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06-15-10 03:07 AM
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Last Legacy

 

06-15-10 03:07 AM
Shane_Harles is Offline
| ID: 197200 | 1476 Words

Shane_Harles
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last legacy is a novel i am writing...it's based off of final fantasy (the name has synonyms) The story line is completely original. It has all the elements of a final fantasy.

One more thing, I am going to put them up one chapter at a time, I have written the 8th chapter but ill need to type them so it may be a while in between chapters. I would like it if people were to critique my work. I have hard feelings to hurt, so don't be shy about an error or suggestion, just don't start cussing me out for a misplaced period.

Enjoy

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1
The Prince’s confession

In a vast winterscape, visible from nearly any tall peak lied the fortified capital of the Harleslor wastelands. Despite the harsh whether surrounding it, the city thrived, and had recently earned a place in the High Council of Terrajunct, which was only entered by the most powerful of countries.

This day was a very special day, for the prince was to be crowned king. People gather from the many settlements that dotted the wastelands of harleslor to see their new king. Nervously, prince Harles asked, “A…Are they ready for me?”

The king’s advisor Stont, a tall man, shouted with encouragement as he gave the prince a little shove out the door way, “of course! Good luck! Make your father proud!”

Harles then walked slowly out to the podium in the middle of a large stadium with seats that appeared to go on forever towering over him. He felt the millions of piercing eyes, and began to sweat nervously. As he stood there a second seemed an eternity, and it felt as if every small tremble and twitch was painfully obvious to the point where everyone in the entire audience would notice. This only made him more prone for error.

Silence quickly flowed over the sea of people awaiting his words. He had prepared a speech. He paused for a moment to regain his composure. Now he could begin. “From the very beginning of this glorious kingdom, we have had great, just, and powerful Kings and Stewards. The first was a man who had some crazy dream of discovering a mystical land of legend and myth to the north. Everyone said he was crazy, but he did it anyways! He was the first to travel the plains of Harleslor. His name was Hurious L. Harles. Many scoffed and laughed at him, and I am sure it was not an easy trek. If he had been discouraged, if he had never left, where do you think we would be now? Aren’t we glad he tried?” The prince smiled.

“We owe all that we see before us to one man’s urge to discover new things, find extraordinary places, and explore. This great inheritance has been passed down through many generations and will continue to do so for thousands to come!” Cheers broke out. The audience roared with excitement and satisfaction at the statement. His confidence and charisma had returned. “And this nation will continue to grow and grow until it has become the most powerful nation in the world!” He was shouting now, and the audience was shouting back with equal strength. He now had complete control over the mood. His next step was to bring it down and try to keep them there until the time was right.

“Now, this awesome burden is placed on me. At first, when my father took ill, I didn’t know what to do. I’m very young in comparison to most of the leaders of the past, and I didn’t think that I could handle it. I was afraid. Afraid of what I might do wrong. But then my father began to teach me everything he knew which came directly from his late elder brother, Jashua M. Harles who passed the throne to my father. Now, as you know, my main mentors in life are gone.” He paused to let the solemnity of the statement stay and build momentum. Then, the time was right, so he began again.

“But, before they left, they game me a gift.” Another pause, ‘Be patient, it’s building momentum’, he thought. Then he revealed, “The gift of knowledge. The most powerful gift I could receive and the most valuable at the time. I vow to you, the citizens of Harleslor, that I will take this gift, and I will use it to its full potential and I will not be just another page in the history books. I will not be recorded as the youngest king that did absolutely nothing! I will build and shape this kingdom and take one more step toward tomorrow with broad shoulders and a strong stride. I will now take this crown with honor and use its power for justice!!”

The audience was now and the highest of spirits again. Their cheering confirmed in the price’s mind their approval of him. Prince harles had done well. The High Priest prestigiously marched to a slow kingly fanfare toward the price followed by Stont who was carrying the symbol of leadership, the headware that represented the most prestigious position on the northern continent. The crown.

The two men approached the place where the soon to be king stood tall, and proud. They reached the prince and halted. The High Priest turned to Stont and took the crown from the cushion on which it sat. The crown was lifted high in the air. The fanfare was nearing its final chord. The crown was descending to the prince’s head. The band was blaring the last note. The band stopped. There was silence. Then something unexpected occurred. The prince’s knees buckled, his head retracted from the rim of the crown having never touched it. There was a blank look on his face.

The sound suddenly caught up to the effect after three seconds of pure silence. From three miles away the assassin, wielding a sniper rifle, grinned and slunk into the shadows, satisfied with his work.

Stont rushed to his side, while the priest just stood there in shock at what had
happened letting the crown dangle at his side. Screams erupted from the mass of people as the fact that the king had just been shot sunk in. Total hysteria ensued

The prince had only been shot in the stomach, but was bleeding profusely and didn’t have much time left. He spoke softly, “S-Stont.”

