This is a poem I wrote. You can give me feedback if you want. I'd like to hear what you think!

The Song of the Siren

In the middle of the great, great ocean
lay an island, beautiful and fair.
With cliffs so high you have never seen.
Where a song flies through the air.
A miserable song of despair.
This song enchants you, while you are listening
and watch the water, glistening.
and now you can't stop listening-
listening to this song so rare.

On these cliffs, mountains so high,
the Siren sat with all her flair.
Sitting there alone.
Combing her hair.
Singing a lullaby of despair.
One day she quit her singing.
Watching what the horizon was bringing.
and let the silence, stinging-
stinging through the air.

In the sea or at the land
or anywhere a man can stand
there was no one so fair.
No one on this island
where she sat at the cliff in the sand.
In silence she sat
that lovely maiden
with a tail scaled, almost Jaden
when a ship came from Aden-
from Aden at the land.

On the ship there stood a man,
who always sang a song of hope
that one day he’d marry a girl,
beautiful as Heliotrope,
And sitting at the bouldery shore
she saw the man she would adore
So she sang a song of hope-
which moved the man to his core.

The song enchanted him
while he was listening
and watched the water, glistening.
and now he could not stop listening-
listening to this song of hope.

How could they know what was in store
when the ship went to the bouldery shore
where it got stuck on the reef
and was torn apart from its core.
The ship had gone down
while the man had drown
and eventually
washed ashore.

The Siren on the bouldery shore
cried loud and then she swore
That she would never fall in love
and never would adore
never-
Nevermore

I hope you like it!

I don't know a whole lot about poetry, but I enjoyed reading your poem! I liked how you mixed up the rhyme scheme instead of going with a simple A B A B scheme. I also liked how I was actually able to tell what the poem was about. I can't stand abstract poetry that's apparently "deep," but doesn't make any sense to the average reader lol.

The poem's themes and plot are poignant. Well done on that. It was a great read. Now for some critique!

I feel the frequent periods cause significant breaks where a comma would be fine. Also, while the rhyme scheme is intriguing, the rhythm is broken in spots. That, combined with the breaks given by the periods, can make the poem seem to "stutter" as it is spoken. Maybe that's what you were going for, I don't know. But it's good to notice, even if it isn't a problem to be solved.

Some of the English, too, is a bit odd. For example, "With cliffs so high you have never seen." might be better phrased, "With cliff so high, the tops unseen". Also, this phrase:

One day she quit her singing.
Watching what the horizon was bringing.
and let the silence, stinging-
stinging through the air.

Let the silence do what? It seems you mean "sting", but the phrase breaks off before you say that and the point is made separately, as if it were another thought.

One last point: Reused rhymes. While this isn't a problem, per se, it can cause the reader to do a double-take and reread, to see if they are reading the same thing over again, even if it is not the same. It, together with the breaks and the like, can cause the reader to lose interest not because they are bored, but because of frustration.

I hope this helps. Thanks for sharing your poem with us!!!

Thank you for the feedback!

I really loved your poem! I really like how it flows when you read it through, it kind of reminds me of the tides. It made me feel really at peace while I was reading that, I won't lie I kinda wished there was more but that is nothing on you it is just because I loved it so much that I can't help but wish for more. XD