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This is a long post that means alot to me so if your not going to read it all don't.
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My Bullies
01-03-14 09:25 PM
Bintsy is Offline
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It all started in my 3nd grade year of school. We had moved to Nebraska at the time and I was the *new* girl. I made a lot of friends and I made a lot of enemies. A lot of the kids made fun of me both years for 2nd and 3rd grade year concerning my weight. I was put on a medicine at one point and lost all of my weight once the doctors saw I wasn't eating and was still experiencing my same symptoms.. they took me off of it and I gained all my weight back... I remember one particular incident in particular one day I went over to a friends house who I had never been to her house before and I brought my swim suit because she said she had a swimming pool and to bring my swimming suit... keep in my by the time I got there it was cold weather and her pool was dried out. So then she told me to put my swim suit on in the bathroom ... and she wouldn't stop teasing me until I did... so I did and when I came out of the bathroom they made fun of me.. because of my weight. They kept making fun of me until I moved after 4th grade year... back down to Alabama. I then started going back to my old school but none of the students remembered me sense the last time I went there was in my 2nd grade year. I remember when I first entered the class I was so nervous because it was all new to me and the teacher was like you know "alex" don't you? And I was like yeah ... and I was looking around for her.. and didn't find her until the teacher pointed her out. So school went okay for a while.. until 6th grade year.. a new girl joined my school. Me and her became rivals, I remember one time my friend invited me and a bunch of her other friends out to see a movie.. I even remember the title of it.. Ghost Rider. We got into a big argument and ended up getting into a slap fight... it was my first slap fight ... she bullied me tons at school and one day we got into another fight except this time we were calling each other cuss words. One of my best friends got tired of it and reported us to the teacher and we got in trouble and had to either saw off the words we said or receive a paddling... of course she's like, I want the spanking and I was like NO I want to saw it off which I regret it now because it took forever for me and her to finish it and everyone else got to watch a movie in class. Time went buy and I ended up quitting and going into homeschooling my 7th grade year and I came back to public school in my 8th grade year. I was teased all the time and bullied.. there was a couple of girls who kept punching my arm and hurting me. The girl was even 2 times smaller than me and I couldn't get her off my back. She was a ultimate bully. I was bullied about my weight especially by one particular girl... and I will never forget the incident where she came up to me and said... Hey Laura what pants size do you wear I will buy you some clothes.. I was disgusted by her.. she was making fun of me because I was wearing some of the same clothes that year due of lack of money... a lot of kids were but just because I was over weight I was the one she picked to make fun of. I got fed up with being bullied so the next thing I told my friends there was I was going to move to a different school... they told me the school that I had picked was worse off than where I was and I said I doubt it you guys are horrible. So I moved schools, the first thing that happened was I starting crushing on some guys that were in my class and of course people noticed because I can't hide things a lot of the time. Then a lot of the girls started making fun of me and treating me horrible.. they started telling me how worthless I was and calling me names. I almost punched this one girl but I resisted myself because I knew I would of been the one that got in trouble. It was exactly like my friends at my old school said... way worse! Sometimes I wish I would of never switched schools because the bullying there was 100% worse. I then just decided to quit school ultimately and go into home schooling. After I left that year a couple of months later which would of been 9th grade year for me.. one of the girls who treated me horrible messaged me on Facebook and asked me to come back. She said that they were so very sorry for the way they acted and things were different and they changed. I didn't respond to her because, I knew for a fact that they didn't change. It is impossible for a whole class of students that turned against you for nothing and bullied you would have changed as a whole. So I have stayed in homeschooling and I have been there every sense. I didn't seem to escape bullies though. Me and my little sister have never got along we would always bicker and fight she would tease me about everything. Just last month she started making fun of me calling me fat and saying I eat the whole house... when actually I never eat anything except food for supper and lunch that mom makes or a snack. One of the only reasons I am over weight is because of my medication and both sides of my family have over weight people in it. I have tried everything to get her off my back.. she makes fun of me and she even started making fun of my hat.. she calls it my vizzed board hat and was teasing me and wouldn't shut up about it. Also the other day she asked to get on my laptop because my desktop that she uses is broken and needs a part to access the internet, I told her no and that was final because for starters she is the one that cracked my laptop in the first place ruining in my room screaming and scarring me like she did. I don't trust her with it because she looks