Just as I finish Viz Alla Ti, I am starting a new short story/miniseries. It's called, "The Eleventh Hour".





The story revolves around Central Falls, where a series of murders have taken place. With every murder, a cryptic note is left behind with partial lyrics to a song named, "Helena" from My Chemical Romance.



With each lyrical piece, there's a deep clue that will lead to the murderer "So far from you"


In case you don't know the song, the link is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcwweoJDkV0

Here are the lyrics which will be in the story:


Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
From every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

[Chorus]
What's the worst thing I could say?
Things are better if I say
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
From every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

[Chorus]
What's the worst thing I could say?
Things are better if I say
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I say
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

[Chorus]
What's the worst thing I could say?
Things are better if I say
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I say
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Expect Part 1 by April 22, 2008.

This sounds interesting lol. Is there a motive to the killings or does he/she just go around and murder random people and leave clues behind that lead to him or her?

An interesting thing to add might be media related kind of like how the media blamed Marilyn Manson for the Columbine shootings or the game Doom. I would also like to know why it revolves around My Chemical Romance and the song Helena.

So far clues I have gathered that will lead to the murderer:
1. He or she loves My Chemical Romance
2. He or she is most likely extremely emotional
3. Begging to get caught by leaving notes
4. Will be charged with copyright infrigement for stealing others lyrics lol.
5. Is most likely a young person possibly.

It would also make more sense to rename the story to Helena since I have no clue what The Eleventh Hour really means but that's just my opinion based on what you have wrote here.

It could mean he or she murders on The Eleventh Hour, he or she gets caught during The Eleventh Hour of his or her killing spree...

Maybe when part one comes out I won't be so confused lol

Originally posted by JigSawKiller

---

This sounds interesting lol. Is there a motive to the killings or does he/she just go around and murder random people and leave clues behind that lead to him or her?

An interesting thing to add might be media related kind of like how the media blamed Marilyn Manson for the Columbine shootings or the game Doom. I would also like to know why it revolves around My Chemical Romance and the song Helena.

So far clues I have gathered that will lead to the murderer:
1. He or she loves My Chemical Romance
2. He or she is most likely extremely emotional
3. Begging to get caught by leaving notes
4. Will be charged with copyright infrigement for stealing others lyrics lol.
5. Is most likely a young person possibly.

It would also make more sense to rename the story to Helena since I have no clue what The Eleventh Hour really means but that's just my opinion based on what you have wrote here.

It could mean he or she murders on The Eleventh Hour, he or she gets caught during The Eleventh Hour of his or her killing spree...

Maybe when part one comes out I won't be so confused lol

---

This person does not kill random people. They kill people with specific names in a pattern. Six people will die in this story so expect to see a puzzle with their names as well. This person is someone who you will never suspect is the murderer ;D

Well now that you mention it I will suspect the least suspected person of all

Then again, you'll never know who the "Least suspected" person is as everyone's the least suspected.

Hooray for mass confusion, hysteria, and war!

Oh wait... Wrong story.


(It sounds awesome!)

LOL Benny!!

Ghahaha, that was great, Ben . So yeah, I'm using font size 10 on this one, so expect all the pieces of the story to be somewhat lengthy.

Perfect size font for reading

I find size -2 on 8 by 11 centimeter paper best for reading.

Wouldn't all the text be upside down then?

Hey, that's what Ayn Rand uses, except her font size is -99 and her pages are huge, and she wrote about 1000 pages at a time

No need for that many words, it can be summed up in a sentance line this<<<

Darn, apparently I can only get them once per topic.

I prefer size 8 courier new font.
The words are more spaced out, making it seem longer (More pages), and it makes it easy for me to read.

Please read this!

I've finished the first part. Each part will be called a "Verse". It it undetermined as to how many "Verses" there will be, but I hope you enjoy:



Some Notable Quotes before reading:
“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more”-Mark Twain

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--- not absence of fear.” -Mark Twain

“Guilt is a rope that wears thin.”-Ayn Rand



“I see you’re late again,” A portly man behind a desk puffed as his cigar, “That’s strike two for you. I’d watch your back if I were you.”
“I apologize, Mr. Hendeca…” Adam Milan bowed his head in front of his boss, trying to get on his good side. It apparently didn’t work as Mr. Hendeca shooed him away out of his office. When the door slammed behind Adam, he jumped, startled, and cautiously walked to his office. When Milan plopped in the office chair, a great weight hovered over him; being an amateur detective was no easy task. Basically, with this job, he would either be Hendeca’s lackey or he would do nothing at all.
“Mr. Hendeca told me to give you this.” Adam Milan’s associate held out a manila folder with a few stapled pages in it. “Read it on your own time. Said something about ‘your first case’… I dunno, just don’t screw around with it at work.” He trudged out of the police station and swung the door open, a small amount of sunlight pierced through the tinted glass. Just enough for the “Central Falls Police Station” sign to reflect in the afternoon sunbeam.
“Wow, what is this?” Adam felt the weight of the folder and then opened it a smidge, just enough to get a peek of the paper inside. ‘Case #669’ was scrawled at the bottom of the computer paper with fresh ink. It smelled warm, as if just coming out of the copy machine recently.
“Hey, I thought I told you to read that on your own time! You’re supposed to be planting yourself in that chair and sitting idle.” Mr. Hendeca yelled with a stern voice, took the folder, and slammed it on the desk away from Milan.
“I’m sorry sir, I---”
“Just don’t let me see you slacking off again..”
“Slacking off from what? All I really do is sit here and get you coffee!”
“Are you giving me an attitude, you ungrateful little child?!” Hendeca had flames in his eyes, and his lips curled with disgust. He fumed and then stormed into his office without saying another word. The mahogany door slammed behind him.
“Great, now I really ticked him off.” Adam sighed and leaned back in his office chair, the cushion lightly pressing his upper back. Now all that was left in the day was to wait until his shift was over, at eleven o’ clock PM. The seconds ticked by like hours, each minute that passed seemed forever as Milan now really wanted to see the contents of the folder they warned him not to open until later…
Finally, at eleven PM, Adam grabbed his coat and stormed out of the station, the suspense of opening it finally getting to him.
“Yes, now I can see what this case is about!” He anxiously ripped open the container and looked at the case file #669.

