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NovemberJoy
05-19-17 02:33 AM
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endings
05-26-17 01:25 AM
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A bizarre bootleg that doesn't do anything right

 
Game's Ratings
Overall
Graphics
Sound
Addictiveness
Depth
Story
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Average User Score
3.9
5
4
1
2
N/A
7
NovemberJoy's Score
3
5
4
1
2
N/A
7

05-19-17 02:33 AM
NovemberJoy is Offline
| ID: 1338011 | 1450 Words

NovemberJoy
Level: 78


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Likes: 2  Dislikes: 0
I play a lot of bootleg games. They're fascinating to me - instead of making a game with the approval of the company that manufactures the system they're making the game for, they do everything themselves, without relying on anyone else. They're almost like indie games, except most of them are soulless cash-grabs designed to rip off unsuspecting buyers. Occasionally, though, you can find a bootleg game that's great in its own right, and they're a joy to play. This, however, clearly had no effort put into it at all - it's a multicart, the most loathsome kind of bootleg you can find. What kind of madness have I dug up this time?

First of all, even the title is a pure lie. The title advertises that it contains 15 games, and it supposedly does - but it relies on obscure, ridiculous methods to randomly choose what it shows. Will the menu be in English or Chinese? Will it show fifteen games, or will it show eight games? Only God knows what you'll find when you turn this cartridge on. For whatever reason, I can't seem to get it to show the other seven games that I'm missing out on, so this review may be partially incomplete, but there's more than enough stuff to complain about in those eight games. Let's break it down, game by game:

1 - THE LEGEND - Not as legendary as you'd think

Upon pressing start, you'll be greeted with a freakish abomination that'll be sure to haunt your nightmares, which looks like a Sonic fan-character you'd find on DeviantART. Even the title screen music is stolen straight from Sonic the Hedgehog! When you start actually playing the game, though, you'll see why it steals from Sonic - because it IS Sonic. It's not extremely similar to Sonic. It's not another game with Sonic sprites pasted over the originals. It's a port of Sonic the Hedgehog to the NES. As impressive as it may be, there are far too many problems to list, most of them having to do with the physics - the Sonic ripoff you control constantly slides like he's on ice, is very difficult to control in mid-air, and can't destroy things by rolling into them, which makes the levels five times harder than they need to be. They also couldn't be bothered to put any checkpoints into any of these levels, so you're going all the way back to the start every time you screw up. For reasons that I'm not sure of, it also skips the first two zones of the game. Overall, this one really isn't worth your time.

2 - PINK JELLY - What in the fresh hell is this?

I don't know what this is supposed to be either, but it's apparently so unimportant that it didn't even deserve its own title screen. It seems to be a bizarre platformer where you control a pink cat avoiding homicidal animals as he tries to reach the right side of the screen. You can jump on these animals, but the awkward jumping makes it difficult to land on the birds that dive-bomb on you from above. This one was clearly slapped together to fill a spot on the list, since it doesn't bother to make use of even half of the capabilities of the Famicom hardware - it doesn't even scroll, which is something almost every platformer on the system was able to do. It's also extremely repetitive - once you get past the awkward jumping and lack of scrolling, you'll realize just how dull it is. Every single screen is literally a flat line with very few obstacles to get in your way, and there's no reason to keep playing unless you really like watching your score go up, since the backgrounds repeat after just a few screens of gameplay. It works, but that's the only positive thing I can say about it.

3 - WAR - It's Hell

I didn't exactly expect a realistic take on war from a Nintendo game. What I did expect, though, was for the characters to not be giant chibi abominations. It's very similar to games like Cabal, where you're firing into the background while dodging around bullets. Unfortunately, though, your soldier's army was too poor to give their soldiers weapons, and all you have is an infinite supply of throwing knives and a not-infinite supply of grenades. The grenades are the things that you're supposed to be using, though. To complete each level, you have to destroy enemies that can only be reached with grenades.

