08-29-12 02:56 PM

lolguy162 is Offline

Link
| ID: 643993 | 176 Words

lolguy162

Level: 26

POSTS: 115/118
POST EXP: 6029
LVL EXP: 91916
CP: 102.2
VIZ: 6518

Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0

λHello. My name is Gordon Freeman. You can call more Gordon or Freeman I don't care. This is my story. A story of War.It all started when I was at my Job.
I work..or worked I should say at Black Mesa....A research lab.We were doing an experiment with teleportatoin. I saw someone in a suit with a brief case talking with one of the head figures...My best friends father Eli. I couldn't here them. I got on my special suit. called the H.E.V Suit. H.E.V Means Hazardous Environment Suit.It protects me from stuff that's fatal. like big falls and gunshots.But they could still kill me. For example. If i was to fall of the top of the eiffel tower. I'm losing track. Anyway I was in the test chamber.Waiting for them to Commence the test.

END OF CHAPTER!

(Author note)I was listing to some of the Hl2 Ost and playing the game. So i thought i would do this

Tell me if you like it. down-below till then this is Jude sighing out. λ

λHello. My name is Gordon Freeman. You can call more Gordon or Freeman I don't care. This is my story. A story of War.It all started when I was at my Job.
I work..or worked I should say at Black Mesa....A research lab.We were doing an experiment with teleportatoin. I saw someone in a suit with a brief case talking with one of the head figures...My best friends father Eli. I couldn't here them. I got on my special suit. called the H.E.V Suit. H.E.V Means Hazardous Environment Suit.It protects me from stuff that's fatal. like big falls and gunshots.But they could still kill me. For example. If i was to fall of the top of the eiffel tower. I'm losing track. Anyway I was in the test chamber.Waiting for them to Commence the test.

END OF CHAPTER!

(Author note)I was listing to some of the Hl2 Ost and playing the game. So i thought i would do this

Tell me if you like it. down-below till then this is Jude sighing out. λ

Member

The meme captain

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 03-26-10
Last Post: 3992 days
Last Active: 2857 days

REPLY TO POST

09-05-12 02:18 PM

On3On is Offline

Link
| ID: 647785 | 140 Words

On3On

Level: 44

POSTS: 221/435
POST EXP: 33461
LVL EXP: 601811
CP: 1442.4
VIZ: 75433

Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0

It was ok. There was a few errors here spelling wise,
not trying to point them out, I'm just letting you know.

I've played Half-Life, enjoyed its simple style. Though, I'm not sure how someone would approach making a fan-fiction about it.
Mind if I give a little advice?
I don't know how much experience you have in writing,

but you should make sure that you give yourself enough time to revise,
check for errors and cut down on un-needed words. ("Less is more.")
Also try to get the feel when to break up a "wall of text" to make it easier (and more appealing) to read.

Anyway, I think this was pretty cool of you to whip up on a whim.
I hope you enjoy writing some more, I think you'll go a long way if you keep practising.