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Being a Woman Doesn't Make It OK to Shout at Your Children

 

11-15-15 06:17 AM
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This is something that's really starting to bug me.

So let's say a mother shouts at her kid loudly because she didn't listen to her. Seems normal.

But what if it was the father who was shouting like crazy? People would freak and call it inappropriate behavior towards children.

That, my friends, is just MESSED up.

Being a woman isn't an excuse to berate your children in a more unnecessarily harsh manner than a man can. It's just as bad.

Sometimes the mindset is, "I'm a woman and it's less scary when I shout." WRONG. It's equally scary, and frankly it can be SCARIER when you have that mindset that allows you to go further just because you're not a man. It's stupid.

I don't like it when a woman shouts at me any less than when a man does. Actually, did a man ever shout at me? Not that I remember. I sure as hell wouldn't like that either, though.

Either way, there's no reason to quickly resort to childishly (oh, the irony) scolding a kid who made a mistake because "it's not scary when a woman does it." It is. Believe me, it is. Why don't you just teach the kid what he or she did wrong? Screaming after the first time a kid makes a mistake doesn't make them want to obey you, it makes them angry. REALLY angry. How do I know that? I'm a kid, and I hold grudges. I try not to show it, but I prefer it when people deal with me like they would deal with an adult. When they don't, it really doesn't make me eager to please you. How would you think it does?

Would you really be friendly and happy to please someone who just shouted at you for messing something up for the first time?

Aaand I'm drifting off-topic again. Oops. I tend to do that. 

Anyway, I'm not just talking about parents. I'm also talking about teachers. Anyone who's watching over a child for any period of time, really. Whenever I hear an adult scolding a child, it's ALWAYS a woman. I have never seen any male teacher at my school scream at a child. Or scream at all, for that matter. A female teacher, however?

ALL THE TIME. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Frequently, I myself am the one getting shouted at. Reasons? Oh, I don't know. A minute late to class or something. For the first time ALL YEAR. If it was a guy who yelled at me, they would have fired him for sure. 

When I see a parent shouting at a child, again, it's always the mother. Never the father. EVER.

I'm not saying men should start shouting at children, too; I'm saying it's OK for NEITHER of them to talk to kids that way, especially after the FIRST time a kid does something wrong.

I don't get why some women think being a woman lets them get away that. It doesn't! It's so weird, I swear.

Just stop, please.
This is something that's really starting to bug me.

So let's say a mother shouts at her kid loudly because she didn't listen to her. Seems normal.

But what if it was the father who was shouting like crazy? People would freak and call it inappropriate behavior towards children.

That, my friends, is just MESSED up.

Being a woman isn't an excuse to berate your children in a more unnecessarily harsh manner than a man can. It's just as bad.

Sometimes the mindset is, "I'm a woman and it's less scary when I shout." WRONG. It's equally scary, and frankly it can be SCARIER when you have that mindset that allows you to go further just because you're not a man. It's stupid.

I don't like it when a woman shouts at me any less than when a man does. Actually, did a man ever shout at me? Not that I remember. I sure as hell wouldn't like that either, though.

Either way, there's no reason to quickly resort to childishly (oh, the irony) scolding a kid who made a mistake because "it's not scary when a woman does it." It is. Believe me, it is. Why don't you just teach the kid what he or she did wrong? Screaming after the first time a kid makes a mistake doesn't make them want to obey you, it makes them angry. REALLY angry. How do I know that? I'm a kid, and I hold grudges. I try not to show it, but I prefer it when people deal with me like they would deal with an adult. When they don't, it really doesn't make me eager to please you. How would you think it does?

Would you really be friendly and happy to please someone who just shouted at you for messing something up for the first time?

Aaand I'm drifting off-topic again. Oops. I tend to do that. 

Anyway, I'm not just talking about parents. I'm also talking about teachers. Anyone who's watching over a child for any period of time, really. Whenever I hear an adult scolding a child, it's ALWAYS a woman. I have never seen any male teacher at my school scream at a child. Or scream at all, for that matter. A female teacher, however?

