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Have you ever been approached by someone who wronged you in the past on social networking sites?

 

12-30-10 11:18 PM
bvd1022 is Offline
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For those of you who may not be aware of my previous posts, I have been strongly against social networking for years it has however become somewhat mandatory for me recently due to business reasons.


I have been using social media for about two weeks and everything seems to be going fine. I am an admitted neurotic and I took virtually every precaution I could prior to signing up so that I was assured my privacy and such.


Although I still have mixed feelings about the entire concept I will say that for now I haven’t had much trouble considering all the negative things I have heard about social networking. It was recently brought to my attention however that someone from my past whom at one point was a good friend of mine but ended up causing me much grief and was one of many factors why I decided to leave school when I did sent me a friend request.


Without going into detail I will say that I have not seen or even spoken to this person in almost 12 years and although I still hold a lot of anger for this person based on not only what went down between us but also what I had to go through in the years since, I don’t want to give the impression that I am not approachable to those I may want to do business with.



I did get onto social networking all be it reluctantly but I did it for business purposes. I realized in doing that however, that I was likely going to have to deal with some people I may not get along with at some point so this didn’t really surprise me to be honest. It has been many years since I left school and I have had thoughts that perhaps this person may want to seek forgiveness but, I am so leery of unnecessary nonsense it has put me in a position of not really knowing A what I should do and B if I do, do anything how do I approach it.

I am a forgiving person however, in regard to this person there has been so many things that I had to go through which this person was partially responsible for. This person’s actions also took a toll on some of my relationships.


I do admit that a lot of what I went through years ago was also my fault because I didn’t control my stress well back then and that was to my determent. Although I have used my experiences in life and particularly what I went through as a teen as motivation to be the best writer that I can be in my field I still do have scars from what I went though. I do have a somewhat respectable career now though that in itself has been at times trying due to the struggles that many writers face. On one hand part of me feels like talking to this person would in a sense give me some satisfaction because this person was also one of many who said to me that I wouldn’t amount to anything.


Out of respect for Vizzed rules I will leave it at this person said I wouldn’t amount to anything because what this person actually said is not rated PG for lack of a better term.


It may give me satisfaction just to be able to not only tell this person but also show this person that they were wrong and that despite being a former teen screw up for lack of a better term and despite not finishing high school I have been able to become a legitimate journalist in my field. On the other hand I know that it might open some wounds for me that I’ve spent years trying to get rid of.


For what it is worth prior to high school this person and I were actually very close and I even talked to this person every week during a year where I was living in a different state. It seemed like once we entered high school it all changed.

The thought has also crossed my mind that perhaps this person’s actions were in a way an attempt by this person to fit in, in high school and that now with so much time having past and perhaps knowing from other mutual friends what I have gone through that perhaps this person wants to make a manse. I don’t know if I should at the least hear this person out or not.

I am use to instilling wisdom from my life experience to give advice to those who ask for it on this site. This is a rare time that I am seeking advice. To be honest this is not a comforting thing for me and I really am not sure what to do.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
For those of you who may not be aware of my previous posts, I have been strongly against social networking for years it has however become somewhat mandatory for me recently due to business reasons.


I have been using social media for about two weeks and everything seems to be going fine. I am an admitted neurotic and I took virtually every precaution I could prior to signing up so that I was assured my privacy and such.


Although I still have mixed feelings about the entire concept I will say that for now I haven’t had much trouble considering all the negative things I have heard about social networking. It was recently brought to my attention however that someone from my past whom at one point was a good friend of mine but ended up causing me much grief and was one of many factors why I decided to leave school when I did sent me a friend request.


Without going into detail I will say that I have not seen or even spoken to this person in almost 12 years and although I still hold a lot of anger for this person based on not only what went down between us but also what I had to go through in the years since, I don’t want to give the impression that I am not approachable to those I may want to do business with.



I did get onto social networking all be it reluctantly but I did it for business purposes. I realized in doing that however, that I was likely going to have to deal with some people I may not get along with at some point so this didn’t really surprise me to be honest. It has been many years since I left school and I have had thoughts that perhaps this person may want to seek forgiveness but, I am so leery of unnecessary nonsense it has put me in a position of not really knowing A what I should do and B if I do, do anything how do I approach it.

I am a forgiving person however, in regard to this person there has been so many things that I had to go through which this person was partially responsible for. This person’s actions also took a toll on some of my relationships.


I do admit that a lot of what I went through years ago was also my fault because I didn’t control my stress well back then and that was to my determent. Although I have used my experiences in life and particularly what I went through as a teen as motivation to be the best writer that I can be in my field I still do have scars from what I went though. I do have a somewhat respectable career now though that in itself has been at times trying due to the struggles that many writers face. On one hand part of me feels like talking to this person would in a sense give me some satisfaction because this person was also one of many who said to me that I wouldn’t amount to anything.