at my stuff also.. She then proceeded to call me horrible names... you name it she called me it.. I was even telling some of my friends in chat all the things she was calling me. She always makes me feel terrible, another thing that happened was she stripped the lock on my door. It still locks but if you use a knife you can easily get in it with no problem. I have no privacy at all anymore if I do it's for 5 minutes or when she is gone. Does it make sense that a 12 year old girl bullies a 18 year old girl both being sisters? To me it doesn't make any sense.. I should be laying down the rules and telling her what to do. I can't do anything though because she brings me down every time. I try to stay strong even when I feel like giving up with her. She hasn't called me fat in a while but I told her a couple of weeks or so ago that if she didn't start straighting up and treated me like a human being and her actual sister that I won't have anything to do with her in the future. I am giving her a chance to change and that is all I can do in the end. Part of the reason why I always look upon myself badly when it comes to my looks is because I have been made fun of and put down because of it every sense my 3rd grade year. I feel beautiful but the way people talk to me and put me down makes me feel ugly sometimes. I try and stay positive about it because I know if I don't it's going to really bring me down but when I really get to thinking about it.. it really hurts. I have never expressed this part of me to any of you Vizzed Members because it is something that has really been edging at my heart and taking over me. I decided last that I need to open up about it to my friends because it is starting to kill me how much I am being brought down because of my weight. How many times people have said I am worthless is infamous it seemed.. and sometimes I just feel lonely even though I know I have great friends like you the reader who read this entire post and I have a couple of really good friends in real life that I stay close with but don't know about all of the pain that I have been dealing with. Yes I come across as happy and positive because I am very positive now especially sense I got out of my past ex relationship. The truth is though I am hurting inside and hurting a lot. I am very strong and I have been talking with God and praying every night but I keep feeling bad because of the way I have been treated for 10 years now going on 11 once I'm 19 this Halloween. That's why some of you have seen me talk negative about a certain situation or about myself in general. I sometimes feel bad and say are you mad at me or what did I do? because I honestly feel like I did something wrong because of the way that person is talking to me or not talking to me at all.. It's just a lot of paranoia built in with sorrow and I just want to feel better. I may be happy with so many other things in my life but being bullied this long about my weight and made fun of is something that has always made me cry and be sad. I want others to understand me more here at Vizzed and I feel this post will explain to some of you why I say or do some of the things I do concerning myself. Like I said I have tons of paranoia because of my past and it consumes me so much that I ask different people.. are you mad at me? and they always respond like what?? no. I do feel beautiful nobody treats me beautiful though except some of my family members and some of you here on vizzed. My life has been full of rumbles and troubles and it's like I'm 18 now why am I still being bullied and called fat.. called ugly and made feel like I am not beautiful. I don't think I will ever stop being bullied or being called fat and it's a horrible conclusion for me to come to but it's a fact. I think though that I should be positive and hope for the best because me feeling bad about this does take over me sometimes. I just want others to see why I talk negative about myself and why everything has seemed upsetting on my end the past week, yes I have been sick with the cold but I have been feeling bad about myself as well. I thank you for reading this as it means the world to me and I hope it helps you understand me a bit more. Eniitan : mrfe : play4fun : zeross121 : vanelan : AriaAngelDream : Singelli : A user of this : Frodlex : sonic23 : I summoned you guys because you are some of my closes friends here on vizzed that I feel like should know this. Some of you said you didn't mind if I summoned you either. Bintsy<33 It all started in my 3nd grade year of school. We had moved to Nebraska at the time and I was the *new* girl. I made a lot of friends and I made a lot of enemies. A lot of the kids made fun of me both years for 2nd and 3rd grade year concerning my weight. I was put on a medicine at one point and lost all of my weight once the doctors saw I wasn't eating and was still experiencing my same symptoms.. they took me off of it and I gained all my weight back... I remember one particular incident in particular one day I went over to a friends house who I had never been to her house before and I brought my swim suit because she said she had a swimming pool and to bring my swimming suit... keep in my by the time I got there it was cold weather and her pool was dried out. So then she told me to put my swim suit on in the bathroom ... and she wouldn't stop teasing me until I did... so I did and when I came out of the bathroom they made fun of me.. because of my weight. They kept making fun of me until I moved after 4th grade year... back down to Alabama. I then started going back to my old school but none of the students remembered me sense the last time I went there was in my 2nd grade year. I remember when I first entered the class I was so nervous because it was all new to me and the teacher was like you know "alex" don't