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Page Staff: zanderlex, pennylessz,
02-25-20 11:25 AM

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Acting Titles (act 2)
Trying something new...
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CalentXClair
08-15-13 02:15 PM
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thephantombrain
08-18-13 12:05 PM

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Acting Titles (act 2)

 

08-15-13 02:15 PM
CalentXClair is Offline
Link | ID: 867505 | 873 Words

CalentXClair
Level: 4

POSTS: 2/3
POST EXP: 1638
LVL EXP: 253
CP: 52.2
VIZ: 5783

Likes: 1  Dislikes: 0
Note: This is a continuation of my little story thing from before
(https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=63945
 you'd probably have to read that first for some context),
 I'm trying something different from my typical writing here which is a fight scene.
As per last time I'd like some feedback if you've got the time.

“Extremes?” Calent spluttered out, desperately trying to look
like the adult between the two. Clair helped him up, urging him that they had
to keep moving.

“I’ll tell you about it the moment I know that we’re safe!” She let him go as
soon he found his feet, almost making him drop again. She took sharp glances around;
too aware of what would happen. “We’re too late.”
Her parents’ teleported in front of them, the father had a
large hammer drawn, the mother gripping his staff, increasingly glowing
congruent with the tension.

“You’re not doing it this time! I’m leaving!” Clair shouted, her fear tempering
into anger. She took the leather fittings around her hands off to reveal two
gauntlet-like bindings surrounding her hands. Calent, realising what was
happening, suddenly felt worlds better, and leapt up, preparing his sword.

“Clair, haven’t you got a weapon or anything?!”

Clair said nothing in response, instead allowing her power to howl. The shadows,
stretched onto the field, long due to the rising sun, were suddenly being manifested,
morphed into physical being.
Calent looked at his shadow standing next to him; lacking
features you could barely see it was him, not to mention it was much taller
than him. Its sword alone was as long as Calents entire body. Calent, in this
distraction hadn’t even noticed Clair’s shadow. Unlike Calent’s, there was no
way of knowing that this shadow came from this small girl. It was huge,
towering over her parents, with two hulking gauntlets with broken shackles.
Calent looked towards her parents, both of which had their own shadows conjured,
complete with weaponry, equally as terrifying as Clair’s.

The fathers’ manifestation threw the first swing, directed
straight towards Calent. As it was plummeting toward the earth, Calent and his
shadow rolled out of the way. Clair’s shadow grabbed the massive hammer before
it struck the earth, wrestling with her father’s shadow to get the hammer out
of the way. Calent noticed something. The shadows were acting independent of
the summoners, seeing this; he noticed that Clair’s father was running toward
him, his hammer trailing behind.

Calent launched himself with a burst of flame propelling him,
his blade at the ready, planning for an impact. As they were about to connect,
the father teleported away, behind him, he swung his hammer with the momentum
gained, but Calent’s shadow stopped him, forcing the hammer out of his grip.
Before he could react, he found himself being gripped by a clawed hand, made
from shadows, holding him in place on the ground. He looked around to see Clair
finishing the binding spell, and began to try and force his way out of it.

Clair teleported to her mother and threw a punch, using the weight of the
gauntlets as her force. The mother slumped to the ground, but picked herself up
with her magic and staff. With unexpected agility, she swung the staff to
Clair’s side, making her slump over, and then sweeping her off of her feet with
a powerful leg strike.

The battlefield shook as Clair’s shadow was knocked out of
the way by her mother’s, and the hammer was swung into the ground with earth-shaking
force. The hammer rose slowly as it attempted another strike, however, at its
apex Clair in the flesh teleported to her father’s shadow, on top of its
colossal head. She removed her gauntlet to reveal a sickly looking hand, as if
it’d not been touched by the sun. As she placed her bare hand onto the shadows
head, Calent could see the father in physical pain, wincing in his clawed
prison. Taking this advantage before the opportunity slipped, he charged his
blade with fire energy and drove it through the fathers gut.

Clair was suddenly knocked off the shadows head when the
mother’s shadow charged it, causing her to drop violently onto the floor.
Pulsing with adrenaline, she teleported to her mother again, this time, she
expressed no mercy. Her love of life, for this one moment, was lost and
replaced with nothing but contempt for this woman she called her mother. She
brought her gauntlet hand around her mother’s neck, and swung her down to the
earth, not letting go. After this, she put her bare hand over her face. Calent
could barely watch. Tendrils of pure darkness were extending themselves out of
Clair’s palm, down into her mother’s throat.

The father, though he lay dying, watched. He watched every
second of it, and of Clair, he was proud. Proud of what he created. He watched
all of the massive shadows, now felled; slowly slip back toward their owners.
Eventually, he looked to see his daughter and the stranger that came to his
town to take her leave together. Clair holding in her hands her mother’s
amulet. He looked toward his wife. Grim as they were, they shared their last
moments together, and he couldn’t thank Clair enough for that.
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Post Rating: 1   Liked By: thephantombrain,

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08-16-13 08:29 PM
Eirinn is Offline
Link | ID: 868106 | 56 Words

Eirinn
Level: 145


POSTS: 2033/7900
POST EXP: 1300417
LVL EXP: 37007887
CP: 69284.7
VIZ: 1831837

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Another great entry. It left me wondering what I'd missed in the unreleased opening, or what was going to be revealed later, but I find that a good thing. It gives even more reason to read on.

If you decide to resume writing sometime, I'd love to see it. You definitely have a talent for it.
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Eirinn


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Registered: 07-18-12
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08-18-13 12:05 PM
thephantombrain is Offline
Link | ID: 868948 | 46 Words

Level: 63


POSTS: 70/1205
POST EXP: 117792
LVL EXP: 2053406
CP: 5743.1
VIZ: 121566

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
It's a unique concept to my knowledge but I'm not very well read. You are a far superior writer than me and I honestly don't feel qualified to critique. You'll go far if you continue to practice this craft. 

I wish you the best of luck.
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