Out of respect for Vizzed rules I will leave it at this person said I wouldn’t amount to anything because what this person actually said is not rated PG for lack of a better term.


It may give me satisfaction just to be able to not only tell this person but also show this person that they were wrong and that despite being a former teen screw up for lack of a better term and despite not finishing high school I have been able to become a legitimate journalist in my field. On the other hand I know that it might open some wounds for me that I’ve spent years trying to get rid of.


For what it is worth prior to high school this person and I were actually very close and I even talked to this person every week during a year where I was living in a different state. It seemed like once we entered high school it all changed.

The thought has also crossed my mind that perhaps this person’s actions were in a way an attempt by this person to fit in, in high school and that now with so much time having past and perhaps knowing from other mutual friends what I have gone through that perhaps this person wants to make a manse. I don’t know if I should at the least hear this person out or not.

I am use to instilling wisdom from my life experience to give advice to those who ask for it on this site. This is a rare time that I am seeking advice. To be honest this is not a comforting thing for me and I really am not sure what to do.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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(edited by bvd1022 on 12-30-10 11:21 PM)    

12-30-10 11:27 PM
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I'm here for you man. I myself have never been in such a situation (I'd probably be on the other end though; I've said and done some things that I am not proud of). Usually when someone requests to be friends but I generally do not know or like the person, I usually just leave the request pending. It's not a definite answer, however, I think over time it lets the other person know that I don't want to give them any of my time. If they sent you a message than that changes things a little bit. What I'm saying is, sometimes the best action is no action at all.
I'm here for you man. I myself have never been in such a situation (I'd probably be on the other end though; I've said and done some things that I am not proud of). Usually when someone requests to be friends but I generally do not know or like the person, I usually just leave the request pending. It's not a definite answer, however, I think over time it lets the other person know that I don't want to give them any of my time. If they sent you a message than that changes things a little bit. What I'm saying is, sometimes the best action is no action at all.
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12-30-10 11:59 PM
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Don't let one person screw it up for you. The options I see are:

A) Ignore this person, don't accept them to your page (whatever networking site your using) however the only bad thing about this is they will eventually learn you are holding a grudge against them if they see you posting stuff and your not their friend yet. But this is the internet who cares what he thinks If he was really nasty in the past to you I say screw him unless he has good intentions.

B) Allow this person to be apart of your page either this person will trash talk, or he will forget what he said years back, or he might just stalk you and not post or communicate with you at all though he probably will if he sent you a request.

C) Quit the social networking site. Thats a bit much over 1 person and since its business matters there are always going to be unhappy customers. Business is just ugly period, most things involving business revolve around screwing others to get to the top. Sure there is a sugar coat on business but a lot of people have some messed up intentions. Who knows what this guy is up to, whether he wants a truce or he wants to trash talk more. This is not just a business issue its now more complex cause its also personal. I would just be careful of what you do with this guy. Don't let him get to you or it will make you look bad and at the same time make your business look bad. It's a double whammy

I say give him a chance, lets see his true colors. High school is high school we all mess up then lets just see if he has grown up at all. And if he causes you trouble just block him and ignore him. One way or another you are kinda stuck because I can see this person doing evil things if you don't accept him as a friend (but that depends on how messed up in the head he is).

No option is perfect, but if you want to be the better man then accept his friendship. And if he has problems with you just do what most businesses do, don't reply at all If someone is not accepted as a friend they might get mad, start a new profile as a cover and that means there really is no perfect way to block this person unless you decide to just quit the site altogether. What is more important your business or an old friend where you are not sure whether he is there to be nice or screw you over.

Business is far more important then friends later on in life especially friends who treated you like trash back in the day. So I say accept his friendship but know your role, your there for business not fun and mind games with old friends Most importantly don't let him get to your head or it will sidetrack you... and since you posted this he is getting to your head. So be strong, act professional, and if he wants to be a prick let him be it just dont let him drag you and your business down with his mindset.
Don't let one person screw it up for you. The options I see are:

A) Ignore this person, don't accept them to your page (whatever networking site your using) however the only bad thing about this is they will eventually learn you are holding a grudge against them if they see you posting stuff and your not their friend yet. But this is the internet who cares what he thinks If he was really nasty in the past to you I say screw him unless he has good intentions.

B) Allow this person to be apart of your page either this person will trash talk, or he will forget what he said years back, or he might just stalk you and not post or communicate with you at all though he probably will if he sent you a request.

