Oh crap, THIS game. Dark Castle on the... Genesis? Yeah, I had a hard time telling, because it looks like an NES game. Halloween is tommorow, so why not review a horror game? ...Because it's so crappy it beggs to be reviewed. So, I guess let's begin looking at this "game".

  --- How stereotypical can it get? ---
So, like every other horror game, we get a rendition of Dracula's song, and this crow in a tree, and a castle up on a plateau... I hope that's what it is. So, you just randomly start out in the middle of a castle, with some guy going around in circles. So, there's two rooms with ?'s on them, a room with a diamond on it, and a sign that reads BK. If that means the Burger King is going to sing "What is Love" and get me lost in a fiery maze, I'M GOING IN! Now the game turns into a horrible platforming sidescroller. With bad jumping controls, not being able to jump on the ropes, and stereotypical enemies, it's your standard crappy horror game. Every game has BATS. Super Mario World, Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and every horror game in existince. Then, look at that dragon. It looks like something that would be on a little girl's lunchbox. You know how I said that the game began with Dracula's theme? It's STILL playing. It's just like Ghostbusters on NES. The Ghostbusters theme plays the ENTIRE game. But Dark Castle allows you to turn of the music... or just pause it. When a note is playing, it FREEZES the note, and it NEVER stops. It doesn't make much of a difference, because it turns back on when you die. If this was an ACCAPTABLE game, it should turn off and STAY off.

   --- SADDAM was here? ---
Apparentley. In one room, there's grafitti written on the wall. They read "Saddam was here" and "Gamers rule". So, appeantley, Saddam owns this castle, and he was a gamer... no wonder thers' a game based off his war in Action 52. So, I've come to the conclusion that the WORST thing about this game is the controls. Bad controls are honestley hard to explain, with th exeption of the "B" and "A" button swap on NES. The weapon is the rock from Friday the 13th and Bible Adventures, and the sword in Dragon's Lair. It deliberatley (usually goes over your target, but not in the same angle as usual bad aiming controls. Here, you slowly move your arm around, and finally throw the rock. Then the enemies come and swarm you while your trying to do this, like in Mega Man: Dr. Wily's Revenge. The stairs are like in CastleVania III. They're a major enemy. But in this game, you can't get off them, and you can't get on them either... I need to stop referencing other games. I keep missing the ropes. You don;t just fall, he stops in the middle of is jump, and falls down, while screaming like a metal singer.

  --- Honestley, the controls are horrible. ---
Further explaining the bad controls, picking up the rock is Down+B. Did they think "Oh, well all the greal games like Mario and Zelda only require you to TOUCH the powerup. We should add pressing a combination of buttons to this formula." Now, I guess this okay, but considering you have to press Down+B to do a regular duck is horrible! Now, what button do you STAY ducking with? Usually the same button that you STARTED ducking with, but here, you have to switch from Down+B to Up+B. WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS DUCKING WITH UP? It's like Superman on NES. You press down to go through doors. Okay, let's walk on a SLIGHTLY lower platform. Now the guy trips over.  Well, I see how you would trip doing that, but getting DIZZY and spinning around is unbelivable. If you step over anything: a mousehole a lower platform, a rock, a DEAD PERSON, he trips and gets dizzy. He even gets dizzy when he falls one foot. WHAT A CLUMSY CRAPHOLE! How do you get dizzy from jumping off of a ROPE? Okay, this game is horrible. I simply can't take it anymore. My thumbs are bleeding from these controls. If my thumbs hurt, I rest my case here. I guess I'll see you in my next review.