Only problem is, you don't have anywhere near the number of grenades that you need to finish the level, and it's entirely based on luck whether or not the enemies you can reach with your knives will actually drop power-ups to give you the grenades you need to move on. the dodge is also a bit weird - instead of being quick and easy to use, it's an extremely slow dive that looks completely ineffective. Despite its useless appearance, it's literally necessary to survive in later levels. It's entirely worth it for the bosses, though, which include a terrorist child and Osama bin Laden. Yes, you read that correctly. There is a game for the NES where you fight Osama bin Laden. It's just as stupid as it sounds, but it's also hilarious. If you actually decide to tough through the four levels this game has, all you get is a black screen. As it turns out, the game literally wasn't tested before release, and it freezes at a black screen instead of showing the ending that's supposed to happen. Great job, designers.

4 and 5 - THE DUCK, THE EGG - The Most Boring Shooting Game In History

Have you ever played a shooting game? If so, you know that you typically have something to shoot for - a time limit, a point requirement, limited ammunition, or targets that shoot back are all valid ways to give your shooting game a challenge to it. This game, however, has none of those things. Your weapon fires as fast as you push the button, has infinite ammo, there's no time limit, and the enemies won't attack you unless you set the controller down and let them hit you. None of these games seem to have a storyline, but I'd like to imagine that the storyline behind this game is that a guy with a minigun decided that every duck in the world needs to die. Even though there's basically no challenge in the first place, the game stops changing after the fourth level, meaning that there's basically no reason to continue playing it after that point. By the way...notice how I lumped both 4 and 5 together? That's because they're the same game. Selecting one or the other will show a different title screen, but both of them are exactly the same game otherwise. They only had 8 spots to fill, and they couldn't even fill those? How lazy can you get?

6, 7, and 8 - BEACH HEAD, JUNGLE WAR, ADVENTURE - Are they even trying?

Do you remember Pink Jelly, that boring, poorly designed platformer that was in slot 2? Well, they ran out of ideas and just cloned the game three extra times. The only difference is that the background the game starts with is different between each one. So let's get this straight - there were eight slots for them to fill, and they had to fill four of them with clone games? Even by the low standards of multicarts, this is a total disgrace.

Summary

Most multicarts have at least one game that could hold someone's attention if they were unlucky enough to get one without knowing what they were getting into. This one, however, doesn't have any games that could hold someone's attention for more than ten to twenty minutes. Even though it's a common practice for multicarts to clone their games to artificially inflate their numbers, this one is special due to having such a low game count in the first place that there's no reason that they should have to clone games. It's also special due to its bizarre randomization - if it weren't for the randomization, I would have seven extra games to review, and I'm willing to bet money that half of them would have been clones anyway. Overall, despite being a loathsome cash grab, it still manages to stand out above its money-grubbing brethren in its pure awfulness and lack of effort.

Rating - F (There is literally no reason to even look at this unless you're just curious to see the worst of the worst.)
I play a lot of bootleg games. They're fascinating to me - instead of making a game with the approval of the company that manufactures the system they're making the game for, they do everything themselves, without relying on anyone else. They're almost like indie games, except most of them are soulless cash-grabs designed to rip off unsuspecting buyers. Occasionally, though, you can find a bootleg game that's great in its own right, and they're a joy to play. This, however, clearly had no effort put into it at all - it's a multicart, the most loathsome kind of bootleg you can find. What kind of madness have I dug up this time?