C) Quit the social networking site. Thats a bit much over 1 person and since its business matters there are always going to be unhappy customers. Business is just ugly period, most things involving business revolve around screwing others to get to the top. Sure there is a sugar coat on business but a lot of people have some messed up intentions. Who knows what this guy is up to, whether he wants a truce or he wants to trash talk more. This is not just a business issue its now more complex cause its also personal. I would just be careful of what you do with this guy. Don't let him get to you or it will make you look bad and at the same time make your business look bad. It's a double whammy

I say give him a chance, lets see his true colors. High school is high school we all mess up then lets just see if he has grown up at all. And if he causes you trouble just block him and ignore him. One way or another you are kinda stuck because I can see this person doing evil things if you don't accept him as a friend (but that depends on how messed up in the head he is).

No option is perfect, but if you want to be the better man then accept his friendship. And if he has problems with you just do what most businesses do, don't reply at all If someone is not accepted as a friend they might get mad, start a new profile as a cover and that means there really is no perfect way to block this person unless you decide to just quit the site altogether. What is more important your business or an old friend where you are not sure whether he is there to be nice or screw you over.

Business is far more important then friends later on in life especially friends who treated you like trash back in the day. So I say accept his friendship but know your role, your there for business not fun and mind games with old friends Most importantly don't let him get to your head or it will sidetrack you... and since you posted this he is getting to your head. So be strong, act professional, and if he wants to be a prick let him be it just dont let him drag you and your business down with his mindset.
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(edited by JigSaw on 12-31-10 12:02 AM)    

12-31-10 12:58 AM
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No, I don't think I'm old enough to have people wrong me on a website.
No, I don't think I'm old enough to have people wrong me on a website.
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12-31-10 01:25 AM
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Yeah, its kinda creepy when there are people that you don't like and then they add you on a social networking site. I'm assuming you're talking about Facebook here, other social networking sites such as Myspace and Friendster are not really good business grounds.

What's awesome about Facebook is that you can hold back all of your info besides your profile pic and name to people that aren't your friend. If you are feeling unsafe, I would suggest maxing out the privacy features and to not add anybody not affiliated with your business. That way, you can do all of your business stuff without having your social life come in the way.
Yeah, its kinda creepy when there are people that you don't like and then they add you on a social networking site. I'm assuming you're talking about Facebook here, other social networking sites such as Myspace and Friendster are not really good business grounds.

What's awesome about Facebook is that you can hold back all of your info besides your profile pic and name to people that aren't your friend. If you are feeling unsafe, I would suggest maxing out the privacy features and to not add anybody not affiliated with your business. That way, you can do all of your business stuff without having your social life come in the way.
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12-31-10 02:52 AM
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JigSaw : Well to be technical about this, this person happens to be a woman but I understand the gist of what you were saying. Basically without going into detail I was accused of something by this person years ago and not only would the school administration do nothing about it I ended up being harassed not only by this person but by others.

Although I was cleared in time the damage was done and I ended up pretty much saying the hell with this and I ended up leaving school. It wasn’t the only factor but it certainly played a part in why I left. I sat out for a year and I was talked into trying to go back the next year in the same school and I pretty much ran into similar problems but I tried to transfer to another school and although I transferred by that point I was told that because the state that I'm in has a state rule that it didn’t matter if I was going to class and even if I were doing well once I turned 18 I would have to be automatically released from school.

I have periodically tried to obtain a GED in the years since and even paid for correspondence school but I have yet to get that piece of paper. As I said before I have used my anger over what I went through in a positive way as motivation and I have worked extremely hard to get where I am in my career and I am still not satisfied with it.


I was able to gain a position that I held proudly for seven years as an overseas correspondent for the number one magazine in my field in a foreign country having never left the United States before I hit 20 years old. I am very proud of that and no one can take my accomplishments, that’s a fact.

I am not an arrogant person by any means but I don’t know too many drop outs who have done what I’ve done with the limited resources that I have.

In regard to social media as I said before I am on it for business purposes. I have some friends that I interact with but they all know that I am primarily there to learn the ropes because there is a good possibility that I will need it in the coming year as a means of promotion. The only things that I have posted have been work related so I’m not worried so much as for someone talking trash because I don’t do any of the sort.


I was impressed with the help I was able to get the week before Christmas when I posted a question on my page asking anyone if ESPN Deportes was available online because I needed to cover a card that was taking place that night and I didn’t have the TV resources. Not only did I get the help that I needed on short notice by the way, but I was grateful because it saved me at least three hours in the overnight hours of searching the Internet for feeds.


The only thing that this person would get from me in the form of posts are either links to my pieces or status messages concerning what fight I am preparing to cover and the back story of the contest etc. Anything personal I would be respectful enough to do privately.