ALL THE TIME. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Frequently, I myself am the one getting shouted at. Reasons? Oh, I don't know. A minute late to class or something. For the first time ALL YEAR. If it was a guy who yelled at me, they would have fired him for sure. 

When I see a parent shouting at a child, again, it's always the mother. Never the father. EVER.

I'm not saying men should start shouting at children, too; I'm saying it's OK for NEITHER of them to talk to kids that way, especially after the FIRST time a kid does something wrong.

I don't get why some women think being a woman lets them get away that. It doesn't! It's so weird, I swear.

Just stop, please.
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I never like being yelled at. I sometimes understand why I'm being yelled at. But they could also, you know, not yell. But I guess it's their right to yell. What concerns me more is WHY there's yelling. Like if I didn't take out the trash when I said I would, that's fair enough to an extent. If a child called their parents a particularly rude word, or threw something in the store. That is yelling I would say is totally reasonable. And it's something I've seen happen in real life...

Basically, there are times where yelling is appropriate. But there is very little times where you should in public. And being at home is no excuse to go ballistic on kids either.  I haven't ever really seen any fathers yelling at kids. Not even my own. For my own parents, yelling is a thing my mom loves to do. But my dad is more of the passive-aggressive and guilting type.
I never like being yelled at. I sometimes understand why I'm being yelled at. But they could also, you know, not yell. But I guess it's their right to yell. What concerns me more is WHY there's yelling. Like if I didn't take out the trash when I said I would, that's fair enough to an extent. If a child called their parents a particularly rude word, or threw something in the store. That is yelling I would say is totally reasonable. And it's something I've seen happen in real life...

Basically, there are times where yelling is appropriate. But there is very little times where you should in public. And being at home is no excuse to go ballistic on kids either.  I haven't ever really seen any fathers yelling at kids. Not even my own. For my own parents, yelling is a thing my mom loves to do. But my dad is more of the passive-aggressive and guilting type.
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11-15-15 06:48 AM
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A user of this : My mom is the shouting, passive-aggressive, and guilting type all at the same time, whereas my dad is none of them xD.
A user of this : My mom is the shouting, passive-aggressive, and guilting type all at the same time, whereas my dad is none of them xD.
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11-15-15 07:48 AM
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I am generally not a huge fan of shouting, not that I'm not capable of my own from time to time in more extreme conditions, but I digress.

I actually disagree with you. At least in normal situations. It's a parents job to mold their child(dren) into an acceptable human being within society's standards. Disciplining your child is just one way to go about that, and shouting is one such form of discipline. However I do believe it should be used to a healthy amount and not over used.

And of course it goes without saying that there are special cases where it doesn't help anything at all. For the most part my own brother is such a case.

I also agree that it really shouldn't matter whether or not it's a father or a mother who's yelling I'm more concerned with -why- they are yelling. But that's just me I guess.
I am generally not a huge fan of shouting, not that I'm not capable of my own from time to time in more extreme conditions, but I digress.

I actually disagree with you. At least in normal situations. It's a parents job to mold their child(dren) into an acceptable human being within society's standards. Disciplining your child is just one way to go about that, and shouting is one such form of discipline. However I do believe it should be used to a healthy amount and not over used.

And of course it goes without saying that there are special cases where it doesn't help anything at all. For the most part my own brother is such a case.

