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emotion supressing

 

01-12-16 04:11 AM
m0ssb3rg935 is Offline
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Generally speaking, I don't even think about it anymore... When I hit 13, I turned into the most emotionally unstable person I have ever met. And believe me, I knew some crazies. Anger issues would be a great understatement. I think it might go back to the first time I was ever ganged up on by 3 people bigger than me. It's most likely the same source of my inability to trust anything or anyone. When a naive kid of no more than 10 years of age whose trust knew no bounds is jumped and beat by his former closest friends from Albania whom he had not seen in a year, it can be fundamentally changing. Hence forth, it was amazingly easy to set me off into a borderline homicidal bloodlust. Even when accidental, it was almost like I stopped being human momentarily if I was struck on the head the wrong way. At some point which I can't remember, I just decided that, to keep myself from killing anyone and spending the rest of my life in prison, I was going to have to learn to control myself. It was greatly difficult at first, but gradually got easier, and now I don't even think about it. I just kind of smothered it until it stopped being a problem. This has been good for me in a way, but I've realized that it's also hindered me in many other ways. I'm not really sure if I have positive emotions. I don't really have a frame of reference for love or affection or happiness... I don't even have friends outside of the Internet let alone ever being able to trust someone as much as getting involved with them. And what it most concerning to me is the fact that it actually doesn't bother me in the slightest. So in a shortened reply, yes. We do seem to be very similar emotionally speaking. For the exception of holding myself to my personal moral standards, I involuntarily bury everything else.
Generally speaking, I don't even think about it anymore... When I hit 13, I turned into the most emotionally unstable person I have ever met. And believe me, I knew some crazies. Anger issues would be a great understatement. I think it might go back to the first time I was ever ganged up on by 3 people bigger than me. It's most likely the same source of my inability to trust anything or anyone. When a naive kid of no more than 10 years of age whose trust knew no bounds is jumped and beat by his former closest friends from Albania whom he had not seen in a year, it can be fundamentally changing. Hence forth, it was amazingly easy to set me off into a borderline homicidal bloodlust. Even when accidental, it was almost like I stopped being human momentarily if I was struck on the head the wrong way. At some point which I can't remember, I just decided that, to keep myself from killing anyone and spending the rest of my life in prison, I was going to have to learn to control myself. It was greatly difficult at first, but gradually got easier, and now I don't even think about it. I just kind of smothered it until it stopped being a problem. This has been good for me in a way, but I've realized that it's also hindered me in many other ways. I'm not really sure if I have positive emotions. I don't really have a frame of reference for love or affection or happiness... I don't even have friends outside of the Internet let alone ever being able to trust someone as much as getting involved with them. And what it most concerning to me is the fact that it actually doesn't bother me in the slightest. So in a shortened reply, yes. We do seem to be very similar emotionally speaking. For the exception of holding myself to my personal moral standards, I involuntarily bury everything else.
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01-12-16 10:16 AM
janus is Offline
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SWTerra : It is not so much about stress (although he probably had his fair share as a policeman and a fire fighter, plus his wife died about a year before he did) but food. If I read correctly about carbs then that is what killed him; you should have seen the amount of sugar he put on his grapefruit in the morning.

m0ssb3rg935 : I can somehow relate to you, although no such "mass scale" bullying ever happened to me. Until age 20 when I did a long exchange trip and lived with the same people for nearly nine months, I had severe trust issues and was much of a loner. Now, I have learned to selectively give my trust to people after I start knowing them better.
SWTerra : It is not so much about stress (although he probably had his fair share as a policeman and a fire fighter, plus his wife died about a year before he did) but food. If I read correctly about carbs then that is what killed him; you should have seen the amount of sugar he put on his grapefruit in the morning.

m0ssb3rg935 : I can somehow relate to you, although no such "mass scale" bullying ever happened to me. Until age 20 when I did a long exchange trip and lived with the same people for nearly nine months, I had severe trust issues and was much of a loner. Now, I have learned to selectively give my trust to people after I start knowing them better.
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01-12-16 10:53 AM
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m0ssb3rg935 : I feel bad; I know that I got out of my fairly severe bullying cases relatively unscathed in comparison to most (while it wasn't quite as severe as that, it was still repeated physical and verbal abuse), but that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes, I guess.

