06-22-09 04:01 PM

DarkestHour14 is Offline

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DarkestHour14

Level: 12

POSTS: 18/20
POST EXP: 5539
LVL EXP: 6590
CP: 0.0
VIZ: 680

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This was tentatively titled "Lukas and the Invincible Wind, but i thought it sounded mega-cheesy. The title now, Nuathariel, becomes more apparent later on.
So yeah...this is a two page excerpt, from the point of view of the character Sirius. Let me know if you like it, so I can figure out if the other 20 pages are worth posting. This exerpt is closer to the 10 pg mark, but I though these two pages were among the most interesting.

Sirius:

I pack my bags quickly an' throw on some less conspicuous clothin'. The villagers saw me talking with her, and I can feel their hate as I walk by them.
Is she really the one who can help us? I feel so bad; she seems so distraught, so confused and afraid, but her fiery exterior hides it well. I pick up my curved blade an' quietly put it in its sheath. I hope I don't 'ave ta use this...I've got to go before they realize I'm plannin' on runnin'. So as I head out into the night with only the stars to guide my way, I walk cautiously towards the entrance. I noise distracts my attention an' I glance ova at the stable of that little inn. The black horse an' the yella one are still there...
That girl's still here!!
I see a man quickly round the corner, mumbling into a device which prob'ly allows him to communicate with his cohorts. I listen in on his mind...
I feel apprehension, anxiety, anger, an I see flashes of metal, red liquid, blood I think, an then: !
In his mind for a brief instant I see an image of himself running the girl through with a crooked sword.
Releasing myself from his mind I stumble backwards against a building an try to control my breathing as I run for the inn. Looking up at the relatively small sandy colored building, I begin climbing, putting my foot on the sill of the windows that're so close together. That's okay; makes things easier for me. As I reach up for the next sill, someone's thoughts burst into my head. Whoever it is, they must be having some strong emotions for it to come into my head without my say-so.
I feel...misery...and anger. I see the color...greyish blue, like that girl's eyes! But it's a chaotic blue, like the sky before a storm.
I head towards the direction of the pain flowing so freely, an' I come to rest at a particularly shabby looking sill, it's crumblin' and thereâ€™s dilapidated flower miserably slumped in its pot towards the moon.
I heave myself into the window, unsuccessfully tryin to be stealthy. I fall to the floor with a crash. The moon disappears behind some clouds, my light extinguished.
I hear a growl of some sort and then pain explodes onto my back. Sweet Caesia, I'm seein stars!
Groaning, I turn onto my back, only to be kicked in the stomach.
"Oh my goodness!" I hear faintly, and a rustling of sheet. "Anya! Put the coat-rack down! Turn on the lights for heaven's sake!"
White light from the ether bulbs temporarily blind me, an a face, like an eclipse to that light appears over my head.
"Oh no!! Sirius!? Sirius are you okay?"
Ah, I should've known, the fiery miss from the stable. Note ta self; don't sneek up on her, ever.
"What are you doing here?" she asks. I sit up with renewed gusto and leap at the light switch. The ether fades.
"Caesia, do you want the whole city to know you're up an about?!" I whisper, exasperated. "What'm I doin hea? What'm I doin hea? What're you doin hea?! I told'ja to git outta hea asap!" I calm myself, controlling my atrocious accent to somethin' a lil more understandable..."They're on their way. here," I emphasize by pointing to the floor. "C'mon, you've gotta leave."
"Right now?" she asks, her big eyes all wide.
No, how's about next week we leave? The crazy people with their pitchforks will definitely wait until then to rip us to bits! But what I say is,
"Yes, now."
