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Jokes! Best Joke Shall Get 2000 Viz!
Every Week The Best Joke Will Be Chosen!
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Jokes! Best Joke Shall Get 2000 Viz!

 

02-13-12 05:12 PM
drago is Offline
| ID: 542404 | 75 Words

drago
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Here It Is Time To Tell The Best Jokes For Viz. Telling The Best Joke Will Get You 2000 Viz!

Rules:

1. Don't Take Jokes From Websites! Make The Joke One You Made Yourself Or From A Friend.

2. You Can Only Make ONE Joke Count. ( You Can Put More Than One But I Will Only Put The Best One You Put. )

3. Don't Repeat A Joke Someone Said In The Same Week.
Here It Is Time To Tell The Best Jokes For Viz. Telling The Best Joke Will Get You 2000 Viz!

Rules:

1. Don't Take Jokes From Websites! Make The Joke One You Made Yourself Or From A Friend.

2. You Can Only Make ONE Joke Count. ( You Can Put More Than One But I Will Only Put The Best One You Put. )

3. Don't Repeat A Joke Someone Said In The Same Week.
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(edited by drago on 02-15-12 05:21 PM)    

02-14-12 06:57 AM
FalcoDude is Offline
| ID: 542547 | 14 Words

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What do you get when you cross a Elephant with a rhino elephrino Hellifiknow
What do you get when you cross a Elephant with a rhino elephrino Hellifiknow
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(edited by FalcoDude on 02-14-12 06:58 AM)    

02-14-12 07:22 AM
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This one is a pretty long one:

How do You put the elephant in the fridge?
Answer: Open the fridge's door put the elephant there, close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Answer: Open the fridge's door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe there and then close the door.

The lion made a party, all the animals went there less one, which was it?
Answer: The giraffe.

Why?
Answer: Because it is in the fridge.

You want to cross a river but there is a sign saying: Beware alligators. What should you do?
Answer: Pass the river tranquilly because the alligators are in the party.
This one is a pretty long one:

How do You put the elephant in the fridge?
Answer: Open the fridge's door put the elephant there, close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Answer: Open the fridge's door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe there and then close the door.

The lion made a party, all the animals went there less one, which was it?
Answer: The giraffe.

Why?
Answer: Because it is in the fridge.

You want to cross a river but there is a sign saying: Beware alligators. What should you do?
Answer: Pass the river tranquilly because the alligators are in the party.
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02-15-12 05:07 PM
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From http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Misc-Jokes/101-Ways-To-Annoy-People.html

101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field
of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your
drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have
conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with
your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by
hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
<

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego
pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all
your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".


10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.


12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty
miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car
windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."


16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."


17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
"astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation,
and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget
the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."


20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your
boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along
to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of
ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."


26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the
prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.


28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.


29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every
action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while
someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the
people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34.
Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the
page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental
video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew
anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy
products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a
novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo,
serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how
slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.


46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change
channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of
"Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear
your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and
simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all
your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53.
only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.


56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to
all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.


59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy
assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the
following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind,
its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as
"Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your
socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells"
until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent
One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand
over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your
computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the
William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done,
announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.


74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75.
Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the
Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent.
If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself
to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the
big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in
co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr.
Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your
head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as
the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until
September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great
glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand
that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a
hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens
that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to
33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of
your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the
opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament,
chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an
extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and
ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious
questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something

about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and
claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the
jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break
eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front
lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with
it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of
September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.








From http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/Funny-Jokes/Misc-Jokes/101-Ways-To-Annoy-People.html

101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field
of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your
drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have
conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with
your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by
hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
<

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego
pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all
your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".


10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.


12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty
miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car
windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."


16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."


17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
"astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation,
and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget
the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."


20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your
boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along
to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of
ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."


26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the
prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.


28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.


29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every
action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while
someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the
people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34.
Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the
page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental
video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew
anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy
products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a
novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo,
serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how
slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.


46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change
channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of
"Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear
your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and
simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all
your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53.
only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.


56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to
all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.


59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy
assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the
following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind,
its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as
"Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your
socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells"
until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent
One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand
over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your
computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the
William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done,
announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.


74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75.
Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the
Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent.
If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself
to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the
big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in
co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr.
Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your
head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as
the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until
September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great
glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand
that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a
hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens
that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to
33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of
your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the
opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament,
chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an
extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and
ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious
questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something

about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and
claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the
jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break
eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front
lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with
it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of
September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
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02-15-12 05:18 PM
drago is Offline
| ID: 543016 | 31 Words

drago
Level: 48


POSTS: 338/500
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Jboy2468 : Sadly, Your Joke Will Not Count As It Is From A Website! I Guess It's My Fault For Not Putting Rules But For Being Honest You Will Get 200 Viz.
Jboy2468 : Sadly, Your Joke Will Not Count As It Is From A Website! I Guess It's My Fault For Not Putting Rules But For Being Honest You Will Get 200 Viz.
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02-15-12 07:15 PM
Stevie 764 is Offline
| ID: 543047 | 45 Words

Stevie 764
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So there's 2 stick people named Chip and Pizza, Chip says "What happened to your head?" in a scared voice, then Pizza tries (but can't) to say "My head was gobbled off by a turkey!"
Hilarious joke by me, more to come in the future.
So there's 2 stick people named Chip and Pizza, Chip says "What happened to your head?" in a scared voice, then Pizza tries (but can't) to say "My head was gobbled off by a turkey!"
Hilarious joke by me, more to come in the future.
Vizzed Elite
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02-15-12 08:59 PM
rcarter2 is Offline
| ID: 543086 | 135 Words

rcarter2
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Local Mods : Probably should ignore the post experience in Jboy2458's account, as it is 1191 words of copy/paste. 

