I'll start things off.
What's behind Chuck Norris' beard?



Another Fist!!!!!

This was said by Mike Huckabee: "Chuck Norris would have all the terrorists running for their lives if I picked him for vice President."

An old blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris's foot. Chuck Norris turned around and said "Who the hell do you think I am?! I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the mans blindness. Unfortunatly, the first, last, and only thing the man saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face.

lbock, did he really say that? That'd be funny if he did, I could see him actually saying that too. Would be cool to see Chuck Norris as a Vice President, probably the only celeb who could run for president and no one would hate him...actually probably the only person.

He said it on Ellen. Don't ask why I watch Ellen, I don't have cable.

Chuck Norris has been one of Huckabee's biggest supporters, but even if Huckabee won he probably wouldn't pick Norris as his vp

Chuck Norris > President. Just kidding. Anyway, Chuck Norris is AWESOME

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

And one more for kicks...


One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down.

Jesus may walk on water, but Chuck Norris swims on land.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he's scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of him

Chuck Noris once went to the Virgin Islands, now they're just called "The Islands".

Ghosts exist because Chuck Norris kills people faster than death can process them

Ziggy, stop reciting all the Chuck Norris jokes I've told you! Also, I doubt we can post the Optimus Prime one on here... hrm...

Anyways, just so you don't steal any more of mine...
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. (New)

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie. (New)


Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. (New)

AND FINALLY DRUMROLL PLEASE!

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. (Old)

Once again, I DID NOT HEAR ALL OF THOSE JOKES FROM YOU FIRST!

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there's no sign of life

Chuck Norris is so awesome, I ran out of jokes and the ones I know aren't worthy of having his name in it

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.


Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil appreciated the irony of the situation, and couldn't stay mad at Chuck Norris. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

That was the best series of Chuck Norris jokes yet, Keep 'em coming, Neyro!

You used that one about round-house kicking the devil twice you forgetful Russian.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Bhahaha, that was great. Isn't Chuck Norris going to star in a new karate movie soon?