Remove Ad, Sign Up
Register to Remove Ad
Register to Remove Ad
Remove Ad, Sign Up
Register to Remove Ad
Register to Remove Ad
Signup for Free!
-More Features-
-Far Less Ads-
About   Users   Help
Users & Guests Online
On Page: 1
Directory: 101
Entire Site: 4 & 793
Page Staff: pokemon x, pennylessz, Barathemos, tgags123, alexanyways, supercool22, RavusRat,
03-28-24 08:12 AM

Forum Links

Related Threads
Coming Soon

Thread Information

Views
556
Replies
3
Rating
0
Status
CLOSED
Thread
Creator
GuardianZack
10-13-12 12:46 AM
Last
Post
GuardianZack
01-14-13 03:00 AM
Additional Thread Details
Views: 132
Today: 0
Users: 0 unique

Thread Actions

Thread Closed
New Thread
New Poll
Order
 

Symphony of Sorrow

 

10-13-12 12:46 AM
GuardianZack is Offline
| ID: 671852 | 149 Words

GuardianZack
Level: 65


POSTS: 176/1059
POST EXP: 115694
LVL EXP: 2249849
CP: 20266.3
VIZ: 445887

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
The dying, radiating sun fills my eyes with bleach
The frozen black wind rips through my soul like a rusty knife
Flesh melts from rotting bones, and the foul stench
Of children decaying fills my nostrils like suffocating on smoke.


My blood runs cold and dry, as if it were thick; red mud
Tears of shattered glass fall from the empty sockets of a faceless clay doll
Shrills of utter anguish, echo from the crumbling walls of my warped heart
As maggots dance to a broken record that hums... the faint melody of silence.


A dense and infinite void fills the universe with sweet, merciful Death
And suddenly I am swallowed by a sea of playful laughter
As mankind leaps from the ledge of time- into the jagged rocks of nothingness.


Now only the spirits of the damned remain hopelessly engulfed
In a haunting, yet everlasting, Symphony of Sorrow.
The dying, radiating sun fills my eyes with bleach
The frozen black wind rips through my soul like a rusty knife
Flesh melts from rotting bones, and the foul stench
Of children decaying fills my nostrils like suffocating on smoke.


My blood runs cold and dry, as if it were thick; red mud
Tears of shattered glass fall from the empty sockets of a faceless clay doll
Shrills of utter anguish, echo from the crumbling walls of my warped heart
As maggots dance to a broken record that hums... the faint melody of silence.


A dense and infinite void fills the universe with sweet, merciful Death
And suddenly I am swallowed by a sea of playful laughter
As mankind leaps from the ledge of time- into the jagged rocks of nothingness.


Now only the spirits of the damned remain hopelessly engulfed
In a haunting, yet everlasting, Symphony of Sorrow.
Vizzed Elite


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-27-12
Location: Knoxville, TN
Last Post: 3798 days
Last Active: 3794 days

(edited by GuardianZack on 01-14-13 02:54 AM)    

10-13-12 07:31 AM
Singelli is Offline
| ID: 671910 | 76 Words

Singelli
Level: 160


POSTS: 852/8698
POST EXP: 1189395
LVL EXP: 52875718
CP: 67331.7
VIZ: 3147678

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
GuardianZack :  Well, it's definitely.... I don't even know if 'sorrow' is a strong enough image for it!  LOL Even if it invokes discomfort in others though, that's a good thing. It just goes to prove how strong your words are, and how very effective they are to stir someone's emotions.

None of mine do that.  Most of them are just playful little things, and are completely meaningless.  Yours are on the totally opposite scaled.

Well done!
GuardianZack :  Well, it's definitely.... I don't even know if 'sorrow' is a strong enough image for it!  LOL Even if it invokes discomfort in others though, that's a good thing. It just goes to prove how strong your words are, and how very effective they are to stir someone's emotions.

None of mine do that.  Most of them are just playful little things, and are completely meaningless.  Yours are on the totally opposite scaled.

Well done!
Vizzed Elite
Singelli


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 08-09-12
Location: Alabama
Last Post: 2498 days
Last Active: 2474 days

01-10-13 11:30 PM
ARedLetterDay is Offline
| ID: 720823 | 118 Words

ARedLetterDay
Level: 23


POSTS: 8/101
POST EXP: 13535
LVL EXP: 65012
CP: 2991.8
VIZ: 101123

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
GuardianZack,

   It's certainly very descriptive, however. . use of punctuation, even in poetry, can improve the quality tenfold. The first line could benefit from a comma after dying, like so:

"The dying, radiating sun. . ."

As it stands at the moment, the majority of this poem seems like a run-on paragraph, excluding the periods and the rather appropriately placed comma in the third stanza, first line. I get that it's a poem, and it's not supposed to have such grammar-perfection laced in between the lines, but the way this one is structured, as I mentioned before, it could definitely benefit from a few well-placed punctuation marks. Good job, though, in the descriptive sense!

- - ARLD 'Richard'.
GuardianZack,

   It's certainly very descriptive, however. . use of punctuation, even in poetry, can improve the quality tenfold. The first line could benefit from a comma after dying, like so:

"The dying, radiating sun. . ."

As it stands at the moment, the majority of this poem seems like a run-on paragraph, excluding the periods and the rather appropriately placed comma in the third stanza, first line. I get that it's a poem, and it's not supposed to have such grammar-perfection laced in between the lines, but the way this one is structured, as I mentioned before, it could definitely benefit from a few well-placed punctuation marks. Good job, though, in the descriptive sense!

- - ARLD 'Richard'.
Member
The rules of my pain do not permit me.


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 01-02-13
Location: Colton, CA, USA
Last Post: 2656 days
Last Active: 444 days

01-14-13 03:00 AM
GuardianZack is Offline
| ID: 723228 | 32 Words

GuardianZack
Level: 65


POSTS: 316/1059
POST EXP: 115694
LVL EXP: 2249849
CP: 20266.3
VIZ: 445887

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0

ARedLetterDay : You were right, as it did benefit from some extra punctuation. It helped change both the speed and the tone of the piece. Thanks again for bringing that to my attention.

ARedLetterDay : You were right, as it did benefit from some extra punctuation. It helped change both the speed and the tone of the piece. Thanks again for bringing that to my attention.
Vizzed Elite


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-27-12
Location: Knoxville, TN
Last Post: 3798 days
Last Active: 3794 days

Links

Page Comments


This page has no comments

Adblocker detected!

Vizzed.com is very expensive to keep alive! The Ads pay for the servers.

Vizzed has 3 TB worth of games and 1 TB worth of music.  This site is free to use but the ads barely pay for the monthly server fees.  If too many more people use ad block, the site cannot survive.

We prioritize the community over the site profits.  This is why we avoid using annoying (but high paying) ads like most other sites which include popups, obnoxious sounds and animations, malware, and other forms of intrusiveness.  We'll do our part to never resort to these types of ads, please do your part by helping support this site by adding Vizzed.com to your ad blocking whitelist.

×