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10-17-19 11:04 PM

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gamingdude
01-22-13 11:39 PM
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thenoobtester
02-16-13 06:07 PM

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my 3rd creepypasta

 

01-22-13 11:39 PM
gamingdude is Offline
Link | ID: 729387 | 799 Words

gamingdude
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Ok. So this is my 3rd pasta? Yeah, alright. Well I hope you enjoy it:

It was an sunny day, nothing seemed wrong, everything was going on with life as usual, though, there was one family moving away from our neighborhood, no one knew why, they were fine people, and the house was such a beautiful big home, everyone always loved it, some even thought of trying to buy it off the owners, so it was confusing why they would just suddenly wanna move away. -(3 years later)-. Still, no one has bought the house, it almost seemed more abandoned then moved away from for someone else to buy, so i was thinking about going over to the house, you know, just to see the inside, no one seemed to care anyway, so i did, i went over to the house, it seemed ok, i liked it, the only problem was that it was just gonna go to waste, another abandoned home, i left. i did not wanna leave, but i swore i heard a voice in the distances, i got a bit scared, so i left. about a week later i went back, it was still empty. but something felt different, i felt a cold draft, i saw some stairs, this was weird because i never saw theses stairs the last time i was here, so i went down them, it looked like the average basement floor, then, then, i saw something that scared me, it was not just a jump scare, this genuinely scared me, it was, well i was not sure, i froze up right away when i saw it, about 10 seconds pass, i run, i ran as fast as my 12 year old legs could go, it was horrific, as soon as i got out, i ran back home, and went straight to the internet to see if i could find any past history on the house, it was hard, but i finally found something, people say about 10-15 years ago a couple lived in that house, they were as mean as it gets, no ones ever went near the house, why the people moved out i can almost see why, but not yet, why they moved in, i guess they did not know, it does not matter. so i kept reading, it also said that once they died, they did not go on to the after life, they refused, they stayed to protect they're beautiful house from being bought, they did not want anyone else to own it, i was confused about this, i did not think you could refuse to go to the after life. the next day i decided to go back to do some research around the house, this time i heard even more voices. saying "GO", "LEAVE",  "AWAY......", and one final one, "YOU SHOULD NEVER BE HERE...", it scared me a bit, i did not leave. i went back in the basement, this time i saw a girl, a older girl though, maybe 60 or 70, she was standing with her back turned i could not see her face, then again i did not want too, she almost looked like a ghost, but she probably was, i tried to  talk to her, but then....she screamed, it was horrible it was sonic fast i could hear it going through one ear to the other...then i fainted. (20 minutes later). i woke up, i did not know where i was, it did not look like anywhere i had ever been. then i saw a guy, maybe about the same age as the girl, strangely anuff i could not move, it was as if i was paralyzed, my heart was beating 50 beats per second, it was a race to try to get up, i could not though, the guy, he just stood there, so with my life probably about to end, i tried to talk to the guy, i said hello, he replied: "WHY, WHY DID YOU COME HERE!?!?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!!!", i said "i just wanted to see your amazing home), he replied: "NO!!!, NO!!!, THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE, AND NOW YOU ARE MINE, YOU MESSED WITH OUR HOUSE!!, AND NOW, NOW YOUR MINE." Then i fainted again. i woke up again in a place i had never been, it was dark, i tried to get up, then i saw them! they both had big knifes, the girl and the guy, and before i could move, they both thrusted them inside of me, i coughed blood up, my life flashed before my eyes....and i said....why.....why..did..you..do..this?!....how could you kill like this? they said: "HAHAHAHA!!! THIS IS WHAT WE DO TO PEOPLE WHO VIOLATE OUR HOME!!!!! I HOPE YOU GOT WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR BECAUSE NOW YOU ARE DONE.
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01-23-13 04:21 PM
soxfan849 is Offline
Link | ID: 729821 | 59 Words

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In my opinion, creepy pastas belong more in the Story forum than the Web Splurge forum. Typically the Web Splurge forum is reserved for something that you found on the internet that you want to share with other people. If you wrote a story yourself, it should go in the Story forum.

With that said, I'm gonna move this.
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01-23-13 05:34 PM
gamingdude is Offline
Link | ID: 729867 | 13 Words

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Oh. Oops, sorry. Next time I will put it in the story forum
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02-16-13 06:07 PM
thenoobtester is Offline
Link | ID: 741287 | 73 Words

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It's a great concept, but it's pretty short. There needs to be build-up, starting with small scares, then getting more and more intense until the climax of the story, where you really freak people out. Then usually at the end of the creepy pasta, you usually add one more little thing to make people think that this monster or ghost is real. You are just starting to write them though, so keep working.
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