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02-24-11 10:24 PM
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My short story (Tea Party)

 

02-24-11 10:24 PM
Scarecrowcalls is Offline
| ID: 339281 | 1985 Words

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Tea Party



By Mr. Vincent





At one in the morning, while surfing one of those artsy websites, you know the type, I stubbled about a girl with the name Michelle. She was beautiful as could be, long brown hair, and a pale complexion.



After my last girl, I didn't think that I could handle another. But something was interesting about her. I clicked add and looked at her pictures. They displayed her hugging and riding horses, not in the dirty was as in bestiality. Something was just interesting about this, seeing as though my last girl loved riding horses as well.



We began to talk, and I introduced myself as Derek Young. I was 21 and a half, longer half at that. She was just 20, and of course her name Michelle Berry. We lived not more than 2 miles apart and never saw each other until this day.



She asked me of my art, which was dark and slightly morbid, and inspired by Lewis Carroll. I wrote a great many poems and songs and such but nothing that would matter as much as talking to her.



I began to flirt and she told me she had just gotten out of a bad relationship. I understood and told her just the same. That there had been another girl with the name Sophie. Oh how she was lovely as well, and they way she looked while her hair bounced off of her shoulders as she rode those horses. Michelle began to inquire about Sophie and I told her that we were still friends. She would come over a great many times and ask for tea.



Michelle loved tea, as she was british, but not so much tea parties. She said that they always made her think of dolls at a table, which I presumed to be some sort of repressed memory.



I asked Michelle if she would like to meet me and Sophie for a bit of tea. I thought that just knowing another girl would be there would calm her down. Michelle was hesitant but then she agreed. It would be the first Saturday of the month at noon.



We both laughed a flirted and began to draw closer. I wanted to be with Michelle but I knew it would take more work. I decided to let her talk to Sophie over my computer connection. They began to talk and get used to each other, talking about horses and fine teas they rather enjoyed.



The days grew longer and then I asked to move up the day. Michelle couldn't make it to my place any sooner than saturday. I thought long and hard and then came to my greatest thought. "Lets meet at Sophie's house." I said. Michelle thought about this and then agreed. We were to meet the next day, after I had given her directions of course.



My pulse ran fast and my hands began to shake. Oh, I was so nervous, I didn't think that things could fall into place so well. I jumped for joy and picked up my phone and called Sophie. The phone began to ring and picked up the receiver.



"Hello Sophie, we're gonna meet you at your place at noon."

"Oh good, I cannot wait to meet you and Michelle. She sounds so lovely."

"Oh not so lovely as you."

"You're such a flirt, that will get you in trouble one day."



The next morning, I took my 2nd longest shower, 1 hour. My record was just over an hour and a half. I cleaned up and pulled on my best clothes. A nice brand new pair of jeans (that I had to remove the tags from), blue button up shirt with one breast pocket. My shoes I polished to look really nice and clean. I looked in the mirror and thought I looked excellent. My watch read 10:43 am. I decided to make my way to Sophie's house and help prepare for our guest.



I drove over to Sophie's, not a long drive really. Just 10 minutes from my house. I pulled into her garage and closed the door. I fumbled with the keys and then let myself in. Sophie was sitting in her rocking chair, hardly cleaned up. I looked to her and asked her to clean up. She just sat there so I gathered some deodorant and a new dress that I helped her put on myself. She looked lovely now and then I prepared the tea. I heated up some water in a rather large but old looking tea kettle and and set it down. I looked through the cupboards and there had been no tea left.



Before Sophie could know it, I ran out the door and ran a block to the family store that sat directly where I'd like. I was so glad that Sophie's neighborhood was nearly empty and that it was shaded from the hot blazing sun above. I did not feel any sweat drip from my brow as I ran. It was nice. Cool. I arrived at the store and picked up some chocolate mint tea and green tea. Y'know it's good for you. I put my stuff down and the man at the counter. I remembered him from my first tea party. Bill was his name and he was an awkwardly set man, always leaning back from the customers, not out of fear or anything of that sort but because his legs were permanently stuck that way.