you? And I was like yeah ... and I was looking around for her.. and didn't find her until the teacher pointed her out. So school went okay for a while.. until 6th grade year.. a new girl joined my school. Me and her became rivals, I remember one time my friend invited me and a bunch of her other friends out to see a movie.. I even remember the title of it.. Ghost Rider. We got into a big argument and ended up getting into a slap fight... it was my first slap fight ... she bullied me tons at school and one day we got into another fight except this time we were calling each other cuss words. One of my best friends got tired of it and reported us to the teacher and we got in trouble and had to either saw off the words we said or receive a paddling... of course she's like, I want the spanking and I was like NO I want to saw it off which I regret it now because it took forever for me and her to finish it and everyone else got to watch a movie in class. Time went buy and I ended up quitting and going into homeschooling my 7th grade year and I came back to public school in my 8th grade year. I was teased all the time and bullied.. there was a couple of girls who kept punching my arm and hurting me. The girl was even 2 times smaller than me and I couldn't get her off my back. She was a ultimate bully. I was bullied about my weight especially by one particular girl... and I will never forget the incident where she came up to me and said... Hey Laura what pants size do you wear I will buy you some clothes.. I was disgusted by her.. she was making fun of me because I was wearing some of the same clothes that year due of lack of money... a lot of kids were but just because I was over weight I was the one she picked to make fun of. I got fed up with being bullied so the next thing I told my friends there was I was going to move to a different school... they told me the school that I had picked was worse off than where I was and I said I doubt it you guys are horrible. So I moved schools, the first thing that happened was I starting crushing on some guys that were in my class and of course people noticed because I can't hide things a lot of the time. Then a lot of the girls started making fun of me and treating me horrible.. they started telling me how worthless I was and calling me names. I almost punched this one girl but I resisted myself because I knew I would of been the one that got in trouble. It was exactly like my friends at my old school said... way worse! Sometimes I wish I would of never switched schools because the bullying there was 100% worse. I then just decided to quit school ultimately and go into home schooling. After I left that year a couple of months later which would of been 9th grade year for me.. one of the girls who treated me horrible messaged me on Facebook and asked me to come back. She said that they were so very sorry for the way they acted and things were different and they changed. I didn't respond to her because, I knew for a fact that they didn't change. It is impossible for a whole class of students that turned against you for nothing and bullied you would have changed as a whole. So I have stayed in homeschooling and I have been there every sense. I didn't seem to escape bullies though. Me and my little sister have never got along we would always bicker and fight she would tease me about everything. Just last month she started making fun of me calling me fat and saying I eat the whole house... when actually I never eat anything except food for supper and lunch that mom makes or a snack. One of the only reasons I am over weight is because of my medication and both sides of my family have over weight people in it. I have tried everything to get her off my back.. she makes fun of me and she even started making fun of my hat.. she calls it my vizzed board hat and was teasing me and wouldn't shut up about it. Also the other day she asked to get on my laptop because my desktop that she uses is broken and needs a part to access the internet, I told her no and that was final because for starters she is the one that cracked my laptop in the first place ruining in my room screaming and scarring me like she did. I don't trust her with it because she looks at my stuff also.. She then proceeded to call me horrible names... you name it she called me it.. I was even telling some of my friends in chat all the things she was calling me. She always makes me feel terrible, another thing that happened was she stripped the lock on my door. It still locks but if you use a knife you can easily get in it with no problem. I have no privacy at all anymore if I do it's for 5 minutes or when she is gone. Does it make sense that a 12 year old girl bullies a 18 year old girl both being sisters? To me it doesn't make any sense.. I should be laying down the rules and telling her what to do. I can't do anything though because she brings me down every time. I try to stay strong even when I feel like giving up with her. She hasn't called me fat in a while but I told her a couple of weeks or so ago that if she didn't start straighting up and treated me like a human being and her actual sister that I won't have anything to do with her in the future. I am giving her a chance to change and that is all I can do in the end. Part of the reason why I always look upon myself badly when it comes to my looks is because I have been made fun of and put down because of it every sense my 3rd grade year. I feel beautiful but the way people talk to me and put me down makes me feel ugly sometimes. I try and stay positive about it because I know if I don't it's going to really bring me down but when I really get to thinking about it.. it really hurts. I have never expressed this part of me to any of you Vizzed Members because it is something that has really been edging at my heart and taking