First of all, even the title is a pure lie. The title advertises that it contains 15 games, and it supposedly does - but it relies on obscure, ridiculous methods to randomly choose what it shows. Will the menu be in English or Chinese? Will it show fifteen games, or will it show eight games? Only God knows what you'll find when you turn this cartridge on. For whatever reason, I can't seem to get it to show the other seven games that I'm missing out on, so this review may be partially incomplete, but there's more than enough stuff to complain about in those eight games. Let's break it down, game by game:

1 - THE LEGEND - Not as legendary as you'd think

Upon pressing start, you'll be greeted with a freakish abomination that'll be sure to haunt your nightmares, which looks like a Sonic fan-character you'd find on DeviantART. Even the title screen music is stolen straight from Sonic the Hedgehog! When you start actually playing the game, though, you'll see why it steals from Sonic - because it IS Sonic. It's not extremely similar to Sonic. It's not another game with Sonic sprites pasted over the originals. It's a port of Sonic the Hedgehog to the NES. As impressive as it may be, there are far too many problems to list, most of them having to do with the physics - the Sonic ripoff you control constantly slides like he's on ice, is very difficult to control in mid-air, and can't destroy things by rolling into them, which makes the levels five times harder than they need to be. They also couldn't be bothered to put any checkpoints into any of these levels, so you're going all the way back to the start every time you screw up. For reasons that I'm not sure of, it also skips the first two zones of the game. Overall, this one really isn't worth your time.

2 - PINK JELLY - What in the fresh hell is this?

I don't know what this is supposed to be either, but it's apparently so unimportant that it didn't even deserve its own title screen. It seems to be a bizarre platformer where you control a pink cat avoiding homicidal animals as he tries to reach the right side of the screen. You can jump on these animals, but the awkward jumping makes it difficult to land on the birds that dive-bomb on you from above. This one was clearly slapped together to fill a spot on the list, since it doesn't bother to make use of even half of the capabilities of the Famicom hardware - it doesn't even scroll, which is something almost every platformer on the system was able to do. It's also extremely repetitive - once you get past the awkward jumping and lack of scrolling, you'll realize just how dull it is. Every single screen is literally a flat line with very few obstacles to get in your way, and there's no reason to keep playing unless you really like watching your score go up, since the backgrounds repeat after just a few screens of gameplay. It works, but that's the only positive thing I can say about it.

3 - WAR - It's Hell

I didn't exactly expect a realistic take on war from a Nintendo game. What I did expect, though, was for the characters to not be giant chibi abominations. It's very similar to games like Cabal, where you're firing into the background while dodging around bullets. Unfortunately, though, your soldier's army was too poor to give their soldiers weapons, and all you have is an infinite supply of throwing knives and a not-infinite supply of grenades. The grenades are the things that you're supposed to be using, though. To complete each level, you have to destroy enemies that can only be reached with grenades.

Only problem is, you don't have anywhere near the number of grenades that you need to finish the level, and it's entirely based on luck whether or not the enemies you can reach with your knives will actually drop power-ups to give you the grenades you need to move on. the dodge is also a bit weird - instead of being quick and easy to use, it's an extremely slow dive that looks completely ineffective. Despite its useless appearance, it's literally necessary to survive in later levels. It's entirely worth it for the bosses, though, which include a terrorist child and Osama bin Laden. Yes, you read that correctly. There is a game for the NES where you fight Osama bin Laden. It's just as stupid as it sounds, but it's also hilarious. If you actually decide to tough through the four levels this game has, all you get is a black screen. As it turns out, the game literally wasn't tested before release, and it freezes at a black screen instead of showing the ending that's supposed to happen. Great job, designers.

4 and 5 - THE DUCK, THE EGG - The Most Boring Shooting Game In History

Have you ever played a shooting game? If so, you know that you typically have something to shoot for - a time limit, a point requirement, limited ammunition, or targets that shoot back are all valid ways to give your shooting game a challenge to it. This game, however, has none of those things. Your weapon fires as fast as you push the button, has infinite ammo, there's no time limit, and the enemies won't attack you unless you set the controller down and let them hit you. None of these games seem to have a storyline, but I'd like to imagine that the storyline behind this game is that a guy with a minigun decided that every duck in the world needs to die. Even though there's basically no challenge in the first place, the game stops changing after the fourth level, meaning that there's basically no reason to continue playing it after that point. By the way...notice how I lumped both 4 and 5 together? That's because they're the same game. Selecting one or the other will show a different title screen, but both of them are exactly the same game otherwise. They only had 8 spots to fill, and they couldn't even fill those? How lazy can you get?

