(YES! I ALREADY KNOW THERE IS ANOTHER CREEPYPASTA JUST LIKE THIS ONE WITH THE SAME NAME, I'M MAKING MY OWN.)

Portal is a great game, don't get me wrong on that. I love Portal and it's sequel. However, I hadn't played either of them before the events of this story took place.

I was looking for a pirated copy of Portal, because I couldn't afford it. So eventually I came across a website which held a seemingly legit pirated version of Portal to play. I started the download, and it took two hours to download and install.

Finally, I opened the game, through the shortcut, portal.exe.

As soon as I saw the title screen, I nearly screamed. Instead of the title screen viewing Chell's relaxation chamber, it viewed a disturbing bloody chamber with a rotting corpse in the middle.

I was disturbed, and then the image went away, going to the normal title screen. Thinking it was just a joke from the piraters, I kept going. I started the game and chose the first file, which, oddly, was already there. Instead of a chamber for the caption, it said, "GOBACKNOW."

Again, thinking it was a joke, I entered the game. Sure enough, my player, Chell, woke up in the relaxation chamber. Perfectly normal. GlaDOS's voice came over the speakers. It was demonic and warped, and instead of her normal lines, she said "Welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment center, now you die."

I'd had enough, and I closed out the game. It didn't work. Instead, a text box appeared, saying "Where are you going? Don't you want to TEST?"

I gulped. Was this thing a virus? WHAT WAS IT? I was forced to play. I got the portal gun as normal, and cleared a few test chambers. I turned on the third-person viewpoint for epic gameplay. Then I saw Chell.

She was all bloody and beaten up, her player model was clearly beaten and bruised. I kept going, like an idiot.

After clearing another chamber, Chell got a black eye and a bunch of open wounds. I realized that every time I cleared a chamber, Chell became even more beaten and bloody. By the time I reached the final boss, she was horribly grotesque, and I could see her bones.

I beat the boss, and before GlaDOS could die, the game went to black. And I saw the same picture as I saw at the beginning, but instead of the corpse...

It was Chell. Bloody and beaten, bones sticking out.

My computer shut off and wouldn't turn back on.

I never, ever played Portal again.

(This story isn't real, I love Portal and this has never happened to me! What did you guys think about it?)

That's pretty good, you should make a longer one.

   It has potential, but there are a couple of problems with it. One, it is way to short. It kinda just skims through all the details without even really describing the settings, or your feelings about the game in more depth. Second, it's pretty clichéd. You downloaded it for free off the Internet, the non-stop mentions of blood and gore and grotesque characters, it does the same thing most creepy pastas do. You need to change it up a bit, make it your own. Third, there is no build-up. There is two lines from when the story starts, and the gore starts. You can't do that. You need to build-up, or if you are going to start that quickly, start subtly. You can't just jump right into it. Lastly, it isn't really... creepy. Don't get me wrong, it's scary, but it isn't creepy. Blood and guts aren't creepy. Yes, its scary, but not creepy. Creepy is having some maniacal killer who is behind all of what happened to Chell. Creepy would be making that person seem real. Making them seem like they are real people who could and would go looking for you in the middle of the night. And yes, gore is fine, but only if it adds to the creepiness. If something like that could happen, it would be an amazing creepy pasta. At it's own state though, I don't know. If it is your first time writing a creepy pasta, it's a good start, but it isn't amazing. I'd give it a 7/10, but only if it is your first attempt. I know it sounds kinda mean, but you can't be perfect at the start, and the only way to get better is to know your mistakes and learn from them. I hope you do write more though, because I'd like to see what you can do -thenoobtester