"Hey Bill, it's been a long time. Too damn long."

"Ahh, I remember you..Derek right?"

"That's right."

"If I remember correctly, last time you were here...you were picking up tea as well."

"Yes, just another tea party."

"Ahh, very very nice. You should have me over one of these days.

"Oh I will, don't worry 'bout that, you'll make a nice addition."



With that, I left after purchasing the tea. I could hear Bills rusty voice yelling out "Have a nice day!" I smiled and then ran with the tea in my hands. The sun was so high and I didn't feel a thing. I rushed into Sophies house and she appeared calm just watching some tv. "I don't understand how you can just sit there and watch tv while I prepare everything." I told her. Sophie just sat there and whispered "You do so well, remember our tea party?" I placed the tea in the middle of the table and nodded. Sophie seemed to sigh and I hurried to find some air freshener. It was sort of dingy smelling from the house. I sprayed what was left and then took a moment. I walked outside and pulled some roses from the ground and placed them in vases by the table. There, that was it. The house smelled perfect.



From there, I decided to walk outside one again. The time read 12:04. She was late. Then I saw the car pull up. Nice little 1990 Volkswagen beetle in a nice grey color. We greeted with a hug and spoke as we walked up the steps to Sophie's house.



"This house is beautiful."

"Ah yes, and there's a pen for horses in back. They don't make much noise but they are back there."



Michelle looked in back of the house and there they were. Majestic as usual. She smiled in approval and then continued with me to the steps. "I'm not sure you'll like Sophie though. She's not quite herself." I said. Michelle looked worried a moment.

"Oh is she alright?"

"Yeah but she needed help getting ready today. I hope you do like her, now I'm scared."

"Aw, don't be scared she's probably perfectly fine."

"Well she kind of smells bad."



Michelle laughed thinking this was a joke and I smiled as if it had been one. She gently hit my shoulder and said "You stop it."



I opened the door and Michelle took a deep breath. She walked in ahead of me as I closed the door. She didn't notice the metal click over the sound of the tea rustling in the kettle. "It's all prepared then?" She asked. I smiled and told her "Yes, it was in place."



Michelle looked around and then I took her to the door which behind we would be enjoying tea in a moment. "Sophie is all ready in there. Are you?" I asked. Michelle nodded and looked excited by this adventure. She slowly opened the door and looked around. She didn't see Sophie and walked in to get a better look. I followed her and Sophie had her back toward the door. We both walked up to her. The smell from Sophie was just a little bad but it could be ignored over time. Michelle walked around and then saw Sophie. The door closed and I was alone with both of them. "This is going to be the best tea party ever." I said as Michelle fainted.



There sat Sophie's rotting corpse, as preserved as it possibly could be. I sat Michelle in a seat and tied her legs and hands and taped her mouth. Ductape, always needed. I cut just a small hole for tea and then sat waiting.



It took an hour before Michelle regained consciousness. She shook in her seat and I crossed my leg with one arm around Sophie and the other holding tea. "It's good Michelle, you should have some. You took a nasty fall while you fainted." I said. Michelle tired to scream but nothing could be uttered. Her vocal cords were cut and then the wound was sown back together. Blood dripped onto her dress and I stood up then. "Aw, there you go making a mess. Sophie doesn't do that," I said, climbing up and sitting next to her. "Sophie doesn't do much these days." I continued, looking at Sophie and her sad face that was being melted away. Michelle tried so hard to move and escape but she could not. Her energy was running low so I gave her some nice hot tea. She choked at first but learned how to swallow again.



Hours later...



