I made this exact post on another board, and I'm curious as to if you all can help me out more. A lot of you guys know this story better, because I've known you all longer than this other board.

For the past five and a half months, I have lived with my grandmother (after my parents kicked me out of the house for not being able to secure a job). For these months, I have done literally nothing with my life. I took a brief interest in coding, design, and numerous other web based hobbies/careers/whatever else you could call it, but I never stay interested in something long enough to seriously pursue it.

I used to be a college athlete. I ran cross country for a Division III college in Maine.

I was trained with discipline and I always reached my goals, I was highly motivated during this brief time. Lately, I'm not motivated, and as a matter of fact, I haven't gone running in about 6 months. (almost time to get going again?)

The other day, I went up to visit my parents for the first time since being kicked out, for my brother's birthday party, and a dentist appointment. (It's sad the dentist appointment was the most relaxing thing about the visit)

When I was there, I saw how my brother grew, he was almost as tall, and about as athletically gifted as I was. He actually challenged me to a race, and he almost won a short 100 meter dash (I was able to barely beat him out).

So I began to listen closer to what my parents said while I was supposed to be sleeping, and all I heard about was "little brother this, little brother that".

Growing up I wasn't heavily abused, occasionally hit, and talked down to, but I was ok, or so I thought, or told myself, but I couldn't help but notice, I was the only one getting this criticism. I couldn't figure out why my parents loved my little brother so much more than they loved me. So I began to realize I may have a bit of an inferiority complex as well...

I don't know what else to say, because I could rant forever on my issues with myself, but I'm wondering if my motivational issues are tied in with my inferiority issues with my brother?

That's a big possibility. I'd ask what is it that your brother did/ is doing that you haven't done. If he's in the same boat you were in, then your parents may criticize you more because your supposed to be the older one. The one that the younger brother is supposed to look up to. The only reason I know this is because I have a little sister that gets away with more stuff than she needs to.

It sounds like it has nothing to do with your brother really, I think
its your parents to blame. They kicked you out of house, they think your
other brother is better. It sounds like they
completely disowned you. That is probably why your not motivated and of
course your other brother gets treated like royalty over there so that
doesn't help.

Use negatives for motivation but in a positive way that will change something. I dont know what your goal is here... do you want your parents to like you? If so then put on a fake smile, get a job, and live in a fantasy world full of illusions.

Find something that doesn't have a brain, that won't talk crap to you, that wont disown you for what you are. Find an idea that allows you maximize your potential that has no walls from stopping you. You sound like a good runner and you are also a good coder, perhaps you can fuse the concept of running and coding and do something with it that can motivate you.

You could start a coding company where your main thing is speed, offering clients faster turn around times.
You could develop a program that helps people code fast or develop a program or site for people who run.

I mean you can do a lot of things for motivation. Your best motivation is to find something that no one has done before because then and only then will you truly be motivated enough to stick with it. Like I said though, you could probably create tons of great ideas using running and coding and forming it into something interesting that will motivate you. And since your parents dont like you for not having job or not being good enough you could add that negativity as a positive into your idea of a business. No matter how poor you are or how bad you suck, your welcome here or this product will make you someone useful in world. That is basically what I'm doing.

Coding is boring and I suck at it, design is boring and I suck at it, networking is boring and I suck at it, my degree is worthless, I can't get a job, I don't like rich and popular people, I hate corporations, I don't like blocking people cause of money so what did I do? I used all those negatives and turned it into something that has never been done before. I pretty much fused anything I like and everything I hate into one idea and use it for motivation which one day hopefully pays off. I don't want to be a billionaire or famous, I just want a dam roof over my freaking head with enough money to get by without having to suck corporate sausage for life with a smile on my face just to get told I'm fired and start all over. 

You want motivation then the only way is your way, screw what people think and tell you and do something that can benefit you for the rest of life. It might take tons of time but it will at least keep you busy and motivated. 

legacyme3 : well dont blame your brother for the attention thing,thats clearly bad parenting to have a clear favourite.
Jigsaws post was pretty accurate,you need a motivational spur.my motivaion would be spite.id want to achieve something but for myself,not for them.an example would be that my dad shows aproximately zero respect or pride for me and i really dont care anymore,il do a uni course then leg it as soon as i can.

I'll reply before reading other posts, so they won't influence my thoughts.  

I think that if you feel inferior then it could be causing a reduction in your motivation.  Besides that, I think you seriously miss competitive running.  Running by yourself doesn't pose as much of a challenge as beating a competitor or a teammate.  If you have no reason to run, then why would you?  Finding someone to run with would probably restore some of your motivation.  

You can always try going back to things like coding that interested you, but if you've decided against it then just find something new.  There is so much to do with your life.  Keep trying new things and you'll eventually find one that you like and want to stick with.  

I'm not sure if it would help, but you could try building a relationship with your brother.  Regardless of what your parents think, he will be around for your entire life.  You have to decide on your own whether you want your parents to keep the two of you apart or not.  The fact that you got to race him sounds like you enjoyed seeing him.  You shouldn't just give up on that because of your parents.  Things may change, but right now they're the people who kicked you out when you still needed them.  Their opinions matter very little.  

Looking back on your past can be a very good experience regardless of whether you like it.  If you think about the past (good or bad) try to relate it to who you are today.  Finding connections between past and present can help you realize a lot about who you are and why.  If you decide to put more time into thinking, make sure you don't just dwell on what your parents think.  Think about major events.  Think about small occurances that seemed insignificant.  Everything that ever happened must have some slight connection to choices you've made that led to who you are today.  Reflecting on life can take a ton of time (a few hours a day for the past few years for me), but the level of understanding that you get from it can be very useful.  

If you understand who you are, then you can figure out how to help yourself.  

It probably isn't inferiority as much as it is that you lack self-confidence from years of being put down. Your parents told you you were bad at this or that and that your brother was better for so long that you've started to believe it yourself.  This is more your parents' faults then your own, but you really should work toward proving them wrong. I would suggest starting to run again, I think that would help you clear your head. The other thing I would recommend is getting some crap job until you figure out what you want to do or until you find something better. With a college degree it might seem kinda degrading to work at Target or Gamestop or something, but it'll get you out of the house and give you something better to do so you don't wallow in self pity. Plus you'll have money to do what you want with. This way you'll have a job to get your parents off your back about that at least. 

legacyme3 : =( That's really sad. Well, it's a real possibility, but the only way you can truly find out about it is to go to a psychologist. I got BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) from growing up in a broken home, so I know how you feel. Here's a piece of advice my psychologist taught me. Even if you don't want to, run. Or get a job, or something. It's called 'willingness', a DBT skill. It helps you to finish stuff, even though if you don't want to.