Case file #669
Case type: Murder
Date Reported: 4/08
Information: A local Hispanic woman was found in her apartment apparently strangled and bludgeoned to death. There were no signs of forced entry and when officers arrived, every possible point of entry had been locked tightly. There were no fingerprints found at the crime scene. All that was left was one note which was written on a napkin.

Evidence 01A enclosed

Adam pulled the stapled note from the paper and read it.

“Long ago, Just like the hearse you die to get in again, we are so far from you.”
“What is this?” He tried to interpret it but the message made almost no sense whatsoever. When he looked at it again, he noticed that there were words that continued but were cut off. The edge of the napkin contained the partial word “Burni-----” and then the rest of the word was completely gone as if intentionally left like that to tease.
“Hm… I still don’t know why Hendeca didn’t want me to read this during my shift. He’s probably had too much coffee today…” Milan rolled the paper up and stuffed it in his pocket, then continued to read the phrase over and over again.
Even though he tried hard to crack the code that was this cryptic line of text, it still seemed like a bunch of gibberish that was just jotted down for no reason… Certainly it wouldn’t qualify as evidence for a murder case. In fact, the handwriting indicated it was actually written quickly, as if the writer of it were in a hurry or in a struggle.

THE NEXT DAY
5:30 AM
Phones rang and keyboards clicked in a rhythmic tone for such an early time of day. To Adam, this was the normal wakeup noises he had been hearing for over a year. This particular day, the office seemed to be in a little distress. The boss was screaming more than usual and seemed to be more frustrated--- At what nobody had known, they had just figured he was a rambling, furious idiot.
“Does anyone know why he’s so worked up all of a sudden? I mean, even by our standards, he’s really gone off the rails today.” A fellow worker, Cathy Ferguson pointed out to the rest of the employees. Everyone responded with a nervous, quiet nod, and half of them looked around to see if he was standing behind them.
“I think it’s my fault,” Adam nervously mumbled, “I sort of opened a case file he told me to wait to open---”
“Nah, I know there’s something else wrong with him. Maybe his wife left him or something. I dunno, whatever it is, I hope it just lasts a little while. Can’t afford to deal with this today.” Cathy fidgeted with the files and sorted them in alphabetical order. She then sat in a wooden chair and mumbled in a whisper to herself.
“Why can’t you deal with it today? Did something happen?” Adam’s other associate responded.
“My mom was killed two days ago and there’s still no leads.”
“Oh… I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it…. So, where did Mr. Hendeca go?” Cathy looked around; the coast was clear.
“Something about a city hall meeting.” Adam just recalled Hendeca was going out for the day for a city hall event. What a big thing to forget!
“Well, while he’s gone, I’m gonna go get some coffees. Anyone want one?” Adam’s associate Rick reached into his khakis pocket and retrieved a thick wallet. He fidgeted through it and then waited for someone to ask for something. “No? Okay then, your groggy morning loss.” His shoes clicked as he lightly pushed open the glass door and waltzed out into the cold Central Falls streets.

“Now, to figure out this stupid cryptic piece of paper… What does this evidence mean?” Milan read the note over and over, but still nothing came to him… These words that struck the page had seemingly no meaning; no value. It was as if this piece of evidence was just an afterthought of something much greater; something much larger in scale….
“What does it say?” Cathy looked over Adam’s shoulder, whispering to him swiftly.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. It doesn’t make any sense… These were the words the killer left? Wow, murderers are really studying nowadays, aren’t they?”

Outside of the police station, the loud sound of a car screeching pierced the tranquil silence of the early morning. Everyone’s heads turned immediately after the noise, their eyes locked onto the front entrance of the police station as a red light waved back and forth…. It came from the car in the distance. Everything moved in slow motion, Adam and Cathy sprinted for the front door and burst out into the sidewalk to check what was going on.
What happened was what they both had feared----


----A sedan was crushed by an empty police car, the both of them flaming and their metal was scorched and blackened. A body dangled out of the blue sedan’s driver window, lifeless with blood dripping from its head. In the morning wind of that day, a flyer floated gracefully right into Adam’s hands…. As if it were destiny.

The cryptic message continued….
“Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate the lives of everyone you know… Can you hear me? Are you near me? Can we pretend to leave and then we‘ll meet again, when both our cars collide?”
Adam said nothing, yet said everything. His mouth moved yet no speech emerged. He looked up to the partially cloudy sky and never stopped staring at that one line…
“when both our cars collide?”


~Verse One Complete~

ok that was awsome. still have no clue who it is though. please bring the next one up