As someone who tends to make quite a few friends with mentally unstable people or easily angered ones way more often than most due to my insane levels of patience, trust, and understanding (not to mention a very cool head when they do get a little bit out of hand), I have dealt with that sort of attitude plenty, although the causes are more from mental problems in my experiences than from a stray incident.

The best thing I can say about your incident (and please, I know this is far easier said than done; I still have trouble ten years after my most severe bullying incident to remember this) is to, instead of focus on what happened, focus on being better than that, and avoid adding on to the vicious cycle. It took me years to realize that while the bullying scarred me quite a bit, I have since recovered very well from it and now instead can use my experience to empathize even more with others, and be able to reach out and help more individuals than I ever could have helped without having been exposed to such an incident.
m0ssb3rg935 : I feel bad; I know that I got out of my fairly severe bullying cases relatively unscathed in comparison to most (while it wasn't quite as severe as that, it was still repeated physical and verbal abuse), but that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes, I guess.

As someone who tends to make quite a few friends with mentally unstable people or easily angered ones way more often than most due to my insane levels of patience, trust, and understanding (not to mention a very cool head when they do get a little bit out of hand), I have dealt with that sort of attitude plenty, although the causes are more from mental problems in my experiences than from a stray incident.

The best thing I can say about your incident (and please, I know this is far easier said than done; I still have trouble ten years after my most severe bullying incident to remember this) is to, instead of focus on what happened, focus on being better than that, and avoid adding on to the vicious cycle. It took me years to realize that while the bullying scarred me quite a bit, I have since recovered very well from it and now instead can use my experience to empathize even more with others, and be able to reach out and help more individuals than I ever could have helped without having been exposed to such an incident.
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01-12-16 04:53 PM
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janus :  
SWTerra : I was kinduh tired when I typed up my prior post, so I may have dramatized a little. They never did any great bodily harm, I had just never been in any kind of physical confrontation. But they did push me around and hit me some a hold me down. It was like this every time I saw them afterward. I had little strength, and was a little heavy, to I really didn't have much of a means to defend myself before I discovered the soft spots of the human body, and running away wasn't an option because I just couldn't run. Even when I went off and chased them, I couldn't keep up. Some of that rage is from broken trust, but I think a lot of it was the fact that I had no way to defend myself. That's why I am all about firearms. Not that I'm turning this into a political debate or anything. I did pull a knife of them once though, should have seen their faces. They kept their distance after that. If I ever see them again, I would be tempted to thank them for making me tougher, and then proceed to beat them to a pulp and take their money, but they'd most likely just shoot me since they're more than likely gang bangers by now. They were just that kind of kid.
janus :  
SWTerra : I was kinduh tired when I typed up my prior post, so I may have dramatized a little. They never did any great bodily harm, I had just never been in any kind of physical confrontation. But they did push me around and hit me some a hold me down. It was like this every time I saw them afterward. I had little strength, and was a little heavy, to I really didn't have much of a means to defend myself before I discovered the soft spots of the human body, and running away wasn't an option because I just couldn't run. Even when I went off and chased them, I couldn't keep up. Some of that rage is from broken trust, but I think a lot of it was the fact that I had no way to defend myself. That's why I am all about firearms. Not that I'm turning this into a political debate or anything. I did pull a knife of them once though, should have seen their faces. They kept their distance after that. If I ever see them again, I would be tempted to thank them for making me tougher, and then proceed to beat them to a pulp and take their money, but they'd most likely just shoot me since they're more than likely gang bangers by now. They were just that kind of kid.
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01-14-16 12:31 PM
janus is Offline
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m0ssb3rg935: even if you dramatized, I can totally relate to your situation. I was barely bullied physically, but the constant putting down (even if I DID contribute to it a little with my attitude) takes a terrible toll of self-esteem. 

