Oh gosh.  Time for some bad educational games.  Mario educational games, to be exact.  Now, There are other Mario educational games, but I can only handle four of them.  I was inspired to do this by the Irate gamer.  Now, let the pain begin!

We'll start  with Mario's Time Machine on NES. The story is that Bowser's minions have stolen important items.  And then all of a sudden Boswer kidnaps Yoshi! The graphics are 8-bit versions of the Super Mario World graphics.  And to spin jump, you press A while looking up.  The sound is pretty good for NES.

Once you enter one of the doors, you get- no, HAVE to play a game similar to- no, IS Mario bros., just reskinned! And- get this, You only get stunned or knocked back by enemies! After killing every koopa (Which I will call turtles, because that's what the look like), you get an Item.  In each door, you will get a different item.  

Enter the time machine and you get to pick your time period.  So I'm gonna Just pick a random period, like 1620.  You can Re-pick your time period if you didn't find the one you're looking for.  But not before killing more turtles! And if you return the Item to the right location, mario will seal the door up.

And if you pick a wrong location to drop an item, a bird will come by and take your item! and there's nothing you can do about it Except just sit there and take it! *grabs a zapper pistol and shoots the bird out of the sky while holding the gun with one hand* No, you can't do that in real life either.  (Joke Me: Oh come on!)

So, we're going to have to use a password to get to the last stage.  And I don't really think there's any spoilers either.  But before the last door, we have to do a test.  Ugh. This just wastes my time. And after answering these questions, guess what next, AKA what's behind the door?

Is it a big bad time machine monster? An endurance round consisting of of the koopalings? A ton of tanks? An airship? Well, it's nothing more than TONS OF MORE TURTLES! Nah, I'm just messing with ya about the part with a ton of turtles.  It's actually just bowser himself, and he's pathetic.

So the ending is that we save Yoshi and the end screen is "You win".  You win!? Hey, at least they're being honest, because we DID beat the game.  But they could have made it say "End". Or, even better, they could have made a better final boss! Or, how about A giant Bowser? I know it's cliche, and the NES wouldn't be able to hand something so huge, but it could handle the bosses from Xexyz (Yeah, I'm talking about that), and THAT was on NES!

Final Verdict

So, final verdict, This game gets a measly 3 out of 10! Not only is the only boss disapointing but it also could have been muuuuch better.  And you could say it's because of the limitations, but what does limitations have to do with requiring a test!? What does limitaions have to do with you not being unkillable in this game!? That was bad design on purpose! And sure, it's educational, but that doesn't mean that you get to not make the player unkillable!

Next Up

Next up, Mario's missing on NES.  Oh gosh, this is only a warm-up for things to come.

Dialgaofpower : good job on your game reviews but don't forget to describe every detail in the game.

like for example:

Graphics: 8 

The color is so....

Sound: 7

The background music

And so on! good luck!

I never said I was looking to be featured.

I've been reading some of your reviews. They haven't been done in a professional manner through giving a balanced and quality analysis. They look more like rants than reviews. Try to put more detail in not just the bad, but also the good things about the game. You mentioned the sound is good. Tell us why. You mentioned the graphics are 8-bit. Is that good or bad?

8-bit graphics would normally be bad, but it's on NES, so it's excusable.

Dialgaofpower : hello I've got some criticism for you! When doing game reviews. you should be all postive weither something is good or it's bad. Second you should seriouslly use categories. Avgn style Just doesn't work for reviewing. I would rather be like myself then be anyone else style. Avgn Doesn't really focus on postive things in his revivews. As he more rants and focuses on bad stuff,seriouslly you should be your self and take advice(don't be someone else as that is just proving. nothing at all with us) 3 expand and expand. In reviews you should consider going into detail as there are more ways to expand what you write. Example these graphics are bad. You just say they are But you don't really give into depth and explanation to why you see them as a bad thing. I agree with play4fun on his statement as well.

SuperCrash64 : *facepalm* I clearly said that I was not looking to be featured.  Also, Imagine if nostalgia critic suddenly started splitting his reviews into categories!

Dialgaofpower : It doesn't matter whether someone is looking to be featured or not. The site demands every reviews made are to be on a professional level. What nostalgia critic and AVGN do is to provide funny entertainment by finding anything bad in any game. They even tease about some of the more recommended games, but it doesn't mean that he thinks they are bad games. They don't do full analysis on whether something is considered a good game or not. Furthermore, it doesn't work in the medium of writing. It is not entertaining to just read a rant when someone has never played the game nor do they see the problems that you have. It would hurt your reliability as a reviewer and people familiar with your work may read your work less. You can rant a lot about the bad things about the game, but that same energetic should be put in adding more details on the things that you think are not so bad, which you are clearly able to point out in your review. Make sure that you add more detail about those as well.

I'm not saying that the style doesn't work, but you need to get a more balanced input on your reviews. Unless you are able to put out all 1s in all your scores in the categories, there has to be aspects of the game that you think that game designers did decent. Maybe we would see this style in a better light if you review something that you actually think is a good game.

SuperCrash64 : Reviews don't really have to have categories. It's just one way to organize their reviews. It also doesn't have to be all positive. If someone really does like the game, they should be angry it. I just think he needs to take the wholeness of the game into account.

Plagiarised phrases and opinions from Irate Gamer. Closed and removed.