"And just who do you think you are, trying to steal my granddaughter from me?" I look over and see for the first time an old woman with the same blue-grey eyes as Anya, but set in darker skin. Wrinkles crease her ancient face, but her eyes show no sign of age. Great, another stubborn one.
"There are people tryin' to kill her!" I try to explain as quickly as possible.
"I don't think I trust you, you look kind of shady..." she muses.
Suddenly angry yells come from the street below, an we all run to the window. The entire village is swarmed 'round the entrance and tryin to ram their way in with a batterin ram.
"Are--you--serious!?" I say, stressing each word. This is ludicrous!
"C'mon, we're leavin'" I say, grabbin her arm.
"Wait, what about Niamh!" she cries, an' looks back at her grandmum.
"They won't hurt her they just want you! Now c'mon!" I look at her grandmum fer approval and she nods her head gravely. I see the tears come to her eyes.
"Now now ma'm, we'll meet up wit you again, and tha's fer certain," I tell her.
"Where are you headed for?"
"We'll meet'cha in Pallora, it's far on the eastern shore,"
She gives me a look, but I don't know what exactly it means, so I enter her thoughts--
Don't you try that with me mister!
I heard it as clear as a bell in my head. I look at the old woman. She has a grin on her face, but it's not a friendly one.
I don't trust you, let's just get that straight. If you do anything to my Anya, you'll be sorry!
Man, that is one intense granny.
"Then I guess we'll meet ya in Pallora!" I say too cheerfully. Anya gives her grandmum a hug an a kiss and grabs her things, and just as we're about to go out the door, I turn one last time to see the grandma. No one has ever been able to block me before...who is this woman?
She's not paying attention to me, she's lookin at my back...
My back!!!
I quickly rearrange my shirt so that the damned thing ain't showing. But she's already seen...Damn! That's okay, she can't possibly know what it means... She pulls out a charm hanging on a chain from her neck and rubs it nervously.
Oh I see, the charm is of Yilandra, the goddess of dreams. So she's a dream interpreter...that's why...So she knows!
Suddenly her eyes focus on me again. I guess she remembered that she's letting a stranger take her granddaughter to a place she's never been to.
"Wait, Anya wait! That man is dangerous!"
I don't wait. I shut the door and lock it from the outside. Anya's too freaked out to notice. Even in the badly lit hallways I can see her eyes; nervous, but still sparklin'.
We run to the back end of the inn an I throw the screen off of the window at the end of the hall. Whew, it's a looong ways down...
"We're going out a window!?" she screeches. Then a crash comes from downstairs.
They've broken in. I can't even think straight...the jump's too high to get away unscathed...what to do...I can't even see the bottom 'cause it's so dark...I look over at Anya who's just gazing back at me, trusting me completely 'though she don't even know me. By Caesia is she beautiful.
I look past her to see the villagers, angry and covered in war-paint, screamin like a bunch 'a banshees. The idiots get themselves stuck in the hallway 'cause they all want us at the same time...huh, disgraceful.
One of the doors in the hallways opens up.
"what the!?" the voice says. A guy 'bout my age steps into the hallway and then sees us at the end, my leg stickin out the window, and my hand on Anya's waist, and my sword at my side.
"Anya! What are you doing! Who is that?" He yells an points. He starts to head for us, his golden hair brushing back in his motion.
"Lukas..." she whispers. Damn, she's got a man!? This only makes things even more complicated. First there's a batty granny who can block my abilities and now there's this crazy controllin boyfriend who looks like he's going to kill me. All of a sudden Lukas, (what a daffy name), tilts back, his eyes wide open. Or at least, he seems to be tilting back.
"ANYA!!!"
Only when I feel the breeze on my face do I realize that we're fallin.
"ANYAAAA!!!"
That girl plumb pushed me outta that window!

