This week has been so tough on me. I'm at the point of giving up, but I can't do that. I have to be strong for myself and for my mother. This week was supposed to be good for the both of us. I get the chance to get out and work for a bit to gain the experience I need when I get a real job and plus to get me out of the house. All the while giving my Mom a break to relax from the stress we normally deal with from my step father and neighbors, but that didn't go as we hoped or planned. You see. During the first 3 days was going smoothly until my step dad called quitting his job, because they had lost power there and the boss wasn't doing anything to fix it, but that's not the problem yet. The day before Mom left to get them. She went to the doctor because the back of her head was throbbing so bad, she couldn't take it. Well, after the visit to the doctor. I found out that her blood pressure was so high. It was in the danger, in stroke level. If she didn't go when she did. She would have died that night. However. It stressed her out more, because she had to drive 2 hours to get them and 2 hours back. The truck full of people. My step dad along with his friends. I felt so useless and helpless, because I felt like there was nothing I could do. I only bring in 50 dollars everyday and that doesn't keep food on the table and the bills paid. I have to keep working and push my self to the limits until my step dad starts working again and that's not helping with my mother's health. Specially with his attitude. I'm so depressed. Full of fear of  my mother's health, anger toward my step day, and sorrow on how useless I feel. I'm scared to come home from work one day and find her dead. I haven't cried in so many years, but I can't hold them back this time. I honestly hate negative feelings and actions. It never solves anything. I'm so lost and scared, but I can't show those emotions right now. I have to stay strong. This is the very first time I ever expressed myself like this, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I have a lot of thoughts running through my head.

Natas : WOW, that is a LOT to have to deal with. I wish I had some easy solutions or answers for you, but I don't. I understand what it's like to struggle. But my situation is a little different than yours. I wish I could be of more help but I really don't know what to say other than I am here if you need to talk.

I don't know what to tell you, Natas. Quite frankly I don't know how to look at this other than with my faith in God, but I don't want to speak in a manner that will waste my time or yours. Honestly who likes negative feelings to begin with? Well hate them. We do everything we can to avoid them, but right now you need to let them out. Don't be afraid to PM me if you want to take this conversation one-on-one.

It looks like you are doing as much as you can already. I realize that you hate negative feelings, and you appear to be one who refuses to cry until you can't hold it in. But you have to understand that such things does not make you less strong for your family. If you bottle it up inside, those negative feelings will only thrive. I'm not saying you need to let all your emotions out in front of your family, because I'm sure you wouldn't do that. Just make sure you have someone to talk to  to unload when you need to. You have friends here, and I don't think they are going to just turn you down. You may not really know me much at all here, but I can talk if you need it. AuraBlaze offered too, and others are willing to do the same. It can be frustrating when you want to do more, but don't know what else you can do. But sometimes, you have to realize that you have your limitations, and all you can expect from yourself is only what is possible for you to do. You can't try to take it upon yourself to fix everything. Continue what you are doing, and make sure your mother knows that you are there for her. But make sure you find someone who can give you emotional support. Good luck to you and the whole situation. 

Damn those people I sometime hate when that happen