Although I also approve of guns for self-DEFENSE, be careful with maintaining those negative feelings alive. At age 32, I do not believe in "getting revenge" on the bullies that hurt me. They are also adults right now, and if ever I met them at a school reunion I would not try to get even as
I would get in trouble, not them.
m0ssb3rg935: even if you dramatized, I can totally relate to your situation. I was barely bullied physically, but the constant putting down (even if I DID contribute to it a little with my attitude) takes a terrible toll of self-esteem. 

Although I also approve of guns for self-DEFENSE, be careful with maintaining those negative feelings alive. At age 32, I do not believe in "getting revenge" on the bullies that hurt me. They are also adults right now, and if ever I met them at a school reunion I would not try to get even as
I would get in trouble, not them.
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03-16-16 07:04 AM
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I used to do this up until I was about 25 years old. I grew up with the "don't talk, don'trust, don't feel" motto because of my childhood, so anyone outside of my inner circle who wasn't "like us" I viewed with skepticism and kept my guard up. I had a few friends but still didn't really trust anybody. This followed well into my teenage/young-adult years, and I couldn't figure out why relationships fizzed after only a few months. Upon reflection I realized that suppressing my feelings to guard myself had infact built up walls that pushed other people away. 

Talking about feelings (and allowing myself to cry which still makes me feel pathetic and weak) is still something I work on even today. But I've learned that keeping feelings locked up, which once worked me, doesn't work as an adult. Healthy relationships require healthy skills - which one of is talking about and expressing feelings.

I used to do this up until I was about 25 years old. I grew up with the "don't talk, don'trust, don't feel" motto because of my childhood, so anyone outside of my inner circle who wasn't "like us" I viewed with skepticism and kept my guard up. I had a few friends but still didn't really trust anybody. This followed well into my teenage/young-adult years, and I couldn't figure out why relationships fizzed after only a few months. Upon reflection I realized that suppressing my feelings to guard myself had infact built up walls that pushed other people away. 

Talking about feelings (and allowing myself to cry which still makes me feel pathetic and weak) is still something I work on even today. But I've learned that keeping feelings locked up, which once worked me, doesn't work as an adult. Healthy relationships require healthy skills - which one of is talking about and expressing feelings.

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04-07-16 09:39 PM
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I'm the exact same way you are (at least as much as I read). The only advice I could give is use music as an outlet. I don't "feel" much either. But when it seems like I need to let something out, I just jam out alone in my room. Obviously picking music that matches the mood helps. But like you said, I'm quite content being this way. Being sensitive is overrated.
I'm the exact same way you are (at least as much as I read). The only advice I could give is use music as an outlet. I don't "feel" much either. But when it seems like I need to let something out, I just jam out alone in my room. Obviously picking music that matches the mood helps. But like you said, I'm quite content being this way. Being sensitive is overrated.
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04-08-16 10:25 PM
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I also feel this way constantly except it isn't happiness I feel it's gratitude for all the great things in life and bad things never change how I feel because I look at the brighter side of things in life. If you don't think you can relate to what I just said then we are more different than I thought.
It's not that I suppress these emotions on purpose it's just that I view things differently.
I also feel this way constantly except it isn't happiness I feel it's gratitude for all the great things in life and bad things never change how I feel because I look at the brighter side of things in life. If you don't think you can relate to what I just said then we are more different than I thought.
It's not that I suppress these emotions on purpose it's just that I view things differently.
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04-09-16 02:04 PM
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I'm guilty of this also ... sometimes I show my emotions as I feelz them while other timez I bottle them up and keep them hidden and just pretend everything is fine until one day when I'm alone preferably the cork comes undone and let out what ever emotion was suppressed the longest

I do try to reach out to someone before it gets too bad though sometimes I just deal with it on my own :/
I'm guilty of this also ... sometimes I show my emotions as I feelz them while other timez I bottle them up and keep them hidden and just pretend everything is fine until one day when I'm alone preferably the cork comes undone and let out what ever emotion was suppressed the longest

I do try to reach out to someone before it gets too bad though sometimes I just deal with it on my own :/
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In these days of conformity,it is scary how you are expected to be robotic. You are not to show any emotion except happiness,because if you are angry,you are considered a problem. I am not the kind of person that walks around happy and cheerful. I am usually okay,but I know that someone or something will piss me off. Maybe I just need Zoloft or something,lol. Or I need to drink,lol. Please read this to see what I mean.

