Oh boy. Survivor: All-Stars was set up to be a hot topic of discussion. Survivor, despite losing some of its novelty, was still a huge cultural phenomenon back in the early 2000s. The show had just seen its most positively received season in a while with Survivor: The Amazon, and the season currently airing on TV, Survivor: Pearl Islands, was even more beloved by the public. Now turning 7 seasons old, the producers decided it was time to up the game. It was time to hand pick the best of the best, the most famous, cleverest, memorable characters of the past and put them back on the island for one spectacular showdown.

Survivor S8: All-Stars

So they went to the whiteboard. 7 seasons, 112 players. They had a lot to work with. Some people had to have been instant locks to be cast. Richard Hatch, the first ever winner, should be everyone’s #1 draft pick. Famous and beloved characters like Rudy, Sue Hawk, Colby, and Rob Cesternino were also expected. There were some that would have certainly gotten a spot on the cast had they not declined the invitation. Household names like Colleen Haskell, Greg Buis, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck would be an instant addition had they wanted to. The producers also thought it important to have representation from all 7 seasons in the cast. Unfortunately, that meant giving a spot away to someone from Survivor: Thailand. You win some, you lose some. At least they went with Shii Ann, one of the rare likeable people on that season. It also meant casting a player from the season currently airing, Survivor: Pearl Islands. The eventual winner of that season was asked, but declined due to still recovering from parasites they got from their time on the island. Luckily there was a clear option still there. A man with a beard rocking a tie dye shirt. A pirate who would go on to become the most popular player to ever play the game, Rupert.

In fact there were so many great choices, they couldn’t limit it to just 16 people. So, for the first time ever in the show, the cast consisted of 18 players. 9 men, 9 women.

Returning from Survivor: Borneo, you had Richard Hatch, the first ever winner. A natural conclusion, I don’t think you could have had an all-stars season without him. Joining Richard are Sue Hawk and Rudy. Two legendary characters who defined the early years of reality TV. Rudy’s bond with Richard was such a cultural phenomenon, it was one of the first instances of a friendship between a gay man and a straight, conservative man captured and aired for the world to see. It helped shape how the world came to see gay people in a more positive light. In the words of Rudy: "Me and Richard got to be pretty good friend. Not in a homosexual way, that's for sure." Sue Hawk on the other hand was responsible for the most iconic monologue, maybe ever, on TV. The snakes and rats speech she gave to Richard and Kelly at the final tribal council will live on forever. The last person from this season joining these three icons is… Jenna Lewis! Right, her. I won’t lie, this was a questionable choice. It’s not like there was a shortage of iconic female players either. Oh well, maybe Mark Burnett saw the video she posted.

Notable omissions: Greg Buis, Colleen Haskell, Kelly Wigglesworth.

Survivor: The Australian Outback was, and still is, the most watched season of all time. It’s only fair that this would be the season to get the most representatives in All-Stars, with 5. Meaning half the cast for this All-Stars season came from the first two seasons, which honestly makes sense. The most logical and expected inclusion was not actually the season’s winner, but its runner-up. Colby, the all American hero single handedly responsible for a surge of babies being named Colby the following years (I’m not joking, the impact he had on mothers when it came to baby names was insane), was back. Colby infamously decided to take Tina Wesson with him to the final tribal council over Keith, a decision that ended up costing him a million dollars. Still, he was the biggest hero Survivor had ever seen, so his inclusion was near guaranteed. Speaking of Tina, she also joined the cast. The second ever winner, and first female winner, her odds of getting on were high as well. The dog that didn’t bark was a very welcome addition. To go with big heroes you need a big villain. And who better than the original villainess of Survivor? The black widow, the maneater, Jerri Manthey! I’m a huge Jerri fan so I’m personally excited to see her on, but the public hated her. And that’s why she was a brilliant choice. Joining these three icons are, um, Alicia and Amber. I’d get Alicia maybe being a late addition as she had a few good moments, but Amber is completely out of left field. I guess they wanted some eye candy.

Notable omissions: Michael Skupin (though I’m retroactively glad he didn’t make it), Elisabeth Filarski.