“Don’t speak. Save your energy!”

“For what? We both know I’m a dead man!” He reached up and grabbed Stont who was now holding up Harles. “Stont you must listen to me. I’m a terrible person.”

“Nonsense, Sire, you are the most amazing man I know.”

“No. Both my father and I.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My uncle has two children!” Shock filled Stont’s face. “No one knew, but my father and the mothers who bore them, but God only knows what my father did with them. He left that out when he told me just before he died.”

“But” Stont looked confused.

“Don’t you get it!?!” he yelled as he pulled Stont closer, but began coughing up blood. “They should’ve ruled before me. Before my father, even! I should have told someone. I should have searched for them. I should have tried! But no. I kept it secret like a selfish little moron, and look at me now! I’m a short sited fool. I don’t deserve to be king…This nation deserves better.” He began hacking again and pain filled his body now that the adrenalin had run out. “Just promise me one thing. One is named Seth, the other Shane. Seth shall be taught and become king.” He winced “He is the elder. Find them, err, find them, find…them” His eyes began to fade to emptiness.

“Yes, my glorious king!” Stont replied, “Your wish is my command.”

“No”, Harles mustered, “I was never quite crowned…king…” All expression faded from his face and the light in his eyes dimmed, then went dark.

Stont closed his eyes and let a tear trickle out then stood walked to the podium and spoke with a new found courage. “People of Harleslor! The line of Kings has not ended! Although for a short time, I must rule as Steward, there will soon be a king! The son of Joshua M. Harles! Seth Harles!!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm surprised at how small this looks, but I assure you that it is a little more than 2 pages in a word document which is about 4 or 5 in a novel sized book.

Let me know if you want me to format it differently.

btw I started something like this a realy really really really long time ago the just put more up and no one comented so here it is again at the top of the list
last legacy is a novel i am writing...it's based off of final fantasy (the name has synonyms) The story line is completely original. It has all the elements of a final fantasy.

One more thing, I am going to put them up one chapter at a time, I have written the 8th chapter but ill need to type them so it may be a while in between chapters. I would like it if people were to critique my work. I have hard feelings to hurt, so don't be shy about an error or suggestion, just don't start cussing me out for a misplaced period.

Enjoy

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1
The Prince’s confession

In a vast winterscape, visible from nearly any tall peak lied the fortified capital of the Harleslor wastelands. Despite the harsh whether surrounding it, the city thrived, and had recently earned a place in the High Council of Terrajunct, which was only entered by the most powerful of countries.

This day was a very special day, for the prince was to be crowned king. People gather from the many settlements that dotted the wastelands of harleslor to see their new king. Nervously, prince Harles asked, “A…Are they ready for me?”

The king’s advisor Stont, a tall man, shouted with encouragement as he gave the prince a little shove out the door way, “of course! Good luck! Make your father proud!”

Harles then walked slowly out to the podium in the middle of a large stadium with seats that appeared to go on forever towering over him. He felt the millions of piercing eyes, and began to sweat nervously. As he stood there a second seemed an eternity, and it felt as if every small tremble and twitch was painfully obvious to the point where everyone in the entire audience would notice. This only made him more prone for error.

Silence quickly flowed over the sea of people awaiting his words. He had prepared a speech. He paused for a moment to regain his composure. Now he could begin. “From the very beginning of this glorious kingdom, we have had great, just, and powerful Kings and Stewards. The first was a man who had some crazy dream of discovering a mystical land of legend and myth to the north. Everyone said he was crazy, but he did it anyways! He was the first to travel the plains of Harleslor. His name was Hurious L. Harles. Many scoffed and laughed at him, and I am sure it was not an easy trek. If he had been discouraged, if he had never left, where do you think we would be now? Aren’t we glad he tried?” The prince smiled.

“We owe all that we see before us to one man’s urge to discover new things, find extraordinary places, and explore. This great inheritance has been passed down through many generations and will continue to do so for thousands to come!” Cheers broke out. The audience roared with excitement and satisfaction at the statement. His confidence and charisma had returned. “And this nation will continue to grow and grow until it has become the most powerful nation in the world!” He was shouting now, and the audience was shouting back with equal strength. He now had complete control over the mood. His next step was to bring it down and try to keep them there until the time was right.

“Now, this awesome burden is placed on me. At first, when my father took ill, I didn’t know what to do. I’m very young in comparison to most of the leaders of the past, and I didn’t think that I could handle it. I was afraid. Afraid of what I might do wrong. But then my father began to teach me everything he knew which came directly from his late elder brother, Jashua M. Harles who passed the throne to my father. Now, as you know, my main mentors in life are gone.” He paused to let the solemnity of the statement stay and build momentum. Then, the time was right, so he began again.

