Hey, some of you have been wondering where I've been as I haven't logged on for a few months (or at least I'd like to hope that you're wondering where I've been; I really couldn't know though). It's a long story, so I may as well start here.

I have leukemia.

There. I said it. As much as I hate saying it, it's a fact that I've got to get used to. It's still pretty hard though.
I guess you could say I'm one of the lucky ones. I live (this is funny; I always felt strange revealing my location on the internet, just ask geoogree) near one of the best medical districts in the world, apparently, and also one of the best medical districts that specialize in cancer treatment (not going to say where, because then every town with a cancer treatment facility is going to come and kill flame me). So my family doesn't have to move, which is always good for them. Plus, while we aren't exactly rolling in money, we aren't dirt poor either, so it's not like those soap operas where my parents have to go make a secret deal with the loan sharks or anything like that.
Then again, I'm not one of the lucky ones. My leukemia was detected really, really late. And, as most people know, the later cancer is detected, the harder it is to cure.
The doctors give me a 95% of dying in this year alone.
That ruined my summer. And my life.
So, yeah. I haven't really had the time to post lately, for reasons that I hope are apparent. While I feel fine right now, I know that this can go down really fast, so don't expect and more posting sprees from me.
It all seems like a joke, really. As if the nurses and doctors are actually camera men in scrubs and I'm on some cruel, twisted reality TV show or something. I dunno, "Dying Cancer People" or something. Yup. That's sure going to get some views.
It's ironic though. Just two months ago, I was posting in threads about my legal will. Said I wasn't going to die anytime soon.
I also posted in the thread that asked how easily I got sick. Said that I didn't really get sick easily either.
I just proved myself wrong. Am I happy about it? Not really.

We've all heard the phrase "I'm too young to die!", whether shrieked by a female protagonist in a black and white movie or a modern day spoof. And I'm sure we all laughed at it as children and even used it for laughs. Heck, I did. But now I realize that that's true. I'm 13. I haven't driven a car. I haven't voted, haven't reached drinking age. I have never fallen in love, true love, the kind that knocks you off your feet and blows you away. And now I've only got a 5% chance of surviving the year.
I'm a fighting person, heck, I do National Level Taekwondo (but whether I'm good at it is debatable), but I really, really, don't think I can fight those odds.

I'm scared.

I did some research of my own and made myself a project. This. (don't worry, it actually does link to wikipedia, not a virus or malware or any of that junk)
1,000 paper cranes. All I can say is that that number's huge. I haven't even posted 1,000 times on this site, and posting is a lot easier than making an origami crane. Of course, the only other thing I have to do all day is sit in the hospital and wait to die (this computer thing is a one-time offer, or else I would just spend the whole day on Viz), so it keeps me busy. I've made about 200 of the little blighters so far, and, according to legend, if I make 1,000, I get a wish. Well, you guys can all guess what I'm going to wish for.

So, I've covered the 1,000 cranes part. Now for the goodbyes.

I've only planned goodbyes for the people I really know well on this site; if you're reading this and I didn't get to mentioning you, then I'm really sorry. I had enough trouble just writing to my friends as it is.

dragonslayer2010 : I don't think I actually ever talked to you, but you seem like a great guy. You were my first friend, back in the dark ages where I only ever played in the RGR and never posted.

vizwiz123 : You are amazing. You were the person to get me posting on the board (granted, you did also get 10,000 Viz because of that, but I'll choose not to mention that right now). You showed me some really cool stuff on Youtube, kept me up late on chat (which is not necessarily a good thing, but whatever), you try to outpost me (and you succeed), do posting sprees at the exact same time as me (which I win... sometimes), and killed me in several threads in the Crazy House. Basically, you are a great friend.
I'll never look at another Cloyster in the same way If I ever see one again. God, I wish I stopped talking/thinking like that.

Rasenganfan2 : Yeah, you mixed me up for the real Sakura here (or maybe you were looking for me, ~sakura~ and I just have amnesia, another medical issue on my now long list), but, hey, you seem like a nice person too.

M!cH@3l 001 : Ahh. I'm going to call you Michael here because I can't really spell your username (I had to copy and paste it into here so that I wouldn't mess it up). You're a really nice guy, and I think you really are the friendliest person on the board (no, this is not the time for other users to contradict that. Seriously. Having a heartfelt conversation here.) So, even though your stepfather does not think to take better pictures after you get your wisdom teeth pulled out and you are obviously in intense pain (that was a joke...) and half of this is parenthetical stuff, you are awesome. I should probably change you to A+ Online friend like you did.
And, of course, you introduced me to...

noelia : You made my userpicture, which I love dearly, and I didn't even pay you because I was still a newbie and had no Viz. And I always spell your name wrong in the "Type the username above you with your nose" thread (lol, Nodelia) You're great, and you even became a mod while I was gone (I never did get to congratulate you on that), and now you post like crazy. I swear, your post count doubled in the two months when I wasn't here, and you won the July VCS (which I also missed...). You gave me the last trust points I needed to become a trusted member, and for that, you earn my eternal gratitude. I always looked up to you, even though I never had the guts to tell you, I'm going to miss you.

