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CalentXClair
08-15-13 02:15 PM
08-15-13 02:15 PM
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Acting Titles (act 2)
08-15-13 02:15 PM
CalentXClair is Offline
| ID: 867505 | 873 Words
| ID: 867505 | 873 Words
CalentXClair
Level: 5
POSTS: 2/3
POST EXP: 1638
LVL EXP: 324
CP: 52.2
VIZ: 5783
POSTS: 2/3
POST EXP: 1638
LVL EXP: 324
CP: 52.2
VIZ: 5783
Likes: 1 Dislikes: 0
Note: This is a continuation of my little story thing from before (https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=63945 you'd probably have to read that first for some context), I'm trying something different from my typical writing here which is a fight scene. As per last time I'd like some feedback if you've got the time. “Extremes?” Calent spluttered out, desperately trying to look like the adult between the two. Clair helped him up, urging him that they had to keep moving. “I’ll tell you about it the moment I know that we’re safe!” She let him go as soon he found his feet, almost making him drop again. She took sharp glances around; too aware of what would happen. “We’re too late.” Her parents’ teleported in front of them, the father had a large hammer drawn, the mother gripping his staff, increasingly glowing congruent with the tension. “You’re not doing it this time! I’m leaving!” Clair shouted, her fear tempering into anger. She took the leather fittings around her hands off to reveal two gauntlet-like bindings surrounding her hands. Calent, realising what was happening, suddenly felt worlds better, and leapt up, preparing his sword. “Clair, haven’t you got a weapon or anything?!” Clair said nothing in response, instead allowing her power to howl. The shadows, stretched onto the field, long due to the rising sun, were suddenly being manifested, morphed into physical being. Calent looked at his shadow standing next to him; lacking features you could barely see it was him, not to mention it was much taller than him. Its sword alone was as long as Calents entire body. Calent, in this distraction hadn’t even noticed Clair’s shadow. Unlike Calent’s, there was no way of knowing that this shadow came from this small girl. It was huge, towering over her parents, with two hulking gauntlets with broken shackles. Calent looked towards her parents, both of which had their own shadows conjured, complete with weaponry, equally as terrifying as Clair’s. The fathers’ manifestation threw the first swing, directed straight towards Calent. As it was plummeting toward the earth, Calent and his shadow rolled out of the way. Clair’s shadow grabbed the massive hammer before it struck the earth, wrestling with her father’s shadow to get the hammer out of the way. Calent noticed something. The shadows were acting independent of the summoners, seeing this; he noticed that Clair’s father was running toward him, his hammer trailing behind. Calent launched himself with a burst of flame propelling him, his blade at the ready, planning for an impact. As they were about to connect, the father teleported away, behind him, he swung his hammer with the momentum gained, but Calent’s shadow stopped him, forcing the hammer out of his grip. Before he could react, he found himself being gripped by a clawed hand, made from shadows, holding him in place on the ground. He looked around to see Clair finishing the binding spell, and began to try and force his way out of it. Clair teleported to her mother and threw a punch, using the weight of the gauntlets as her force. The mother slumped to the ground, but picked herself up with her magic and staff. With unexpected agility, she swung the staff to Clair’s side, making her slump over, and then sweeping her off of her feet with a powerful leg strike. The battlefield shook as Clair’s shadow was knocked out of the way by her mother’s, and the hammer was swung into the ground with earth-shaking force. The hammer rose slowly as it attempted another strike, however, at its apex Clair in the flesh teleported to her father’s shadow, on top of its colossal head. She removed her gauntlet to reveal a sickly looking hand, as if it’d not been touched by the sun. As she placed her bare hand onto the shadows head, Calent could see the father in physical pain, wincing in his clawed prison. Taking this advantage before the opportunity slipped, he charged his blade with fire energy and drove it through the fathers gut. Clair was suddenly knocked off the shadows head when the mother’s shadow charged it, causing her to drop violently onto the floor. Pulsing with adrenaline, she teleported to her mother again, this time, she expressed no mercy. Her love of life, for this one moment, was lost and brought her gauntlet hand around her mother’s neck, and swung her down to the earth, not letting go. After this, she put her bare hand over her face. Calent could barely watch. Tendrils of pure darkness were extending themselves out of Clair’s palm, down into her mother’s throat. The father, though he lay dying, watched. He watched every second of it, and of Clair, he was proud. Proud of what he created. He watched all of the massive shadows, now felled; slowly slip back toward their owners. Eventually, he looked to see his daughter and the stranger that came to his town to take her leave together. Clair holding in her hands her mother’s amulet. He looked toward his wife. Grim as they were, they shared their last moments together, and he couldn’t thank Clair enough for that. (https://www.vizzed.com/boards/thread.php?id=63945 you'd probably have to read that first for some context), I'm trying something different from my typical writing here which is a fight scene. As per last time I'd like some feedback if you've got the time. “Extremes?” Calent spluttered out, desperately trying to look like the adult between the two. Clair helped him up, urging him that they had to keep moving. “I’ll tell you about it the moment I know that we’re safe!” She let him go as soon he found his feet, almost making him drop again. She took sharp glances around; too aware of what would happen. “We’re too late.” Her parents’ teleported in front of them, the father had a large hammer drawn, the mother gripping his staff, increasingly glowing congruent with the tension. “You’re not doing it this time! I’m leaving!” Clair