Survivor: Africa is an overlooked season, but it was very memorable mainly due to the location. Living among the African wildlife, this has to be by far the most dangerous place they’ve ever filmed. Nevertheless the season had a few great characters too, albeit less so than its two predecessors. Returning from this season are the beloved trio of Ethan, Lex, and Big Tom. Their friendship was the main driving force of the season so it makes sense to see them all back. The biggest question mark was if they would decide to team up again, as they would be a force to be reckoned with. I’m actually not quite sure all three would have made it on the season had it not been for a certain incident during filming. During the final four immunity challenge, a trivia competition, Lex answered a question about a castmate’s piercings. His answer was marked as incorrect and he went on to lose that challenge to Kim Johnson, causing the trio to turn on each other. Big Tom went home at that tribal council, and Kim won immunity again the next round, sending Lex to the jury. Ethan did end up beating her in the final vote, but when it came to light that the answer Lex gave was actually correct, both he and Big Tom were compensated by receiving the runner-up price of 100.000 dollars and were also promised a spot on All-Stars. So that’s the backstory on that. I think there is still a good likelihood they both would have made the cast anyway but it’s a fun what-if scenario.

Notable omissions: Teresa Cooper! (seriously, why was she not on this season? I’d have taken her over someone like Jenna Lewis, Amber, or Alicia).

Survivor: Marquesas was the first season that wasn’t received as well. It was still successful, mind you, but noticeably less so than the first three. Still, it had some iconic players and moments. For the first time in Survivor we saw an immense power switch as the players on the bottom teamed up to take out the top dogs. This season also had the first POC reality TV winner ever, with Vecepia. It’s a shame that they decided not to cast her. Instead they went with who was probably the more popular player, Kathy VO. She was a great choice as one of the first dominant female players in the show’s history. Joining Kathy was… Rob Mariano? Don’t get me wrong, Rob Mariano, better known as Boston Rob, went on to become one of the most iconic players in his own right, mainly due to what would end up happening on this All-Stars season, but at the time he was a weird choice. Sure, he was a fun character and provided some funny commentary, but he wasn’t very successful in his season and was generally overshadowed by Sean Rector, who is probably the single person I want to return the most. At least Rob would end up making a name for himself this All-Stars season.

Notable omissions: Sean Rector (robbed), Vecepia Towery, John Carroll, Neleh Dennis.

I don’t think I need to elaborate too much on Survivor: Thailand. It was a horrible cast in a boring, predictable season. They chose their representative in Shii Ann and were done with it.

Notable omissions: Brian’s hot wife.

Survivor: The Amazon was a successful season. The big personalities all made it deep into the game, and the divide between men and women was iconic. The first returnee from this season is its winner, Jenna Morasca. I actually think this was a weird choice. Don’t get me wrong, I like Jenna a lot, but she wasn’t near as memorable as a character than her best friend and castmate Heidi, who didn’t make it on. She also wasn’t as impactful on a cultural level as her fellow female winner Vecepia was. So why she was ultimately casted remains a little question mark for me. Especially since she left to film the season whilst her mother was dying of cancer. Joining Jenna, however, was one of the most popular characters ever in Rob Cesternino. He had to have been a lock the moment they started listing names. He was a dominant, funny, charming player who had some great, snarky one liners. He played into the men vs. women theme so well, and his ultimate demise by the person he taught everything to, a la Dr. Frankenstein, was so fitting.

Notable omissions: Heidi Strobel.

And last but not least, the season currently airing, Survivor: Pearl Islands. This was also looking to be a massive success with the public. It has an iconic pirate theme, and an even more iconic cast. Even the early boots turned iconic the moment the Outcasts tribe showed up. There are, however, three characters that jump to the top immediately. The aforementioned Rupert, the single most popular player ever, even outdoing legends like Colby and Rudy, had to be a lock. He was guaranteed to draw in millions of viewers by himself. The season’s winner, Sandra, was also asked to be on. She sadly could not as she was still recovering from parasites. Last and definitely least, we have Jonny Fairplay. One of the most iconic villains in the show's history, he was a super slimy player who only looked out for himself. He would go on in reality TV history when the infamous ‘Dead Grandma’ incident happened. When it was time for the loved ones' visit, Fairplay’s buddy Thunder D came out (one of the greatest single episode characters of all time). It is at this moment that Fairplay asks the iconic question ‘Dude, how’s grandma?’. Everyone present goes silent. Thunder D gives an equally iconic response in ‘She died, dude.’ This scene still gives me chills to this day due to what happened next. The whole cast (minus Sandra, who doesn’t give a f*** lol) decides to give Fairplay the win in that challenge so he can talk about his grandma with Thunder D. When they have a private walk on the beach, these two suddenly fistbump each other and commend each other on their great performance. That’s right, the whole thing was faked for sympathy and an advantage in the game. You just can’t make this stuff up, especially when you go by the name Fairplay. Sadly he wasn’t on this All-Stars season as he would have been great, since the cast actually hadn’t seen all of Pearl Islands yet when they flew out (though I’m unsure if they had seen that scene). So after all that we only get Rupert from this season lol.