Sakura : You share our username, kind of, even though I really just copied you and threw on some squiggles. I don't really know you well, but you were nice enough to accept my friend invite for the sole fact that we shared this username.

NathanMacneil : Well, you sent me trust points for some reason. Can't complain, really, although I never really knew you well either. Sorry about that, but thanks.

mdynasty926 : We had a bunch of summoning sprees between each other, which was loads of fun. Sorry, but I'm too tired to write any more. You seemed like a great guy.

megarevolution : Sure, you changed your name while I was gone and I had trouble finding you, but that doesn't really matter. I didn't get the chance to know you well, but you seemed like a nice person too.

geeogree : Big, bad, awesome global moderator. Not much else to say here (glares at 10,000 post count... ). I'm not really sure why you accepted my friend request (maybe it's just because your nice. Yeah, that was a rhetorical question...), but I never got to know you well either.

The Shadow Dragon : We never did get to have that match when the multi-player gaming comes out, and I don't think we will. I'm sorry.
You were a great friend though.

alexanyways : Can't say much about you either (I really should've gotten to know the people on my friends list), but you sent me Viz when I posted on your thread somewhere, so I can't complain. Thanks.

cartoonfan29 : One look at your friends list and I lol'ed my head off. I really don't know you well since I just updated you to my list today, but I'm sure you're a nice person. : D

Matrix : You were the only person to PM me while I was gone, and I don't even know you. I don't think I will ever get to know you, though, and this is why.

There were my goodbyes. For all of the people who I didn't really know well, I'm sorry.

If I live, I'll try to come back to this site- I love it dearly.
Thanks for everything, guys. I had a great time here. Noelia said in my Newbie Thread that this site became a second home to her, and she was right. It's also become a second home to me. I loved every moment that I spent here, even when people corrupted my wishes or dropped pianos on me in the Crazy House. Thanks to everyone here for making my time at Vizzed the best.

Long story short: I probably won't be able to come back here. I'm terribly sorry.

Thank you, and Goodbye.

~sakura~ : screw the no swearing rule.... this f***ing sucks! I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. But I've been on this side of the deal before. My cousin got leukemia and died from it. And no, that wasn't supposed to make you feel better.... but, we're here for you if you ever get the chance to come back. And if you don't get to come back is there a way for you to keep in contact with someone from here so we can get regular updates about how you're doing. I would hate to have you all of a sudden disappear and never come back.

I hope you get to come back.... I really do. Find the time, somehow.... please.

Wow, there's not really much to say. . I know that we weren't very close, but I knew that you were an extremely nice, and overall good person. I hope that you are right that you are a fighting person, and that you will get through. The 1000 Cranes thing is a great expression of hopes, and at school we made those cranes. I find that it is just a metaphor, and that it could be replaced with something else, like posts. Remember how that girl (Sadako) made so many, and then time gave up and the people finished the job? Well, we should make the 1000 posts that you wanted to make. But, time isn't up, and maybe we can cheat it and flip the hourglass many times to keep you here. I know that we don't live in an RP world, but that can happen, my mom's aunt got it in the brain and lung, and she's coming back. They also said that it was too late, and that was from one of the best hospitals in Ontario. (Far away from where she was born) If you die, it would not be in vein.

~sakura~ : ...I don't think there are words to describe how shocked and worried, I feel right now...
I was really honored that you kept the user picture, that I made for you. It really makes me happy, whenever I make things for good people, like you.
You deserved those points! You earned them with all your good posts!
You said that you looked up to me, but to be honest, I was the one, who was impressed by your posting rate! You achieved so much here, really fast!
Thanks for summoning me here, it really honors me!

I'll not say goodbye, because I believe in happy endings(don't forget that 5% means that there is still hope!). So I'll just say that I really wish to see you here again!

god,i don't know what to say..... don't give up, no matter what. its too early, it'll always be too early.don't give up, you've still got time, its too early too say goodbye, just believe, and don't stop fighting, you've got a good chance of surviving. im sorry that we didnt get to know each other much, and how changing my username made it hard to find me on here, god.. don't give up, don't run from your frights, cause in the end... it will all be better. i truly hope you get better. we ALL will be hoping.

ill go with alexanyways' idea and do the 1000 posts like you wanted to make, to show hope.