“But, before they left, they game me a gift.” Another pause, ‘Be patient, it’s building momentum’, he thought. Then he revealed, “The gift of knowledge. The most powerful gift I could receive and the most valuable at the time. I vow to you, the citizens of Harleslor, that I will take this gift, and I will use it to its full potential and I will not be just another page in the history books. I will not be recorded as the youngest king that did absolutely nothing! I will build and shape this kingdom and take one more step toward tomorrow with broad shoulders and a strong stride. I will now take this crown with honor and use its power for justice!!”

The audience was now and the highest of spirits again. Their cheering confirmed in the price’s mind their approval of him. Prince harles had done well. The High Priest prestigiously marched to a slow kingly fanfare toward the price followed by Stont who was carrying the symbol of leadership, the headware that represented the most prestigious position on the northern continent. The crown.

The two men approached the place where the soon to be king stood tall, and proud. They reached the prince and halted. The High Priest turned to Stont and took the crown from the cushion on which it sat. The crown was lifted high in the air. The fanfare was nearing its final chord. The crown was descending to the prince’s head. The band was blaring the last note. The band stopped. There was silence. Then something unexpected occurred. The prince’s knees buckled, his head retracted from the rim of the crown having never touched it. There was a blank look on his face.

The sound suddenly caught up to the effect after three seconds of pure silence. From three miles away the assassin, wielding a sniper rifle, grinned and slunk into the shadows, satisfied with his work.

Stont rushed to his side, while the priest just stood there in shock at what had
happened letting the crown dangle at his side. Screams erupted from the mass of people as the fact that the king had just been shot sunk in. Total hysteria ensued

The prince had only been shot in the stomach, but was bleeding profusely and didn’t have much time left. He spoke softly, “S-Stont.”

“Don’t speak. Save your energy!”

“For what? We both know I’m a dead man!” He reached up and grabbed Stont who was now holding up Harles. “Stont you must listen to me. I’m a terrible person.”

“Nonsense, Sire, you are the most amazing man I know.”

“No. Both my father and I.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My uncle has two children!” Shock filled Stont’s face. “No one knew, but my father and the mothers who bore them, but God only knows what my father did with them. He left that out when he told me just before he died.”

“But” Stont looked confused.

“Don’t you get it!?!” he yelled as he pulled Stont closer, but began coughing up blood. “They should’ve ruled before me. Before my father, even! I should have told someone. I should have searched for them. I should have tried! But no. I kept it secret like a selfish little moron, and look at me now! I’m a short sited fool. I don’t deserve to be king…This nation deserves better.” He began hacking again and pain filled his body now that the adrenalin had run out. “Just promise me one thing. One is named Seth, the other Shane. Seth shall be taught and become king.” He winced “He is the elder. Find them, err, find them, find…them” His eyes began to fade to emptiness.

“Yes, my glorious king!” Stont replied, “Your wish is my command.”

“No”, Harles mustered, “I was never quite crowned…king…” All expression faded from his face and the light in his eyes dimmed, then went dark.

Stont closed his eyes and let a tear trickle out then stood walked to the podium and spoke with a new found courage. “People of Harleslor! The line of Kings has not ended! Although for a short time, I must rule as Steward, there will soon be a king! The son of Joshua M. Harles! Seth Harles!!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm surprised at how small this looks, but I assure you that it is a little more than 2 pages in a word document which is about 4 or 5 in a novel sized book.

Let me know if you want me to format it differently.

btw I started something like this a realy really really really long time ago the just put more up and no one comented so here it is again at the top of the list
Member
of Cerberus


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-09-09
Location: Tucson. AZ
Last Post: 4879 days
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06-24-10 06:32 PM
Joe the Farmer is Offline
| ID: 201240 | 18 Words

Joe the Farmer
Level: 11

POSTS: 4/19
POST EXP: 858
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CP: 26.3
VIZ: 1021

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Looks interesting. Short, but doesn't really have any other turn-offs. I'd like to see where this story goes.
Looks interesting. Short, but doesn't really have any other turn-offs. I'd like to see where this story goes.
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 05-24-10
Last Post: 3217 days
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06-26-10 09:39 PM
mdynasty926 is Offline
| ID: 201963 | 232 Words