Notable omissions: Sandra Diaz-Twine, Jonny Fairplay, Andrew Savage, Lillian Morris.

And that’s the cast. Normally I wouldn’t have this long of a buildup to a cast but All-Stars was iconic. With a cast this stacked (minus Amber, Jenna Lewis, Rob Mariano and Alicia lol) it was bound to be an amazing season. Right? So why is it all the way down here in my rankings? Well, reality can oftentimes be disappointing.

The 18 players are, for the first time in Survivor history, split into three tribes of 6. Exciting news right! I think so, I like a three tribe format. Our tribes this season are the yellow Saboga, the red Chapera, and the green Mogo Mogo. Saboga, clearly the physically weaker of the three, predictably loses the first two challenges. It’s here that we first start seeing one of the most controversial aspects of the season; alliances. And not just any alliances, as that has been a precedent set in Survivor: Borneo, but pre-game alliances. It’s natural, given that the pool of players was smaller and they were all relatively well known names even in that small pool, that some players would have gotten to know each other outside of the show. And at the first tribal council it’s made clear that pretty much every player before the season had agreed to vote out the winners first. The thing everyone wanted most, even more so than winning themselves, was ensuring none of the four winners would win again. Thus, Tina was swiftly voted out first. What a fall from grace for Tina. However at their second tribal council, Saboga actually decided to keep Ethan around over the weaker Rudy. Look, when your whole cast is stacked you’re bound to lose some legends early on. But I’m glad that it caused Ethan to stick around for a bit. Jenna Morasca then quits the game after this, and whilst I’m normally harshly against quitters, I don’t put her in that same category. She had regrets going on the season and wanted to be with her mom at her deathbed, and so he opted to leave the game. She would make it to her bedside, where her mom passed away several days later. I don’t think badly of Jenna for this, though I am sad that she ended up taking a spot on the season that could have gone to someone like Teresa Cooper or Vecepia Towery. Saboga actually wins the next challenge, instead it is Chapera now at tribal council. They vote off another legend in Rob Cesternino as he was seen as way too big a strategic threat, plus there are no winners on the Chapera tribe for some reason.

At the next reward challenge Saboga once again loses and as punishment gets disbanded. Its 4 remaining members are then split among the other tribes and the game continues in a two tribe format. It is here that we encounter one of the darkest moments in Survivor history. During a challenge, Richard Hatch, a gay man (though this should have no influence over what happens), ends up rubbing his naked body against Sue Hawk as he tries to pass her on a balance beam. Obviously nowadays this would be a one way ticket to online outrage. However you need to put yourself into the world back then. Early 2000s, the internet was still new and social media like Twitter wasn’t a thing. Activism and ‘being woke’ wasn’t a thing back then. During Survivor: Borneo, Richard had a habit of streaking on the beach and in challenges. As a fat gay man doing this, it was seen as humerous, and the cast pretty much laughed it off and found it funny, perhaps a little strange. But this is what Richard was known for. And this particular challenge was designed to have physical contact between players. Still, Richard went on the balance beam naked and the incident occured. Initially Sue Hawk laughed it off as well. Richard does go home later that episode, however over the course of the next episodes, Sue Hawk gets more and more disturbed by the whole event. So much so that when Jeff makes a remark about it before a challenge, Sue Hawk explodes at him. She blames him for making light of the situation and quits the game on the spot. Nowadays every single person witnessing this would take her side on this. However, back then, things were different. Barely anyone on the cast had any sympathy for her outburst, and when Sue later regretted quitting the cast as a whole said they didn’t want her back. It’s just a really ugly moment in a season that had been quite enjoyable up until that moment. I do want to say that I don’t believe Richard meant any harm doing what he did. He thought it comical, as did everyone else at the time, even Sue. Furthermore, the man is gay. It’s not like he had any ulterior motives for it either. However, it obviously should not have happened. I don’t blame Sue for quitting here. Two quits, and I’m behind both of them. If anyone is to blame, it’s production for allowing Richard to get naked in the first place. It’s one thing for him to go skinny dipping at the beach, it’s another to be naked in a contact sport or challenge.