This was tentatively titled "Lukas and the Invincible Wind, but i thought it sounded mega-cheesy. The title now, Nuathariel, becomes more apparent later on.
So yeah...this is a two page excerpt, from the point of view of the character Sirius. Let me know if you like it, so I can figure out if the other 20 pages are worth posting. This exerpt is closer to the 10 pg mark, but I though these two pages were among the most interesting.

Sirius:

I pack my bags quickly an' throw on some less conspicuous clothin'. The villagers saw me talking with her, and I can feel their hate as I walk by them.
Is she really the one who can help us? I feel so bad; she seems so distraught, so confused and afraid, but her fiery exterior hides it well. I pick up my curved blade an' quietly put it in its sheath. I hope I don't 'ave ta use this...I've got to go before they realize I'm plannin' on runnin'. So as I head out into the night with only the stars to guide my way, I walk cautiously towards the entrance. I noise distracts my attention an' I glance ova at the stable of that little inn. The black horse an' the yella one are still there...
That girl's still here!!
I see a man quickly round the corner, mumbling into a device which prob'ly allows him to communicate with his cohorts. I listen in on his mind...
I feel apprehension, anxiety, anger, an I see flashes of metal, red liquid, blood I think, an then: !
In his mind for a brief instant I see an image of himself running the girl through with a crooked sword.
Releasing myself from his mind I stumble backwards against a building an try to control my breathing as I run for the inn. Looking up at the relatively small sandy colored building, I begin climbing, putting my foot on the sill of the windows that're so close together. That's okay; makes things easier for me. As I reach up for the next sill, someone's thoughts burst into my head. Whoever it is, they must be having some strong emotions for it to come into my head without my say-so.
I feel...misery...and anger. I see the color...greyish blue, like that girl's eyes! But it's a chaotic blue, like the sky before a storm.
I head towards the direction of the pain flowing so freely, an' I come to rest at a particularly shabby looking sill, it's crumblin' and thereâ€™s dilapidated flower miserably slumped in its pot towards the moon.
I heave myself into the window, unsuccessfully tryin to be stealthy. I fall to the floor with a crash. The moon disappears behind some clouds, my light extinguished.
I hear a growl of some sort and then pain explodes onto my back. Sweet Caesia, I'm seein stars!
Groaning, I turn onto my back, only to be kicked in the stomach.
"Oh my goodness!" I hear faintly, and a rustling of sheet. "Anya! Put the coat-rack down! Turn on the lights for heaven's sake!"
White light from the ether bulbs temporarily blind me, an a face, like an eclipse to that light appears over my head.
"Oh no!! Sirius!? Sirius are you okay?"
Ah, I should've known, the fiery miss from the stable. Note ta self; don't sneek up on her, ever.
"What are you doing here?" she asks. I sit up with renewed gusto and leap at the light switch. The ether fades.
"Caesia, do you want the whole city to know you're up an about?!" I whisper, exasperated. "What'm I doin hea? What'm I doin hea? What're you doin hea?! I told'ja to git outta hea asap!" I calm myself, controlling my atrocious accent to somethin' a lil more understandable..."They're on their way. here," I emphasize by pointing to the floor. "C'mon, you've gotta leave."
"Right now?" she asks, her big eyes all wide.
No, how's about next week we leave? The crazy people with their pitchforks will definitely wait until then to rip us to bits! But what I say is,
"Yes, now."
"And just who do you think you are, trying to steal my granddaughter from me?" I look over and see for the first time an old woman with the same blue-grey eyes as Anya, but set in darker skin. Wrinkles crease her ancient face, but her eyes show no sign of age. Great, another stubborn one.
"There are people tryin' to kill her!" I try to explain as quickly as possible.
"I don't think I trust you, you look kind of shady..." she muses.
Suddenly angry yells come from the street below, an we all run to the window. The entire village is swarmed 'round the entrance and tryin to ram their way in with a batterin ram.
"Are--you--serious!?" I say, stressing each word. This is ludicrous!
"C'mon, we're leavin'" I say, grabbin her arm.
"Wait, what about Niamh!" she cries, an' looks back at her grandmum.
"They won't hurt her they just want you! Now c'mon!" I look at her grandmum fer approval and she nods her head gravely. I see the tears come to her eyes.
"Now now ma'm, we'll meet up wit you again, and tha's fer certain," I tell her.
"Where are you headed for?"
"We'll meet'cha in Pallora, it's far on the eastern shore,"
She gives me a look, but I don't know what exactly it means, so I enter her thoughts--
Don't you try that with me mister!
I heard it as clear as a bell in my head. I look at the old woman. She has a grin on her face, but it's not a friendly one.
I don't trust you, let's just get that straight. If you do anything to my Anya, you'll be sorry!
Man, that is one intense granny.
"Then I guess we'll meet ya in Pallora!" I say too cheerfully. Anya gives her grandmum a hug an a kiss and grabs her things, and just as we're about to go out the door, I turn one last time to see the grandma. No one has ever been able to block me before...who is this woman?
She's not paying attention to me, she's lookin at my back...
My back!!!
I quickly rearrange my shirt so that the damned thing ain't showing. But she's already seen...Damn! That's okay, she can't possibly know what it means... She pulls out a charm hanging on a chain from her neck and rubs it nervously.
Oh I see, the charm is of Yilandra, the goddess of dreams. So she's a dream interpreter...that's why...So she knows!
Suddenly her eyes focus on me again. I guess she remembered that she's letting a stranger take her granddaughter to a place she's never been to.
"Wait, Anya wait! That man is dangerous!"
I don't wait. I shut the door and lock it from the outside. Anya's too freaked out to notice. Even in the badly lit hallways I can see her eyes; nervous, but still sparklin'.
We run to the back end of the inn an I throw the screen off of the window at the end of the hall. Whew, it's a looong ways down...
"We're going out a window!?" she screeches. Then a crash comes from downstairs.
They've broken in. I can't even think straight...the jump's too high to get away unscathed...what to do...I can't even see the bottom 'cause it's so dark...I look over at Anya who's just gazing back at me, trusting me completely 'though she don't even know me. By Caesia is she beautiful.
I look past her to see the villagers, angry and covered in war-paint, screamin like a bunch 'a banshees. The idiots get themselves stuck in the hallway 'cause they all want us at the same time...huh, disgraceful.
One of the doors in the hallways opens up.
"what the!?" the voice says. A guy 'bout my age steps into the hallway and then sees us at the end, my leg stickin out the window, and my hand on Anya's waist, and my sword at my side.
"Anya! What are you doing! Who is that?" He yells an points. He starts to head for us, his golden hair brushing back in his motion.
"Lukas..." she whispers. Damn, she's got a man!? This only makes things even more complicated. First there's a batty granny who can block my abilities and now there's this crazy controllin boyfriend who looks like he's going to kill me. All of a sudden Lukas, (what a daffy name), tilts back, his eyes wide open. Or at least, he seems to be tilting back.
"ANYA!!!"
Only when I feel the breeze on my face do I realize that we're fallin.
"ANYAAAA!!!"
That girl plumb pushed me outta that window!

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