As for my joke-

A woman walks onto a bus with her baby in her arms. She shows the driver her bus pass, and the driver stares at the baby. He looks at the woman and says "That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen in my entire life." Obviously, the woman was deeply hurt by this. She goes to the back of the bus crying. The man she sits next to asks what's wrong. The woman tells him what the rude bus driver said to her. The man says "That is outrageous! You need to go up there and tell off that driver! Go up there right now, I'll hold your pet monkey for you."
Local Mods : Probably should ignore the post experience in Jboy2458's account, as it is 1191 words of copy/paste. 

As for my joke-

A woman walks onto a bus with her baby in her arms. She shows the driver her bus pass, and the driver stares at the baby. He looks at the woman and says "That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen in my entire life." Obviously, the woman was deeply hurt by this. She goes to the back of the bus crying. The man she sits next to asks what's wrong. The woman tells him what the rude bus driver said to her. The man says "That is outrageous! You need to go up there and tell off that driver! Go up there right now, I'll hold your pet monkey for you."
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02-19-12 04:24 PM
drago is Offline
| ID: 544012 | 21 Words

drago
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Okay. The End Of The Week Is Here. Time To Pick The Winner!

The Winner Of This Week Is FalcoDude! Congratulations!
Okay. The End Of The Week Is Here. Time To Pick The Winner!

The Winner Of This Week Is FalcoDude! Congratulations!
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02-19-12 07:57 PM
NintendoPower24 is Offline
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.
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02-19-12 08:12 PM
Jboy2468 is Offline
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My version of: "Are you sleeping, are you sleeping, Brother John, Brother John?"
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping...


I WAS!!!!

My version of: "Are you sleeping, are you sleeping, Brother John, Brother John?"
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping...


I WAS!!!!

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02-20-12 05:40 AM
drago is Offline
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drago
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NintendoPower24 : You're Joke Is Funny But Cruel! That First Guy Is Pretty Stupid.
NintendoPower24 : You're Joke Is Funny But Cruel! That First Guy Is Pretty Stupid.
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02-20-12 08:46 PM
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drago : Thank you man! hey you know there is a vizzed bank in Viz market in case your low on Viz.(by the way i am not advertising my threads it made by nascardude24).
drago : Thank you man! hey you know there is a vizzed bank in Viz market in case your low on Viz.(by the way i am not advertising my threads it made by nascardude24).
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02-24-12 06:04 PM
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Okay, this is from NO website... One day a woman goes up to her husband and says to him, "If I won the lottery, what would you do?" Then the husband replies, "I'd take half and leave" then the wife says, "Well heres six bucks get the f*ck out"
Okay, this is from NO website... One day a woman goes up to her husband and says to him, "If I won the lottery, what would you do?" Then the husband replies, "I'd take half and leave" then the wife says, "Well heres six bucks get the f*ck out"
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What's brown and sticky?

A stick!
What's brown and sticky?

A stick!
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The End Of The Week Is Here! Time To Announce The Winner! 

And The Winner Is... NintendoPower64: !
The End Of The Week Is Here! Time To Announce The Winner! 

And The Winner Is... NintendoPower64: !
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Why was the weiner dog so sweaty?Because he was a hot dog!
Why was the weiner dog so sweaty?Because he was a hot dog!
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A joke A JOKE what do i look like to you a comedian I don't even know what a comedian reads COMIC BOOKS
A joke A JOKE what do i look like to you a comedian I don't even know what a comedian reads COMIC BOOKS
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harry potter player


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If you go into the bathroom as an American and come out as an Asian, what are you while you are in the bathroom? European! (your-a-peein)
If you go into the bathroom as an American and come out as an Asian, what are you while you are in the bathroom? European! (your-a-peein)
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Dominating RGR Competition Hall of Fame Table!


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rcarter2: I'm sorry for offending you so badly. I will never ever flame staff again and if I do, I will take a video of me in my underwear doing the macerana on a table in the middle of dinner be banned.

-Post approved by Someone70
rcarter2: I'm sorry for offending you so badly. I will never ever flame staff again and if I do, I will take a video of me in my underwear doing the macerana on a table in the middle of dinner be banned.

-Post approved by Someone70
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(edited by Someone70 on 02-26-12 01:38 AM)    

02-26-12 12:10 AM
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Local Mods : MonkeyNuts over here needs his comment edited. 
Local Mods : MonkeyNuts over here needs his comment edited. 
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