I also agree that it really shouldn't matter whether or not it's a father or a mother who's yelling I'm more concerned with -why- they are yelling. But that's just me I guess.
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11-15-15 12:50 PM
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I agree with you on the surface. However I do believe there is a time and place for parents to shout at their child if, for example, they don't listen. Coming from the mother or the father makes no difference unless, like my father, they scream for bits and nothings. THAT is clearly abuse.
I agree with you on the surface. However I do believe there is a time and place for parents to shout at their child if, for example, they don't listen. Coming from the mother or the father makes no difference unless, like my father, they scream for bits and nothings. THAT is clearly abuse.
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Equally? pfft woman are more scary when they shout. My dad has shouted at me for various things that I have done and I can just easily ignore him. My mum well if she shouts someone has really dun goofed. Doing it at public worked more so than at home so I have no problem with parents shouting at their kids in public. In terms of teachers it is pretty much 50-50. As much male teachers do it as much as female teachers here. My modern studies teacher has the loudest bark of all of them.
Equally? pfft woman are more scary when they shout. My dad has shouted at me for various things that I have done and I can just easily ignore him. My mum well if she shouts someone has really dun goofed. Doing it at public worked more so than at home so I have no problem with parents shouting at their kids in public. In terms of teachers it is pretty much 50-50. As much male teachers do it as much as female teachers here. My modern studies teacher has the loudest bark of all of them.
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11-15-15 05:38 PM
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I don't mean to talk down to you guys but until you are a parent yourself you really don't understand what it is like. And while I agree that parents should yell as little as possible I have to agree with Frodlex and say that sometimes yelling is necessary. Obviously yelling at your kids all the time is bad but I don't think it is the worst thing you could do.


Still, there are a lot of parenting double standards that don't make a lot of sense. Every set of parents is different and what works for those parents and their kids is different than what works for others.
I don't mean to talk down to you guys but until you are a parent yourself you really don't understand what it is like. And while I agree that parents should yell as little as possible I have to agree with Frodlex and say that sometimes yelling is necessary. Obviously yelling at your kids all the time is bad but I don't think it is the worst thing you could do.


Still, there are a lot of parenting double standards that don't make a lot of sense. Every set of parents is different and what works for those parents and their kids is different than what works for others.
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11-15-15 08:02 PM
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I feel like if you have really bad temper problems, you probably should refrain from having kids. I know everyone has a breaking limit, but I'm talking about people who yell or become violent. It's not good for children.

I personally don't want children, but there's a lot of questions I'd love to ask parents about why they do things, such as sending kids to bed with no food for punishment, yelling at their child every time they do something wrong, spanking them for every mistake a child makes... the list is endless. I'd never do things as a parent (though I believe yelling and corporal punishment needs to be instated).

I understand also parents are perfect beings, but you need to be gentle
with smaller children and more sensitive children. You can seriously
damage them if you're too harsh.

I was actually ranting earlier on Facebook about how parents send their children to bed without food/refuse to feed them if they don't like what's been cooked. None of that treatment makes sense to me.
I feel like if you have really bad temper problems, you probably should refrain from having kids. I know everyone has a breaking limit, but I'm talking about people who yell or become violent. It's not good for children.

I personally don't want children, but there's a lot of questions I'd love to ask parents about why they do things, such as sending kids to bed with no food for punishment, yelling at their child every time they do something wrong, spanking them for every mistake a child makes... the list is endless. I'd never do things as a parent (though I believe yelling and corporal punishment needs to be instated).

I understand also parents are perfect beings, but you need to be gentle
with smaller children and more sensitive children. You can seriously
damage them if you're too harsh.

I was actually ranting earlier on Facebook about how parents send their children to bed without food/refuse to feed them if they don't like what's been cooked. None of that treatment makes sense to me.
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11-15-15 08:31 PM
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While I haven't been yelled at too many times, there are times in which my parents or family confessed they would do something more than shouting. I've even had teachers who said that going over board for some serious matters is actually needed.

The key factor is: what the kid shouldn't do again and what the parents want the kid to not do again. We all agree that shouting to a kid in the first case is justified, but of course it always isn't on the second. Most parents think on having their kid be whatever the parents want, but reality is the absolute opposite, and when they clash against reality, all they can do is go over board and shout, when it's not something more.

I don't want to bring up the concept of "equity between men and women", but if we tell men not to shout at their kids, why shouldn't we tell women the same? What's more, it usually is the mother the preferred one for children, so women are expected to be more easy-going with children. 