There was a knock at the door. I climbed up and changed my shirt, and wiped clean my hands. I threw the rag into the garbage and then heated the tea again. I opened the door and to my surprise it was Bill from the store. "Howdy, just got off work thought I'd meet Sabrina again." He said, obviously forgetting her name. "Oh its Sophie, she just went upstair to take a nap." I said. "Can I get some tea?" He asked. I smiled and nodded, letting him in. I took his coat and he smiled. "Isn't that a different shirt?" He asked. "Oh yes, I had to change after Sophie spilled tea on me." Bill laughed and shook his head. He walked to the kettle and took a deep breath of it. "I hope you didn't do anything to make her want to get some tea on you. This smells amazin'." Bill said. I smiled awkwardly and let him into a room where we sat and talked about the weather and politics and such. He gulped down 2 or 3, I think it was 3 cups of tea before he stood up. "I think I've gotta go home now, thanks for the tea and conversation. Give Sophie my best." He said. I nodded and smiled brightly. He walked to the front door and said "I'll see you next time." He tipped his worn baseball cap to me and smiled. He left on his way home, and I stood in the doorway smiling and waving. "That old redneck had no idea..in the next room lay two tea partiers who will love to meet him one day. Next time...though. Think it would be a little too exciting for another guest this soon." I said, closing the door.



The End
Tea Party



By Mr. Vincent





At one in the morning, while surfing one of those artsy websites, you know the type, I stubbled about a girl with the name Michelle. She was beautiful as could be, long brown hair, and a pale complexion.



After my last girl, I didn't think that I could handle another. But something was interesting about her. I clicked add and looked at her pictures. They displayed her hugging and riding horses, not in the dirty was as in bestiality. Something was just interesting about this, seeing as though my last girl loved riding horses as well.



We began to talk, and I introduced myself as Derek Young. I was 21 and a half, longer half at that. She was just 20, and of course her name Michelle Berry. We lived not more than 2 miles apart and never saw each other until this day.



She asked me of my art, which was dark and slightly morbid, and inspired by Lewis Carroll. I wrote a great many poems and songs and such but nothing that would matter as much as talking to her.



I began to flirt and she told me she had just gotten out of a bad relationship. I understood and told her just the same. That there had been another girl with the name Sophie. Oh how she was lovely as well, and they way she looked while her hair bounced off of her shoulders as she rode those horses. Michelle began to inquire about Sophie and I told her that we were still friends. She would come over a great many times and ask for tea.



Michelle loved tea, as she was british, but not so much tea parties. She said that they always made her think of dolls at a table, which I presumed to be some sort of repressed memory.



I asked Michelle if she would like to meet me and Sophie for a bit of tea. I thought that just knowing another girl would be there would calm her down. Michelle was hesitant but then she agreed. It would be the first Saturday of the month at noon.



We both laughed a flirted and began to draw closer. I wanted to be with Michelle but I knew it would take more work. I decided to let her talk to Sophie over my computer connection. They began to talk and get used to each other, talking about horses and fine teas they rather enjoyed.



The days grew longer and then I asked to move up the day. Michelle couldn't make it to my place any sooner than saturday. I thought long and hard and then came to my greatest thought. "Lets meet at Sophie's house." I said. Michelle thought about this and then agreed. We were to meet the next day, after I had given her directions of course.



My pulse ran fast and my hands began to shake. Oh, I was so nervous, I didn't think that things could fall into place so well. I jumped for joy and picked up my phone and called Sophie. The phone began to ring and picked up the receiver.



"Hello Sophie, we're gonna meet you at your place at noon."

"Oh good, I cannot wait to meet you and Michelle. She sounds so lovely."

"Oh not so lovely as you."

"You're such a flirt, that will get you in trouble one day."



The next morning, I took my 2nd longest shower, 1 hour. My record was just over an hour and a half. I cleaned up and pulled on my best clothes. A nice brand new pair of jeans (that I had to remove the tags from), blue button up shirt with one breast pocket. My shoes I polished to look really nice and clean. I looked in the mirror and thought I looked excellent. My watch read 10:43 am. I decided to make my way to Sophie's house and help prepare for our guest.



