Hey everybody. Quick blog post here.

I know I'm not a name that's often seen on here anymore but for a pretty good set of reasons.

For starters, I feel like my run on here between 2010-2014 was pretty rocky. I came here when I was 12 years old and was a local moderator for a long time. I made a ridiculous amount of posts and threads and truly loved this website. I'd pour my energy and heart into everything I did here. I went through a negative period of intellectual growth on here that I don't think I've been able to show the positive results of.

I stopped coming in here when I realized I didn't like how my relations with the site, some bad influences, and how I related to its users. I felt myself getting petty and careless and despite the website itself not doing much harm to me, I needed distance, and found it at another site. At lot of it was growing pains from undiagnosed ADHD, which I didn't know I had until I saw something listing out symptoms on Facebook just 3 years ago that opened my eyes to what I was dealing with. Let's just say my mother had some responses to my inattentive nature that were the opposite of how to handle somebody with a disability because she didn't really believe it was a real thing. I've always gotten distracted really easily, teachers said I didn't try, etc, and the uproarious laughter I'd get from annoying, random humor is all tied back to the lack of dopamine and seratonin I wasn't producing, as those sorts of jokes would give the most immediate and satisfying boost to my mood. It didn't last as the jokes got darker and more people thought of me as crazy. People with ADHD don't learn empathy the same way as others, as I've learned.

I was just getting into a volunteer job as a writer at one of the most popular Nintendo focused news sites out there, and after the site got shut down in 2018, I spent my time working on my knowledge in business, markets, philosophy, and listening to a ton of music instead of playing many video games. Since then, I've heard over 1000 studio albums across every genre and have begun working on my own music. It's hard to come back to a gaming site with new prime interests that can't be shared due to understandable music board rules on profanity and users that are repulsed by my favorite works of art that are widely considered masterpieces out of some weak preconceived notions masquerading as a "born in the wrong generation" mindset. In short, I feel like I've largely outgrown the environment, which I understand is no fault of the site itself. The only person here I've kept in contact with is pennylessz, who I feel bad for not replying back to as attentively as I would have liked. It's hard to jump into a topic when there's few threads open to post in, fewer that actually interest me, and knowing the stuff I care about would have very few positive replies if any if I were to make a thread.

I've had the same girlfriend for a decade, and she's been wonderful in looking after me, helping me see a different side of the world through positivity. Ever since she saw my family's treatment of me, she got me out of there and we've been living together ever since. She came down with an incurable disease that has caused lymphoma a few years ago and I've been looking after her, paying the bills, and working hard, long hours at a minimum wage job. She would have easily done the same for me, and she has in the past through the love I was shown where nobody else would. Now that her treatment is done and the disease is thankfully dormant, hopefully it will stay that way for another couple of decades.

In the meantime, we've both really geared up to get our lives on track. I've been more up front with my doctor on what I've been dealing with and how its affected me, and I was given a formal diagnosis. The medication I'm finally on has me thinking clearly, calmly and without distraction or severe rehearsing for the first time ever. I'm going to college this year after taking 5 years away after I got voted out of an important class for not paying close enough attention. (seriously, that happened)

I have skills and knowledge that can help me succeed and am finally on track after a lot of personal struggle. I have a solid group of friends that help me learn and are on the same track as me. It's a long term goal, but I want to do everything I can to create spaces for people in my local community to connect with each other. It'll take a lot of money and patience to get to that point, but I finally feel wholly committed to my visions. My newer hobbies with music production, reading, and casual Runescaping have taught me a ton about the value of time management, and the ability to use it effectively instead of procrastinating or striving for absolute perfection has been life altering.

I recommend to everybody to get your mental health checked by a professional if it's something within your reach. You may get answers that can change everything and give you a framework on how to better operate. It can really help. While people largely just don't take it seriously enough, it's a core part of all of our lives that definitely affects your outlook, and while the treatment isn't one-size-fits-all or what's needed for everybody, it can really make a difference to find answers.

It feels good to finally have everything together enough to be able to share my story of personal growth to a community that matters to me, no matter how active I may or may not be here due to different interests from when I was a kid. I will return as often as I see things to discuss or share though!

First as a Christian let me say prayers for you and your girlfriend. Prayers that her illness continues to be dormant. I am also glad that you are doing much better. Prayers for success.

After reading your post it reminded me of where I was before I found this site and when I was still in college.

I had always been shy and had narrow interests. I kind of knew I was different but it did not really matter. When I was 23 I found out I had high functioning Autism. I knew what Autism was but I went through years of shame due to the negative stigma concerning Autism.

The following year I developed a non cancerous brain tumor. I was trying to go to school and deal with the tumor. One minutes I was jolly the next I would be easily upset. The tumor had also started to rapidly grow. I would have pain throughout my body. I eventually made it to a surgeon and he told if you don't have this removed you will die, if you do have it removed you could die on the operating table. I felt broken and defeated.

I got a second chance at life, thanks to the good Lord. Like you me getting a second chance really opened my heart and eyes. I started to have a better approach to things.

A few years later my chronic illness I have had since birth flared up. Doctors put several labels on me. Finally a new set of doctors did test and I got the correct diagnosis.

Like you I have been doing better. I know this might be long but after seeing your post it made me think how I can relate.

Hope things continue to shine for you