over me. I decided last that I need to open up about it to my friends because it is starting to kill me how much I am being brought down because of my weight. How many times people have said I am worthless is infamous it seemed.. and sometimes I just feel lonely even though I know I have great friends like you the reader who read this entire post and I have a couple of really good friends in real life that I stay close with but don't know about all of the pain that I have been dealing with. Yes I come across as happy and positive because I am very positive now especially sense I got out of my past ex relationship. The truth is though I am hurting inside and hurting a lot. I am very strong and I have been talking with God and praying every night but I keep feeling bad because of the way I have been treated for 10 years now going on 11 once I'm 19 this Halloween. That's why some of you have seen me talk negative about a certain situation or about myself in general. I sometimes feel bad and say are you mad at me or what did I do? because I honestly feel like I did something wrong because of the way that person is talking to me or not talking to me at all.. It's just a lot of paranoia built in with sorrow and I just want to feel better. I may be happy with so many other things in my life but being bullied this long about my weight and made fun of is something that has always made me cry and be sad. I want others to understand me more here at Vizzed and I feel this post will explain to some of you why I say or do some of the things I do concerning myself. Like I said I have tons of paranoia because of my past and it consumes me so much that I ask different people.. are you mad at me? and they always respond like what?? no. I do feel beautiful nobody treats me beautiful though except some of my family members and some of you here on vizzed. My life has been full of rumbles and troubles and it's like I'm 18 now why am I still being bullied and called fat.. called ugly and made feel like I am not beautiful. I don't think I will ever stop being bullied or being called fat and it's a horrible conclusion for me to come to but it's a fact. I think though that I should be positive and hope for the best because me feeling bad about this does take over me sometimes. I just want others to see why I talk negative about myself and why everything has seemed upsetting on my end the past week, yes I have been sick with the cold but I have been feeling bad about myself as well. I thank you for reading this as it means the world to me and I hope it helps you understand me a bit more. Eniitan : mrfe : play4fun : zeross121 : vanelan : AriaAngelDream : Singelli : A user of this : Frodlex : sonic23 : I summoned you guys because you are some of my closes friends here on vizzed that I feel like should know this. Some of you said you didn't mind if I summoned you either. Bintsy<33 |
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01-03-14 09:26 PM
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01-03-14 09:39 PM
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Wow... Thank you very much for sharing this Bin-chan! Now I feel I know you a lot more. Hey, if you feel sad, feel free to talk to me. I don't mind ^^ Just stay strong and ignore those hateful words from bullies. Just stay strong and ignore those hateful words from bullies. |
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01-03-14 09:45 PM
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Wow...Thanks for telling us all of that. If you're sad, you can talk to me if you'd like. It's no hassle. Just be strong, and don't listen to the bullies. Wow...Thanks for telling us all of that. If you're sad, you can talk to me if you'd like. It's no hassle. Just be strong, and don't listen to the bullies. |
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I wonder what the character limit on this thing is. |
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01-03-14 09:48 PM
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Bintsy I feel so bad for you right now if you need anyone to talk to I am here for you kids are rude now don't let them bring you down remember what you told me before I took my own life you told me to stay strong don't let it bother you |
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01-03-14 10:35 PM
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Hey Bintsy. It's a bit unfortunate that this thread will probably be spammed by people pretending to read what you wrote due to it being a TdV month. However, I want to let you know that I read every word. I did have one question..... so I'm sorry if I sound stupid, but what does it mean to 'saw off' your words? Is that like writing sentences? I'm glad you didn't go back to public school. Speaking as a witness to it day in and day out: Kids are mean. That's all there is to it. I can't believe that so many kids are raised without human decency, or taught to respect others. And I'm glad you feel beautiful. You should. Don't let anyone take that away from you, and keep talking to God as you have been doing. You know how my boss bullies me? Well a few people gave me a new perspective this year. Pray for your own strength and patience, yes... but also pray for those that bully you. It may be that there is something in their life which makes them feel the need to act the way they do. Pray for healing in their lives and for a change of heart. Maybe your sister just needs some prayer as well, if what she's doing exceeds sibling rivalry. If you ever need to talk, you know I'm here for you. Love you, and I'll pray for you. I'm glad you didn't go back to public school. Speaking as a witness to it day in and day out: Kids are mean. That's all there is to it. I can't believe that so many kids are raised without human decency, or taught to respect others. And I'm glad you feel beautiful. You should. Don't let anyone take that away from you, and keep talking to God as you have been doing. You know how my boss bullies me? Well a few people gave me a new perspective this year. Pray for your own strength and patience, yes... but also pray for those that bully you. It may be that there is something in their life which makes them feel the need to act the way they do. Pray for healing in their lives and for a change of heart. Maybe your sister just needs some prayer as well, if what she's doing exceeds sibling rivalry. If you ever need to talk, you know I'm here for you. Love you, and I'll pray for you. |
