So a couple years ago, my first girl friend killed herself. After it happened, I struggled to coop with it, being 14 and all. I learned to deal with my lose by listening to Three Days Grace, and Disturbed, depressing music that let me express my feelings in a musical way, not a razor blade way. I used to wear every color of the rainbow before that, now it's usually all black (I'm not emo or Goth, just black oriented lol), and it takes longer for me to get to know people now, because I'm afraid of getting hurt. There's this girl that I've been dating, it'll be 10 months in 6 days (yay) and she feels that she can't compare to my first girlfriend, because she left such a big scar in my life. She was my best friend, but the girl I'm dating now is my best friend, and we love each other. I want her to feel like she is the only girl in my life, which she is, but my past holds a shadow over both of us, and I don't know how to get rid of it. Anyone got any help? I'm probably just insane, but hey, who cares?

I think your girlfriend just needs reassurance that she is the one that matters now. Obviously such an event will always be a big deal to you. I can't even imagine going through such a thing. Regardless, girls tend to compare themselves to others regardless if there really is a "threat" or not.

Considering you're both still pretty young, things like this probably won't be that easy to just "deal" with so I can understand how you would be cautious about getting hurt, and how she would feel like she can't compare or whatever. Your previous girlfriend, unfortunately, has passed on. Why would your girlfriend feel inferior to her? Do you talk about her often or something? Even if you do, it's not like you can cheat on her with your previous girlfriend, but I guess I can see how that would make her uneasy.

But yeah, in summary, I would just try reassuring her that SHE is your focus now. The present is what matters. That event in your past will always be significant, but she shouldn't feel that way. And the way your previous girlfriend "left a scar" wasn't exactly in a good way, so I don't see why she would feel the need to compare to that.

I don't talk about my ex at all, I try to avoid the subject, but let my girlfriend ask any questions she wants about her, I don't keep secrets from her on this subject. I try to be sensitive about my answers. We don't talk about it that often, but it almost always seems to make her sad or upset. Thanks, you're really making sense.

Lol. Well I hope I'm making sense. Just trying to see it from both points of view. But yeah, if she keeps asking about it maybe you should just tell her that you would rather not discuss it anymore because all it does is upset both of you. You both should just be focusing on the relationship you have with each other, not the past. 

Thanks You really helped a lot. I appreciate you spending your time helping me.

I actually never really looked in this thread until now because the title made me assume it was going to be a story of a ghost literally haunting you or something (paranormal stuff). Shouldn't have made assumptions. Anyway, there is something that your girlfriend must understand and one thing you have to be able to do. For your girlfriend, she has to understand and accept that you had someone in your life that was taken for you. It isn't like you broke up, so those feelings will probably always be there. Just like how someone who marries a person who's previous spouse died. They will always have a love for that person. But the thing you have to be able to do is have those feelings for your deceased love, but be able to not let that affect the love you have for someone else. If it affects your relationship for you, then you haven't completely moved on. But if you have moved on, that doesn't mean you don't have those feelings, and your girlfriend needs to understand that. 

I am not sure what to say... death is a large and sometimes serious scar in someone's life. I think... the best thing would be this, just take some time, sit down with your girlfriend and talk to her, tell her what your past girlfriend was like, then tell her that you loved her, and that she was an important person in your life and that she will always influence your life. But then let her know that you also love her, your current girlfriend, and that she is also a very important person to you and that you will take care of her and love her, and that she will continue to be the most important girl in your life. *shrugs* my advice is yours to take. I'm not the best at this though, not unless it's in person lol.

Thanks guys, you all really helped a lot, things seem a lot better between me and her.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's always tough to lose your first boyfriend/girlfriend especially if they pass away.

Honestly the only way that you can move on in your relationships is if you actually let go of the past. You and your current girlfriend will appreciate it in the long run

Brine Strife : I'm glad to hear that things are improving between you and your girlfriend. Sounds like all she needed was some reassurance.

Would you like me to close this for you, or would you prefer it be left open in case you need some more advice with this matter?

It doesn't really matter to me if this thread is open or closed anymore, dealers choice. Thanks