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11-16-20 09:59 AM
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11-16-20 09:59 AM
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Apologies and Realizations

 

11-16-20 09:59 AM
luigi25 is Offline
| ID: 1387895 | 636 Words

luigi25
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I hope this is the last one of these threads I make. A lot of people (including myself) are probably sick of this by now. 2020 has been the worst year of my life. Back at the start of the year, I had to quit my job. The place was starting to turn into the type of environment I was living in at home with my dad. The people were constantly bullying me and giving me a hard time.

It was so overbearing. I live in the South, and this part of the country is way too conservative. So is my family, and that seems to override common sense and common courtesy. At the end of 2019, my work environment was even worse. I had to quit, and I could never find anything else. I worked at another place that was just as bad and got laid off after just a week or two. It was just as uptight but not as overbearing.

Over the years, I had no sense of identity. I never fit in anywhere. Everyone pushed me into religion and church. Family was always right, and you never questioned them. Those were the only jobs I worked before this last one. I worked with abusive family members. I got blamed for things that weren't my fault and to work under drug addicts and garbage.

If I've seemed angry or misogynist on here that's because I am. I don't want to be, and I try to do better but keep falling back into the same pattern of behavior. The stress in my life pushes me to do things I regret doing and saying. I can't stop. I gave up on marriage and kids because I don't want to put someone else through what I got put through growing up. I'm still going through it because of my poor choices and lack of self-awareness I had when I was younger.

I never learned from my mistakes, and like my dad, I never cared. I'm 37 and still live at home because I chose to live the way I live. I wasted my life, and it's too late for me to do better. I became like the people around me and spent more time doing the same things they did. I became a bully too. I was abusive to women and disrespectful of others that were different.

I need to grow up and forget all of this. I can't fix everything that's wrong with me, but I can fix my attitude. Although, I keep getting these negative re-enforcements from the people around me. My dad and mom will be dead soon, and it'll be up to me. Even if I can't take care of myself financially and live on my own, maybe I can keep having this type of mindset.

Somehow, I think if I can keep this attitude, I'll do a better job in the future. The way things are looking now after the election, this country might be moving in the right direction. My attitude started changing a lot after that. Whether people accept my apology or not doesn't matter. I didn't make it for them, I made it for myself and even have a hard copy of it in my room too.

I just felt the need to go public with it. I can't keep thinking like everyone else in my family. These people will be dead soon. I know I'll never have any friends or anybody if I have their negative attitude. Just because they're my family doesn't entitle them to respect. Same goes for anyone else in that situation. I need to realize other people DO have it worse. It's not a cry for attention, it's a cry for help. I need to do better, man up, and be more sensitive.
I hope this is the last one of these threads I make. A lot of people (including myself) are probably sick of this by now. 2020 has been the worst year of my life. Back at the start of the year, I had to quit my job. The place was starting to turn into the type of environment I was living in at home with my dad. The people were constantly bullying me and giving me a hard time.

It was so overbearing. I live in the South, and this part of the country is way too conservative. So is my family, and that seems to override common sense and common courtesy. At the end of 2019, my work environment was even worse. I had to quit, and I could never find anything else. I worked at another place that was just as bad and got laid off after just a week or two. It was just as uptight but not as overbearing.

Over the years, I had no sense of identity. I never fit in anywhere. Everyone pushed me into religion and church. Family was always right, and you never questioned them. Those were the only jobs I worked before this last one. I worked with abusive family members. I got blamed for things that weren't my fault and to work under drug addicts and garbage.

If I've seemed angry or misogynist on here that's because I am. I don't want to be, and I try to do better but keep falling back into the same pattern of behavior. The stress in my life pushes me to do things I regret doing and saying. I can't stop. I gave up on marriage and kids because I don't want to put someone else through what I got put through growing up. I'm still going through it because of my poor choices and lack of self-awareness I had when I was younger.

I never learned from my mistakes, and like my dad, I never cared. I'm 37 and still live at home because I chose to live the way I live. I wasted my life, and it's too late for me to do better. I became like the people around me and spent more time doing the same things they did. I became a bully too. I was abusive to women and disrespectful of others that were different.

I need to grow up and forget all of this. I can't fix everything that's wrong with me, but I can fix my attitude. Although, I keep getting these negative re-enforcements from the people around me. My dad and mom will be dead soon, and it'll be up to me. Even if I can't take care of myself financially and live on my own, maybe I can keep having this type of mindset.

Somehow, I think if I can keep this attitude, I'll do a better job in the future. The way things are looking now after the election, this country might be moving in the right direction. My attitude started changing a lot after that. Whether people accept my apology or not doesn't matter. I didn't make it for them, I made it for myself and even have a hard copy of it in my room too.

I just felt the need to go public with it. I can't keep thinking like everyone else in my family. These people will be dead soon. I know I'll never have any friends or anybody if I have their negative attitude. Just because they're my family doesn't entitle them to respect. Same goes for anyone else in that situation. I need to realize other people DO have it worse. It's not a cry for attention, it's a cry for help. I need to do better, man up, and be more sensitive.
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