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Singelli |
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01-03-14 10:44 PM
Bintsy is Offline
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Singelli : Oh well I should of detailed that a bit more. Basically what it was me and the girl called each other a bad name and this was in 6th grade. So the secondary principle took like wood and wrote the word we said on the wood then we had to take I think sand paper and sand it off.. it took forever to get it off. Honestly I think I should of just took the paddling and had it over with. Thank you also.. I have been praying a lot and I will continue to pray. Also I appreciate you keeping me in your prayers. Yeah a lot of the TDV and this post will be spammed by them but at least I know some of my close friends did read it. Thank you Sing and I love you! Bintsy<33 Singelli : Oh well I should of detailed that a bit more. Basically what it was me and the girl called each other a bad name and this was in 6th grade. So the secondary principle took like wood and wrote the word we said on the wood then we had to take I think sand paper and sand it off.. it took forever to get it off. Honestly I think I should of just took the paddling and had it over with. Thank you also.. I have been praying a lot and I will continue to pray. Also I appreciate you keeping me in your prayers. Yeah a lot of the TDV and this post will be spammed by them but at least I know some of my close friends did read it. Thank you Sing and I love you! Bintsy<33 |
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01-03-14 10:46 PM
Singelli is Offline
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Bintsy : I've never heard of such a punishment before. That's... very unique. Huh. Kinda weird but... Yeah, I care and I'll pray. Love ya too! Keep your head up, beautiful. *hugs* Yeah, I care and I'll pray. Love ya too! Keep your head up, beautiful. *hugs* |
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01-04-14 05:51 AM
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*Sighs* Bintsy...my poor little sis.....we all have our own stories to tell that, we have difficult having to say...because we wouldn't know what others think....I am still like that but,I am a lot more opened now as I was before...but, yet still have a difficult time opening up more as...it is so hard to do...I can relate of your medication I too have that. Steroids that put on weight for me..and find it hard to keep it at tact not because of what I eat. But, because I take this everyday of my life....I am so sorry about school and your sis....I do hope for a change in her so she can start supporting you because that's what you need in life. The last thing we want is our sis or bros bully as people already have it rough at school...and about fb. thats quite similar...after the constant bullying I had and I left school for years...one of the girls who did bully me, found me on fb somehow and added me...I didn't add her back because the flash of my memories of it came back. And I became sad again. Remember bintsy.you always have us on vizzed and me your big sis. We will always help you no matter what you go through in life. It what we all meant to do help one another. Out of a deep hole we have been in. We love you we will always care for you. And your pretty don't let what those peoples words get to you as I have done...please try to fight it more...I let it get to me for 22 years without even telling anyone, how I felt about it....don't do what I did, or it...will be more tougher I guarantee that. I see...and I believe a bright future for you .Its not just a say, its a truth you will be free from all of this I believe so. ^-^ |
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Number 1 Sailor Moon, Final Fantasy And Freedom Planet Fan On Vizzed! |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
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(edited by Eniitan on 01-04-14 05:56 AM)
01-04-14 01:14 PM
FFFighterDill is Offline
| ID: 953308 | 94 Words
| ID: 953308 | 94 Words
FFFighterDill
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Although I dont even know you, I semi-feel what your going though people joke about my weight some the time its mostly guys who do it but 2 girls do it to ( if there is more i would have no idea). Not even my relatives tease me, might be playful teasing but never the mean kind of it. One kid joke to me about fat camp even though he is FAT TOO!! So i might not feel ALL your going though i do get just a little bit of what your going though. Although I dont even know you, I semi-feel what your going though people joke about my weight some the time its mostly guys who do it but 2 girls do it to ( if there is more i would have no idea). Not even my relatives tease me, might be playful teasing but never the mean kind of it. One kid joke to me about fat camp even though he is FAT TOO!! So i might not feel ALL your going though i do get just a little bit of what your going though. |
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New Youtuber |
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01-04-14 01:31 PM
SaphiraFlames is Offline
