic primitive drives of our distant ancestors. So behind the nervousness and uncertainty that's normal for a teenager who's identity is still pink and wobbly and tender and basically defenseless is that biological hiss from ancient days that is telling you without words that if you can't get that girl/boy that you're basically failing at life. That goes for straight people as well as homosexuals, too. It's not about mating (at this point, although we all know the thought of mating is never far from a teenager's mind....) It's about the social status. 

That voice gets easier to ignore as you get older (for most people....) and you learn to armor your 'self' and deal with rejection, but frankly, being a teenager sucks. There's a lot of pressure from all sides, and you don't know how to handle it.  There's really no cure for it, either. Just be there for your buddies, deal with their ups and downs, and let them deal with yours. Being logical doesn't really help-the feelings they're experiencing are not logical. Logic has nothing to do with it.

As for why some people (like you?) don't feel that stress level, there's a lot of different theories. Some people are born with a better ability to ignore and/or a lack of connection with that inner caveman. Maybe your parents gave you a better foundation to grow off of (whether they meant to or not-it's not usually about what you say but how you live, and it's shocking how much of that a kid can pick up without ever realizing they did). Maybe you have a slight mental/social disorder (like disassociation or a narcissistic personality disorder or people like that might be a sociopath...nice huh? Not that I'm calling you one, please note. That's an extreme but possible example)





rcarter kind of got it, I think.

It's human nature to fear rejection, to be worried about what other people think of you. Especially teenagers. Everything is a big deal when you're a teenager. 

Plus we're fighting human/animal nature here. The desire to be desired. The biological drive to be paired. It's a basic fact of being a mammal. There's a part of us, inside and behind the logical brain, that still contains the basic primitive drives of our distant ancestors. So behind the nervousness and uncertainty that's normal for a teenager who's identity is still pink and wobbly and tender and basically defenseless is that biological hiss from ancient days that is telling you without words that if you can't get that girl/boy that you're basically failing at life. That goes for straight people as well as homosexuals, too. It's not about mating (at this point, although we all know the thought of mating is never far from a teenager's mind....) It's about the social status. 

That voice gets easier to ignore as you get older (for most people....) and you learn to armor your 'self' and deal with rejection, but frankly, being a teenager sucks. There's a lot of pressure from all sides, and you don't know how to handle it.  There's really no cure for it, either. Just be there for your buddies, deal with their ups and downs, and let them deal with yours. Being logical doesn't really help-the feelings they're experiencing are not logical. Logic has nothing to do with it.

As for why some people (like you?) don't feel that stress level, there's a lot of different theories. Some people are born with a better ability to ignore and/or a lack of connection with that inner caveman. Maybe your parents gave you a better foundation to grow off of (whether they meant to or not-it's not usually about what you say but how you live, and it's shocking how much of that a kid can pick up without ever realizing they did). Maybe you have a slight mental/social disorder (like disassociation or a narcissistic personality disorder or people like that might be a sociopath...nice huh? Not that I'm calling you one, please note. That's an extreme but possible example)







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02-25-13 07:06 PM
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thudricdholee : thanks this is still open for help ii also am trying to figure out how i can help my friends
thudricdholee : thanks this is still open for help ii also am trying to figure out how i can help my friends

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02-25-13 08:11 PM
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Man you are right. I aint no nerd sitting on my computer all day. I play sports, I go outside, And I have the guts to ask out a girl I like. And I am a stupid kid. I am not good at school but I try hard in it. But I would say that I am one of the cooler kids in my school honestly. But I hate getting rejected because it is kinda imbarrising but it doesn't matter. 
Man you are right. I aint no nerd sitting on my computer all day. I play sports, I go outside, And I have the guts to ask out a girl I like. And I am a stupid kid. I am not good at school but I try hard in it. But I would say that I am one of the cooler kids in my school honestly. But I hate getting rejected because it is kinda imbarrising but it doesn't matter. 

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02-25-13 08:15 PM
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Beastmode64 : i know right i just tell my friends wat i think about relationships and they start saying that its not that easy and i don't understand i'm trying to figure out why/how i can help
Beastmode64 : i know right i just tell my friends wat i think about relationships and they start saying that its not that easy and i don't understand i'm trying to figure out why/how i can help

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02-25-13 08:19 PM
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Just tell them to relax and be cool about it. And also tell them to don't do anything stupid. That works like a charm there man.
Just tell them to relax and be cool about it. And also tell them to don't do anything stupid. That works like a charm there man.

