Well... alone for the holidays with only monster and my kid... also a friend who is staying until next week. Recently, I been having some dreams that haunt me. What is worst is a few are somewhat flashbacks. A few know a friend of mine is in a coma and during the summer I got angry with a few friends and played chicken and told a few about it online.. they got mad because I risked peple's lives just because I waa mad. Anyway, that incident haunted me since it was the same day my love was murdered. Reoccuring dreams keep popping up and each time it happens, it become more realistic and a dark figure appears coming closer towards the car. All I can do is wake up and panic. I tried to ignore it but it just reappears again.
Lately, last week to be exact, I been having lucid dreams of Allyson. Starts off nice and warm but it turns to a horrible sight that feels so real. It ends with Allyson with a skull face with mud saying 'you ok?' and causes me to wake up with tears already dripping in my face. The worst one was that somewhat of a flashback when Allyson was giving birth. When I came in I looked at her and she said 'he has your face' I looked and saw a skull looking at me I turned to Allyson and she had a skull face. Woke up and from that day on I will be forever scarred.
When my friend came to stay for the holidays, I was like 'yay' but after a few days, he got irritated with me. He tells me each night I either ask him something wierd or cry about Allyson. He tells me everything I told him for example "where IS the green bird" and "why is the bed have many holes?" Worst thing is that I can't remember these events.
Friends tell me I became more serious and have a bit more of a darker attitude. I easily get mad at everything and physically or mentally abuse my friends.
I do not know why this is happening and yes... I've been going to a psychiotrist but it isn't enough though... someone help me.

I have virtually no life experience; I can't even imagine what I'd do if anyone I love died. For attitude adjustment, I say knowing the problem is the first step. If you make a conscious effort to change, change should follow. For the nightmares, someone I know keeps lavender under her pillow to prevent them, so maybe you could try that. Happy New Year's, and I hope you get through this alright.