http://scavenger1234567890.deviantart.com/art/Shut-up-526603253

Feel free to say what you want about it.
In these days of conformity,it is scary how you are expected to be robotic. You are not to show any emotion except happiness,because if you are angry,you are considered a problem. I am not the kind of person that walks around happy and cheerful. I am usually okay,but I know that someone or something will piss me off. Maybe I just need Zoloft or something,lol. Or I need to drink,lol. Please read this to see what I mean.

http://scavenger1234567890.deviantart.com/art/Shut-up-526603253

Feel free to say what you want about it.
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06-11-16 05:24 AM
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SentimentalValue :
While attending college I took a class that focused on the teachings of a Greek philosopher named Epictetus. When we started delving into his views about attachment and identity, I found myself becoming more and more distant from everything I'd really cared about. I'd begun analyzing how I looked at things, and finding perspectives that eliminated any emotional attachment to them. I started getting pretty good at it, but as I did, I also started becoming a real jerk. I was loosing my ability to empathize with people.

My roommate and best friend through high school noticed and he took me aside one day and told me that the path I was going down was not one that I would be happy with. It wasn't until I had someone whom I really respect and care about take the time and effort to communicate their concern for me that I was able to see the damage it was causing.

I went into the bathroom and had a good cry when I realized that I was becoming the very monster that I had decided not to become as young boy. I've always had an uncanny ability to detach myself from whatever situation I was in and elicit an emotional response through immersing my perspective in any chosen context I deemed logically plausible. What I didn't realize growing up was that by consistently immersing myself in a pattern of approach, I could actually train myself to respond and think a certain way.

That's my advice- it may or may not work for you, but if you can, I would practice choosing to believe things, choosing to focus on things, and doing things that you believe should elicit what you've decided is a desired emotional response. If it does work, it may take time, and the change may be so subtle that you don't notice it's happening. As long as you maintain a degree of fidelity to the actual goal of achieving balanced emotional health without getting too lost in that endeavor, I've reason to believe it'll help you get to a place where you're not only feeling things more, you're more comfortable feelings things.
SentimentalValue :
While attending college I took a class that focused on the teachings of a Greek philosopher named Epictetus. When we started delving into his views about attachment and identity, I found myself becoming more and more distant from everything I'd really cared about. I'd begun analyzing how I looked at things, and finding perspectives that eliminated any emotional attachment to them. I started getting pretty good at it, but as I did, I also started becoming a real jerk. I was loosing my ability to empathize with people.

My roommate and best friend through high school noticed and he took me aside one day and told me that the path I was going down was not one that I would be happy with. It wasn't until I had someone whom I really respect and care about take the time and effort to communicate their concern for me that I was able to see the damage it was causing.

I went into the bathroom and had a good cry when I realized that I was becoming the very monster that I had decided not to become as young boy. I've always had an uncanny ability to detach myself from whatever situation I was in and elicit an emotional response through immersing my perspective in any chosen context I deemed logically plausible. What I didn't realize growing up was that by consistently immersing myself in a pattern of approach, I could actually train myself to respond and think a certain way.

That's my advice- it may or may not work for you, but if you can, I would practice choosing to believe things, choosing to focus on things, and doing things that you believe should elicit what you've decided is a desired emotional response. If it does work, it may take time, and the change may be so subtle that you don't notice it's happening. As long as you maintain a degree of fidelity to the actual goal of achieving balanced emotional health without getting too lost in that endeavor, I've reason to believe it'll help you get to a place where you're not only feeling things more, you're more comfortable feelings things.
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06-11-16 05:38 AM
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I don't have to work hard to supress my emotions. I naturally lack them. People think I'm Emotionless. Second question.... I think supressing my emotions has affected my love life. People are very afraid of me. Though, I'm not evil. Thanks for asking these two questions.
I don't have to work hard to supress my emotions. I naturally lack them. People think I'm Emotionless. Second question.... I think supressing my emotions has affected my love life. People are very afraid of me. Though, I'm not evil. Thanks for asking these two questions.
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