shouted, her fear tempering into anger. She took the leather fittings around her hands off to reveal two gauntlet-like bindings surrounding her hands. Calent, realising what was happening, suddenly felt worlds better, and leapt up, preparing his sword. “Clair, haven’t you got a weapon or anything?!” Clair said nothing in response, instead allowing her power to howl. The shadows, stretched onto the field, long due to the rising sun, were suddenly being manifested, morphed into physical being. Calent looked at his shadow standing next to him; lacking features you could barely see it was him, not to mention it was much taller than him. Its sword alone was as long as Calents entire body. Calent, in this distraction hadn’t even noticed Clair’s shadow. Unlike Calent’s, there was no way of knowing that this shadow came from this small girl. It was huge, towering over her parents, with two hulking gauntlets with broken shackles. Calent looked towards her parents, both of which had their own shadows conjured, complete with weaponry, equally as terrifying as Clair’s. The fathers’ manifestation threw the first swing, directed straight towards Calent. As it was plummeting toward the earth, Calent and his shadow rolled out of the way. Clair’s shadow grabbed the massive hammer before it struck the earth, wrestling with her father’s shadow to get the hammer out of the way. Calent noticed something. The shadows were acting independent of the summoners, seeing this; he noticed that Clair’s father was running toward him, his hammer trailing behind. Calent launched himself with a burst of flame propelling him, his blade at the ready, planning for an impact. As they were about to connect, the father teleported away, behind him, he swung his hammer with the momentum gained, but Calent’s shadow stopped him, forcing the hammer out of his grip. Before he could react, he found himself being gripped by a clawed hand, made from shadows, holding him in place on the ground. He looked around to see Clair finishing the binding spell, and began to try and force his way out of it. Clair teleported to her mother and threw a punch, using the weight of the gauntlets as her force. The mother slumped to the ground, but picked herself up with her magic and staff. With unexpected agility, she swung the staff to Clair’s side, making her slump over, and then sweeping her off of her feet with a powerful leg strike. The battlefield shook as Clair’s shadow was knocked out of the way by her mother’s, and the hammer was swung into the ground with earth-shaking force. The hammer rose slowly as it attempted another strike, however, at its apex Clair in the flesh teleported to her father’s shadow, on top of its colossal head. She removed her gauntlet to reveal a sickly looking hand, as if it’d not been touched by the sun. As she placed her bare hand onto the shadows head, Calent could see the father in physical pain, wincing in his clawed prison. Taking this advantage before the opportunity slipped, he charged his blade with fire energy and drove it through the fathers gut. Clair was suddenly knocked off the shadows head when the mother’s shadow charged it, causing her to drop violently onto the floor. Pulsing with adrenaline, she teleported to her mother again, this time, she expressed no mercy. Her love of life, for this one moment, was lost and brought her gauntlet hand around her mother’s neck, and swung her down to the earth, not letting go. After this, she put her bare hand over her face. Calent could barely watch. Tendrils of pure darkness were extending themselves out of Clair’s palm, down into her mother’s throat. The father, though he lay dying, watched. He watched every second of it, and of Clair, he was proud. Proud of what he created. He watched all of the massive shadows, now felled; slowly slip back toward their owners. Eventually, he looked to see his daughter and the stranger that came to his town to take her leave together. Clair holding in her hands her mother’s amulet. He looked toward his wife. Grim as they were, they shared their last moments together, and he couldn’t thank Clair enough for that. |
Newbie
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 08-14-13
Last Post: 3903 days
Last Active: 3707 days
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 08-14-13
Last Post: 3903 days
Last Active: 3707 days
Post Rating: 1 Liked By: thephantombrain,
08-16-13 08:29 PM
Eirinn is Offline
| ID: 868106 | 56 Words
| ID: 868106 | 56 Words
Eirinn
Level: 154
POSTS: 2033/7900
POST EXP: 1300417
LVL EXP: 46025498
CP: 69368.0
VIZ: 1836533
POSTS: 2033/7900
POST EXP: 1300417
LVL EXP: 46025498
CP: 69368.0
VIZ: 1836533
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
Another great entry. It left me wondering what I'd missed in the unreleased opening, or what was going to be revealed later, but I find that a good thing. It gives even more reason to read on.
If you decide to resume writing sometime, I'd love to see it. You definitely have a talent for it. If you decide to resume writing sometime, I'd love to see it. You definitely have a talent for it. |
Vizzed Elite
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 07-18-12
Last Post: 2057 days
Last Active: 2057 days
Eirinn |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 07-18-12
Last Post: 2057 days
Last Active: 2057 days
08-18-13 12:05 PM
thephantombrain is Offline
| ID: 868948 | 46 Words
| ID: 868948 | 46 Words
Level: 68
POSTS: 70/1206
POST EXP: 117889
LVL EXP: 2625034
CP: 5815.1
VIZ: 125359
POSTS: 70/1206
POST EXP: 117889
LVL EXP: 2625034
CP: 5815.1
VIZ: 125359
Likes: 0 Dislikes: 0
It's a unique concept to my knowledge but I'm not very well read. You are a far superior writer than me and I honestly don't feel qualified to critique. You'll go far if you continue to practice this craft. I wish you the best of luck. I wish you the best of luck. |
Trusted Member
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 07-21-13
Location: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Last Post: 1487 days
Last Active: 380 days
Guaranteed fresh by 01/08/17 |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 07-21-13
Location: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Last Post: 1487 days
Last Active: 380 days
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