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daisukiusagi
06-26-11 04:08 PM
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06-26-11 10:15 PM
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My first poem

 

06-26-11 04:08 PM
daisukiusagi is Offline
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| ID: 413056 | 212 Words

daisukiusagi
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Hi everyone this is my first poem, please keep in mind that I've never really wrote poetry before so any advice you have I would be extremely grateful for.

War always brings a lot of pain,
War always makes people insane
War always brings people sorrow
One day there will be no tomorrow

War destroys plenty of hearts
War destroys once it starts
War destroys all traces of hope
Leaving people hanging on pieces of rope

War makes the unborn suffer
War makes lives a whole lot rougher
War makes us live in fear
Losing the ones we hold most dear

War is caused by fights over soil
War is caused to steal people’s oil
War is caused to show their power
All this war brings us closer to our final hour

Without war, These people could be having fun
Without war, We could be relaxing in the sun
Without war, the would be no need to hide
Then we can finally feel safe inside

Without war, earth will become more like heaven
Without war, no children will have to fight when there seven
Without war, Less people will get upset
Stop war now, war only brings regret


Thanks, I was planning to make it longer but I ran out of time!

Hi everyone this is my first poem, please keep in mind that I've never really wrote poetry before so any advice you have I would be extremely grateful for.

War always brings a lot of pain,
War always makes people insane
War always brings people sorrow
One day there will be no tomorrow

War destroys plenty of hearts
War destroys once it starts
War destroys all traces of hope
Leaving people hanging on pieces of rope

War makes the unborn suffer
War makes lives a whole lot rougher
War makes us live in fear
Losing the ones we hold most dear

War is caused by fights over soil
War is caused to steal people’s oil
War is caused to show their power
All this war brings us closer to our final hour

Without war, These people could be having fun
Without war, We could be relaxing in the sun
Without war, the would be no need to hide
Then we can finally feel safe inside

Without war, earth will become more like heaven
Without war, no children will have to fight when there seven
Without war, Less people will get upset
Stop war now, war only brings regret


Thanks, I was planning to make it longer but I ran out of time!



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06-26-11 04:24 PM
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This is actually very good...it's the truth, makes perfect sense, and rhymes.

I did notice some spelling errors, nothing major. Overall this is a great first poem. You should make more.


This is actually very good...it's the truth, makes perfect sense, and rhymes.

I did notice some spelling errors, nothing major. Overall this is a great first poem. You should make more.

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06-26-11 04:34 PM
daisukiusagi is Offline
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YourMajestyKen : Thanks I should check it properly before I post it next time... And thanks your comment really means a lot to me, I will try to write more in the upcoming days, but It's just finding a usable topic
YourMajestyKen : Thanks I should check it properly before I post it next time... And thanks your comment really means a lot to me, I will try to write more in the upcoming days, but It's just finding a usable topic

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06-26-11 10:06 PM
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I really enjoyed your poem, it was very good.

I especially like the part "War is caused by fights over soil" that made me !

If you make another poem and make it into another thread summon me to it, I would like to hear more!









Do you think you've got what it takes to defeat us?


I really enjoyed your poem, it was very good.

I especially like the part "War is caused by fights over soil" that made me !

If you make another poem and make it into another thread summon me to it, I would like to hear more!


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We'd like to see you try!

Check out my Youtube channel: dkmec20
Also check out Vigil Gaming on Youtube, also check out the member's channels in Vigil Gaming as well.

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06-26-11 10:11 PM
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That was a pretty good poem...I enjoyed it, hope you make more
That was a pretty good poem...I enjoyed it, hope you make more

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06-26-11 10:15 PM
daisukiusagi is Offline
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Well thanks and of course I'll do that, I wasn't actually expecting anyone to give me feedback if I'm honest never mind positive feedback

Thanks that line is a bit odd, but hey It's already been posted and it was really only to see if I could actually make a poem someone liked

Cheers and of course I'll update you to any poems I write
Well thanks and of course I'll do that, I wasn't actually expecting anyone to give me feedback if I'm honest never mind positive feedback

Thanks that line is a bit odd, but hey It's already been posted and it was really only to see if I could actually make a poem someone liked

Cheers and of course I'll update you to any poems I write

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