SavatoX : Okay, X2, ready to play a game?
X2: Hey, how come you get a cool name, and I'm just "X2"?
SavatoX : Shut up! It's MY review. So anyway, Battletoads on NES. Now--
X2: You know what? Forget it. Let's not beat around the bush here. Today, we will review one of the, if not THE hardest games in video game history, Battletoads.
SavatoX : At first glance, this may seem like that game that's riding on Ninja Turtles's success, but it's actually really good.
X2: This game is huge, it's addicting... and it's hard. Hard hard hard hard hard HARD.
SavatoX : So we're about to do the impossible, and play an impossible game.Story
SavatoX : Uh...
X2: I think I better just copy and paste the box description here, rather than trying to explain it myself.
SavatoX : Hey, that's my job!"The Dark Queen has attacked and kidnapped (toadnapped?) your best buddy. To make matters worse, she nabbed the best looking girl around! So, what will you do? Cry? Whimper? Hide? Call the Starcops? NO! Cause you're a Battletoad! Battletoads don't cry, hide or call for help! And they certainly don't whimper! They get MAD then they get EVEN! So grab your blaster, hop on the Toadster and go get 'em!"Both: Ooooooookay.Gameplay
X2: There's really no shortage of gameplay options here. We could sit here for hours trying to list them all.
SavatoX : So basically, if you wanna know that badly, you have to play it yourself. This is probably the only game I have ever played that's less fun with two players, than with only one.
X2: Hey! What is that supposed to mean?
SavatoX : You'll understand in a little bit.Graphics and Sound
SavatoX : Both of these get a perfect ten. Unlike a lot of games on the NES (I'm looking at you, Silver Surfer), every level has its own unique track. Even pausing the game gives you a pretty sweet tune to listen to.
X2: The sound effects are so impactful. They really capture how powerful you are. The graphics are absolutely mind-blowing. In the speed bike stage, the obstacles move so fast that it makes me dizzy.
SavatoX : I love how the Battletoads grow ram horns when they charge and how their fists enlarge when they punch.
X2: So ram horns make you more powerful, huh? Interesting. *puts on ram horns* Baaaaaaaaa!
SavatoX : I knew I should have just done this one solo.Addictiveness
X2: For some reason, this game makes me want to pick the controller back up right after throwing it at the screen. It's like, it's too hard to beat, but you won't stop 'til you've beaten it. It's that addicting.
SavatoX : That is, until you hit the obstacle courses, like the speed biking, surfing, and flying stages. Those just make you want to punch the developers in the face. No pun intended.
X2: After you pass those (if you pass them), then it's back to the real fun.
SavatoX : X2, I thought we agreed that *I* did the talking.
X2: Yeah? Change of plans.Depth
SavatoX : In my Super Castlevania IV review, I said that the game was extremely linear, but gave it a seven. That's because the game was huge, and pretty much impossible to play through all at once.
X2: Well, it's the same case with Battletoads. If you go through the whole game without warping, you'll find that there are twelve levels in the game, some of them taking half an hour to beat.
SavatoX : And like I said before, there is NO shortage of gameplay options. In the two-player mode, the game suddenly becomes realistic, and lets you "kill" your partner.
X2: Oh, so there are giant frogs in real life, too? I'd better watch my back...
SavatoX : X2... It's a game... And I was being sarcastic...Difficulty
X2: This game actually deserves an eleven on the difficulty scale.
SavatoX : In Battletoads, perfection rules.
X2: He's not kidding. If your timing is even a millisecond off, your chances are a snowball in hell. Oh, but the two player mode has to be a lot easier, right?
SavatoX : Wrong! You can damage each other, and if one player runs out of lives, you both lose.
X2: Are serious!? This game must be impossible with two players! With just the one player it's hard, but with two, it's virtually unplayable!!!
SavatoX : X2?
X2: Yes?
SavatoX : *punches X2*
X2: *dies*
GAME OVER
SavatoX : What!? Game over!? But he died, so why do I get the game over screen!?
Game Master: You two must work together if you wish to beat this game.
X2: Miss me?
SavatoX : Ugh... Fine.
Conclusion
SavatoX : *sigh* Alright, X2, let's finish this game.
X2: So this game is more than worthy of being considered the toughest game on the console, and maybe even in video game history.
SavatoX : Ninja Gaiden, Castlevania, Contra. Those games are a cakewalk compared to this game. Battletoads is NOT a two-player game.
X2: But we love the graphics and the sound, and massive variety of gameplay.
SavatoX : So now I hope you enjoyed the review, and *I* will see you next time.
X2: Hey, what about me?
SavatoX : Yeah. I'll probably bring you along again...
X2: Yay!
SavatoX : ...sometime next decade.
X2: Boo! |
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