Regardless, the season continues. Two of the questionably cast choices, Amber and Rob Mariano, get into a showmance. They are the leaders of their tribe and have dominated the season so far, with Lex and Kathy dominating on the other tribe. This all changes when there is a second tribe switchup. However as luck would have it, or perhaps a little rigging from production, it turns out that every single person just drew the opposite buff and switched tribes, so they stayed the same. Everyone except Amber. Conveniently a low value cast member who was in a showmance that was running a tribe with some legends at the bottom. She draws the same tribe, so she is the only one to go to a new tribe. Amber’s new tribe then loses the challenge, and if you’re Lex and Kathy this should be an easy decision. Split up the power duo of the opposition as they are helpless and can’t do anything about it. It is at that moment that Rob cements himself in Survivor history. He goes up to Lex after the challenge and in true godfather fashion tells him ‘If you look out for Amber, I’ll look out for you’. Lex, a close friend of Rob’s outside the show, believes his friend and keeps Amber around, voting off Jerri instead. He kept his end of the deal as the tribes merged after this. However, when Lex and Kathy go to Rob to ask him to keep up his end of the deal, Rob gives them the cold shoulder. You have to understand, these people are close friends outside the show. And Rob just threw that all away at that moment to progress his game. Lex and Kathy are voted out back-to-back, realizing the mistake they made to trust a friend. It’s honestly some of the most dramatic moments in Survivor history. This isn’t someone betraying someone they’ve known for 20 days, these are real friends putting a price on their friendship.

Rob and Amber’s alliance is shortly stopped through a clutch immunity win by Shii Ann, the last remaining member of the opposition, and they vote off Alicia, who was the lowest on the totem pole. Shii Ann then goes next, but not before declaring to everyone that they shouldn’t be fooled by Rob, as she thinks Amber is the real mastermind behind everything. While I do think this was a little delusional on Shii Ann’s side (not to say I don’t think Amber played well, but come on now), this does serve as some amazing foreshadowing. Rob and Amber then pick off the remainder of their alliance and go to the final two together. It’s here that we see what I believe to be one of the angriest, most bitter juries I’ve ever seen. Aside from Shii Ann and Jenna Lewis, every single person there got burned by Rob and Amber. They berated them both, moreso Rob, for neglecting his friends for personal gain. Rob tries to slime his way out of it, but it was not enough as Amber wins in a close 4-3 vote. Not satisfied, Rob then pulls what is in my opinion the single best move in all of Survivor, by getting on one knee at the finale. That’s right, if you can’t win the million yourself, why not just marry the person who does? Rob and Amber are one of the most famous and successful TV romances, and are still together today with 4 lovely daughters!

Oh, and at the reunion they suddenly announce that they have been doing popularity polls throughout the season, with the winner of those also getting a million dollars. So who is our lucky winner? Rupert, duh. And it wasn’t even close. I love Rupert but I just can’t help but laugh that they blatantly just gave the guy a million dollars. Still, he’s the most successful non-winner in the show's history!

And that’s All-Stars. A season with an amazing cast that just falls low on my list due to that dark moment that happens in the middle of it. The season never picks back up after, with anger and bitterness taking over the later half of the season. It was very powerful to watch, mind you, but it’s hard to rewatch. Especially nowadays. There is just no joy in the season outside the first few episodes, and even then, almost nobody came out looking good. Rob and Amber were clearly the biggest winners of the season, but they weren’t universally celebrated. I’d say the people who came out the best are Rupert and Ethan. Ethan made a super impressive run, getting really close to the merge despite being a winner. He had a colossal target on his back from the beginning and managed to stick around for quite a while, being a fun character doing so. Rupert was still as beloved as before, and even won a million dollars with a loud roar.

This season it just felt like things were going on beyond the realm of Survivor. It didn’t feel like Survivor. It was like watching a Survivor tragedy.