I drove over to Sophie's, not a long drive really. Just 10 minutes from my house. I pulled into her garage and closed the door. I fumbled with the keys and then let myself in. Sophie was sitting in her rocking chair, hardly cleaned up. I looked to her and asked her to clean up. She just sat there so I gathered some deodorant and a new dress that I helped her put on myself. She looked lovely now and then I prepared the tea. I heated up some water in a rather large but old looking tea kettle and and set it down. I looked through the cupboards and there had been no tea left.



Before Sophie could know it, I ran out the door and ran a block to the family store that sat directly where I'd like. I was so glad that Sophie's neighborhood was nearly empty and that it was shaded from the hot blazing sun above. I did not feel any sweat drip from my brow as I ran. It was nice. Cool. I arrived at the store and picked up some chocolate mint tea and green tea. Y'know it's good for you. I put my stuff down and the man at the counter. I remembered him from my first tea party. Bill was his name and he was an awkwardly set man, always leaning back from the customers, not out of fear or anything of that sort but because his legs were permanently stuck that way.



"Hey Bill, it's been a long time. Too damn long."

"Ahh, I remember you..Derek right?"

"That's right."

"If I remember correctly, last time you were here...you were picking up tea as well."

"Yes, just another tea party."

"Ahh, very very nice. You should have me over one of these days.

"Oh I will, don't worry 'bout that, you'll make a nice addition."



With that, I left after purchasing the tea. I could hear Bills rusty voice yelling out "Have a nice day!" I smiled and then ran with the tea in my hands. The sun was so high and I didn't feel a thing. I rushed into Sophies house and she appeared calm just watching some tv. "I don't understand how you can just sit there and watch tv while I prepare everything." I told her. Sophie just sat there and whispered "You do so well, remember our tea party?" I placed the tea in the middle of the table and nodded. Sophie seemed to sigh and I hurried to find some air freshener. It was sort of dingy smelling from the house. I sprayed what was left and then took a moment. I walked outside and pulled some roses from the ground and placed them in vases by the table. There, that was it. The house smelled perfect.



From there, I decided to walk outside one again. The time read 12:04. She was late. Then I saw the car pull up. Nice little 1990 Volkswagen beetle in a nice grey color. We greeted with a hug and spoke as we walked up the steps to Sophie's house.



"This house is beautiful."

"Ah yes, and there's a pen for horses in back. They don't make much noise but they are back there."



Michelle looked in back of the house and there they were. Majestic as usual. She smiled in approval and then continued with me to the steps. "I'm not sure you'll like Sophie though. She's not quite herself." I said. Michelle looked worried a moment.

"Oh is she alright?"

"Yeah but she needed help getting ready today. I hope you do like her, now I'm scared."

"Aw, don't be scared she's probably perfectly fine."

"Well she kind of smells bad."



Michelle laughed thinking this was a joke and I smiled as if it had been one. She gently hit my shoulder and said "You stop it."



I opened the door and Michelle took a deep breath. She walked in ahead of me as I closed the door. She didn't notice the metal click over the sound of the tea rustling in the kettle. "It's all prepared then?" She asked. I smiled and told her "Yes, it was in place."



Michelle looked around and then I took her to the door which behind we would be enjoying tea in a moment. "Sophie is all ready in there. Are you?" I asked. Michelle nodded and looked excited by this adventure. She slowly opened the door and looked around. She didn't see Sophie and walked in to get a better look. I followed her and Sophie had her back toward the door. We both walked up to her. The smell from Sophie was just a little bad but it could be ignored over time. Michelle walked around and then saw Sophie. The door closed and I was alone with both of them. "This is going to be the best tea party ever." I said as Michelle fainted.



There sat Sophie's rotting corpse, as preserved as it possibly could be. I sat Michelle in a seat and tied her legs and hands and taped her mouth. Ductape, always needed. I cut just a small hole for tea and then sat waiting.