6, 7, and 8 - BEACH HEAD, JUNGLE WAR, ADVENTURE - Are they even trying?

Do you remember Pink Jelly, that boring, poorly designed platformer that was in slot 2? Well, they ran out of ideas and just cloned the game three extra times. The only difference is that the background the game starts with is different between each one. So let's get this straight - there were eight slots for them to fill, and they had to fill four of them with clone games? Even by the low standards of multicarts, this is a total disgrace.

Summary

Most multicarts have at least one game that could hold someone's attention if they were unlucky enough to get one without knowing what they were getting into. This one, however, doesn't have any games that could hold someone's attention for more than ten to twenty minutes. Even though it's a common practice for multicarts to clone their games to artificially inflate their numbers, this one is special due to having such a low game count in the first place that there's no reason that they should have to clone games. It's also special due to its bizarre randomization - if it weren't for the randomization, I would have seven extra games to review, and I'm willing to bet money that half of them would have been clones anyway. Overall, despite being a loathsome cash grab, it still manages to stand out above its money-grubbing brethren in its pure awfulness and lack of effort.

Rating - F (There is literally no reason to even look at this unless you're just curious to see the worst of the worst.)
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Post Rating: 2   Liked By: Mynamescox44, no 8120,

05-19-17 06:04 PM
Eirinn is Offline
| ID: 1338044 | 100 Words

Eirinn
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Likes: 1  Dislikes: 0
Hold on whilst I add this to my "Games I'm glad I've never played" list.

Almost... almost...

There. Done.
So yeah this thing sounds like an abomination of the gaming world. xD A "how not to make a game" guide for new developers.

Well I'm not sure whether I should congratulate you on writing a good review, or offer you my condolences for your traumatic experience with the game. Seriously, this was nicely done. It quickly encompasses all of the key reasons why we should never subject ourselves to this game. Thanks for taking one for the team. lol
Hold on whilst I add this to my "Games I'm glad I've never played" list.

Almost... almost...

There. Done.
So yeah this thing sounds like an abomination of the gaming world. xD A "how not to make a game" guide for new developers.

Well I'm not sure whether I should congratulate you on writing a good review, or offer you my condolences for your traumatic experience with the game. Seriously, this was nicely done. It quickly encompasses all of the key reasons why we should never subject ourselves to this game. Thanks for taking one for the team. lol
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 07-18-12
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(edited by Eirinn on 05-19-17 06:07 PM)     Post Rating: 1   Liked By: NovemberJoy,

05-20-17 01:26 AM
NovemberJoy is Offline
| ID: 1338066 | 45 Words

NovemberJoy
Level: 78


POSTS: 1347/1587
POST EXP: 161606
LVL EXP: 4311712
CP: 11611.5
VIZ: 514180

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
Thank you for the feedback! Yeah, it sounds like an abomination of the gaming world because it is an abomination of the gaming world.

Not sure whether to congratulate or offer condolences? Well, I don't see why you can't do both at once...
Thank you for the feedback! Yeah, it sounds like an abomination of the gaming world because it is an abomination of the gaming world.

Not sure whether to congratulate or offer condolences? Well, I don't see why you can't do both at once...
Vizzed Elite

Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 06-24-11
Last Post: 745 days
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05-26-17 01:25 AM
endings is Offline
| ID: 1338475 | 38 Words

endings
Level: 58


POSTS: 751/828
POST EXP: 193055
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VIZ: 1243384

Likes: 0  Dislikes: 0
What the fresh hell indeed. 


Your flashlight of truth has shed light on yet another obscure, weird game that would likely have languished in the dark corners of gaming history (maybe this one was in a dirty puddle).
What the fresh hell indeed. 


Your flashlight of truth has shed light on yet another obscure, weird game that would likely have languished in the dark corners of gaming history (maybe this one was in a dirty puddle).
Trusted Member
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 04-30-13
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