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02-26-13 02:44 PM
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Just tell them to stop. If they keep doing it, just scream at them. (Works like a charm!)
Just tell them to stop. If they keep doing it, just scream at them. (Works like a charm!)

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02-26-13 02:46 PM
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 thetruemasterofgames: its seems that they are afraid that people would pick at them or laugh at them or something if there girls dont say yes. but its fear it happens man 
 thetruemasterofgames: its seems that they are afraid that people would pick at them or laugh at them or something if there girls dont say yes. but its fear it happens man 


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02-26-13 05:15 PM
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Well, true master, ive been in the, how do i say this, asker-outer position before and ive found only one actual reason its hard to ask someone out and its rejection. We all know what this fear because we have all faced rejection in one way or another, and if you say you haven't, you're lying. The fear of rejection may also drive one to lie at times also, but I'll save that for another thread. Sometimes one will hesitate, like in your example, because they have faced rejection many times before and aren't feeling to confident about themselves.

This has been an intelligent sounding and gramatically correct response from a very, very random person.

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Well, true master, ive been in the, how do i say this, asker-outer position before and ive found only one actual reason its hard to ask someone out and its rejection. We all know what this fear because we have all faced rejection in one way or another, and if you say you haven't, you're lying. The fear of rejection may also drive one to lie at times also, but I'll save that for another thread. Sometimes one will hesitate, like in your example, because they have faced rejection many times before and aren't feeling to confident about themselves.

This has been an intelligent sounding and gramatically correct response from a very, very random person.

- Waffles

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02-26-13 05:17 PM
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super waffle38 : i didn't say i don't have that fear i said in the first post
i don't get why people freak so much over asking someone out can some
one explain it to me this is my outlook  u should   just grab some


courage and ask him/her out


its not like its the end of the world if he/she says no thats wat i do


seriously i have no idea why people freak and hide it just ask them just


don't say u love him/her before u even go out that could freak
him/her out and relationships r something u got to go in without fear


or with courage
super waffle38 : i didn't say i don't have that fear i said in the first post
i don't get why people freak so much over asking someone out can some
one explain it to me this is my outlook  u should   just grab some


courage and ask him/her out


its not like its the end of the world if he/she says no thats wat i do


seriously i have no idea why people freak and hide it just ask them just


don't say u love him/her before u even go out that could freak
him/her out and relationships r something u got to go in without fear


or with courage

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02-27-13 05:09 PM
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One would might think that courage comes with age but it is not necesarily true. The fear of rejection is maybe something that most people will carry with them all their life. You might not get laughed at for trying butwhen rejected you will feel bad no matter how polite the rejection is. "Oh, very sweet of you but I just cant imagine myself going out with you." ("well how come I did imagine going out with you... #sob#) But you are right, its not the end of the world and if you dont try, you get nowhere and its well, atleast I think so, easier to get over a rejection than a break up.

My personal favourite rejection was when a girl said she could not go out with me since she was being stalked(!) by someone. (Maybe she meant "I already have stalker so there is no room for two.") Well, I tried and we are still friends.
One would might think that courage comes with age but it is not necesarily true. The fear of rejection is maybe something that most people will carry with them all their life. You might not get laughed at for trying butwhen rejected you will feel bad no matter how polite the rejection is. "Oh, very sweet of you but I just cant imagine myself going out with you." ("well how come I did imagine going out with you... #sob#) But you are right, its not the end of the world and if you dont try, you get nowhere and its well, atleast I think so, easier to get over a rejection than a break up.

My personal favourite rejection was when a girl said she could not go out with me since she was being stalked(!) by someone. (Maybe she meant "I already have stalker so there is no room for two.") Well, I tried and we are still friends.

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I think it is because we all fear rejection, and in most guys cases we don't like to wear our heart on our sleeves and asking someone out is doing just that so although it is in our nature to find a partner asking them out is in a way against it





I think it is because we all fear rejection, and in most guys cases we don't like to wear our heart on our sleeves and asking someone out is doing just that so although it is in our nature to find a partner asking them out is in a way against it

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Well I have a hard time expressing my feelings in real life because I don't want to be heart broken or rejected on the spot.. especially by words. But I will admit I don't know how to hide who I like.. my facial expressions say it all.
Well I have a hard time expressing my feelings in real life because I don't want to be heart broken or rejected on the spot.. especially by words. But I will admit I don't know how to hide who I like.. my facial expressions say it all.

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Most humans find it hard to talk about their feelings we should learn from animals
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Most humans find it hard to talk about their feelings we should learn from animals

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