legacyme3 : It’s been an issue for me since I was sick in 2005 with high blood pressure… Now I worry endlessly about everything and consider myself a neurotic. It’s bad when you can’t relax no matter what you do and that subsequently makes it next to impossible to sleep adequately where the only sleep you get is of the pass out variety and not actual rest.

The last year has been particularly rough because I have been unable to work at my norm and that has been a major source of stress. My family has also been hit by the recession as my father lost his job after a long tenure and has been forced to go back into business for himself to try and make ends meet. I also have a sister whom has been battling breast cancer for almost three years and that coupled with a my parents having some medical issues has made things very difficult for me to the point where I practically beg the good lord above for some semblance of calm.

As I said I wouldn’t wish this on anyone and, it’s been very trying and at times a little more then I can deal with…

legacyme3 : you probably don't want to hear it, but I suppose those people there where you live, already somewhat dislike you, because you don't want to talk to them (because that is what they think). So proving them wrong is easy.
Yet, is there someone you want to talk to? is another thing.

But to hell with it, there will always be this one person who dislikes you.
Even if you don't do anything, people will talk. People always do, we are born this way haha

You are just paranoid. And we are NOT born to be liked by everyone.

aili :

I know that's the case, an I know I'm paranoid (suffered for years)

If I was still school age it'd be easy, because of well... school. But I literally have no way to even meet people because of the small town.

legacyme3 : how small of a town is it?
OK, I know it is easy for me to tell you things on Internet, but yes, real life is something else...however, until you think the way you do (always finding an excuse, sorry) you will be where you are - home, alone.
You said somewhere you literally have one friend. Well, take him/her with you and go out? you won't meet people by not going out and I know you know etc etc.
nothing ever happens where you live? no events, parties, workshops for how to do something?
you could organise something. and don't ask what, you'll come up with something anyway.
and if something is happening, I don't know, go and offer yourself as a volunteer.
You'll meet people when doing things.
Just. Let your wish to belong overcome the fear of refusal?

aili :

Like... there's one or two houses on my block, and in them are retired people. Not my age.

I would take my friend with me, but like me, he is a social recluse, and when we hang out we stick inside, where it is safe.

And no, nothing ever happens where I live, which is why I am planning on moving when I can.

I've set up something, but I don't expect anyone to come.

Volunteer work would be something I'd do, except once again, no one my age here volunteers.

Either way, by september, I plan to live in Oregon

legacyme3 : what have you set up?
OK, so few people around must, yes, suck. well i hope when you move, you make a move, so to speak.

Formspring? Looking for a dude with sunglasses?

No but seriously, you got something else to do now, since you can come back to chat.

aili :

yeah, I'm pretty happy about the future change of scenery =)