| ID: 953323 | 731 Words
| ID: 953323 | 731 Words
SaphiraFlames
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I read every bit of this and I didn't crack your screen or scare you on purpose, you jumped up on the bed when I came in and the laptop fell on your knee... sorry though, wasn't trying to scare you though and if you told me this a bit earlier I may of not done some of the things I have done, because I've been bullied to and I know what it feels like, all the things we've been through in the past year has made me tougher so I fight back or ignore... I may have not been called fat but I have been called weird and stupid and other stuff but I will admit I can be a bit weird but I'm not going to change for others just because of what they think, you know Candace? You were a |
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
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01-04-14 06:58 PM
Bintsy is Offline
| ID: 953594 | 2272 Words
| ID: 953594 | 2272 Words
Bintsy
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SaphiraFlames : I appreciate that but I will never agree with you saying that it wasn't your fault that my laptop cracked. I was on the phone with somebody and you came bursting in there and scared me on purpose and I will never forget it.. I may of physically done it but it was your scaring me that did it. I remember Candace and she was a bully. You need to get over her and move on.. me and her didn't click as well either sometimes and I had to hold my tongue with her most of the time. The reason I kept myself plugged in threw all of that is because every time I would be unplugged all I would hear is drama, screaming and cussing. I was trying not to cuss myself and what everyone in the house was doing wasn't helping so my best option was to hide away in my room sort of like I do now and keep myself plugged in. Music has been my escape from half of the things I have been through. I realize how much she bullied you because I remember you crying with her being so mean to you. The time when you pushed her through the window at the time I was looking at you to blame because I thought it was your fault but I look back on it now and she provoked you and deserved it anyways. I remember a lot of your bullies from school because I know how you act usually when you get home.. and mom does talk with me about some stuff as well. I know it has been rough for all of us this 2013 because of Amy burning our car and how financial things have been rocky and stuff have just been crazy. A lot of me still wants to hide from you because I still don't trust you in some ways.. it is hard for me to let you on my laptop now a days because I do have stuff on my laptop that I keep running and I am very paranoid as it is. You used to go through my stuff and that's why it's hard for me to let you on my laptop now. I haven't talked with you about any of this stuff that's coming up next because it's hard for me to talk to you mom or Leah about anything much anymore.. because I feel like I can't. Sometimes I do tell you guys about things but it's just been so hard for me opening up. Basically I am still grieving that papa died which is not good.. I don't think about it as much anymore but I know God and papa himself wouldn't want me to be like this so upset and so sad about him leaving. I just wish I could go back and spend more time with him.. I remember the last time I tried to spend the night with him.. I got home sick and he seemed pretty upset about it. I never go any where anymore because I don't trust going somewhere half of the time. It's not the people but I don't want to hurt anybody you know. When aunt Robin passed away I felt lonely. She was only 50 and her own son said things that I would of never thought would of came out of his mouth. He is my cousin and I still do care for him.. I guess some things do happen for a reason but I loved Robin and to think that she left us so sudden makes me wonder about the rest of our family. Any minute we might lose somebody especially somebody that is close with us and cares about us.. I honestly don't think I will be able to deal with the pain of losing another family member. I think I am strong enough to handle it but amotionally I think I will break down and cry a lot more especially if it is a close member of our family. I know that Candace brought you down a lot.. I may not of heard all of the things you said but she told me things when you weren't around. I kept them to myself because me telling you would of just caused drama.. and the same with you when you told me things I kept it to myself because like I said drama. I am honestly sick of it and I just want us to get along because us fighting all the time like we do is unhealthy and we need to work on it. I love you very much and I know we have a lot to work on some things that are going to take time. I have to build up my trust with you for starters...I have lost a bit for you over the past year for some of the things you have called me.. and what you did the other night when I said you couldn't get on my laptop really hurt me. I know your not the only one at fault.. I used to cause a lot of problems with this family as well. Yelling kicking screaming fighting.. but over the last years I have started to change.. you notice how I always say to you watch your lauange over and over? It's because I use that instead of putting you down with a cuss word. I don't cuss anymore and I have changed a lot if you haven't noticed. Sense I broke up with you know who.. don't mention his name in this thread by the way, I have been a lot happier and positive. I have been praying every night and if you haven't heard me in my room late at night sometimes I talk with God like I would talk with you. I get pretty loud sometimes but I try to stay seldomly quiet. We