I have an extremely professional mindset about me and it’s been that way ever since I got serious about my work after leaving school though I already had a good four, five years of solid experience and published work, though I never imagined that A I would end up doing this for a living and B that it would serve as the thing that straightened a screwed up kid out.

Even though I have understandable hard feelings for this person I would be professional about it and anything personal would be handled privately if anything. It’s not just professional but it is also just plain decent to handle things like that in private.

I wouldn’t be able to just do away with the networking because as I said despite my concerns and reluctance it kind of became a mandatory thing for business reasons that I get on social media but I will not lie to you when I say that for someone who grew up in the 80s and who is pretty much set in his ways I feel out of my element.

NotJon : I pretty much have done what you suggested already and that is just leave it be without giving an answer. I don’t like ignoring people but I figure until I make up my mind on how I am going to handle this that’s where it will sit and I did not get a message with it either so who knows.

the_casualty : I took precautions beforehand to ensure my safety even before I signed up on the networks that I am using. I am kind of neurotic so that was the ultimate deciding factor for me that I was able to fully control everything and at the same time able to protect my privacy. As I said I’m using it for business so I don’t post anything personal other than work related stuff like what I’m covering on a certain day or my past positions and duties and such just incase a magazine comes by and is looking for a writer etc.
JigSaw : Well to be technical about this, this person happens to be a woman but I understand the gist of what you were saying. Basically without going into detail I was accused of something by this person years ago and not only would the school administration do nothing about it I ended up being harassed not only by this person but by others.

Although I was cleared in time the damage was done and I ended up pretty much saying the hell with this and I ended up leaving school. It wasn’t the only factor but it certainly played a part in why I left. I sat out for a year and I was talked into trying to go back the next year in the same school and I pretty much ran into similar problems but I tried to transfer to another school and although I transferred by that point I was told that because the state that I'm in has a state rule that it didn’t matter if I was going to class and even if I were doing well once I turned 18 I would have to be automatically released from school.

I have periodically tried to obtain a GED in the years since and even paid for correspondence school but I have yet to get that piece of paper. As I said before I have used my anger over what I went through in a positive way as motivation and I have worked extremely hard to get where I am in my career and I am still not satisfied with it.


I was able to gain a position that I held proudly for seven years as an overseas correspondent for the number one magazine in my field in a foreign country having never left the United States before I hit 20 years old. I am very proud of that and no one can take my accomplishments, that’s a fact.

I am not an arrogant person by any means but I don’t know too many drop outs who have done what I’ve done with the limited resources that I have.

In regard to social media as I said before I am on it for business purposes. I have some friends that I interact with but they all know that I am primarily there to learn the ropes because there is a good possibility that I will need it in the coming year as a means of promotion. The only things that I have posted have been work related so I’m not worried so much as for someone talking trash because I don’t do any of the sort.


I was impressed with the help I was able to get the week before Christmas when I posted a question on my page asking anyone if ESPN Deportes was available online because I needed to cover a card that was taking place that night and I didn’t have the TV resources. Not only did I get the help that I needed on short notice by the way, but I was grateful because it saved me at least three hours in the overnight hours of searching the Internet for feeds.


The only thing that this person would get from me in the form of posts are either links to my pieces or status messages concerning what fight I am preparing to cover and the back story of the contest etc. Anything personal I would be respectful enough to do privately.

I have an extremely professional mindset about me and it’s been that way ever since I got serious about my work after leaving school though I already had a good four, five years of solid experience and published work, though I never imagined that A I would end up doing this for a living and B that it would serve as the thing that straightened a screwed up kid out.

Even though I have understandable hard feelings for this person I would be professional about it and anything personal would be handled privately if anything. It’s not just professional but it is also just plain decent to handle things like that in private.

I wouldn’t be able to just do away with the networking because as I said despite my concerns and reluctance it kind of became a mandatory thing for business reasons that I get on social media but I will not lie to you when I say that for someone who grew up in the 80s and who is pretty much set in his ways I feel out of my element.

NotJon : I pretty much have done what you suggested already and that is just leave it be without giving an answer. I don’t like ignoring people but I figure until I make up my mind on how I am going to handle this that’s where it will sit and I did not get a message with it either so who knows.

the_casualty : I took precautions beforehand to ensure my safety even before I signed up on the networks that I am using. I am kind of neurotic so that was the ultimate deciding factor for me that I was able to fully control everything and at the same time able to protect my privacy. As I said I’m using it for business so I don’t post anything personal other than work related stuff like what I’m covering on a certain day or my past positions and duties and such just incase a magazine comes by and is looking for a writer etc.
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