It took an hour before Michelle regained consciousness. She shook in her seat and I crossed my leg with one arm around Sophie and the other holding tea. "It's good Michelle, you should have some. You took a nasty fall while you fainted." I said. Michelle tired to scream but nothing could be uttered. Her vocal cords were cut and then the wound was sown back together. Blood dripped onto her dress and I stood up then. "Aw, there you go making a mess. Sophie doesn't do that," I said, climbing up and sitting next to her. "Sophie doesn't do much these days." I continued, looking at Sophie and her sad face that was being melted away. Michelle tried so hard to move and escape but she could not. Her energy was running low so I gave her some nice hot tea. She choked at first but learned how to swallow again.



Hours later...



There was a knock at the door. I climbed up and changed my shirt, and wiped clean my hands. I threw the rag into the garbage and then heated the tea again. I opened the door and to my surprise it was Bill from the store. "Howdy, just got off work thought I'd meet Sabrina again." He said, obviously forgetting her name. "Oh its Sophie, she just went upstair to take a nap." I said. "Can I get some tea?" He asked. I smiled and nodded, letting him in. I took his coat and he smiled. "Isn't that a different shirt?" He asked. "Oh yes, I had to change after Sophie spilled tea on me." Bill laughed and shook his head. He walked to the kettle and took a deep breath of it. "I hope you didn't do anything to make her want to get some tea on you. This smells amazin'." Bill said. I smiled awkwardly and let him into a room where we sat and talked about the weather and politics and such. He gulped down 2 or 3, I think it was 3 cups of tea before he stood up. "I think I've gotta go home now, thanks for the tea and conversation. Give Sophie my best." He said. I nodded and smiled brightly. He walked to the front door and said "I'll see you next time." He tipped his worn baseball cap to me and smiled. He left on his way home, and I stood in the doorway smiling and waving. "That old redneck had no idea..in the next room lay two tea partiers who will love to meet him one day. Next time...though. Think it would be a little too exciting for another guest this soon." I said, closing the door.



The End
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02-24-11 11:43 PM
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I think the basic plot was really interesting, though the pace seemed rather fast so you figured it out so soon. Perhaps linger on the details of the background and his delusions about hearing Sophie talking so that the reader is somewhat distracted and will be shocked more by the truth. Also, noted a typo in the sentence describing the photos of Michelle with the horses.
I think the basic plot was really interesting, though the pace seemed rather fast so you figured it out so soon. Perhaps linger on the details of the background and his delusions about hearing Sophie talking so that the reader is somewhat distracted and will be shocked more by the truth. Also, noted a typo in the sentence describing the photos of Michelle with the horses.
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Well thanks for the review, I'll keep it in mind. Thanks
Well thanks for the review, I'll keep it in mind. Thanks
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it is random when it's smell bad.






Image upload: 103x78 totaling 3 KB's.
it is random when it's smell bad.






Image upload: 103x78 totaling 3 KB's.
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It's a very intriguing plot, and the images when you are describing the tea party come across quite well. I think maybe to grab the reader's attention more quickly, maybe open with Derek preparing for the tea party, and then introduce Michelle through a flashback? I feel like that would have hooked me faster, and then I would be more invested in knowing what Michelle's whole role in this awesomely gruesome story is (:
It's a very intriguing plot, and the images when you are describing the tea party come across quite well. I think maybe to grab the reader's attention more quickly, maybe open with Derek preparing for the tea party, and then introduce Michelle through a flashback? I feel like that would have hooked me faster, and then I would be more invested in knowing what Michelle's whole role in this awesomely gruesome story is (:
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Pseudonym

Thanks for the review
Pseudonym

Thanks for the review
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overall it was a great story but some parts just didn't really need to be in there but it was real good
overall it was a great story but some parts just didn't really need to be in there but it was real good
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