I have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to make a plan for how I'm going to get through this situation that I have gotten myself into. I did not need to go out to that nightclub with those people I was with and neither did my former girlfriend. She had a disability (autism), and that was really not healthy for her! However, I am starting to get back out in the daytime, and I even drove today. I'm getting more movement back in my arms, but I still have to wear the neckbrace. I plan on trying to go on with my routine at home which includes: chores, chores, and more chores, but also video games (Vizzed!). Yes, I am going back to using this site for gaming instead of drama!!

I have no choice but to break up with my girlfriend because she blocked me on Facebook, and she also blocked my number when I tried calling her about 2 weeks ago. I don't know this for a fact, but I can read between the lines. My calls were just going to voicemail, my text weren't getting any replies, and I couldn't look at her Facebook page when I was logged in, but I could still look at her homepage when I wasn't. If she wants me back, she is going to have to ask for my forgiveness, and then, I'll forgive her because I still love her and always will.

I don't know if she is still working at the company I'm hopefully still working at. It's a bad thing for me if she is because I don't think she is going to try to speak to me anymore. Although, if she wants to take that opportunity to work things out, it is a great time for her to do so! However, with me, I don't feel like I can get anything better, and this job was close to becoming a permanent job with benefits such as: health insurance. I want to go back to work there soon and start making money. That's the only way I'm going to get out of this depression. It's through getting active physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can't just take anti-depressants and wait for things to happen. I have to get up and do what my body will let me do.

And that is a lot more than what I did last week when I made another stupid thread on Vizzed about my depression that still hasn't gotten any responses. I'm glad it didn't because I'm not looking for sympathy. I sure didn't get any of that from my recent love interest, and that's why she's now my ex! I thought our relationship was going to be the return to a better life that I haven't had in 10 or 15 years! Working is one way to do it, and I guess that will give me what I need to overcome the big issues I have been facing now and for the last decade or so. I am still determined to beat this depression and not just be another pathetic, lonely, guy who kills themselves over all the financial problems I have been going through in my life for years. I also want to encourage other people in my situation to speak up and don't worry about what other people think. Your weak if you don't.

If only my ex would realize this right now, and that she isn't alone. She's not the only girl I've been in a relationship with that's had these problems! I still love that girl too but really want to get my life back on track. I need this job and need to find a way to break free of this hold my dad seems to have on me. He's the real problem because I can't trust HIM. We're getting along now, but I know that will never last! It never has and never will. I need to be able to afford to live on my own with a good computer and internet so I can keep doing the things in my life I am passionate about and manage to have time for a good relationship in the process.