About the shouting teachers, let's also say that students who misbehave tend to do so with female teachers. It's a matter of authority, most of the times, although I admit that being able to forge a good atmosphere within the classroom is also important. 

writingwolves : I'm with you, corporal punishment should return, but nothing more than a slap or spanking. Kids usually disobey for not fearing the punishment or thinking the punishment can be overridden in a way. Corporal punishment would erase that mindset from kids. Then again, slapping them for doing something not as bad but viewed as very bad by the parents isn't right, so it's a very complicated issue to gauge.
While I haven't been yelled at too many times, there are times in which my parents or family confessed they would do something more than shouting. I've even had teachers who said that going over board for some serious matters is actually needed.

The key factor is: what the kid shouldn't do again and what the parents want the kid to not do again. We all agree that shouting to a kid in the first case is justified, but of course it always isn't on the second. Most parents think on having their kid be whatever the parents want, but reality is the absolute opposite, and when they clash against reality, all they can do is go over board and shout, when it's not something more.

I don't want to bring up the concept of "equity between men and women", but if we tell men not to shout at their kids, why shouldn't we tell women the same? What's more, it usually is the mother the preferred one for children, so women are expected to be more easy-going with children. 

About the shouting teachers, let's also say that students who misbehave tend to do so with female teachers. It's a matter of authority, most of the times, although I admit that being able to forge a good atmosphere within the classroom is also important. 

writingwolves : I'm with you, corporal punishment should return, but nothing more than a slap or spanking. Kids usually disobey for not fearing the punishment or thinking the punishment can be overridden in a way. Corporal punishment would erase that mindset from kids. Then again, slapping them for doing something not as bad but viewed as very bad by the parents isn't right, so it's a very complicated issue to gauge.
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11-15-15 10:43 PM
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EX Palen: Thanks for the reply !

I'm a really good kid, and it's BECAUSE my parents have never slapped or spanked me, haha. When I was 9, my dad jokingly said he would spank me if I did something wrong. I asked him what "spanking" meant.

He was the proudest, happiest man in the world that day to know that his kid didn't even know what the word "spank" meant .

Anyway, my parents are always proud of me, and so are my teachers. They all say I am very obedient, smart, creative, and all that. My final average is always higher than those of everyone else in my school. I'm not bragging; believe me, I'm not the type to do so, but I'm just stating these facts to make a point here, and the only example I could think of was myself, haha. Perhaps I am a special case, and perhaps not all kids are driven to do well by their 
desire to please their parents instead of fear of angering them like I am, but believe me when I say that all my good behavior would come to an end the SECOND anyone even THREATENS to slap or spank me. 

But every child is different, and like I said, it could just be me, I guess .
EX Palen: Thanks for the reply !

I'm a really good kid, and it's BECAUSE my parents have never slapped or spanked me, haha. When I was 9, my dad jokingly said he would spank me if I did something wrong. I asked him what "spanking" meant.

He was the proudest, happiest man in the world that day to know that his kid didn't even know what the word "spank" meant .

Anyway, my parents are always proud of me, and so are my teachers. They all say I am very obedient, smart, creative, and all that. My final average is always higher than those of everyone else in my school. I'm not bragging; believe me, I'm not the type to do so, but I'm just stating these facts to make a point here, and the only example I could think of was myself, haha. Perhaps I am a special case, and perhaps not all kids are driven to do well by their 
desire to please their parents instead of fear of angering them like I am, but believe me when I say that all my good behavior would come to an end the SECOND anyone even THREATENS to slap or spank me. 

But every child is different, and like I said, it could just be me, I guess .
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NintendoFanKimmy :

Want to know a good way to make your children hate you as a mom?

Just give them more memories of you being upset with them, and only able to use your voice as a form of punishment.

I'm serious.

