I am not a trusting person. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that at least once since I started Vizzed.

Best example-
I switched schools after 6th grade (2002ish). At the new school, people were nice and offered to be friends. I pushed them away because I did not trust any of them. For some reason, one girl put up with my crap. Whenever she saw me she would just smile or say hi. After a few years of her kindness, I began to trust her.


Years have passed and I am better now. I'm still cautious around new people, but it's nothing more than a healthy caution. I don't deliberately avoid someone unless I feel they are trouble (rarely happens).

Here's the problem. That girl I trusted has blocked me on Facebook and won't answer my texts. She never answered the few texts I sent over the past week or two. I noticed the block earlier tonight. I have a strong suspicion about why she would block me that I won't discuss with anyone (it's something I did and the possible problem is whether she found out on her own). I had the exact same suspicion about another friend, but it turned out to be nothing. This is different. She has completely cut me off from what I can tell.

I have heard before that high school friendships don't generally last unless it was a very close friendship. We never reached that point and I'm afraid that I'm losing her. I haven't lost a friend in over 9 years, so I don't know how to cope with it.

I feel like the friendship is basically dead and I should find a way to move on. There's a chance that I'm missing something and the friendship has a chance, but from what has happened (all mentioned above) I can't come to any conclusion other than the friendship being over.

My first instinct was to tell the person who is now my best friend. We have a very high level of mutual trust, so I know I can go to him for literally anything. The problem (for me) is that he's on vacation fairly far away to see his girlfriend. Even while I'm holding my phone, I don't want to text him and cause him any concern while he's supposed to be enjoying a vacation. It would be selfish of me to do so.

I've decided my only Plan B is Vizzed. There are no other people in real life who I trust enough to talk to, so I turn to internet friends. This isn't something I necessarily want to talk about, but I know I overthink everything. When I have no basis on how to think, my mind runs in circles for hours. I don't know any way to deal with the situation, so I can't productively think of how to proceed.

If the friendship has a chance, how can I still save it? If it has no chance, how do I move on from someone who did so much to help me?

Any opinions are welcome.


Elara :
I know I've told you before that I really value your opinion. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Hmn... well, this reason that you don't want to share, do you think it warrants this reaction? Is there a way you can write her a letter or see her in person to apologize for whatever it is? Would that even work?

I don't know all the details, but I am inclined to agree that it looks pretty dead... at least for now. Maybe if you give it some time she will be willing to talk, but I am not certain on that. I have gone through a somewhat similar situation where a good friend and I drifted apart and he just cut me off randomly for two years. Ignored my messages (at least he didn't block me), denied my request to refriend him... no reason ever given. Randomly a few months ago I saw one of my other friends had requested him and was accepted so I gave it a shot and we've been talking again. I don't know what happened and I probably never will because I know better than to ask. Maybe that is what is going on here.

If your best friend is also on close terms with this girl then I would say it might be worth asking if he knows what is up. If he isn't that close then just let him enjoy his vacation and talk to him when he gets back. Are there any other mutual friends that you could turn to or ask to serve as intermediary?

Elara :

I don't know for sure why she blocked me. My suspicion is based on something I did. If she found out about it I think she would block me. She could have blocked me for a completely separate reason, but I can't think of what else it could be.

I'm not really sure about writing a letter. If she is deliberately avoiding me, meeting her in person may be a bad idea. I'm not really sure how the conversation would go and I think she might overreact to me just being there. I don't want her to think I'm stalking her. I did leave out that I've only seen her in person once in the past year or two (not exaggerating).

The only connection my best friend has to her is through me. He never really got to know her. I don't think they've ever even met. I did notice through his Facebook account that she unfriended him. That's how I know that I've been blocked. She still appears on Facebook for other people.

The name of the friend I'm losing is Becca. We had two other friends in common.

One of them blocked me around two years ago. Her name is Amy. I have the same suspicion about her as in this scenario. Back then these two girls were not getting along. Amy was putting a boyfriend above her friends. A month or two ago Amy came to her senses and they became friends again. I think that's how Becca found out. If they're friends again, Amy would tell Becca in a heartbeat. They've been friends since elementary school.

The other friend is Chelsea. I think Chelsea would block me if she found out. If I use her to try to get Becca back I could just end up losing both of them. It's not a risk I want to take. I'm thinking that calling her might work. I don't think she knows my home number, so she's more likely to answer.

BNuge : Sounds like you did something pretty bad. Perhaps trying to apologize to Amy (I assume that this would be the person wronged) might fix the situation if you could confirm that was the cause. Calling may work, but there is a good chance that she will just hang up when she hears your voice. Letter with no return address might be best, a simple one saying "I am not completely sure what I have done to anger you but I would like to talk and try to fix it rather than let our friendship die." It's short enough that even if she does the petty rip it up thing she should have time enough to read it before she realizes who it is from. I would sign with only your initial, since if she spots your name she may not read it.

 I'm doing a bit of guessing since I don't know what it was you did... and I admit that I am not sure of something you did to Amy two years ago would cause Becca to leave now since she cut ties with her too back then. Is what you did bad enough that she would hold a grudge for two years?

Elara :

I didn't do anything to any of them. It's just the fact that I did it.

I also got a text back from Becca. I had texted her yesterday to ask if she had deactivated her facebook. She replied that she did deactivate it (which I already know is a lie). She also said that she is working double shifts almost every day. Just from general memory based on basic observation, I know that she is making time for other people. She seems pretty dead set on avoiding me.

Part of me wants to call her out on her lying, but I can't imagine that helping in the long run. Asking her about Amy may get some info out of her

I see. That is disheartening. I wouldn't call her out on lying, maybe ask her to hang out or something that will force her to admit if she is actually avoiding you.

I have to admit this is kinda strange. Let me know how it goes.

Elara :

I've thought it through and I'll probably just leave the whole thing alone until my best friend gets back. He generally has good advice and he knows a bit more about what's going on.

"I had the exact same suspicion about another friend, but it turned out to be nothing."

My best friend knows almost everything about that situation, so he should have something intelligent to say this time around. Even though Becca is lying, she is still talking to me so it can't hurt too much to wait another week.


*Other people are welcome to suggest ideas. I'm hesitant to act right now, but that doesn't mean I won't take anyone else's advice.

If your friend know a bit about that then I think you are wise to wait for his advice. I just hope there is a nice way to resolve all this without you losing a friend. Like you said though, she is talking, so that is better than nothing.

BNuge : I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble with your friend. Do you know for sure why she blocked you? I think Elara is right, wait for your friend to get back. He may be able to help more than we can.

SunflowerGaming :

I'm fairly sure. I did test her with a question. I know she blocked me, but I asked if she had just deactivated her Facebook. She said she deactivated it.

The friend I was referring to is actually my brother. I talked to my him a while ago and he's kinda stumped too.

BNuge : Is there anyway you can find out the reason why without making her think anything negative?

Has the situation changed much in the last couple months?

Elara :

Not really. I did ask her about her facebook again and she stuck to her lie. My brother knows and agrees that there's not much we can do.

Funny part is, we're going to the same college starting this semester. Running into her could make it awkward for her

BNuge : Why does she lie about it? What's the point? I mean, she obviously blocked you, and then lies about it? Doesn't make any sense to me.