Over 450 something. 99% I know in real life. from this site I have Michael Sutton on my list for example.
and some other people I have "met" over the years on Internet.

suppose some 30 are good friends and 6 really good friends.

it's funny actually, when you go out, meet somebody and next time you log on - they have added you on FB.

I am a Capricorn, in Chinese zodiac I would be um a Rabbit then?

Can you remember of a situation where people's apathy just left you SO surprised that you didn't even know how to react?

Some 2 weeks ago we were organising a volunteer work day at the local homeless animals shelter.
I sent the "invitation" (just a letter of why we need help and when and where, etc all that stuff) to our college's management specialist
and she forwarded the letter to 900 people in our college, plus we put up posters, announced it off on facebook.

Guess how many came? - only 2.

At least I was like SERIOUSLY???

You guys have to wait until the time is over and then you can leave? o.O
That's odd.
Here, when you're done, be it even 15 minutes, you can walk out.

Come to think about, maybe in a way, it is good that you can't - more controlling of what you wrote, etc?

Saying that you know the feeling of being on the edge and you've overcome it and therefore all those who kill themselves could do the same - no, they couldn't. Saying so means you believe that people are all the same, the strenght and mental state, etc.

edit. which obviously isn't so.

who says what is wrong and what is right?
who says we only get one life on "this earth?"
nothing and noone can give answers to those questions as "no amount of coins, bananans or mushrooms."

it IS sad, no doubt about that, BUT what is with people and judgement?
how can they NOT understand that those who kill themselves are not "fit" to think about what will happen later?

people will always miss someone.
it's the same with breaking up with someone who madly loves you. it is the same. .. following my drift?

Have you ever had a friend who committed suicide? or knew someone who did.

In the past 3 weeks, 2 guys I knew from outside, killed themselves.
And if you look at them, you would never guess they would do such a thing.

Makes me wonder HOW different people are, OK I've always wondered about that,
I just can't get my head around it.
Something that seems as a great life to us, might not seem so to the person living it,
because they value something totally different.
And you never can tell for sure with people.
It's frustrating.
In how much agony you have to be to kill yourself?

And then I get really annoyed when some people say  those who committ suicide are egoists.
No, an egoist is someone who kills somebody else.
Yes, you know that people will miss you (or maybe you don't???????), but there is just something so terrible inside you that you can't talk about it and can't handle it.
Killing yourself is not a sign of egoism, it literally says: you're f***ed up.
People who address such act as egoistic, are egoists themselves or have no emphaty.
In my opinion.

Your thoughts on suicide and life values???

I haven't, but I've always wanted to, so I could protect myself and others.
But it always seems as I don't have time for it.

Like some people have said before - yes, I have and it's what we all do at some point, whether we want to or not.
It goes both ways actually - sometimes you meet/ see someone and think something not so good and later on you'll learn that you were wrong.
And sometimes you have a good impression of someone and they prove to be total bastards, really.

When I was 14, me and 2 of my friends wrote a letter about one guy (because he broke our hearts ) and posted it in the school's hall for everyone to read. It was stupid, but luckily we didn't get punished.

Other than reading and internet, I can spend hours playing guitar and singing, hitch-hiking somewhere, studying and research, drinking and partying (sorry...), talking and listening, watching out of the window and just thinking

They used to have some parties at home and me and my sister would taste from their glasses, so I suppose it was
vodka or some liquor.
But the one I started off myself was apple cider

More I am afraid the WAY I might die.

Scared? Perhaps. I hope I live long. But why I say "perhaps" is that, I've always wanted to know is there anything after we go,
an afterlife blablabla, so many theories people have. And we have to be dead to find out

It's 8:20 am in Eastern-Europe.

NotJon : I have another one for you then - Frank N Furter, from the totally rocking musical Rocky Horror Picture Show!


I've been called A-Hiili (that was made from my name - Aili - because my friend thought it would be "cool" to write sci-fi short-stories of my life haha, was pretty funny actually). Also I've been Oil because many foreigners can't pronounce my name correctly and it comes out as Oil.
And some people call me Eili, I don't remember why but I somehow happened.
And ah yes, the funniest one is Mother-Fürher - my friend told me that I worry too much.

Luckily, no. My parents can tell all sorts of things when mad, but not once have they even looked like they would want to hit me.

of course

So far (mandatory ones) are:

Economics of Social Insurance
Managing and finance of social projects
Methods of client-work in social work
Observation Placement
Theories of social work
Basics of Finance
Basics of Marketing
Basics of Research Methods
Management

Those I can choose myself are yet still to be opened for registration.


What surprised me that you have so few classes in high school, we in Estonia have like 2 times more o.O

http://www.last.fm/festival/1576272+Woodstock+Festival+Poland+2011+%28Przystanek+Woodstock+2011%29+%5BFREE%5D

Check it out, it's free to go and it's fun.
I'm going and I recommend whoever can, to do the same.

EDIT: does anyone have more recommendations about festivals etc this summer?

Going through my old files, I haven't written any poems/stories in English for ages and I found some now, dating back to 2006.
I'm not quite sure why I wrote this, the motivation, but seems as I felt pretty crap about myself.
I am not religious, so the choice of words is just a choice of words, trying to express some emotion.

the paying hour - I won't escape.
facing what I have done.
I have regrets, but it's too late -
a sin is what I've become.

the price of living the way I have
is more than my life is worth.
my point for living, still hangin on
to the branches - will I fall to dirt?

a simple thought I had in mind
turned out to be a trap.
now way to solve it, try to find
a way to rewind me back.

where's my button of restart?
is human soul irreversible?
remorse more often is just invisible.

my paying hour - I won't escape.
facing what I have done.
regrets come running, yet too late -
a sin is what I've become.


EDIT: and this must have been my first heartache haha

so many times we broke down in an argument
over a bottle
over the restlessness we bring
onto each other

i'm looking at your looking gaze
are you
trying to find me
or
just trying to find a way past me?

then you leave
for months i'm out
of feeling
of warmth
only in for another round
of being mean
being devastated

then i get better
i always do
finally

and finally
you come back
ALWAYS

and everything starts over again

i tell myself at every departure
and every coming back
that
i don't care
but i do

how do you just stop loving someone?

i ought to ask you that
you seem to know