If the only thing you can do is TALK, in order to get your children to change. . . they won't even want to listen to you when you're normally speaking- You voice has been associated with Negativity. What will begrudge them even more is the fact that they're just as capable of talking as you are. . . only they won't be allowed to use it.

I hate verbal conflict. I really do. It's annoying, and unproductive.

However you were raised, it seems like your parents have done a good job. You have a lot of spirit and feel more pure than most people in soul to me. (I think a lot of children are suppressed in their personality by their parents or school, though not all of the time.) Grounding can be just as effective. . . if not more so than spankings I've found at times.

The one thing I want and come back to when I think about getting married is to make sure the person I marry is reasonable. And when it comes to anger? Well. . . I HOPE I don't get angry with the person I'm married with. . . But if it does happen. I remember one verse we're given in Proverbs.

"Let not the sun set upon they anger."

Anger is an emotion that was meant to be very brief in the human body. The adrenaline stimulus which is given also was meant as a means of defense or restitution. Not a good thing to live on often. lol.

I think with your attitude you'll do well as a mom. (If that even is a dream of yours. ) I like it!



NintendoFanKimmy :

Want to know a good way to make your children hate you as a mom?

Just give them more memories of you being upset with them, and only able to use your voice as a form of punishment.

I'm serious.

If the only thing you can do is TALK, in order to get your children to change. . . they won't even want to listen to you when you're normally speaking- You voice has been associated with Negativity. What will begrudge them even more is the fact that they're just as capable of talking as you are. . . only they won't be allowed to use it.

I hate verbal conflict. I really do. It's annoying, and unproductive.

However you were raised, it seems like your parents have done a good job. You have a lot of spirit and feel more pure than most people in soul to me. (I think a lot of children are suppressed in their personality by their parents or school, though not all of the time.) Grounding can be just as effective. . . if not more so than spankings I've found at times.

The one thing I want and come back to when I think about getting married is to make sure the person I marry is reasonable. And when it comes to anger? Well. . . I HOPE I don't get angry with the person I'm married with. . . But if it does happen. I remember one verse we're given in Proverbs.

"Let not the sun set upon they anger."

Anger is an emotion that was meant to be very brief in the human body. The adrenaline stimulus which is given also was meant as a means of defense or restitution. Not a good thing to live on often. lol.

I think with your attitude you'll do well as a mom. (If that even is a dream of yours. ) I like it!



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Geeo and some others have said what I am going to say but I'm still going to put a little input as well. Some shouting is necessary while some is not let me tell you what a lot of abuse shouting can do. It can put negativity on the child also discouragement even if the child is ignoring most of it. She or he will feel mostly very discouraged with what the mother does if she only abuse with the shouting which will not help the child at all. But if a mother only shouts at the child when need too. That child will see the point and to better her/his behavior  and want to make their parents proud and to show that they have learned from what they have been saying. Being a parent is not easy geeo knows as he is one himself. It takes two to raise children. But for widows or divorced mothers it will be hard. Sometimes I feel when a mother is abusing the shouting I may think she is stressed out and just needs a lot of steam to release. But that's not really an excuse to use that on the children well since it is your children. There are many ways to go about this and how it affects children in all areas. 
Geeo and some others have said what I am going to say but I'm still going to put a little input as well. Some shouting is necessary while some is not let me tell you what a lot of abuse shouting can do. It can put negativity on the child also discouragement even if the child is ignoring most of it. She or he will feel mostly very discouraged with what the mother does if she only abuse with the shouting which will not help the child at all. But if a mother only shouts at the child when need too. That child will see the point and to better her/his behavior  and want to make their parents proud and to show that they have learned from what they have been saying. Being a parent is not easy geeo knows as he is one himself. It takes two to raise children. But for widows or divorced mothers it will be hard. Sometimes I feel when a mother is abusing the shouting I may think she is stressed out and just needs a lot of steam to release. But that's not really an excuse to use that on the children well since it is your children. There are many ways to go about this and how it affects children in all areas. 
Vizzed Elite
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Registered: 08-16-12
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