mdynasty926
Level: 69


POSTS: 727/1119
POST EXP: 111867
LVL EXP: 2741263
CP: 359.7
VIZ: 3339

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
It's nice to see another writer here on Vizzed
It's pretty nice. I can tell it's pretty well thought out. A couple spelling and minor grammar errors here and there, but hey, it's mostly alright. I'm not going to criticize anything else because I feel like that's just your style. I believe there isn't anyway to criticize someone's writing style. That would be wrong.
Just one more question though, is your story like... in a sense, a fanfiction? because you said it had the elements of a Final Fantasy game. So, does that mean we'd see Chocobos and Airships and Summons and all that jazz? I'm just curious haha
I honestly don't really like the idea of writing fanfiction, as I feel there's some limitation. But, the story I'm writing is sort of inspired by FF games just because of how much I love to play them haha.
I posted a couple chapters of it on here. I don't think you'd find it unless you go to the next page, but it's called Acts of Redemption. I've completed 15 chapters of it(and I've got about 80 pages of Microsoft Word on font size 8 or something XD) I also have a deviantART, so if you want to find me there, my username's ArtsyWriter, and you could read all that I completed of the story there.
Whoo... I wrote a lot O.o

It's nice to see another writer here on Vizzed
It's pretty nice. I can tell it's pretty well thought out. A couple spelling and minor grammar errors here and there, but hey, it's mostly alright. I'm not going to criticize anything else because I feel like that's just your style. I believe there isn't anyway to criticize someone's writing style. That would be wrong.
Just one more question though, is your story like... in a sense, a fanfiction? because you said it had the elements of a Final Fantasy game. So, does that mean we'd see Chocobos and Airships and Summons and all that jazz? I'm just curious haha
I honestly don't really like the idea of writing fanfiction, as I feel there's some limitation. But, the story I'm writing is sort of inspired by FF games just because of how much I love to play them haha.
I posted a couple chapters of it on here. I don't think you'd find it unless you go to the next page, but it's called Acts of Redemption. I've completed 15 chapters of it(and I've got about 80 pages of Microsoft Word on font size 8 or something XD) I also have a deviantART, so if you want to find me there, my username's ArtsyWriter, and you could read all that I completed of the story there.
Whoo... I wrote a lot O.o

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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-22-09
Last Post: 3370 days
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06-28-10 12:26 PM
Shane_Harles is Offline
| ID: 202525 | 166 Words

Shane_Harles
Level: 15


POSTS: 27/32
POST EXP: 6065
LVL EXP: 13082
CP: 0.0
VIZ: 4175

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
It is definitely not a fanfiction! I hate fanfics by the way...You will see airships, you will see summons, but both have a different twist. The summons are gods and goddesses called tevais(te-vahee)(Deities in corjan). And the character normally named Cid is named Rooke and yes he makes airships. I am planning on publishing so I checked the copyright to square Enix and the magic organization (fire, fira, firaga) is copyrighted so i made my own (in corjan) Quelenda (Wind) Quelenja (Wind 2) Quelenra (wind 3). and the same with the others. Fire = Chata, Wind = Quelen, and others (that was from memory. I don't have my notebook with me where it is writen down. It might be a bit before I post the next chapter because I'm on a coputer in a different state but please keep checking back, I don't want to have to make a new thread for each chapter just to get some replies.
Thanks for the input though lol
It is definitely not a fanfiction! I hate fanfics by the way...You will see airships, you will see summons, but both have a different twist. The summons are gods and goddesses called tevais(te-vahee)(Deities in corjan). And the character normally named Cid is named Rooke and yes he makes airships. I am planning on publishing so I checked the copyright to square Enix and the magic organization (fire, fira, firaga) is copyrighted so i made my own (in corjan) Quelenda (Wind) Quelenja (Wind 2) Quelenra (wind 3). and the same with the others. Fire = Chata, Wind = Quelen, and others (that was from memory. I don't have my notebook with me where it is writen down. It might be a bit before I post the next chapter because I'm on a coputer in a different state but please keep checking back, I don't want to have to make a new thread for each chapter just to get some replies.
Thanks for the input though lol
Member
of Cerberus


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 12-09-09
Location: Tucson. AZ
Last Post: 4879 days
Last Active: 4461 days

06-28-10 05:19 PM
mdynasty926 is Offline
| ID: 202629 | 71 Words

mdynasty926
Level: 69


POSTS: 747/1119
POST EXP: 111867
LVL EXP: 2741263
CP: 359.7
VIZ: 3339

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Shane_Harles : Yeah but you have to make sure someone replies to your thread since you can't post something twice in a roll. My thread was dead after about 12 chapters since after that no one commented... so it's in the next page XD.
And, isn't that magic organization a little close? haha. Except I don't know where you got the "Quelen" prefix or root from. Did you make it up?
Shane_Harles : Yeah but you have to make sure someone replies to your thread since you can't post something twice in a roll. My thread was dead after about 12 chapters since after that no one commented... so it's in the next page XD.
And, isn't that magic organization a little close? haha. Except I don't know where you got the "Quelen" prefix or root from. Did you make it up?
Trusted Member

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-22-09
Last Post: 3370 days
Last Active: 2397 days

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