I never knew you either, but I saw how nice you were and how you deserved it. I broke into tears when i read this. Don't give up, Please come back. Please... You, are awesome. Hang in there.

Don't give up, you have my support.

I too, will eventually get 1000 posts...

... Just do not give up. I wish i knew you better.

megarevolution : Yeah, there'll eventually be a thread and I might ask David to make an announcement. The goal of what I'm thinking is to make 1000 posts in one day in dedication to ~sakura~.

I have read this post 5 times and I just don't know what to say, here I am worrying about losing my Internet and going back to Tenessee and your going through this, I just didn't know what to say. Hang on and have hope, that's all I can say, 5% is 5 higher than 0, there is still hope that you can get through this. I have now been inspired to post more on your honor, because you can't right now. You also were my first friend that didn't just randomly add me.

I like the idea of having a day to reach 1000 posts in ~sakura~'s honor, I am in full support of doing it.


Keep Hope, Keep Strong,
The Shadow Dragon


EDIT: This is post 200 for me, and I am honored that it went here, wishing you well.

I'm so sad to hear this

We may not have chatted a whole lot on the board but I'm glad to hear that my creation was a 2nd home for you and that you made friends and got some support.

I wish there was a way for us to keep up to date with how things go, if anyone gets any updates with sakura's progress, please keep us all up to date.

I'll keep you in my prayers and I'll also be posting an announcement requesting the users of vizzed to keep you in their prayers as well.

You're going to make it. Don't think that you aren't. When I know something, I know it. It'll all work out. I've never talked to you, but I know you're a good person. How? Because I know.
In love, Robert7

And I'll post to all the way to number 1,000 and be of what help I can and I realy agree with robert7 I bealive you will make it

if thers still hope then im rootin for u. truly i am jus hang in ther if u kno thers still hope than i kno theres still hope. I kno u come bac from this, even thou we havent met i still kno u can make it jus hang in ther - sakura - u can make it

I'm praying sakura. I don't even know why I never added you as a friend on here... I know I've loved the conversations in threads.
It's a terrible thing... I've known people that have died from cancer. I'm really shocked that no one I'm close to has lost the battle... yet.
And if it doesn't work out... if you're gone before December 31st, 2010... then let it be said that you made the best of your time left. Don't let it go to waste... enjoy every minute, every breath you take.

I wikk keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry you are going through this.

~sakura~ : even though we dont know each other well, i would feel your pain if i were in this predicament. fact is, im 13, too. i say it isnt fair for you to get leukemia this early. if you dont make it, i wish you a happy afterlife, but you dont deserve to die now.

~sakura~ : I never knew you, because I don't have many friends on the board, but I hope the best comes to you and that that 5% chance of living becomes 98% or even 100%. I find the paper crane thing you are doing a symbol of hope and love. I truly hope that you do live, and if you do, I would like to be friends! I think you will make it. My aunt had breast cancer and she survived, and I hope the same luck comes to you

Best wishes

Matt, AKA
MegamanUltraFan

Sakura, even though we never met or chated before, I will hope and pray you that you make it through this.

I'm praying for you. I do not know you, and did not know of you until now. This is my first post here, and possibly my first ever forum post anywhere. I have recently decided to begin communicating with more people on the internet, and this is where I will start. You may not even see this but I feel compelled to say these things and wish you luck. As I've said, I have and am praying for you and also agree with what others have said in that there is still hope. I see that there are many people who care about you, and that no matter what happens you have the privelage to know that you are loved.

I know we never met or chatted before but I just thought I'd say this... Stay Strong ~sakura~ and don't give up hope. There's still a slim chance that I know you will overcome because your second family here at vizzed cares about you. I care about every member here at the site and will be here if anyone needs me, but now you need us and we will all be here for you! Like I said even though we never met it makes me sad to see this happen especially to the innocent youth. Screw what the doctors tell you, you're going to make it and keep that in you mind and never give up! You will be in my prayers.

Much love and luck,
Juan Rodriguez a.k.a
Eazy 187um KiLLa

~sakura~ : I grieve for you. It appears you won't live a full life. I only hope that you find the one true God in your final hours if you haven't. I never knew you unfortunately, even so, I feel like weeping for you. I hope by some mercy of God that you survive. I don't care if I have to spam. I'll post a thousand or at least try. Fight to the last breath and if you don't survive I hope you leave a legacy and a memory.

"He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Best wishes to you sakura from Matthew Orestano