Oh crap, THIS game. Metal Gear... wait, that game is awesome! Wait... that's the MSX game. What I have here is the NES version. Like the Super Mario Land games, neither of the Metal Gear NES games were made by the original creator, Hideou Kajima. Ithink taht's how you spell it. So, if Mario Land went the same way, this should be great!

  --- You called him SOLID Snake? ---
Before we look at the game... let's look at the cartridge itself. It's Kyle Reese from the Terminator! Yeah, I just reviewed The Terminator on NES, now he's come back as a fill-in for Snake? So, when I start up the game, I go to pick up the controller which is on the floor, and the demo has already started. It only stays for almost exactly 2 seconds. Yeah, like "You have your controlle not in your hand? Well, screw you, I'M STARTING!" This is the most impatient game ever. So, you drop out of a plane with a few other people. Who are they? We never see them again. It's like the third toad in Battletoads. You never see him after the opening scene. Like The Legend of Zelda, this game had some... trouble with English. The boss calls you as soon as you land. Here's our first example: "First, attempt to contact missing our "Grey Fox". One problem I can't realy show is that the first quotation mark is backwards. Yeah, in the FIRST MESSAGE. Should I have already lost hope in this game? On the next screen, we either have a mis-translation or a typo. A man says "I FEEL ASLEEP!" If he meant "fell", why would he be announcing that? What, if around 1:00 AM, I took a drive over to the church, stood on the roof, and announced in great volume "HEY EVERYONE! I FEEL ASLEEP!" Even when you go near the guy, he wakes up, so why does he have to announce that he feels asleep? Has he not FALLEN asleep yet? On the next screen there's 3 dogs. Your Metal Gear seses say "Sneak between the cars". But you can't. No matter how hard you try, it's impossible to fit through the trees and the cars. It looks like you could EASILY walk through. But, you can't.

  --- Why would you punch the poor dog? ---
Yeah, you have to punch the dogs to death too get past. Isn't that animal abuse? The poor thing. So, you go down the left path, to find it's a dead end. Oh, you want to make this a maze? Well, really if you were in a forest, you could probably find a dead end somewhere. So, the dogs are back where I started going down the left path. Oh, they can go between the cars, but I can't? Heck, te can even go THROUGH the cars. So, I come by a truck with a man with a gun in front of it. It's almost impossible not to get hit while fighting him. Unlike men who use thier hands, this guy doesn't get stunned when you start punching him. So, he'll shoot you 9/10 of the time. Now, he's some perspective screw-up, while your character stays the same size, the truck goes from being tiny to an apartment. So, you get the binoculars, and as soon as you go back outside, you get shot by the guy you JUST killed. So, yeah, they come back when you leave the screen, but when you go inside a place within the screen? Thankfully, you keep any items you got throught the Game Over you just got. So, thre binoculars are used to see what's over on the next few screens, obviously. However, when I exit the item select screen, THE GUY WITH THE GUN COMES BACK!  I can't even use my items before this craphole comes to kill me? Two screens down, we enter... the Lost Woods? Yeah, it's EXACLTY like the Lost Woods from The Legend of Zelda. You can go in any of the four directions, and if you pick the wrong one, you repeat the same screen again.  So, every time You die, you go back to the place you landed after you jumped out of the plane.

  --- Why do we have cigarrets? ---
In your item selection screen, you have cigarrets from the beginning. In a game meant for kids, they equip you with cigarrets. Oh, I didn't explain how the menu works. You press Select to open your menu. Selcet now stops working.  B goes back to the game. A brings up the menu for the selected item. B stops working, and Select becomes the replacement for B. A once again chooses the selected items. It's the worst menu controls I've ever seen. How the heck do you screw it up THAT BAD? Eventually, I step into a truck, and Snake yells "UH-OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!" Gosh, did an English-speaking person even read the text before they released the game? I hate the trap doors. They kill you when you don't even know they're there. And if you destroy them, the area where it was STILL kills you. Like in CastleVania II, you can't touch the D-Pad when you get an item, or you'll skip the text. I guess I would want to, because there would would probably be bad English there, too. You know, I think I've had enough of this game. It's nowhere near as good as the MSX version. So, let's forget about this poor-English, ultra-confusing, overly done re-spawning enemy-ed game. I guess I'll see you in my next review.