may not be in church but God means everything to me and I won't let others bring me down. You are beautiful Lindsey and all of those other people in your class that are hurting you and being drama queens about every thing are missing out on all you have to offer. I don't ignore you but I do get tired of you banging on my door and coming into my room every day when I'm Bintsy<33 SaphiraFlames : I appreciate that but I will never agree with you saying that it wasn't your fault that my laptop cracked. I was on the phone with somebody and you came bursting in there and scared me on purpose and I will never forget it.. I may of physically done it but it was your scaring me that did it. I remember Candace and she was a bully. You need to get over her and move on.. me and her didn't click as well either sometimes and I had to hold my tongue with her most of the time. The reason I kept myself plugged in threw all of that is because every time I would be unplugged all I would hear is drama, screaming and cussing. I was trying not to cuss myself and what everyone in the house was doing wasn't helping so my best option was to hide away in my room sort of like I do now and keep myself plugged in. Music has been my escape from half of the things I have been through. I realize how much she bullied you because I remember you crying with her being so mean to you. The time when you pushed her through the window at the time I was looking at you to blame because I thought it was your fault but I look back on it now and she provoked you and deserved it anyways. I remember a lot of your bullies from school because I know how you act usually when you get home.. and mom does talk with me about some stuff as well. I know it has been rough for all of us this 2013 because of Amy burning our car and how financial things have been rocky and stuff have just been crazy. A lot of me still wants to hide from you because I still don't trust you in some ways.. it is hard for me to let you on my laptop now a days because I do have stuff on my laptop that I keep running and I am very paranoid as it is. You used to go through my stuff and that's why it's hard for me to let you on my laptop now. I haven't talked with you about any of this stuff that's coming up next because it's hard for me to talk to you mom or Leah about anything much anymore.. because I feel like I can't. Sometimes I do tell you guys about things but it's just been so hard for me opening up. Basically I am still grieving that papa died which is not good.. I don't think about it as much anymore but I know God and papa himself wouldn't want me to be like this so upset and so sad about him leaving. I just wish I could go back and spend more time with him.. I remember the last time I tried to spend the night with him.. I got home sick and he seemed pretty upset about it. I never go any where anymore because I don't trust going somewhere half of the time. It's not the people but I don't want to hurt anybody you know. When aunt Robin passed away I felt lonely. She was only 50 and her own son said things that I would of never thought would of came out of his mouth. He is my cousin and I still do care for him.. I guess some things do happen for a reason but I loved Robin and to think that she left us so sudden makes me wonder about the rest of our family. Any minute we might lose somebody especially somebody that is close with us and cares about us.. I honestly don't think I will be able to deal with the pain of losing another family member. I think I am strong enough to handle it but amotionally I think I will break down and cry a lot more especially if it is a close member of our family. I know that Candace brought you down a lot.. I may not of heard all of the things you said but she told me things when you weren't around. I kept them to myself because me telling you would of just caused drama.. and the same with you when you told me things I kept it to myself because like I said drama. I am honestly sick of it and I just want us to get along because us fighting all the time like we do is unhealthy and we need to work on it. I love you very much and I know we have a lot to work on some things that are going to take time. I have to build up my trust with you for starters...I have lost a bit for you over the past year for some of the things you have called me.. and what you did the other night when I said you couldn't get on my laptop really hurt me. I know your not the only one at fault.. I used to cause a lot of problems with this family as well. Yelling kicking screaming fighting.. but over the last years I have started to change.. you notice how I always say to you watch your lauange over and over? It's because I use that instead of putting you down with a cuss word. I don't cuss anymore and I have changed a lot if you haven't noticed. Sense I broke up with you know who.. don't mention his name in this thread by the way, I have been a lot happier and positive. I have been praying every night and if you haven't heard me in my room late at night sometimes I talk with God like I would talk with you. I get pretty loud sometimes but I try to stay seldomly quiet. We may not be in church but God means everything to me and I won't let others bring me down. You are beautiful Lindsey and all of those other people in your class that are hurting you and being drama queens about every thing are missing out on all you have to offer. I don't ignore you but I do get tired of you banging on my door and coming into my room every day when I'm Bintsy<33 |
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Registered: 04-12-11
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
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Last Active: 180 days
Post Rating: 2 Liked By: Cloe, SaphiraFlames,
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